I am so effing sick of sadness and death.

[DainBramaged]

I don't know WHY the universe gave me these shitty odds. Pure chance, I'm sure. I'm fvcking SICK of people around me who keep dying. I'm effing 40. But I'm so effing tired. I just want a break. Like, even for just a year. Or, pushing my luck, two.

2011 - Luke Pyeatt - My roomie in the Marine Corps. Blasted to smithereens in AFG.

2011 - Michael Dale - My squadmate whose foot sailed over my head after he stepped on a landmine. Planted by the Russians circa late 1970s. FML. He's still alive.

2013 - Name Redacted for Family's Privacy - My Univ. of Ill. classmate from heroin. You dumb piece of shit. Thanks. I liked you more than I should have. I hate you. I effing miss you.

2018 - Kale Hollinshead - My fiancé, Stacia's, cousin. Effingham County Coroner said it was a suicide. It doesn't quite make sense, but that's what they said. It must be right...right? Little did Stacia and I know then, but this was her daughter's and my kids preparatory funeral. To make Stacia's murder six months later at least be less of a shock.

2019 - Stacia Hollinshead - My fiancé. Murdered by her ex-hubs. While taking her daughter to see her ex-hubs mom and dad. To continue and further the relationship.

2021 - Thomas Stockwell - My ex-wife's dad. Amazing man. Kind hearted. Sweet. Mostly. Unless you divorced his daughter lol. But even then, kind. I went to his celebration of life (while he was alive). That man stood up (despite supposed to be in a wheel chair), cried, said "Thanks for not being a dick. Thanks for taking care of my daughter. Thanks for the beautiful grandkids. Thank you for coming to this event. You'll never know how much it means." Oh, Tommy. I think I do.

2022 - Sebastian McGiffen - Client. Father of two. FINALLY getting his shit together. Clean since 2019. Adored his baby boys. We went to World War II Days @ Rockford's Midway Village. SM: "Hey, my kid just went through both diapers...can we go get more?" Me: "We got your license reinstated; here, take my car. I'll watch Jr. for you." SM: "You're a good man...thanks." Fentanyl OD on 12/25/2022. You dumb fuck. I know you wouldn't have done it if you'd known what would have happened. But still. You did it.

2023 - Tim McCarthy - Client with ALL kinds of demons. Stopped going to AA (w/me), couldn't get ahold of him, left his fiancé, went to Florida, put a bag over his head, turned the helium on. Done.

2023 - John Hollinshead - Stacia's dad. 61 years old. One of the strongest men I knew (in certain ways); one of the weakest men I knew (in others). Not a surprise. He's smoked and drank most of his life. Plus his effing daughter was murdered. At least his death was quick. That's what he would have wanted. Heart attack and done. Just shitty his granddaughter had to find him first.

Folks. I'm not trying to compare. I'm sure there are those here who could say, "Oh, yeah? Well XYZ happened to me. Way worse." Yes. I'm sure from an objective position, it was worse. All I'm saying is that I'm fvcking TIRED of this shit. I wish I could have a break. I'm just so fucking sad, depressed, and tired.

Don't take a damn moment for granted.

--Andrew

 

[VirtualLarry]

Don't take a damn moment for granted.

--Andrew

Ain't that the truth.

Every Day Is A Gift.

PS. I've lost a number of people in my life as well. All of them TOO YOUNG.

 

[biostud]

You have my sympathies, but the shitty odds isn't given to you by the universe, but by those responsible for running/ruining your country. It doesn't have to be this way.

 

[pcgeek11]

Sorry to hear of all of your trials. Seriously I hope things improve for you. Try and keep your chin up and if you need it get some help from a medical professional.

 

[DainBramaged]

Yes, I agree. But still...I can't really change those responsible for "running/ruining [my] country." I just wish it'd stop.

Thanks, pcgeek. I do have help. From my family; from friends; and most important, from professionals. I often tell people that "I like to collect therapists." I'm currently seeing three different therapists, for varied reasons. But man, this shit still just gets old. I just wish it'd stop. For a bit, anyway. I get that the older you get, the sadder you'll get. But I wish I could have a break. Thanks. <3

 

[pcgeek11]

Yes, I agree. But still...I can't really change those responsible for "running/ruining [my] country." I just wish it'd stop.

Thanks, pcgeek. I do have help. From my family; from friends; and most important, from professionals. I often tell people that "I like to collect therapists." I'm currently seeing three different therapists, for varied reasons. But man, this shit still just gets old. I just wish it'd stop. For a bit, anyway. I get that the older you get, the sadder you'll get. But I wish I could have a break. Thanks. <3

"I get that the older you get, the sadder you'll get."

This doesn't have to be the case. I'm sure many will agree. I'm 68 years old and have seen and heard of many of my family members and friends passing away. My Identical Twin Brother passed away a couple of years ago. It was like I passed away too. I got better, I still miss him, but it is better.

I'm glad you have some support. I hope it gets better for you.

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

Don't mean to rain on your rainy day, but all living things die. There are no exceptions.

 

[pcgeek11]

Don't mean to rain on your rainy day, but all living things die. There are no exceptions.

You have no empathy.

 

[lxskllr]

Don't know what to say Andrew, but I hope things, and your outlook get better for you.

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

I'm a realist. I can count on one hand the number of people I've known more than 10 years that are still alive. Virtually everyone I've ever known is gone. Relatives, neighbors, friends, anyone more than just a casual acquaintance and even a number of those are gone. On this road, every single house but three has had someone die in the last 10 years or so. The people in those three houses don't have a whole lot of days left and at least one has been declared terminal. One neighbor has had a number of operations recently and will probably be gone in the next year or two.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I know the feeling. Losing loved ones is one of those things I never really gave much thought as a kid or even teenager, but enter adulthood, and you start to slowly lose people. Some are harder to handle than others. Family members who I've known since I was a little kid, and it's just weird to think they're gone now. Not all of them I was super close to but it still hits kind of hard when I realize I can never talk to them again. Christmas time is where this tends to hit more.

What I really don't know how I will handle is when my parents pass. I've actually gone into depression just thinking about it. It's something I try not to dwell on, and I hope that somehow I just get the strength to handle it when the time comes. The best I can do is just be sure to spend time with them though. Same with my grandparents on my mom's side, they are the only grandparents I have left and they are up there in age and it will be hard to handle when they pass as I'm very close to them. Lots of childhood memories back when they used to bring me camping and such. We still talk about some of those stories.

 

[BoomerD]

Semper Fi, Dain. I definitely feel your pain. I carried the body of my best friend growing up for 3 days so his parents would have a body to bury.

Life sucks...no one gets out of it alive. the best we can do is to cherish the days (and people) we're given.

hang in there, Mac...I'd like to say it gets better...and it MIGHT.

 

[Pohemi]

I'm a realist.

Being a 'realist' is no reason to lack compassion for others when they are suffering. I'm sorry if no one gave you any during your times of loss, but try to be better than that.

 

[Captante]

I'm a realist.

So am I .... YOU are a "REAL" douchebag.

Sorry that you have problems but we ALL do .... if you can't behave like a decent human being then kindly STFU.

 

[Iron Woode]

Been there. Done that.

I feel the same way.

It just breaks my heart to see what's going on in the Ukraine as I still have relatives there.

 

[A///]

I've had a few old coworkers now whose kids have passed including this last week. Hadn't worked with this guy who I consider a close friend in 16 odd years but we spoke every few months. He and his wife lost their adult son. Was always a smart kid, him. I apologise is this isn't the intent of this thread, op, but what I wanted to say is death does suck and always takes the bright stars in people's lifes away like a huff to a shining bright lit candle.

I'm not spiritual or believe in the stuff but I'll pretend it exists this one moment and hope he's working on the stuff he did day to day in heaven. Engineering fast fuel engines to send to space. Such a bright and intelligent person vanished from the earth.

 

[IGBT]

Life is about suffering and death. The challenge is to always be looking up and look for ways to reduce suffering among your friends and family. Celebrate the happy times and realize there is always bad news and or suffering over the hill. The glass is half full...look for ways to fill it up so friends and family can all drink from it..something I have learned thru much trial and error with a ton of tragedy...you can't pick your family but you can pick your "family of friends"..not all blood born family are your friends...perhaps none of them are. But too many times the "enemy family" they have access and the keys to the front door. That's when you have a decision to make about your future and the course of your life...

 

[Ken g6]

Statistically, life should get better.

In general, people seem to begin their lives with a high degree of contentment. From the age of around 18, we become gradually less happy, reaching a nadir in our 40s. One estimate suggests that over the 30 years from teen to middle age, life satisfaction scores dip by an average of around 5-10%.

However, the happiness curve is U-shaped. As we head into our 50s, levels of contentment take off again. By the time we’re in our 60s, it’s likely that we’ll never have been happier.

I'm 41 and I've had several losses the past couple of years myself. I'm hoping the statistics work out for both of us. At least, it's something to look forward to.

 

[Muse]

I don't know WHY the universe gave me these shitty odds. Pure chance, I'm sure. I'm fvcking SICK of people around me who keep dying. I'm effing 40. But I'm so effing tired. I just want a break. Like, even for just a year. Or, pushing my luck, two.

2011 - Luke Pyeatt - My roomie in the Marine Corps. Blasted to smithereens in AFG.

2011 - Michael Dale - My squadmate whose foot sailed over my head after he stepped on a landmine. Planted by the Russians circa late 1970s. FML. He's still alive.

2013 - Name Redacted for Family's Privacy - My Univ. of Ill. classmate from heroin. You dumb piece of shit. Thanks. I liked you more than I should have. I hate you. I effing miss you.

2018 - Kale Hollinshead - My fiancé, Stacia's, cousin. Effingham County Coroner said it was a suicide. It doesn't quite make sense, but that's what they said. It must be right...right? Little did Stacia and I know then, but this was her daughter's and my kids preparatory funeral. To make Stacia's murder six months later at least be less of a shock.

2019 - Stacia Hollinshead - My fiancé. Murdered by her ex-hubs. While taking her daughter to see her ex-hubs mom and dad. To continue and further the relationship.

2021 - Thomas Stockwell - My ex-wife's dad. Amazing man. Kind hearted. Sweet. Mostly. Unless you divorced his daughter lol. But even then, kind. I went to his celebration of life (while he was alive). That man stood up (despite supposed to be in a wheel chair), cried, said "Thanks for not being a dick. Thanks for taking care of my daughter. Thanks for the beautiful grandkids. Thank you for coming to this event. You'll never know how much it means." Oh, Tommy. I think I do.

2022 - Sebastian McGiffen - Client. Father of two. FINALLY getting his shit together. Clean since 2019. Adored his baby boys. We went to World War II Days @ Rockford's Midway Village. SM: "Hey, my kid just went through both diapers...can we go get more?" Me: "We got your license reinstated; here, take my car. I'll watch Jr. for you." SM: "You're a good man...thanks." Fentanyl OD on 12/25/2022. You dumb fuck. I know you wouldn't have done it if you'd known what would have happened. But still. You did it.

2023 - Tim McCarthy - Client with ALL kinds of demons. Stopped going to AA (w/me), couldn't get ahold of him, left his fiancé, went to Florida, put a bag over his head, turned the helium on. Done.

2023 - John Hollinshead - Stacia's dad. 61 years old. One of the strongest men I knew (in certain ways); one of the weakest men I knew (in others). Not a surprise. He's smoked and drank most of his life. Plus his effing daughter was murdered. At least his death was quick. That's what he would have wanted. Heart attack and done. Just shitty his granddaughter had to find him first.

Folks. I'm not trying to compare. I'm sure there are those here who could say, "Oh, yeah? Well XYZ happened to me. Way worse." Yes. I'm sure from an objective position, it was worse. All I'm saying is that I'm fvcking TIRED of this shit. I wish I could have a break. I'm just so fucking sad, depressed, and tired.

Don't take a damn moment for granted.

--Andrew

My suggestion: watch a bunch of Alan Watts videos, maybe read some of his books too. The Book is a good one.

And I'll offer this quotation:

Man was made for joy and woe
When we this rightly know
Safely through the world we go

-William Blake

 

[Shmee]

Yeah seems like a lot of loved ones have died recently. My Grandma in Sept. 2021, Cortez our tuxedo right after Christmas that year, Bevy in April 2022, my uncle just last week. We still have blessed Mango, but he is getting older and has trouble jumping down from things, we think he may have arthritis. So we took him to the vet and got him a shot and some joint support. I hope it helps him and he can live to be 20 or so. We definitely need to get new kittens soon I think, Mango needs friends.

 

[skyking]

That's a load of grief man. You connect with people, expose your humanity to theirs, and then it gets burned away again and again. It's a wonder that your give-a-shit still functions but clearly it does.

 

[Muse]

I think we can all benefit greatly by viewing these.

 

[VirtualLarry]

My nice elderly neighbor lady, we are friends, she came down to visit yesterday after telling me that she got internet-scammed, she was concerned because she had gotten texts that they were "going to get her".

She's kind of a space-cadet at her age. She got hit once before, a year or so ago. I told her to call me if anything like that happens again. Nope, she tries to "handle it on her own" with often disastrous consequences.

I'm really quite worried, and may have to file a missing persons report, because I don't think that she came home last night.

Edit: She finally called me tonight. whew.

 

[Red Squirrel]

That does not sound good, but I hope it turns out to be nothing bad.

 

[Geekbabe]

You have my deepest sympathy for your many losses 😢