I feel a huge panic attack coming on. :(

[KeithTalent]

Have you tried exercise at all? A run or fast walk could help. I'll clear my head with a good gym session. Never had to deal with anything like what you're going through though.

This is what helps me deal with things too. Really helps me clear my mind.


Good luck with everything man, hope you feel better and please keep us posted with how you are doing.

KT

 

[slightlyhuman]

OP, as much as we've butted heads, i FEEL for you. i'm only 27 and still have both of my parents fortunately but i think about death EVERY single day. not in a negative way or suicidal. i'm not religious(although every one around me and my family is) so death to me is a very serious deal. i don't if it's how my brain is wired or what but i am an overly anxious person and i've started to come to realization that i need to see a doctor. i think about losing people every single day and it makes me angry. there's nothing i can do about it, that is life but FUCK, it sucks.

i got tears in my eyes reading a few posts(purbeast and the op mainly) and want to extend my thoughts to you guys. my mom's mother died in 2004 and she has NEVER been the same since. i know i'm just like her and honestly am so f'ving scared of losing a close friend/immediate family member it's starting to control my life.

i'm sorry i didn't offer much in terms of advice but i just wanted to tell you guys, despite the forum BS we go through, my heart goes out to you guys and if you ever want to talk, i'm more than down.

my parents were great to me but i always kept my distance growing up. i still have a problem doing that but am trying as of late to be patient around my parents, spend more time with them, etc. i'm scared to death i'm never going to feel like the same person when that day comes.


again, my thoughts and condolences guys.

 

[Blieb]

Very sorry to hear
Definitely take some time off for yourself.
Stress will make your body (and mind) do crazy sh!t.

 

[Blintok]

lots of good advice. maybe try some grief counseling. Other wise it will get better over time. March 11 2013 .. 1yr ago my father died. Was a tough time at first but it gets better over time. Think of the good times you had and how lucky you were to be close and not that he is gone and you miss him.

 

[Zorander]

Not much to say beside sorry about your father's passing and condolences to you and your family.

Be strong and reach out to your family and friends.

 

[amdhunter]

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. You said you were there for his last conscious moments til he passed. Rather than view that as a downer, maybe try to view the positives of it. What if instead his passing was a sudden thing that happened while you were away? You would not have been with him, you couldn't tell him goodbye, what if he passed away alone? Being surrounded by loved ones must have given him some type of comfort in his final moments. I think it's a blessing you were there for him.

All I saw in his last moments was fear in his face, and my mom screaming he's dying. I kept telling her to shut up and stop saying that.

The ambulance workers reassured him that he had 3 hours to get to a hospital, and everything would be alright there. The only problem was that he had too much Coumadin in his system (he had heart surgery 2 years ago) and they couldn't touch him for a bit, and he suffered brain death while waiting.

I'm very happy my mom was there for his last breath. His eyes were open, and even if he was in la-la land, I like to think he knew she was with him until he passed away.

My heart is just racing and pissing me off. I can feel it echo...I don't know how to explain it. Ugh.

 

[amdhunter]

Very sorry for your loss. My father's in the hospital right now after suffering a stroke, so I can definitely relate to some degree to what you're feeling.

As for the panic, if it persists, talking to a professional could definitely help. Psychotherapy is typically very, very effective in treating panic (generally more so than medication in the long term), assuming it's provided by someone who knows what they're doing.

I hope he comes through. I've NEVER felt 100% bad for anyone who had a loss of a family member. Now that I know first hand what it feels like, I wouldn't wish it on an enemy.

I genuinely hope your father pulls through man.

 

[amdhunter]

OP, as much as we've butted heads, i FEEL for you. i'm only 27 and still have both of my parents fortunately but i think about death EVERY single day. not in a negative way or suicidal. i'm not religious(although every one around me and my family is) so death to me is a very serious deal. i don't if it's how my brain is wired or what but i am an overly anxious person and i've started to come to realization that i need to see a doctor. i think about losing people every single day and it makes me angry. there's nothing i can do about it, that is life but FUCK, it sucks.

i got tears in my eyes reading a few posts(purbeast and the op mainly) and want to extend my thoughts to you guys. my mom's mother died in 2004 and she has NEVER been the same since. i know i'm just like her and honestly am so f'ving scared of losing a close friend/immediate family member it's starting to control my life.

i'm sorry i didn't offer much in terms of advice but i just wanted to tell you guys, despite the forum BS we go through, my heart goes out to you guys and if you ever want to talk, i'm more than down.

my parents were great to me but i always kept my distance growing up. i still have a problem doing that but am trying as of late to be patient around my parents, spend more time with them, etc. i'm scared to death i'm never going to feel like the same person when that day comes.


again, my thoughts and condolences guys.

Thanks. I'm getting a bit better, I am just scaring the crap out of myself at night. It's like I developed an obsession with mortality, and it's driving me nuts. Arrgh..

 

[amdhunter]

Very sorry to hear
Definitely take some time off for yourself.
Stress will make your body (and mind) do crazy sh!t.

lots of good advice. maybe try some grief counseling. Other wise it will get better over time. March 11 2013 .. 1yr ago my father died. Was a tough time at first but it gets better over time. Think of the good times you had and how lucky you were to be close and not that he is gone and you miss him.

Not much to say beside sorry about your father's passing and condolences to you and your family.

Be strong and reach out to your family and friends.

Thanks guys. I am coping. I really think I need a change of scenery. I'm noticing I am dealing with it better every day, but it scares me to think I'll eventually accept my loss and move on.

It seems so damned disrespectful. I don't know, I might just be driving myself crazy.

 

[power_hour]

I am very sorry for your loss. You should seek professional counselling as soon as possible to help you with your feelings. I can't say I understand because I don't.

The closest I can relate is my STBE's Mom passed away and she freaked. She actually ended up smashing our family car and not caring about it. She developed severe emotional anger issues that she has not fully acknowledged.

Make sure you build a support group around yourself. Stay social and active and don't isolate yourself. I doubt anything anyone says will heal the pain but you need to remember there are people who will listen. Let them help you.

 

[amdhunter]

I am very sorry for your loss. You should seek professional counselling as soon as possible to help you with your feelings. I can't say I understand because I don't.

The closest I can relate is my STBE's Mom passed away and she freaked. She actually ended up smashing our family car and not caring about it. She developed severe emotional anger issues that she has not fully acknowledged.

Make sure you build a support group around yourself. Stay social and active and don't isolate yourself. I doubt anything anyone says will heal the pain but you need to remember there are people who will listen. Let them help you.

Yeah. I am trying to no think in a destructive manner. Surprisingly, I am doing very well at work. I was told I was getting a raise, but I have no idea how much yet. That made me smile a bit.

One thing that is concerning me is that I've started having night terrors again. It was an annoying problem I haven't had to deal with in over a decade. Back then, I had them so often that I learned how to control them and make them my own, or wake up before it got to be too much.

This past week, I've had 2 in a row. I don't think I had them that frequently before, and I am hoping it's temporary. I don't mind them too much, but I think my dog is like WTF when I am screaming...lol.

 

[purbeast0]

Thanks. I'm getting a bit better, I am just scaring the crap out of myself at night. It's like I developed an obsession with mortality, and it's driving me nuts. Arrgh..

i think that is normal in your case. at least it was in mine. like your case, my dad passing was the first death i really ever had to deal with in my life. i had 2 grandparents pass away before he died, but 1 of them i saw once every few years, and the other i just was not that close to so it never effected me.

and that lasted nearly 28 years. no deaths to worry about in 28 years. most of the older people in my family were in their 80's and 90's and everyone lives long. then all of a sudden, the one that dies is my dad.

it hits you in the face and you do realize that one day, you are also going to die. it just makes you think about death more in general, especially when it's the first time you've ever had to deal with it.

i also think that there really is no way to know how you will react to a close death until it happens. i was always the tough guy and i don't really wear emotions on my sleeve and stuff, but when my dad died i was like a fucking baby. i kind of helped my step mom and his family take charge with all of the arrangements too. i made the dvd that we played at his wake with hand picked pictures and songs that were chopped up to specific parts, and made the booklet that we handed out at his funeral. then i even organized the get together at his house after his funeral. and while doing all this i had tons of family support. that is just what helped me cope.

but even to this day when i talk about his death to someone it usually is hard for me and i get choked up.

there are even just little things though that you will think about that remind you and you get sad. i can remember a specific indicent where over a year after his death i went to a redskins game, and the guy infront of me was wearing a hat. literally the guy sitting in the seat infront of me. and he was an older guy. and my dad used to wear a lot of hats. everything about this guy looked like my dad from behind. when i got home and told my wife about it i just started balling out.

time makes it better but i just never forget. but in time you will definitely feel better.