I guess it's my turn for a mini mid-life crisis

[Exterous]

It's been a month. It started out with a death in the family. Then it moved on to a major health scare for me. Which was itself followed by the death of a very close friend. All within 32 days. At least on the health side I ended up with the second best possible answer which I'll take since, based on the symptoms, the list was dominated by items that were actively trying to kill me and items that would greatly lower quality of life over a reduced life span. All of that'll give you pause to think about your life, esp as you go through and wait for a shit load of test results.

So it feels cliché to have a mini mid life crisis and cliché to say this but: take the time to think about what you really want to do in life because you never know how long you have left. I've only had about 2 weeks to really think about that as the chaos has settled down. Fortunately I think we've done a pretty good job of not putting things off we want and being purposeful about what we chose to spend our time and money on. But there have been things I just never got around to doing that I need to take the time to do. For example I've now talked to my boss and will be taking a month off next summer to do a Round the World trip. There was no real reason I was putting off that conversation - I was mostly sure he'd say yes, I have the vacation time, we have a pool of miles and points etc. I just....never got around to it I guess. Which is dumb.

There's more to do here - thinking about what we want to make sure we do in life. But that's not an easy question to answer so it'll probably take some time.

 

[[DHT]Osiris]

I've always personally hated the term mid-life crisis; I prefer mid-life reevaluation. Never be afraid to change things or prune things in your life that you discover aren't what you want them to be anymore.

 

[biostud]

It's been a month. It started out with a death in the family. Then it moved on to a major health scare for me. Which was itself followed by the death of a very close friend. All within 32 days. At least on the health side I ended up with the second best possible answer which I'll take since, based on the symptoms, the list was dominated by items that were actively trying to kill me and items that would greatly lower quality of life over a reduced life span. All of that'll give you pause to think about your life, esp as you go through and wait for a shit load of test results.

So it feels cliché to have a mini mid life crisis and cliché to say this but: take the time to think about what you really want to do in life because you never know how long you have left. I've only had about 2 weeks to really think about that as the chaos has settled down. Fortunately I think we've done a pretty good job of not putting things off we want and being purposeful about what we chose to spend our time and money on. But there have been things I just never got around to doing that I need to take the time to do. For example I've now talked to my boss and will be taking a month off next summer to do a Round the World trip. There was no real reason I was putting off that conversation - I was mostly sure he'd say yes, I have the vacation time, we have a pool of miles and points etc. I just....never got around to it I guess. Which is dumb.

There's more to do here - thinking about what we want to make sure we do in life. But that's not an easy question to answer so it'll probably take some time.

Well, I think there's a clear difference between "stuck in the hamster wheel" type of mid life crisis and close relatives dying and serious illness mid life crisis.

Best to you, your family and your friends family.

I lost my best friend last year from a heart attack at the age of 44, so you really don't know when your time is up and you should try to get the best of your life.

For me it doesn't have to be great or extraordinary things, I just want to be with my close family and have a good time while being here. If I have succeeded with that while lying on my death bed, I can die a happy man.

 

[Exterous]

I've always personally hated the term mid-life crisis; I prefer mid-life reevaluation. Never be afraid to change things or prune things in your life that you discover aren't what you want them to be anymore.

Oooo thanks I like that term a lot better

 

[lxskllr]

Just don't get trapped into doing a speedrun of everything you'd like do, and missing the experience by trying to fit everything in.

 

[sdifox]

Time to shake it up. You need a CyberTruck.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

After my brother died in 2021 I reevaluated a lot of things. Got braces and bought a house.

Housing market isn’t looking too great now. But “if not now then when?”

Enjoy your life, you only get one.

 

[Exterous]

Just don't get trapped into doing a speedrun of everything you'd like do, and missing the experience by trying to fit everything in.

For sure. We know a few things like Patagonia are going to have to wait till we have enough time to do them right (and my wife is no longer a teacher due to the best times to go there and her constrained work schedule)

Timw to shake it up. You need a CyberTruck.

Pass.

 

[nakedfrog]

For sure. We know a few things like Patagonia are going to have to wait till we have enough time to do them right (and my wife is no longer a teacher due to the best times to go there and her constrained work schedule)

Say hello to the Dread Pirate Roberts for me!

 

[sactoking]

When I had my mid life crisis I ended up coping by buying $2000 of meat.

 

[highland145]

When I had my mid life crisis I ended up coping by buying $2000 of meat.

:thumbsup;

Pretty cheap crisis compared to some guys. Trophy car, boat....girlfriend.

 

[biostud]

:thumbsup;

Pretty cheap crisis compared to some guys. Trophy car, boat....girlfriend.

Divorce...

 

[highland145]

 

[dave_the_nerd]

Divorce...

Worth every penny, usually.

I’m single but if I weren’t I think I’d much rather have a midlife crisis alongside my best friend and perennial partner in crime.

 

[biostud]

Worth every penny, usually.

I’m single but if I weren’t I think I’d much rather have a midlife crisis alongside my best friend and perennial partner in crime.

Sometimes, I was just adding it to the list of expensive things to do in a mid-life crisis.

 

[nakedfrog]

Worth every penny, usually.

I’m single but if I weren’t I think I’d much rather have a midlife crisis alongside my best friend and perennial partner in crime.

Mine cost every penny I had in savings, 100% worth it. I mean, I was in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic, so it may seem like a no-brainer, but life is complicated.

 

[Charmonium]

I generally take the view that we're just irrelevant organisms on a tiny planet in a very tiny corner of the universe. The only exception there is that it's possible that won't always be true - but it probably is.

I did some traveling in grad school and while I'm happy that I did, it really was a pain in the ass. I was very happy to get back home.

Happiness is a state of mind. You're not going to find it out in the world - you'll only be temporarily deceived.

 

[biostud]

So it feels cliché to have a mini mid life crisis and cliché to say this but: take the time to think about what you really want to do in life because you never know how long you have left. I've only had about 2 weeks to really think about that as the chaos has settled down. Fortunately I think we've done a pretty good job of not putting things off we want and being purposeful about what we chose to spend our time and money on. But there have been things I just never got around to doing that I need to take the time to do. For example I've now talked to my boss and will be taking a month off next summer to do a Round the World trip. There was no real reason I was putting off that conversation - I was mostly sure he'd say yes, I have the vacation time, we have a pool of miles and points etc. I just....never got around to it I guess. Which is dumb.

There's more to do here - thinking about what we want to make sure we do in life. But that's not an easy question to answer so it'll probably take some time.

It is never a bad idea to sit down and wonder what direction you want your life to take. Sometimes it is a crisis that spark that process, but optimal it is something you should have several times a year with your spouse (if you have one). If everything is going as you like, then great. If you want to do corrections, then talk about how you can do so. If you want major changes then you'll have to figure out how to that as well.

 

[Charmonium]

For most of my life I thought that I needed a woman to make me happy. I was wrong.

I know that most of us don't like to think of ourselves as very sophisticated although, granted, also somewhat chaotic mechanisms, but unless you have very strong religious beliefs, that is the fact of the matter.

To the extent that you more or less accept that, happiness will only be found in your neurology. Some people happen to be born with the right neurochemistry - for at least part of our lives. But that's not true for most of us.

From an evolutionary point of view, happy people are favored as long as you don't live in at time of constant, bloody conflict. It makes you more malleable and accepting and far better suited to life in a complex society. But forget, there was at least 10k to 20k years of evolution that favored the more aggressive side of our nature.

I have significant brain damage so I'm far from the perfect test case but for me, happiness required significant neurochemical manipulation via modern chemistry. It's a little bit of a drag to take the 300mg of Luvox every day but I am DEFINITELY not complaining.

 

[nakedfrog]

For most of my life I thought that I needed a woman to make me happy. I was wrong.

I know that most of us don't like to think of ourselves as very sophisticated although, granted, also somewhat chaotic mechanisms, but unless you have very strong religious beliefs, that is the fact of the matter.

To the extent that you more or less accept that, happiness will only be found in your neurology. Some people happen to be born with the right neurochemistry - for at least part of our lives. But that's not true for most of us.

From an evolutionary point of view, happy people are favored as long as you don't live in at time of constant, bloody conflict. It makes you more malleable and accepting and far better suited to life in a complex society. But forget, there was at least 10k to 20k years of evolution that favored the more aggressive side of our nature.

I have significant brain damage so I'm far from the perfect test case but for me, happiness required significant neurochemical manipulation via modern chemistry. It's a little bit of a drag to take the 300mg of Luvox every day but I am DEFINITELY not complaining.

Yeah, after I split with my ex I decided I needed to focus on being whole as a person on my own before I considered another relationship, and I'm satisfied with the end result. Then nuking testosterone and getting estrogen up really magnified my emotional capacity, almost like getting glasses for my emotions after stumbling around half-blind all my life. Heretofore unimagined levels of happiness became achievable, and were reached.

 

[MrSquished]

At my pharmacy I have to show ID for my sleeping pill, which is just one of the two main sleeping pills on the market. So I just got a new license this year. It has my picture from 12 years ago now on it still.

I told the cashier, you know, I just got this license this year but it's my photo from 12 years ago. I rarely have to use it, but when I do, I have a lot of regrets and a mini mid-life crisis

 

[nakedfrog]

At my pharmacy I have to show ID for my sleeping pill, which is just one of the two main sleeping pills on the market. So I just got a new license this year. It has my picture from 12 years ago now on it still.

I told the cashier, you know, I just got this license this year but it's my photo from 12 years ago. I rarely have to use it, but when I do, I have a lot of regrets and a mini mid-life crisis

I currently have probably one of the best driver's license pictures ever to exist, will be a shame when I have to retake it.

 

[Charmonium]

Yeah, after I split with my ex I decided I needed to focus on being whole as a person on my own before I considered another relationship, and I'm satisfied with the end result. Then nuking testosterone and getting estrogen up really magnified my emotional capacity, almost like getting glasses for my emotions after stumbling around half-blind all my life. Heretofore unimagined levels of happiness became achievable, and were reached.

That's very interesting, certainly to me. One of my old docs was a big fan of testosterone replacement. I tried a couple of different forms and it made me into a truly, raging asshole. Not only is that a bitch for people you have to deal with (i keep those to a bare minimum anyway) but it's a very unpleasant feeling because you genuinely don't understand why you're acting that way. Of course this assumes that you DO NOT enjoy being an asshole - to each their own I suppose. For me, it was just impossible to control.

I wasn't completely surprised though. I think my biochemistry is less dependent on testosterone than for most males. To the extent that's true, it's probably something I inherited from my paternal grandfather since I'm 10% Druze. Yup. I had no f'ing idea what that was either but you can think of them as a 2000 year old group that absolutely forbids mating outside of the group - bad grampa.

It's kind of ironic since on dad's side I can trace my lineage back to the 1300s and even on mom's side, much of her family have become devoted to geneaology. But they start with great gramma. As for mom's father, no one seems to know jack. And since mom's family came from mountain villages in Northern Italy, that's a tough row to hoe - since Italy is probably the epicenter for the one-two punch that is the bane of geneaologists - bad peasant record keeping and wholesale destruction of historical records by war, natural disasters and whatnot.

You may not like white Anglo-Saxon protestants (WASPs) but they kick ass when it comes to recordkeeping and OCD behavior generally - blame the black plague, but that's another tangent.

I'm not really a fan of emotion generally. It's always felt like more of a distracting annoyance. But again, don't look to me for any guidance on the matter. Long before I ever heard of Star Trek, my ideal was to something akin to an automaton - completely free of any emotion. Oddly, the drugs have actually helped with that so . . . cause; effect? Don't really care.

But getting back to the quote, a combo of estrogen and testosterone sounds extremely interesting - just not interesting enough to try.

 

[biostud]

Yeah, after I split with my ex I decided I needed to focus on being whole as a person on my own before I considered another relationship, and I'm satisfied with the end result. Then nuking testosterone and getting estrogen up really magnified my emotional capacity, almost like getting glasses for my emotions after stumbling around half-blind all my life. Heretofore unimagined levels of happiness became achievable, and were reached.

Before I met my wife I was also in a relationship with girl who was probably undiagnosed bipolar, and after the split I knew I would rather be on my own than ever be in a bad relationship again where I couldn't be honest about myself.

So fast forward the nerd who enjoys computers, metal, politics and cooking is now expecting g his forth child.

 

[snoopy7548]

I think I'm going through a similar thing, but I'm only 38. My dad passed late last year and things at work are "eh" - big company changes coming in the next 2-3 years (I won't be sticking around after spending my entire career here) and lots of BS/idiots to deal with now.

Most of it just seems trivial and dumb now, and I feel like I should be doing something better with my life than working 5 days a week in an office; I want to help people in some way but I have no idea how/what. Going from an engineering job to something... nursing? Community outreach? Grocery store employee (shut my mind off, work part-time, have more time to myself)? I don't know.

I'm incredibly lucky to be where I am - good health, good job, a house - but I'm the same age my dad was when I was born, so it feels like I'm halfway to the end and this is the time to start something.