I Hate My Kid

Carbo

Diamond Member
Aug 6, 2000
5,244
6
81
I feel I must start this thread in response to the recent post, ?I Hate My Dad?. There have been numerous posts along these lines, in fact. A second opinion from the ?other side? is only fair.
I?m a dad. I have two daughters. One is four and a half. The older girl is going to be fourteen in a month. If she graduates from the eighth grade, (and that?s touch and go, right now), she will enter high school in the Fall. This rant is about her, and her peers. Now, I don?t genuinely hate her. In fact, hate is an emotion I don't allow to get the better of me. It?s an awful word and an awful feeling. However, there are times when I regret with every fiber of my being that this kid is on the planet. It?s time that dear ol? dad gave his side of the story???..
To protect the guilty, let?s call her Mary. Well, lil? angelic Mary is an angry little brat. She is mad at me, her mom, and the world. Why? As best as I can tell because the world, and especially her parents, owe her every thing she feels she is entitled to. That?s right, another self centered brat with an enormous sense of entitlement. If she is denied any of the things she feels she is entitled to, she then segues into her "victim" mode. Does this modus operandi sound familiar to any of you whining bastards out there? I mean, don?t all of you read from the same script? If I had a dime for every time she cried, ?That?s not fair.?, I?d have more money than Bill Gates.
I do agree with her on one thing, though. Life isn?t fair! Who said it was? There are going to be people you meet who are bigger, better, faster, richer, and smarter than you. People who have had more breaks than you, more opportunities, and even better luck. You?ll be a hell of a lot better off understanding this at an early age. Better still, you?ll be a hell of a lot better off accepting this at an early age.
Relationships are a two way street. With rare exceptions, they succeed or fail based upon the input of the parties involved. A good marriage requires the efforts of two. A divorce, likewise. The relationship between a dad and his sibling is no different. Did you ever stop to think maybe your dad has a few issues going on in his life that take him away from giving you his undivided attention and catering to your every whim and what you think is a need?
I?m self employed and have done my own thing for about ten years. While I enjoy the freedom this gives me, I can?t call in sick, either. I produce or I don?t get paid. My wife is a flight attendant. She, too, works for a living. We don?t receive money by asking for it. We are not entitled to any money. Now, when my business hit a rough patch recently and family income declined, lil? Mary?s handouts didn?t diminish. No. She expected that the needs of all other family member would go unheeded first. Why? Because lil? Mary is the center of the universe, she?s entitled. Lil? Mary does not work, outside the home or, for that matter, inside it either. If we can get her to wash a dish it is nothing short of divine intervention. Three requests will go completely ignored, the fourth will get me a dirty look, the fifth a smart ass reply and, with the help of Jesus and perhaps a hormone induced high, the sixth request will get it done.
Let me detail lil? Mary?s tough weekend. On Thursday evening she slept over a friend?s house. Her social club, that would be her school, had a field trip to Disney World on Friday, and so groups of friends were sleeping over one another?s houses. Or, so I?m told. (Did I mention lil? Mary and the truth are distant strangers?). This trip to Disney was paid for by this miserable SOB who she always tells people she hates. The spending money in her pocket was given to her by this same miserable SOB. So, she is out Thursday night and all day Friday. The school bus returns around 10:30PM, when she promptly calls and says she wants to sleep over someone else?s house. I tell her maybe some other time but I?d like her to come home. This was met with the usual pleading, whining, and followed by anger. She came home unhappy and with a face and an attitude. Why? Because she didn?t get everything she felt she was entitled to.
She slept to noon on Saturday, then spent the rest of the day alternately between the phone and the TV. Her mother, who was out of town working a flight to Europe, left her a note with a few chores to be completed. You know, inhumane tasks such as vacuum, dust, and wash your crap encrusted underwear and other clothing. Not a thing was done. Poor kid was tired. Around 6PM she began to get her second wind and wanted to, guess what, sleep over a friend?s house. I said, ?No.? More pouting, more attitude, more TV and more telephone.
Mom arrives back home Saturday evening, around 7:30PM, after having flown across the Atlantic and six time zones She fell asleep early on and woke up with me the following morning at around 6:30. We were planning on a leisurely Sunday. Well, lil? Mary wakes up around 10:30AM and immediately jumps on the telephone and makes her plans for the day. Mind you, these plans don?t include lifting a finger around the house, or helping mom or me in any way. They do include, however, going to the mall and the movies with some friends. Mom said, sure, you can go out. First, though, you need to clean your bathroom and bedroom. Ten minutes later, ten minutes, she announced she was done and would we please hurry because her friends were waiting and give me ten dollars.
This led to a blowout with mom. The bottom line is, she got her way and went out for the day, didn?t do spit around the house, again, and my wife was left crying because of the way this little POS treats us. Lil? Mary returned home just in time to see my wife leaving to work another ten hour flight, this time to South America.
I could go on and on. But, I hope, you get the point. In the meantime I need to get back to work and earn a buck because lil? Mary ain?t cheap. She has her Middle School Prom coming up next week. Guess who paid for her gown, the seamstress, and the limo? And who will be paying for the hair stylist the night before? Oh, yeah, her dance lesson bill is due for the month. Cheerleading starts in July, got to pay for that, too. Damn, I almost forgot, I have a $185 dental bill sitting on my desk because lil? Mary needed some work done on her chompers.
So, please, stop your self pitying and your whining and take a look at yourself in the mirror. I dare say the root of the problem is staring back at you. And, if you genuinely hate dad, do yourself a favor: get the hell out of his house and make it on your own.
 

Aves

Lifer
Feb 7, 2001
12,232
29
101
Somebody PM when the Cliff Notes come out.


Seriously though, that sounds about like the typical teenager.
 

murphy55d

Lifer
Dec 26, 2000
11,542
5
81
And this is different from many other 14 year olds how?

Sounds just like my 16 yr old sister.
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,014
137
106
I must say, Carbo, I'm rather surprised. I never imagined you as the type of parent who would let a teenager call the shots at home.

To what do you attribute her attitude? Or do you think it is just the type of personality she has?
 

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
That's a pretty bad situation. I'm no parent yet but have you disciplined her enough?
The bottom line is, she got her way and went out for the day, didn?t do spit around the house, again, and my wife was left crying because of the way this little POS treats us.
It seems to me like you need to put your foot down and really start disciplining her hard.

I was a lazy kid too. Not quite as lazy because I didn't want to call down the god-fearing wrath of my dad, but my parents did most of the stuff for my brothers and I and then it got to the point where even a small task seemed like we were doing soooooooo much, when in fact we were doing sh*t all. The problem is we got used to it and we got used to our parents expecting very little from us around the house or doing things that were responsible. These were expected of us so little that we resented them so much when they came along.

You should try talking to her since she is old enough to listen. Tell her that if she isn't willing to discuss it like and adult you'll treat her like the child she acts like. I never responded well to my parents taking stuff away but then again I know they didn't "hate' me. You could start by taking the phone away from her. That sounds like a drug to her and you may be able to leash her into doing things that she should by threatening it taken!
 

Orsorum

Lifer
Dec 26, 2001
27,631
5
81
Originally posted by: Descartes
Isn't that somewhat typical of kids that age?

I'd say no. I've had a job, earned my own spending money since I was... 11 or 12, something like that. I can't remember asking my parents for money (well, okay, before this year, college rules!).

Some kids, yes...
 
Jan 18, 2001
14,465
1
0
perhaps a little family counseling might help... then again, she will probably outgrow these attitudes.
 

kami

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
17,627
5
81
how is this different from 99% of other teenage girls out there? My sister was exactly the same from 14-16, and she is only now starting to grow out of it and become more mature. It's a phase most of them go through. If you want to help, stop handing out money. My mom did this and my sister had a job @ 14 at a corner store, then later at Tim Horton's (coffee place). The jobs taught her more than anything else I think. Also don't be afraid to give her a tase of her own medicine. It sounds cruel, but embarass her in front of her friends if you get the chance. I mean, embarass her about how poorly she treats you and your wife...if she's anything like my sister, she will tell her friends that her mom/dad is the devil and she is the poor angel being picked on.
Anyway, there is little more you can do other than let her grow out of this phase.

And for the record, I DO hate my dad, but that's because he's a deadbeat.
 

xospec1alk

Diamond Member
Mar 4, 2002
4,329
0
0
good stuff...i have a little sister like 'mary' she thinks the world revolves around her, my mom gives her money every week, yet she never has enough and resorts to stealing from me, my sister, and parents. She cuts school all the time, and starts to moan and complain when shes not allowed to go out. doesn't do a lick of work, and is in serious danger of not being able to pass the 9th grade.

whats happening to the kids nowadays? is it bad parenting? well i grew up w/ my mom and i would say its safe to say that im a good kid...a peircing and a tattoo sure, but that doesn't make me a bad kid..i work for my money, i dont steal, and i pull decent grades...not great mind you, but decent...its got to be the friends...they cut school, they smoke(not necessarily a sign of a bad kid but at 14, i would think so) and they influence her adversely....she wants to be 'cool' she wants her friends to like her...but at the expense of her own family...kids these days...argg
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
62,403
8,199
126
So, please, stop your self pitying and your whining and take a look at yourself in the mirror. I dare say the root of the problem is staring back at you.

*Ahem*

Stop the handouts, yank the phone, and don't let her go out until sh!t starts getting done around the house. Worked wonders for my parents and my younger sister who had identical behaviour as your daughter.

 

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
It clearly is a lack of appreciation and respect for what you do for her. I can say that because only as I've grown older have I realized that I had the same problem with my parents and so did my brothers. In many ways the more you give to your kids the worse they become because they get so damn spoiled.
 

UltraQuiet

Banned
Sep 22, 2001
5,755
0
0
Stop the handouts, yank the phone, and don't let her go out until sh!t starts getting done around the house. Worked wonders for my parents and my younger sister who had identical behaviour as your daughter.

I will not advise other parents on how to raise their children unless that advice is solicited but I was thinking the same thing.
 

Nemesis77

Diamond Member
Jun 21, 2001
7,329
0
0
this is easy for me to say since I don't have kids. But I would just say "No, you can't do that. You can whine all you want, but you will not do that. You do as I say. You are not entitled to everything you want. As long as you live in our house and eat the food we buy you, you will do exactly as me and your mother tell you to do. End of discussion".

Harsh? Yes. But also the truth. Kids who live under your roof have no jurisdiction to make demands like that. You provide them with food and shelter (not to mention all those luxuries teenagers enjoy), they have no place to demand for more, more and even more.
 

Hammer

Lifer
Oct 19, 2001
13,217
1
81
Ok, I'm no parent, but it is partially your fault. You're responsible for the disicipline. I don't know anything about kids, but I do know that ALL chicks tests boundaries. They'll see just how much they can get away with you. If you don't nip it in the bud, they'll keep wanting (and getting) more.

Sounds like is too late for you now though.
 

virusag11

Senior member
May 22, 2002
336
0
0
Isn't that somewhat typical of kids that age?

You should have had a son, you can slap them around a bit. I was far from that, I have bought everything I own since 16 (except gifts). I got a job at 14 as a handiman/kid, then eventually moved up to this crappy job. I was also the cruise control child, the one that takes care of himself and doesn't ask for help from Mom or Dad. I am proud I wasn't a prisy bitch and worked for what I have.

As for your daughter, just tell her NO, NO, NO, NO!!!! Ground her for a month and tell her if she talks back once it will be 2 months. Everyday you don't do the chores assigned to you, add another day to grounding. Pull the phone, pull the computer, pull the TV, give her a book and tell her to learn something. I fear having a child like this, but I also can't wait for the challenge.
 

kami

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
17,627
5
81
Originally posted by: hammer09
Ok, I'm no parent, but it is partially your fault. You're responsible for the disicipline. I don't know anything about kids, but I do know that ALL chicks tests boundaries. They'll see just how much they can get away with you. If you don't nip it in the bud, they'll keep wanting (and getting) more.

Sounds like is too late for you now though.

I dunno, like i said...nearly every teenage girl goes through this. I don't think parenting is to blame...it's just that parenting will need some adjustments once the problem arises and even then it might not help much. They have to grow out of it.

Girls mature faster than boys my ass.

edit: in response to the post above: grounding like that will make it WORSE, trust me. let them learn their own lessons, even if it involved failing classes. trust me, they will be a hell of a lot more embarassed than you ever will be.
 

Linflas

Lifer
Jan 30, 2001
15,395
78
91
A very funny and I suspect not very unique thing happened to me while growing up. Sometime between the age of 18-22 while I was in the Navy my parents went from being the objects of my scorn to 2 of the people I most admired in this world, faults and all. That is about the same time I realized that my parents biggest fault along with most parents of baby boomers was their indulgence of my ill temper and self centered behavior from the time I began showing peach fuzz until the day they saw me off to boot camp. The funny thing is my father predicted that I would someday gain this understanding and never hesitated to tell me that whenever he came down hard on me. The way he put it was something along the lines of "I know you know everything and we know nothing but you will be amazed how smart we become by the time you are 21". He passed away in 1994 and there is not a day that passes that I do not think of him in some way. Hopefully many of the whining adolescents that post about how miserable their parents are will reach this understanding at some point on their road to adulthood.
 

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
5
0
That is about the same time I realized that my parents biggest fault along with most parents of baby boomers was their indulgence of my ill temper and self centered behavior from the time I began showing peach fuzz until the day they saw me off to boot camp.
So true. It frustrates the hell out of me that I won't be able to get this point across to my kids when they are young. Some things you just can't tell people; they have to learn it themselves
 

OutHouse

Lifer
Jun 5, 2000
36,413
616
126
dude, cut her off. to me it seems like she knows how to play both of you until she gets her way. When she turns 16 and throws a temper tamtrum for a brand new car are you going to get it?

If she is given a task to do in order to fulfill one of her wants make sure it is done to your standards before she leaves the house. It should not be a matter of disscussion, not a matter of debate and definatly not a matter of negioation. she either does it, and does it right or she doesnt get what she wants.

 

UltraQuiet

Banned
Sep 22, 2001
5,755
0
0
A very funny and I suspect not very unique thing happened to me while growing up. Sometime between the age of 18-22 while I was in the Navy my parents went from being the objects of my scorn to 2 of the people I most admired in this world, faults and all.
Your suspicions are correct.
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
Originally posted by: vi_edit
So, please, stop your self pitying and your whining and take a look at yourself in the mirror. I dare say the root of the problem is staring back at you.
*Ahem* Stop the handouts, yank the phone, and don't let her go out until sh!t starts getting done around the house. Worked wonders for my parents and my younger sister who had identical behaviour as your daughter.

As much as I would like to say this is the right answer, I don't know if it is. My sister is just like Carbo's daughter. When my parents enforced your type of solution, she just laughed in my parents face and ran away.

 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,530
3
0
Hey all you can do is get even. When she has children spoil them when they visit so they'll get a sense of entitlement and cause her the same grief she is causing you now.
 

Servnya

Senior member
Jan 17, 2001
393
0
0
Sounds like you had a spoiled toddler, who learned how to be a spoiled teen. Discipline and respect have to be instilled immediately in children, or this is what you end up with. It will be extremely hard to break her from this type of behavior at this point. More than likely, someone who doesn't give a crap about her will end up teaching her the hard way.

OR....she could get the ultimate lesson..........."I hope someday you have kids, and they act just like you!"

 
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