I Hate My Kid

[virusag11]

Originally posted by: kami

edit: in response to the post above: grounding like that will make it WORSE, trust me. let them learn their own lessons, even if it involved failing classes. trust me, they will be a hell of a lot more embarassed than you ever will be.

I am not a parent so I am suggesting what my parents did with my sister when she was that age. It kinda worked with her (stopped the bitching), but didn't stop the "I'm better than everyone else so buy me 300$ in clothing." She learned when she got a CC and racked up some hefty charges and my parents wouldn't "fall in line" and help her out .

 

[Pliablemoose]

One suggestion & a couple of comments:

Performance based re-enforcement, don't pay for a thing, unless things (behavior) gets better. No special stuff (dance class, etc) or extra cash unless she helps @ home. Don't expect miracles, and don't ask for too much, just a deal like, No dance class unless you do X around the house each week. She's too old to change much, and you've got to get a handle on her before she starts to drive.

Get used to being the bad guy, and your wife needs to toughen up too, your daughter can make your life a living hell unless you-all get together & really start to parent this kid.

Most parents fatal error is being their child's friend, you're not her friend, you're her parent, and that entails a whole different set of rules.

Good luck.

 

[IGBT]

Well...good luck to ya. Reading that makes me glad I'am not raising kids. Wait till she has to compete with female peers in the work place. I'd say she's in for a rude awakening when she finally has to work with/for somebody like her self.

 

[jjones]

I feel for you Carbo. I have a little daughter and fear some of what you are saying. I was raised to be responsible and plan to do the same with my child but I know there will be times when no matter what you have done, most of these issues will arise.

But I do know one thing, my daughter will be raised to appreciate that it takes work and effort to be able to have money and the freedom to do certain things; the harsh realities of life will be instilled early. I love my daughter extremely but I will in no way coddle her. My only real problem is that her mother is over-protective and coddles her.

 

[Red Dawn]

After reading your post Carbo I hate you kid too! j/k, I'm just glad I don't know her.

 

[BIGMACC]

Have you looked into a good Military School??

...or, hell, a good ass wippin!!!

 

[skace]

The thing that always pops in my mind during these threads is, did you explain to her? Do you explain to her? When she asks why she can't go out, do you say "just cuz" or do you take the time to give her an honest answer? I know my parents loved the "Just because" or "My house, my rules" skits. They are cheap copouts and I think lend a lot to the way many kids turn out. The fact is parents are overworked and because of that don't give kids the proper training and explanations that life demands. Kids hear the "my house, my rules" for everything and start assuming the reason their plans are turned down is because their parents just don't feel like it, because that is the reason they always get. They never hear about the hard days at work or that maybe their parents miss them. Lack of communication in its most misdirected form.

But I'm not going to tell you how to raise your children. I will say this much though, It is much easier for a father to attempt a conversation with his daughter than it is for a son/daughter to attempt a conversation with a father. Because a father who doesn't want to listen, always raises his voice until it is the only one that can be heard. My sister gave up arguing with my dad over things she really wanted explanations for, so she moved across the country ... all the way across to the exact opposite end.

 

[ChefJoe]

Hooray for venting in the OT forum!

Typical teenager thing... and "Mary" will eventually grow up and appologize when she has her own kids.

 

[Dually]

I would just put my foot down and make it "clear". It sounds like your kid needs to be put between a rock and a hard place to understand the world.

 

I'd call myself a pretty good, normal kid. I just graduated high school (3.81 GPA, mind you) and I've got a whole summer of laziness ahead of me. And yes, I would call myself somewhat lazy. But when my parents ask me to do something, or go somewhere, or ask me to stay home one Saturday night, I'll graciously obey.

Do you know why that is?

Because I think about this: everything I 'own,' my parents have given to me. My car (I pay for it with my summer job, but it's registered to my dad), my broadband, my food, my clothes, my college education for the next four years, my computer for college - in short, pretty much everything.

And another thing - sure, my parents are dorks (whose parents aren't?) but I really like spending time with them because they are intelligent, witty, corny and fun to be around (most of the time). I can't wait to go to college, but I'm going to college about 5 miles from my house, so my parents will be there for me any time I need them.

I like my parents, and others should realize that they should like their parents too.

 

[Red Dawn]

like my parents, and others should realize that they should like their parents too.

I had the typical Asian Parents. Nothing I could do was good enough. It was always "Your cousin got straight A's" "You need to date only Chinese girls". It's a miracle I didn't kill myself growing up!

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

like my parents, and others should realize that they should like their parents too.

I had the typical Asian Parents. Nothing I could do was good enough. It was always "Your cousin got straight A's" "You need to date only Chinese girls". It's a miracle I didn't kill myself growing up!

LOL! Who would have thought that a couple of asians could breed a white long-haired hippy?!

 

[aimn]

Carbo, I know what you mean and how you are feeling. I work with kids at a treatment center. I also have an 8 year old daughter. One thing that you should know .........and I hate to tell you this.....is.......if you want to know how you are doing as a parent, take a look at your kids. We (you) need to be accountable for this as well as her, you have formed her into the little darling she is now. Problem is, she is old enough now, you might not be able to change her behaviors. If I were you I would seek counciling for all of you. You still have another one growing up. If you dont change your behaviors, the next child will be a clone of this one. I would rather tell you the truth than sit here and pull your teat. Hope this helps and I wish you luck. There is a difference between loving your child and enabling them. Consistancy is the key also.

 

[skace]

You joke about that Red Dawn, but the sad thing is that stereotype comes true so often. Asian parents do it a lot, but other parents do it as well. They try to live the childs life for them. It is a terrible thing to be given life and then be told you can't live it. I played soccer with a chineese kid. He watched his childhood fade away while his parents constantly made him do more and more things. A's in school weren't good enough, best player on the soccer team wasn't good enough, piano lessons wasn't good enough, violin lessons wasn't good enough. How much sh!t can 1 kid do?

Parents need to learn that children arn't their fvcking second chance at life.

 

[Red Dawn]

LOL! Who would have thought that a couple of asians could breed a white long-haired hippy?!

Hippy? My long hair doesn't hide my red neck Bubba.

 

[Red Dawn]

You joke about that Red Dawn, but the sad thing is that stereotype comes true so often

Maybe but how often do you read about Asian, Asian/American Kids being spoiled rotten?

 

[gopunk]

So, please, stop your self pitying and your whining and take a look at yourself in the mirror. I dare say the root of the problem is staring back at you. And, if you genuinely hate dad, do yourself a favor: get the hell out of his house and make it on your own.

don't know if this has been said or not, but you know what? sometimes dads are f*cked up. just like sometimes kids are. neither side is always right or always wrong, so while you may be right in your situation, that doesn't mean that all grievances against dads elsewhere are unfounded.

 

[Nitemare]

2 words for you..
boarding school

She behaves this way because you allow her to

Spare the rod and spoil the child. Tell her No once and mean it. Take the phone away from her by all means. Ration her phone use. She has no discipline nor fear of reprisal, this is why she behaves this way. If you act fast you can avoid a repeat performance by child number 2.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Nitemare
2 words for you..
boarding school

She behaves this way because you allow her to

Spare the rod and spoil the child. Tell her No once and mean it. Take the phone away from her by all means. Ration her phone use. She has no discipline nor fear of reprisal, this is why she behaves this way. If you act fast you can avoid a repeat performance by child number 2.

FYI discipline doesn't have to involve violence.

 

[Azraele]

I saw a kid at the store the other day, maybe 14 years old. The expression on his face was scary, he hated himself, the world, and everything around him. Or maybe that was the attitude he was trying to put on. I see that same look a lot on kids these days.

At any rate, perhaps you need to hand down some responsibilities to go with "Mary's" perks. If she wants to go out, fine, but not before she's done with her chores. If she doesn't do them, she doesn't go, simple as that. When she pouts about this, tell her that she chose not to do the chores, she has no one to blame but herself.

 

[Ameesh]

maybe its your fault that she ended up this way Carbo, its your responsibility to teach her how to behave. Looks like you didnt.

 

[FrustratedUser]

 

[notfred]

I didn't read the whole thing. I didn't grow and and move out and get my own place, etc. so that I'd get to lsiten to more fatherly lectures. I will say though, that if your daughter was two years older, she might be a good match for my younger brother.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Nitemare
2 words for you..
boarding school

She behaves this way because you allow her to

Spare the rod and spoil the child. Tell her No once and mean it. Take the phone away from her by all means. Ration her phone use. She has no discipline nor fear of reprisal, this is why she behaves this way. If you act fast you can avoid a repeat performance by child number 2.

FYI discipline doesn't have to involve violence.

You can apply the rod in more ways than the physical one, gopunk

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Nitemare

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Nitemare
2 words for you..
boarding school

She behaves this way because you allow her to

Spare the rod and spoil the child. Tell her No once and mean it. Take the phone away from her by all means. Ration her phone use. She has no discipline nor fear of reprisal, this is why she behaves this way. If you act fast you can avoid a repeat performance by child number 2.

FYI discipline doesn't have to involve violence.

You can apply the rod in more ways than the physical one, gopunk

just sort of wave it in front of them? the whole thing behind that is that if you don't physically punish your child they'll be spoiled. i mean, that's what a rod is for, right?