i have a little problem with my significant other

[toph99]

ok, first off, here's some background info. we've been going out for the past 9 months online, i love her more than anything, and i thought she loved me the same way. maybe she does, right now i don't know. we have always had a relationship built on trust and on good communication. she lives in the states and i live in canada, so we don't get to talk on the phone much, but we chat on aim as much as possible. last night she had two of her best friends(both female) over for a sleepover, and she just confessed that her and one of them 'fooled around'. i don't know how far they went, and right now i'm just trying to absorb all of this(and trying to be coherent at the same time ) any advice? i don't even know what to think right now...

 

[Locutus of Board]

I think you should try to absorb she and her friend into some friendly frolicking.

 

[etech]

I know what I'm thinking, the same thing LOB is.

 

[eakers]

she experimented a little which is normal (im assuming shes in her teens)
it doesnt nesscessarily mean she is bi-sexual or lesbian in any way. but i understand if you are a little hurt cuz you love her and may feel like she cheated on you. you have to talk to her about your relationship status and how you truely feel about each other because this could lead to jealousy and antitrust issues which arent good.

talk talk talk talk talk its the only way to resolve this.

or she is lying to try to turn you on in that girl on girl kinda way.

*kat. <-- is getting sleeepy

 

[vi edit]

High schoolers have often times not discovered their sexual preference yet. You two are still in your experimental stages.

I'm assuming that you two have little, if no physical contact. That doesn't help matters much either. No offense, but a 15 or 16 year old hasn't had a chance to discover themselves yet. If you truely care for her, be understanding instead of critical.

Take it from someone who has been there - long distance relationships are very, very difficult to make it through if either party needs physical affection (IE cuddling, hugging, ect.).

Just my $.02

 

[toph99]

thanks for the input, i appreciate it

 

[FettsBabe]

Go to her house for a week long vacation, and enjoy!!! Nay, just kidding. If it bothers you then let your heart and mind decide. Do some soul searching!

 

[gUEv]

when girls are teenagers, they are all bisexual nowadays, lol

 

[nippyjun]

What's the problem!

 

[GEShields]

Remind me again what the problem is...

99% of the male population &quot;desires&quot; this...

Greg

 

[GEShields]

nippy beat me to it...damn

 

[Regine]

Yeah, they desire it in porn - in a relationship it's a little bit different, especially if it's unexpected like that.

Toph, just talk to her about it. See if it was just a one time thing. If you really love each other you should be able to work through it.
Hope everything works out

 

[toph99]

the problem is that she betrayed my trust. 99% of the male population may want this, but i'm not even there to enjoy it(more like 1000 miles away )

toolgirl made my point before i could but then it raises the question, can i still trust her? i asked that if she wasn't involved with me, would she do it again and i got one of those 'i dunno, maybe' answers(in other words, yes ) but that because she's with me, she wouldn't.

i don't like this predicament

 

[DarK SagE]

Dude, your in hs right?

May i ask why are u dwelling on a long distance relationship? Go to some parties, meet some chicks. You prolly wont be able to meet this girl any time soon anyway. You think one of these aim relationships is gonna last untill your 18 and can go visit her? I seriously doubt it, especially since you guys are teenagers.

Im not trying to be mean, just realistic; I say u go chase some girls that are at least in the same country as you or even better in you neighberhood/school.

 

[Isla]

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds relatively normal to me, at least given the current standards.

They think it's normal to experiment, so they do!

Just relax and be her friend... she has a lot of growing up to do.

Just remember this... keep your own integrity intact. Don't ever do anything you don't feel 100% comfy with, 'k?

 

[ArkAoss]

yeah, long distance, 1,000 miles, is tough. i've seen my bro flop 2 of em, he's a douf, but it still isn't easy, and i can see where your thinkin, if she'll cheat with another girl, how long till she try's stuff with a guy. . . . . .if you guys actually run the chance of seeing each other in person. . . try to tuff it out, but if not, . . .kinda time to talk to her at least; if not talk break up.. . .

 

[toph99]

because i love her, plain and simple. i really do. i will wait as long as i have to to be with her. also, i don't go to parties and most 'chicks' aren't what i'm looking for in a girlfriend

 

[madmacks]

whoah, youre a lucky man

 

[chess9]

Loving someone means taking the thorns with the rose.

When you bleed too much from the thorns, you'll move on.

 

[madmacks]

going out online for 9 months? HAHAHAHAHAHA

i thought you were serious too!! youre not are you?

 

[skull]

If you havn't heard it enough already...whats the problem. Ask her for some pics.

Why do you want an internet realationship when your in HS anyway? It will never work.

<edit> how do you go out on line anyway?

 

[toph99]

Chess9, thats an interesting way of putting it. did you make that up? i'll have to remember it

and as for the rest of you who said it wouldn't work out, it has for 9 months, so why not for another 9? plus, just because i'm in hs doesn't mean that it's any different then if i were in university, or in a steady job

 

[Mrs AntiSocial Virge]

My husband and I met online. He lived in Canada and I lived in Ohio. I was 21 and he was 26 (so we were quite a but older than you two are). It was only the third relationship I had ever been in. It was EXTREMELY hard for the two of us to date that long (we were married almost 2 years later) only seeing each other three times in 2 years. I'm drifiting away from the point, I suppose, but you are young, and so is she. Maybe she's been curious, maybe she's had strong feelings in &quot;that&quot; direction. I know what it's like and all I can say is that while it is a betrayal of trust, she needs to find out if those feelings are what she wants. Does it suck for you? Sure it does, but in the long run, she needs to find out what her feelings are. Now, if this was just a stupid &quot;truth or dare&quot; kind of thing (and since you didn't elaborate what the fooling around was, I have no idea how into it they got), I wouldn't worry about it too much, girls sometimes do that sort of thing (so I've heard *L*). Just be open about talking about it with her.

 

[madmacks]

actually, i have had an internet relationship too. me and the anandtech forums have been &quot;gettin it on&quot; for about 6 months now. i think shes cheating on me with over 4000 users. damn.. that slut

 

[toph99]

Mrs AntiSocial Virge,
thanks for your input at least someone on here doesn't think i'm COMPLETELY insane