I know this sounds stupid, but anyone here good at proofreading essays?

[RbSX]

Yeah yeah, I have to hand in an essay about some stupid book I read. Not finished of course but I was wondering if u guys can edit this and perhaps if u can, Identify the thesis! Gramaar, spelling its all the same! Help please.


As we age, we are able to cope with more stressful and difficult situations, but there are always a few people that exceed the standards. Not because they are special, but they are thrust into situations where they are forced to rise to the occasion or fail. Eddy Polinski from the novel, is faced with that predicament; his life has been turned upside down. His buisness has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and his life is buried neck high in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude. If he can undermine the master plans of this conspiracy, and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament. If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success but he will be a hero. 120

Victim of a scheme masterminded by experienced criminals, Eddy experiences the essence of the line "lick'em or join'em". During his crusade against these reckless criminals, he is convinced to abide the law, but soon he realizes his pursuit of these criminals will end up fruitless unless he chooses to play by the their rules.

"I'm Honored Jan," said Eddy,"I didn't realize I was so important. I feel like a dissident being shot by Uncle Joe Stalin in person, and I won't take your job, I'm not half as desperate as you think I am. Actually I'm going to play your game." 90

In a meeting with Jans Pienaar, a diamond cartel leader, Eddy avidly describes that he has no intent on surrendering to him or his friends who have drawn him into this immoral conspiracy.Trading in old favours and paying large amounts of money to certain people Eddy adapts to the criminal way of life very well.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Ok, I gave it a shot. The changes are just suggestions. gl on your essay.

Everyone learns to handle stressful and difficult situations in life, but some people far exceed others in this ability. Not because they are special, but because they are thrust into those situations where they are forced to confront the problem (rise to the occasion=cliche). Eddy Polinski, from John Doe's Title, is faced with that predicament; his life has been turned upside down. His buisness has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and his life is buried neck high in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude. He must undermine the master plans of this conspiracy and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament. If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success but he will be a hero (why will he be a success?). 120

The victim of a scheme masterminded by experienced criminals, Eddy realizes that he must "lick'em or join'em" as so-and-so says. During his crusade against these reckless criminals, he is convinced to abide the law, but soon realizes that his pursuit of these criminals will end up fruitless unless he chooses to play by the their rules.

"I'm Honored Jan," said Eddy,"I didn't realize I was so important. I feel like a dissident being shot by Uncle Joe Stalin in person, and I won't take your job, I'm not half as desperate as you think I am. Actually I'm going to play your game." 90

In a meeting with Jans Pienaar, a diamond cartel leader, Eddy avidly describes (declares may be a better word) that he has no intention of surrendering to him or his friends who have drawn him into this immoral conspiracy. Through trading in old favours and paying large amounts of money to certain people (what do these things have to do with adapting to criminal life?), Eddy adapts to the criminal way of life very well.

 

[BigNeko]

As we age, we are able to cope with more stressful and difficult situations. However, there are always a few people that exceed the standards; not because they are special, it is because they are thrust into situations where they are forced to rise to the occasion or fail. Eddy Polinski is thrust into just such a situation. Eddy`s life has been turned upside down: his business has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and his life is buried neck deep in a conspiracy of surprisingly great magnitude. Can he undermine the master plans of this conspiracy and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament? If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success, but he will be a hero as well. 120

Victim of a scheme masterminded by experienced criminals, Eddy experiences the essence of the line "lick'em or join'em". During his crusade against these reckless criminals, he is convinced to abide the law, but soon he realizes his pursuit of these criminals will end up fruitless unless he chooses to play by the their rules.

"I'm honored Jan," said Eddy,"I didn't realize I was so important. I feel like a dissident being shot by Uncle Joe Stalin in person, and I won't take your job, I'm not half as desperate as you think I am. Actually I'm going to play your game." 90

In a meeting with Jans Pienaar, a diamond cartel leader, Eddy avidly describes that he has no intent on surrendering to Jans or his friends, who have drawn him into this immoral conspiracy.Trading in old favours and paying large amounts of money to certain people, Eddy adapts to the criminal way of life very well.

Second paragraph needs to be more specific. What kind of scheme? What experienced crimanals? WHat crusade? Who convinces him to abide by the law?Why does he realize his pursuit of criminals is fruitless?

 

[lawaris]

<< Ok, I gave it a shot. The changes are just suggestions. gl on your essay.

Everyone learns to handle stressful and difficult situations in life, but some people far exceed others in this ability. Not because they are special, but because they are thrust into those situations where they are forced to confront the problem (rise to the occasion=cliche). Eddy Polinski, from John Doe's Title, is faced with that predicament; his life has been turned upside down. His buisness has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and his life is buried neck high in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude. He must undermine the master plans of this conspiracy and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament. If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success but he will be a hero (why will he be a success?). 120
>>



I can understand why he will be a success.....but why a hero ??

 

[RbSX]

Don't ask me it was just the easiest thing on the list of essay topics LOL, a hero because he locked up a bunch of bastards before they could scam the world? I dunno

 

[b0mbrman]

I'm actually pretty good at proofreading essays....

 

[RbSX]

Final Copy -- Handed in tommorow

As we age, we are able to cope with more stressful and difficult situations, but there are always a few people that exceed the standards. Not because they are special, but they are thrust into situations where they are forced to rise to the occasion or fail. Eddy Polinski from the novel, is faced with that predicament; his life has been turned upside down. His buisness has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and his life is buried neck high in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude. If he can undermine the master plans of this conspiracy, and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament. If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success but he will be a hero.

Victim of a scheme masterminded by experienced criminals, Eddy experiences the essence of the line "lick'em or join'em". During his crusade against these reckless criminals, he is resolves to maintain his respectable position in society and abide the law. Yet soon he realizes his pursuit of these criminals will end up fruitless unless he chooses to play by the their rules.

"I'm honored Jan," said Eddy,"I didn't realize I was so important. I feel like a dissident being shot by Uncle Joe Stalin in person, and I won't take your job, I'm not half as desperate as you think I am. Actually I'm going to play your game."

In a meeting with Jans Pienaar, one of the masterminds behind this conspiracy, Eddy avidly declares that he has no intent on surrendering to him or his friends who have drawn him into this immoral conspiracy, if anything he plans to fight these guys until they are either dead, or in jail. Eddy's stone hard determination is a sentiment to those who want to achieve a goal in life. Using the tactics commonly excersize by expreienced criminals, Eddy successfully undermines the plot of experienced criminal masterminds, and emerges as a hero.

When Eddy is unwillingly placed into a foreign situation, he reconizes the fact that change is neccessary. The most famous example of such a claim is Darwins Theory of Evolution, where he states that only those who adapt to conditions around them will survive. Recognizing obeying the law only hinders his effort to capture those who turned his life upside down, he employs the tactics of his foes and topples them and puts them in jail.

 

[Evadman]

Book name please?

 

[superkeith]

<< If he can undermine the master plans of this conspiracy, and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament. >>



i don't think this is a complete sentence.

 

[b0mbrman]

As we age, we learn to cope with increasingly difficult, stressful situations, but there are always a few people that exceed the standards. It's not because they are special, but because they are thrust into situations where they are forced to rise to the occasion. Eddy Polinski from INSERT NAME OF NOVEL is faced with such a predicament from which his life has been turned upside down. His business has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and he is buried neck-deep in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude. If he can undermine the<U> </U>conspiracy, and extract himself from his life-wrecking predicament. If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success but he will be a hero. 120

Victim of a scheme masterminded by experienced criminals, Eddy experiences the essence of the line "lick'em or join'em" DO YOU NEED THIS PHRASE?. He begins his crusade against these reckless RUTHLESS IS PROBABLY THE WORD YOU WANT criminals staying within the boundaries of the law, but soon realizes his pursuit of these criminals will end up fruitless unless he plays by their rules.

In a meeting with Jans Pienaar, a diamond cartel-leader, Eddy ferociously declares that he has no desire to surrender to him or his friends who have drawn him into this immoralNOT THE BEST WORD conspiracy.

"I'm Honored JanDO YOU MEAN JANS?," said Eddy," I didn't realize I was so important. I feel like a dissident being shot by Uncle Joe Stalin in person, and I won't take your job, I'm not half as desperate as you think I am. Actually I'm going to play your game." 90

Trading in old favours and paying large amounts of money to certain people, Eddy adapts to the criminal way of life very well.

 

[superkeith]

wow...b0mbrman is really good at proofreading.

may be too advanced for high school though

 

[DaveJ]

"Eddy Polinski from INSERT NAME OF NOVEL faces such a predicament. His life has been turned upside down, his business has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and he is buried neck-deep in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude."

I like this wording better than your original sentence... avoid the passive voice if you can...

Dave

 

[AreaCode707]

Everyone's covered most of it, but see the part in bold. If he can, then what? That's a fragment.



<< Yeah yeah, I have to hand in an essay about some stupid book I read. Not finished of course but I was wondering if u guys can edit this and perhaps if u can, Identify the thesis! Gramaar, spelling its all the same! Help please.


As we age, we are able to cope with more stressful and difficult situations, but there are always a few people that exceed the standards. Not because they are special, but they are thrust into situations where they are forced to rise to the occasion or fail. Eddy Polinski from the novel, is faced with that predicament; his life has been turned upside down. His buisness has been destroyed, his friends seek to murder him, and his life is buried neck high in a conspiracy of amazing magnitude. If he can undermine the master plans of this conspiracy, and extract himself from his life wrecking predicament. If he can accomplish this, not only will he be a success but he will be a hero. 120

Victim of a scheme masterminded by experienced criminals, Eddy experiences the essence of the line "lick'em or join'em". During his crusade against these reckless criminals, he is convinced to abide the law, but soon he realizes his pursuit of these criminals will end up fruitless unless he chooses to play by the their rules.

"I'm Honored Jan," said Eddy,"I didn't realize I was so important. I feel like a dissident being shot by Uncle Joe Stalin in person, and I won't take your job, I'm not half as desperate as you think I am. Actually I'm going to play your game." 90

In a meeting with Jans Pienaar, a diamond cartel leader, Eddy avidly describes that he has no intent on surrendering to him or his friends who have drawn him into this immoral conspiracy.Trading in old favours and paying large amounts of money to certain people Eddy adapts to the criminal way of life very well. >>

 

[MisterPants]

Don't worry about being "too advanced" for High School. If you replace your words with those offered by forum members, worry about sounding too advanced in comparison to your other writings. I'm sure many excellent writers reached a level of proficiency higher than that of most college graduates early in high school. There are major differences in writing skill at a high school level between members of a class, primarily because writing is an acquired skill rather than one that can be easily taught and mastered.

 

[Evadman]

writing is an acquired skill rather than one that can be easily taught and mastered.

Exactly. That's why I suck so much and I had 4 years of Honors English in High school.