I need $1,000,000.00 in 30 days......No, seriously...

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ichy

Diamond Member
Oct 5, 2006
6,940
8
81
Also, just because cancer isn't curable doesn't mean that treatment can't buy her some time. I'd be willing to endure some chemotherapy if it meant living for three more years rather than three more months.

Clinical trials are also worth considering. Realistically it's very unlikely that a trial will save her, but it might buy some more time/quality of life.
 

Blieb

Diamond Member
Apr 17, 2000
3,475
0
76
Very sorry to hear about your friend.

Sounds like they are late in detection (stage IV), but just now learning about / evaluating her case. She will weigh all the options ... I am mixed on going through whatever-it-takes-treatment vs spending remaining quality time as I choose. The actual treatment can be what ultimately takes away quality of life and root cause of passing.

Reminds me of this article:
http://zocalopublicsquare.org/thepublicsquare/2011/11/30/how-doctors-die/read/nexus/

The article was linked from Bogleheads.org:
http://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=86771
 

RadiclDreamer

Diamond Member
Aug 8, 2004
8,622
40
91
Reading this thread has shown me we have some of the most heartless trolls imaginable here on AT, honestly it makes me embarrassed to be a member. This guy comes here asking for help and all you all just MF the guy left and right. Grow up and have some sympathy for a guy trying to help someone.
 

masterxfob

Diamond Member
May 20, 2001
7,366
3
81
Is she special in some way?

Are you sure her life is worth $1M? Someone has to toil long and hard to make that kind of money.

Hmm. $1M is a lot of money. But, it's not enough to be a definite "no" for a normal person's life (if such a cost is unlikely). 37 YO means 28 years left till retirement?

This is why you need proper insurances (or a proper insurance system), so everyone can decide how high they value their life beforehand.

edit: Let me ask you a question, what if it was a below average person (in regards to skill/ability/"output") and $10M?

edit2: Minimum wage is $7.25.

$1M / ($7.25/h) = ~137931h = ~15.7 years

But people don't work 24h/day, so at 10 hours per day that would be ~37.8 years during which someone has to toil 10h/day every day (at minimum wage).

Not to mention the opportunity cost.

karma is a bitch
 

TheVrolok

Lifer
Dec 11, 2000
24,254
4,077
136
Reading this thread has shown me we have some of the most heartless trolls imaginable here on AT, honestly it makes me embarrassed to be a member. This guy comes here asking for help and all you all just MF the guy left and right. Grow up and have some sympathy for a guy trying to help someone.

MF the guy? I think many people here are actually being genuinely helpful. Sure there are some trolls, but overall I think AT is doing well.
 

BoomerD

No Lifer
Feb 26, 2006
63,411
11,752
136
Reading this thread has shown me we have some of the most heartless trolls imaginable here on AT, honestly it makes me embarrassed to be a member. This guy comes here asking for help and all you all just MF the guy left and right. Grow up and have some sympathy for a guy trying to help someone.

Embarrassed? Because people are trying to open his eyes about the reality of the situation?
No one that I was was "MF'ing" the guy...merely explaining how dismal her chances are.
As others have pointed out, his time might be better spent getting her to explain to her kids what was going on...and MAYBE trying to raise money to help them.
 

MrMuppet

Senior member
Jun 26, 2012
474
0
0
karma is a bitch
life is a bitch

You need to choose your battles wisely. And cut your losses sometimes. That's all.

edit: If it's about the condolences and children, that is all true, but it's been said many times over already. It would be redundant at this point and seem a bit forced imo.

If you truly believe in karma, she may well be at risk of accumulating an insurmountable karmic debt. Unless she is special in some way, justifying the investment.
 
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midwestfisherman

Diamond Member
Dec 6, 2003
3,564
8
81
In 2007, my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She had a tumor on her spine which wrapped around her nerves coming out of the spine at L3/L4. In addition, the tumor went into the bone at that spot. The doctors did not give much hope. She went forward with the treatment which consisted of radiation and two types of chemo. It took 2+ years of treatment but, she pulled through and is officially in remission as of Jan 2011. It was a tough road for her and our family but, I would not change a thing. I'm thankful to have her still here with us and she is thankful to be here.

Life is precious, there's no price that you can put on it. To those who have posted your cold hearted criticism of the OP. You have no place to comment until you've been in the shoes of someone who has this horrible disease. It affects them, their family, and friends. At one point the doctors had written my wife off due to her condition being so dire at that point BUT, they did not give up and my wife did not give up!

OP whatever you decide to do in helping your friend it will be greatly appreciated. Please continue to post here as I would like to contribute to help your friend. I know, despite all of the negative posts, there are many here who would like to help as well.
 
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Jaskalas

Lifer
Jun 23, 2004
33,584
7,645
136
In 2007, my wife was diagnosed...
...she pulled through and is officially in remission as of Jan 2011.
...

I'm floored that something that late term isn't a guaranteed sentence. We hear a lot about the victims who don't make it, I fear we know nothing of those who do.

Thank you for sharing your story, it changes things to think it's not already a foregone conclusion, and the public in general needs to learn a lot more about cancer survivors.
 

Wreckem

Diamond Member
Sep 23, 2006
9,459
987
126
I'm floored that something that late term isn't a guaranteed sentence. We hear a lot about the victims who don't make it, I fear we know nothing of those who do.

Thank you for sharing your story, it changes things to think it's not already a foregone conclusion, and the public in general needs to learn a lot more about cancer survivors.

Different cancers act entirely different.

In terms of NHL, age plays a bigger role than stage.

I knew someone in their late 60s that died in less than 1 year with stage 1 NHL, but its not uncommon for younger people with stage 4 to live well past 5 years.

NHL prognoses aren't nearly as bad as colorectal cancer. I mean you are comparing a ~33% survival rate to a ~6% survival rate.
 
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TheVrolok

Lifer
Dec 11, 2000
24,254
4,077
136
Different cancers act entirely different.

In terms of NHL, age plays a bigger role than stage.

I knew someone in their late 60s that died in less than 1 year with stage 1 NHL, but its not uncommon for younger people with stage 4 to live well past 5 years.

NHL prognoses aren't nearly as bad as colorectal cancer. I mean you are comparing a ~33% survival rate to a ~6% survival rate.

Was going to post this, but I see there's no need. In response to midwestfisherman, I'm absolutely thrilled that his wife had such an excellent course and is doing well now. I just think he's misinterpreting some of the posts here a bit. Arguing against a 1,000,000 dollar "special treatment" is not that same as arguing against the validity/quality of life. As Wreckem nicely stated, cancer is highly, highly variable and the situation for MWF's wife will, highly likely, not resemble the situation for the OP's friend. Being honest about a prognosis and a bit more realistic about treatment is very important. Now, at 37 I think aggressive treatment is still the appropriate choice, but one must be prepared for the (very likely) reality that it will fail.
 

Kyle

Diamond Member
Oct 14, 1999
4,145
11
91
The point that people are missing is that if she has insurance (which she apparently does) then there are treatments that they will cover. There is nothing magical about Cancer Treatment Centers of America. They are a money-making operation, not a cutting edge medical research institution.

...no one missed that- it's been brought up many times in the thread.

OP- very sorry for your situation- I've gone through similar situations a couple times, unfortunately w/ no good outcomes.
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,472
867
126
It hurts, I hurt for your friend, I hurt for Tami and her family. I have a 14yo daughter of my own and would be completely wrecked in the same situation.

Tom, my wife's friend's (Tami's) husband.. I couldn't begin to stand in his shoes if it were my own wife. I'd loose my mind. I'm torn up by this bad enough as it is NOT being my own immediate family.

I've seen my grandmother go though treatment and come out the other end OK. It's just like.. damn.. this fucking disease.. it effects so many people and so many of us all have the same story.

it saddens me.. truly makes me want to vomit.

I feel for you. I was in shock when I heard about my friend's son. He is one of my best friends and I've known him for almost 20 years. He and his wife are just completely devastated. I'm going to the services this Saturday for his boy. :'(
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
110,810
29,564
146
This is the cancer that took my brother at the age of 34 (his son was 3 at the time). The progression is quite similar.

hate to say it OP, but those chances are grim. My bro was a physician, too, and explored all options (he was quite involved in such research as well). To say that he received the best treatment available, with the best minds at the time...is an understatement.

--All I'm saying is, I really don't think American Cancer Center has developed a procedure within 3 years that is, essentially, magic, compared to what was then available.

GL to your friend and her family.

 

Madwand1

Diamond Member
Jan 23, 2006
3,309
0
76
In 2007, my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She had a tumor on her spine which wrapped around her nerves coming out of the spine at L3/L4. In addition, the tumor went into the bone at that spot. The doctors did not give much hope. She went forward with the treatment which consisted of radiation and two types of chemo. It took 2+ years of treatment but, she pulled through and is officially in remission as of Jan 2011.

Congratulations, and best wishes for you and your wife.

Not only the stage and type of cancer matters, but very much so the degree and nature of spread. The OP wrote "spread to her lungs, liver, uterus, and pelvic bones" -- to treat that could require 4 different surgical procedures, each with their own scheduling and recovery period during which there would be suffering, chance of complications, and time off chemo, which would allow it to spread further to different locations. The probability of cure goes down with every affected organ, to the point where the doctors consider it irresponsible to put the patient through surgery for the little remaining chance of cure.

She is relatively young, and especially if otherwise in good health, deserves a chance at the best fight possible. But doctors in such cases often determine that the best medical fight possible here and now is simply to prolong life using chemo, with some ongoing reappraisal and adjustment.

But as other have said, participation in the development of new medical treatments might be the basis for some more hope.
E.g. http://www.oncolyticsbiotech.com/clinical-trials
 

ShreddedWheat

Senior member
Apr 3, 2006
386
0
0
Best of luck! I lost my mom 3 months ago to stage 4 colon cancer. After surgery she was to weak to get strong enough for chemo. She lived for about 3 months after finding out about it. I deal with the pain of losing her everyday, thoughts with you....
 

HNNstyle

Senior member
Oct 6, 2011
469
0
0
Why do you feel Cancer Treatment Centers of America is the best option? Aren't there other options that would take your insurance?
 

JoLLyRoGer

Diamond Member
Aug 24, 2000
4,154
4
81
Why do you feel Cancer Treatment Centers of America is the best option? Aren't there other options that would take your insurance?

It was based a lot on my Tami's wishes plus my wife's interviewing different places for treatment and their approach to the topic. She's been an RN for several years going to school to be an NP, but she will even admit that cancer studies isn't her strongest area, but from the line of questions they seemed like they had a top notch approach.

A secondary reason was that it's located in Glendale, AZ and she has family nearby.

I read a rather enlightening article regarding CTCA that someone else had posted in this thread and perhaps they're not as all cracked up as they would like you to believe. Who knows. I'm sure they do a good job of treatment just like may other places do.

That much said I feel as though I owe everyone a few updates so here goes:

They (Tami and Tom) have decided to pursue treatment at Moore's Cancer Center at UCSD. It's close enough to where they live that he can get her too and fro without a ton of impact on his work and it keeps the kids close by. A very good friend of Tom's who is an oncologist said that's where he would go if it was his wife so they feel it's the best decision.

It also works out because it's going to be covered by their insurance (fucking HMO plans...) but he's already got a case worked assigned from the insurance company to handle it all so from here it's just game on.

So at this point $1,000,000.00 is hardly necessary but at the time I made that original post that was where her heart was set to go and so that's where my heart was with the intent. BTW, FWIW, I wasn't asking the people on this forum board to come up with $1M. The intent was just to seek advise on how to raise that kind of money in a short amount of time. On the other hand, they've still come out of pocket around $35,000.00 already so the family is grateful for any and all donations to help offset the cost of treatment.



Updates on Tami... it's not looking good from a prognosis point of view. They've officially classified her as Stage IVb. The cancer is inoperable - 35 lesions on her liver, one spot in her left lung, and the cancer in her colon has closed the passage down to that the size of a dime. A liver resection to take care of those tumors is not an option on the table at this point.

What she does have going for her is a fighter's spirit, she's relatively young, very active, and was otherwise in good health.

I just really hurt for her and her family. Especially the kids. But she's gonna fight and I pray she comes out the other side of it.




It's been asked by a few in this thread that "what makes her so special?..."

I'll tell you all something special about Tami. Everyone is special in their own right. Here is what I love about Tami. Have you ever met someone that just makes you feel so good to be around? It's like her personality is infectious and everyone who has the chance to be around her is better for it. She's never had it easy even growing up but is just so positive about everything. It makes me wonder why can't I be more like that.

She laughs so easily and finds humor in the smallest of things and it's not just some fake laugh. It's that genuine "belly-laugh" that brings tears and you just can't help but laugh too when you're with her. She's a bit of a goofball and says silly things that just crack you up. But that's just beginning to scratch the surface.

Tami is a listener too. She's just so genuinely interested in everyone around her. You talk to some people and they just nod and do the uh-huh thing but they're really not listening. Tami always takes an interest and asks questions where it's obvious that she's really engaged in what you have to say. That's rare; and it's not just part of the time, it's all of the time with her.

She's creative too. A masterful pianist. Always can come up with something to get out and do. The last time she visited our house she showed up early and my wife was working a 12hr shift that day. Before I even got home from work, Tami had gone to the store, picked up a few groceries, and helped herself to our kitchen, cooked up some eggs, made some egg salad sandwiches and packed them in a cooler with some sodas and chips. I arrived home from work about the same time my own kids were getting home from school and instead of waiting around on the clock until my wife got home, her idea was to go explore some nearby rock formations. So we threw the kids in the car and we all went. I'm not the real big outdoors type so that would have never occurred to me but it wound up being one of the most pleasant afternoons I can remember.

The thing with her is she just loves to live and laugh and go easy. She loves life. Finds the up-shot in anything. Everything she's faced I've never seen any of it get her down. In fact just last weekend visiting her in the hospital ,... here she is in all this pain and suffering cracking jokes and making fun of herself. Apparently the nurses at the hospital were pushing too much IV fluid so her face got all puffy because of it. She was looking at herself in a little compact mirror laughing out loud and taking pictures with her phone! Talking about being layed up after her "so-called" amateur MMA debut!

Special? Indeed she is...
In the bitter place this world can be, it's rare to find people like her. They're out there, but just not a much as they should be. She definitely walks to her own beat and is a real breath of fresh air to be around. To quote some cheesy line from a movie I can't remember the name of.. "She's a positive force in the Universe."
 
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ichy

Diamond Member
Oct 5, 2006
6,940
8
81
OP:

One bit of advice for your friend, if she wants a second opinion she might want to check out UCLA medical center. They're one of the country's top 10 cancer centers, and while that doesn't mean they have some magic you can't get anywhere else it might be worth just getting another opinion from a doctor there. UCSF and Stanford Medical Center are top-tier as well, although it sounds like they're a little further away.

I've never been close to anyone with a disease like your friend has, but someone else I knew who was seriously ill once said that you have to be an advocate for yourself. Ask for second and third opinions and experimental treatment options, don't just accept what one doctor says. There are clinical trials out there for new treatments (it's not like colon cancer is a rare disease) and while they're unlikely to deliver a miracle it sounds like your friend wants to give it her all.
 
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