I need $1,000,000.00 in 30 days......No, seriously...

[jhu]

Sucks about your friend. Honestly, the best use of that money would be for her to enjoy the rest of her life, secure the children (who also need genetic testing and maybe colectomies in the future).

 

[JoLLyRoGer]

One of my best friends lost his 14 year old son last week... maybe we could have him adopt the daughters of your wife's friend?

It hurts, I hurt for your friend, I hurt for Tami and her family. I have a 14yo daughter of my own and would be completely wrecked in the same situation.

Tom, my wife's friend's (Tami's) husband.. I couldn't begin to stand in his shoes if it were my own wife. I'd loose my mind. I'm torn up by this bad enough as it is NOT being my own immediate family.

I've seen my grandmother go though treatment and come out the other end OK. It's just like.. damn.. this fucking disease.. it effects so many people and so many of us all have the same story.

it saddens me.. truly makes me want to vomit.

 

[Corporate Thug]

Not just saying this:

Go to a country with universal health care, Canada, the UK etc.

Don't you have to establish some sort of citizenship? I don't know how it works but I would imagine I just can't hop over to the Canadian border on a random weekend and get a bypass surgery.

 

[JoLLyRoGer]

Thank you to everyone for the advise, opinions, sharing your stories, and just general support. I have to leave now but I will check back in later.

 

[nanette1985]

I have Lupus - last christmas I ended up in the ER in a coma. Docs said I needed brain surgery to see what was going on. I have a lupus support group - they have connections to donors - and found someone who donated the $$ for the surgery. This probably won't help you but, you asked how to find the people that donate for medical issues. This is how I found them.

Best. My father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He was at Cleveland Clinic. My mom signed him up to test an experimental treatment - which is how they were able to pay some of his bills. Alas, the treatment wasn't successful - but he still had a crapload of bills.

 

[Red Squirrel]

That sucks.

Another reason I like our system better, at least if you have cancer you don't have to worry about the financial part of it. The cancer itself is a burden enough on it's own.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Sorry to hear this.

But having watched my mom go through much more mild cancer treatment, sometimes hospice is the answer.

The only person to decide this is the woman with cancer. But she should reconisder. I don't know what her odds are but they seem astronomical given all that is wrong at this point. Cancer treatment will kick her in the ass.

A woman in my town with triplets (4 years old at hte time maybe) went through this several years ago. She decided to dedicate her remaining time to her kids. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/bo...px?n=katherine-a-jacaruso-healy&pid=127283604

 

[jagec]

Sorry to hear this.

But having watched my mom go through much more mild cancer treatment, sometimes hospice is the answer.

The only person to decide this is the woman with cancer. But she should reconisder. I don't know what her odds are but they seem astronomical given all that is wrong at this point. Cancer treatment will kick her in the ass.

Yes, it's a very, VERY personal decision, but people should go into it with both eyes open. If you sign up for the full marathon of chemo, radiation, surgery etc. because you want to enjoy every last moment of life that you have, however painful it may be, great. But if you're talking about someone who has been conditioned by a lifetime of TV to believe that they can beat the odds if they just TRY hard enough? Well, statistics is a harsh mistress.

Point, counterpoint.

 

[ichy]

Whoa, I think that it's a bit premature to tell her to just give up, but I'd be curious about what specific treatment Cancer Treatment Centers of America has that would give her her "best shot?"

From what I understand they charge a lot of money to make the hospital experience less unpleasant and to promote some BS "complementary" medicine, but there's nothing special about their actual treatments. If they really do offer a treatment that greatly improves her chances she'd be better off finding another hospital that also offers that treatment and accepts her insurance.

 

[SandEagle]

indiegogo.com maybe?

good luck to her. f cancer

 

[ichy]

Ok yeah, my skepticism of Cancer Treatment Centers of America wasn't baseless:

http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2010/07/26/cancer-treatment-centers-of-america-natu/

They don't take a lot of types of insurance because they're a for profit institution whose main goal is to get lots of money out of their patients. I've also never heard of them being behind any kind of major clinical trial or significant treatment breakthrough.

 

[HAL9000]

Don't you have to establish some sort of citizenship? I don't know how it works but I would imagine I just can't hop over to the Canadian border on a random weekend and get a bypass surgery.

I'm not entirely sure in all honesty, but for $1,000,000 it would be wort looking into...

 

[TheVrolok]

Statistically though? The 5 year survival rate of metastatic stage IV colon cancer is 6-10% depending on who you quote. But within that statistic, I guess one could argue the realistic chance of survival was 100% for that 1 in 10 person.

The most important prognostic indicator for colon cancer is stage at diagnosis. If she's stage 4 at diagnosis, her 5 year survival is actually closer to 5.7% (this is 2010 AJCC SEER data). I'm not trying to be a downer here, but I'm trying to provide a slightly more accurate expectation. Unfortunately, it is exceedingly unlikely she is that 5.7%. Is 1,000,000 dollars worth spending on a treatment that may not even give her that 5.7% chance? As hard as it is to say, I think it may not be. That said, if she can come up with a million dollars without negatively negatively impacting the lives of others, I suppose she's entitled to give it a shot.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about the diagnosis, and hope for the best of a bad situation regardless of the treatment decision.

 

[Fenixgoon]

best of luck to you, her family and friends.

my mom had leukemia and she fought the good fight. we were with her at the end. sometimes all you can do is make someone comfortable to the end, as hard as it may be to let go. at the time i think it was just me and maybe my sister with my mom, and she told me she didn't want anything crazy done - she'd rather just be comfortable. christ that was rough. and when i said goodbye i bawled. i don't know how my dad stayed even remotely coherent. miss you mom

 

[Madwand1]

Tom, my wife's friend's (Tami's) husband.. I couldn't begin to stand in his shoes if it were my own wife. I'd loose my mind. I'm torn up by this bad enough as it is NOT being my own immediate family.

First, condolences for the circumstances and how it makes you and others affected feel.

Second though, consider that freaking out is exactly what a father cannot afford to do in this situation. Tom's faced with being a single parent raising two daughters, after losing his wife. And what if something happens to him? What if he's unable to work? In the meantime, how will he look after his sick wife, suffering children and work well enough to pay the bills? It's good that they had kids relatively early; that their kids are able to look after themselves for the most part, but beyond that the outlook is not of the life and happiness he would have expected.

He also needs to be very responsible about finances and not go chasing after fantasy cures somewhat scientific and otherwise that thousands are hawking for the right price. I think the standard treatment in Canada for such a case would be chemo, as it would be in the US. If money could buy it; if there was much better treatment leading to cures, Jobs and many others would still be alive, and they would be handing out Nobel prizes.

I suggest, respectfully: Try not to inject more drama into the situation. The family has enough of their own, and it's difficult for them to deal with the emotional trouble of their extended family and friends. Give them peace and optimism if you can, and don't give them feelings of desperation and faint hopes which come at great cost.

I don't like mentioning this, but it would also be responsible for the father to know that children should be screened for similar illnesses, as a rule around 10 years earlier than the age of diagnosis of the parent. We can hope though that of the many people suffering with cancer and its treatments these days, and of the many who live in fear of having a fate similar to their parents or other relatives, that some will live to see better understanding, treatments, and better, earlier detection be developed.

 

[drebo]

I've got some magic beans I'll sell her for $20k. They'll have about as much chance of working.

The margin of error in these estimates of survivability are huge, and the chance of survival is likely only slightly outside of the margin of error. It's probably mostly through dumb luck or some sort of genetic mutation that those people survived.

I hate to seem inhumane, but I wouldn't donate to this cause. I would, however, donate to a trust set up in the children's names meant to pay for any future education or rent.

Pragmatism really is the best course of action for all involved here. Could she recover? Sure. But she'd have just as much chance at a hospital that wouldn't forever financially ruin her family as she would at this other commercial hospital. Fight it, but fight it responsibly and unselfishly.

 

[Chrono]

I'm sorry to hear. Lost my Grandma/Uncle to cancer fairly recently... *cries*

 

[NoReMoRsE]

My condolences to you. As others have alluded to, her estimated life expectancy is likely around 6 months. Even with the best chemo, you'd elongate that to 9 months, but it would likely be very poor-quality life filled with multiple side effects from chemo. Your best bet is good palliative care, which is available free in Canada. I agree with others that focusing on raising money for the kids is the best bet, and I'm sure the mother would agree with that.

 

[MrMuppet]

Is she special in some way?

Are you sure her life is worth $1M? Someone has to toil long and hard to make that kind of money.

Hmm. $1M is a lot of money. But, it's not enough to be a definite "no" for a normal person's life (if such a cost is unlikely). 37 YO means 28 years left till retirement?

This is why you need proper insurances (or a proper insurance system), so everyone can decide how high they value their life beforehand.

edit: Let me ask you a question, what if it was a below average person (in regards to skill/ability/"output") and $10M?

edit2: Minimum wage is $7.25.

$1M / ($7.25/h) = ~137931h = ~15.7 years

But people don't work 24h/day, so at 10 hours per day that would be ~37.8 years during which someone has to toil 10h/day every day (at minimum wage).

Not to mention the opportunity cost.

 

[dabuddha]

Sucks about your friend. Honestly, the best use of that money would be for her to enjoy the rest of her life, secure the children (who also need genetic testing and maybe colectomies in the future).

This.

 

[boomerang]

I guess my only question is..."Why do YOU need one million dollars?"

Perhaps your wife's friend does...but why is it your job to deal with this for her?

If it was your wife, I could understand.

BTW, FUCK CANCER...it's not bad enough that it makes you sick and kills you, it also makes people spend every fucking dime they have chasing a cure...they get chemo, radiation, take pills, have what little life they have degraded severely, spend months sick as hell from the treatment...and in the end, they still die from cancer.

With only a few exceptions, once you're diagnosed with cancer...you're gonna die from cancer...especially if it's metastasized...that is a death sentence.

Had a guy I worked with get diagnosed with terminal cancer. He went home after the Doctor's appointment, got his shotgun, went out into the woods behind his house and blew his head off.

Some see that as weakness, I see that as pure strength. The best thing about the whole situation is that he fucked the medical community out of a whole lot of money that would have still resulted in a corpse.

RIP Mike!

 

[ichy]

The point that people are missing is that if she has insurance (which she apparently does) then there are treatments that they will cover. There is nothing magical about Cancer Treatment Centers of America. They are a money-making operation, not a cutting edge medical research institution.

 

[artvscommerce]

Ok yeah, my skepticism of Cancer Treatment Centers of America wasn't baseless:

http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2010/07/26/cancer-treatment-centers-of-america-natu/

They don't take a lot of types of insurance because they're a for profit institution whose main goal is to get lots of money out of their patients. I've also never heard of them being behind any kind of major clinical trial or significant treatment breakthrough.

Thank you very much for linking that article. I am very familiar with Orac and I had no idea CTCA was such a scam. I really hope the OP reads this article and passes it along to his wifes friend. Orac definitely knows what he's talking about and has brought up some excellent points.

 

[Sheep]

Statistically though? The 5 year survival rate of metastatic stage IV colon cancer is 6-10% depending on who you quote. But within that statistic, I guess one could argue the realistic chance of survival was 100% for that 1 in 10 person.

Unfortunately that's simply not the way statistics work and is a bit misleading when looking at the survival rate among a population of people.

Rather than trying to beat low odds with a likely futile effort to raise a very large amount of money in a very short timeframe, at this point I'd be planning for the well-being of the kids as others have already suggested. No doubt this situation is absolutely horrible. As someone whose mom is a breast cancer survivor, I still can't fully fathom what you're going through but I really do feel for you and everyone involved.

 

[Jaskalas]

Anything that has spread that far has already won.

Tend to her children.