I need some advice

[jonks]

Tell her since she didn't live up to the original contract, you are willing to make a new one. She can get the car if she pays for the other $3000 which she can do with a combination of

a) cash
b) grades (A = $1000, B = $500, etc.)

but the attitude thing needs to be addressed too. But find out what the problem is exactly, if mom said something like "don't date boys" I think a little attitude might be normal

As to you being a father, Chris Rock said it best:

You have ONE job. Keep your daughter off the pole.

 

[sutahz]

As she's giving her mother attitude and so her DMV appointment got canceled doesn't really matter for now. Be strong. Be a parent. She made an agreement and broke it. Withhold the jeep until she fulfills her part of the ageement.
Your her father, not her best friend.

 

[Mxylplyx]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
She doesnt have the jeep ... and has never had it. So that couldnt help her skip school or get bad grades. She would get the jeep when the school year was over and if she met all the requirements of the contract.

Give her the $1K back, and tell her she has violated the contract.

 

[brownzilla786]

grades come first, keys got to go

 

[hiromizu]

At this point who cares about the jeep or the money? It's about bringing (with all due respect and I mean ALL due respect) the girl up to at least sub-par performance standards to get her ready for a decent college education.

 

[BigToque]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
She doesnt have the jeep ... and has never had it. So that couldnt help her skip school or get bad grades. She would get the jeep when the school year was over and if she met all the requirements of the contract.

So is the school year over now? If so, just give her the money back and tell her that until she can come up with the money to buy it on her own or bring her grades back up you won't be helping her out.

 

[rezinn]

If she doesn't even have it yet, don't threaten to take it away. She's got to be ditching school or not participating at all to get Ds - do you know how her attendance is? Working is probably not causing the drop in grades if she even has a D in gym.

 

[Plumcuda1]

Originally posted by: Mxylplyx

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
She doesnt have the jeep ... and has never had it. So that couldnt help her skip school or get bad grades. She would get the jeep when the school year was over and if she met all the requirements of the contract.

Give her the $1K back, and tell her she has violated the contract.

Actually that was told to her when we made the contract. That if she did fail, she would get her money put into a savings account. When in reality I have done that anyways and was going to give it to her on graduation.

 

[allisolm]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
The biggest fear we have is that if I do take the jeep away she will just not try at all .....

She's already not trying at all.

 

[nakedfrog]

Take the Jeep away.
Yeah, she'll tell you she hates you, but don't take it too hard, do you have any idea how many teenagers tell their parents they hate them? They're young and stupid and they'll get over it.

 

[gnumantsc]

To teach her a lesson:

Call the cops on her and say the jeep was stolen and the cops will shitface her and maybe she'll respect her mother as well. She needs discipline.

 

[daveshel]

I wonder about her grade history and the reason she has a D average. This would be the determining factor for me - if it is because of laziness or blowing off classes, no jeep.

 

[waffleironhead]

Seems like she spent too much time working for the money and not enough time cracking the books. Let her know the grades were/are more important.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: rsd
Take away the car until she gets her grades up, seems simple to me.

ditto. ive already had this talk with my 13 yr old, and will yank the keys if her grades drop below a B as well. gotta stay firm on it if you already laid down the law beforehand.

 

[Savij]

You should tell her that for every month that she doesn't have a B average she loses two months of driving the jeep. If she fails to bring her grades up then she loses the jeep.

If she does lose the jeep then give her $1000 worth of Jeep, 4 wheels (taken off the jeep and dropped off at her mothers house). She paid for the $1000 of it, so she gets $1000 of it. She gets the rest when she fulfills the rest of her contract.

I agree she with the poster above, your daughter had to try to grades that bad in highschool. Showing up gets you a D. Just doing homework gets you a C.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
The biggest fear we have is that if I do take the jeep away she will just not try at all .....

Understand that she shouldn't try in school only because of the Jeep. There are a couple hard lessons to be learned here.

1) you can't always expect instant gratification, or a guaranteed reward for hard work. This means doing something you don't want to do, but understanding the value of it, so when an opportunity does come along, you're ready for it.

2) you need to be able to balance your priorities in life. Neglect in one area can affect other areas of you life whether you see a connection or not. I honestly believe today's generation feel they don't have to "pay dues", which in turn leads to laziness and the sense of entitlement everyone here likes to bitch about.

My advice, take the jeep away. That shows that you're a man of your word, and that shes being treated as an adult who entered into the contract. This is how life is, when she graduates, you want her to be prepared to know that no one is going to cut her a break, not a boss, not a bank etc.

However, this does not leave out the possibility of coming up with a new contract as someone suggested. I would wait at least a week before you discuss the possibility of different arrangement, that should give her some time to feel the consequences of her grades, but at the same time show her that you are still a man of reason.

EDIT: Does Summer school offer 2 sessions? Maybe give her a chance to get decent grades the first session, so she can use the car for the second? Regardless, you seem to have the right idea, and don't worry about her "hating" you. I give good parents a 99% chance of hearing that from their kids.

 

[Uppsala9496]

Take the Jeep away.

One of the rules for me in HS was to maintain a B average. I made sure I did in order to have driving privledges. Another rule was get a vehicle violation of any sort, and the privledges went away. At 35 I still have a perfectly clean driving record. That rule really stuck with me.

 

[pstylesss]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1

Originally posted by: Mxylplyx

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
She doesnt have the jeep ... and has never had it. So that couldnt help her skip school or get bad grades. She would get the jeep when the school year was over and if she met all the requirements of the contract.

Give her the $1K back, and tell her she has violated the contract.

Actually that was told to her when we made the contract. That if she did fail, she would get her money put into a savings account. When in reality I have done that anyways and was going to give it to her on graduation.

That's a good thing.

I would talk to her and tell her you are giving her the opportunity to make it right... just like a credit card company does. You miss a payment you pay a late fee... she makes bad grades she pays a late fee... but you didn't address that in your contract, hopefully she won't catch that.

 

[sswingle]

Dont give it to her. If she wants it badly enough she will work harder. We dont need another kid out there thinking they get everything handed to them even if they dont do the work.

 

[theknight571]

A contract is a contract.... "kids" need to learn this too.

I can tell you if my son and I entered a deal like this... he would get nothing but a swift kick in the pants.

 

[sswingle]

Originally posted by: hanoverphist

Originally posted by: rsd
Take away the car until she gets her grades up, seems simple to me.

ditto. ive already had this talk with my 13 yr old, and will yank the keys if her grades drop below a B as well. gotta stay firm on it if you already laid down the law beforehand.

Good lord, where can 13 year olds drive?

 

[sdifox]

here is something you can try. Find an A student in her class with no car. Lend the car to her for x weeks. Pay her for her efforts. That should humiliate your daughter into studying.

 

[Uppsala9496]

Another thought:
How about not having her work so she can spend more time studying? I know a job is important and teaches some lessons school can't, but if it is intereferring with her ability to study, then have her quit.

I wouldn't let her have the car until you have some B average grades in front of you. Giving in now will just make her think that things will always be handed to her.

 

[BudAshes]

It sounds like you pretty much failed her already, just give her the damn jeep and hope she marries rich.

 

[djheater]

Without knowing your daughter it's impossible to say. Could it be you got her involved in a contract she couldn't keep? Is she a B student? Is a B beyond her capabilities for some reason? Are there other mitigating factors that are influencing why she can't maintain that grade?

You should not act without discussing this with her and making very clear your reasons for acting. You should talk with her and come up with a decision together. If this is meant to be a teaching process, then get off your ass and teach. Talk to her, explain your position, here her reasons and opinions and come to a decision.