I need some advice

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1
Okay, heres the deal. Last summer I bought my daughter (15) a jeep wrangler. For the record she lives with her mother 50 miles away. I typed up a contract for her so she would have to "work" for the jeep. I dont think anyone ben efits from having things giving to them. So, The contract was made.

Terms of the contract:
1) Mantain a B grade average the entire school year.
2) get a job when she turns 16 and pay $1000 for the jeep. (for the record the jeep costs 4000)

Thats about it to get the jeep. Once she got it she had other terms .... but those do not matter at this point.

A huge plus for her is that she has paid the $1000 by busing tables all winter.
The HUGE down side is her report card came ..... she has a D average. ( High C average last quarter)

I am really torn as what I should do. Part of me feels that there is no way I can reward her for those grades ... What would that teach her? That she can break a contract and not be punished......

Part of me is proud how well she paid for the jeep.

The contract states that breaking any rule will result in losing the jeep.

I know if I dont give her the jeep she will probably hate me. As it is I only she her about once a month.

I dont have a lot of hands on experience being a father ... since she has always lived with her mother.

My daughter is 16 now ... bring very disrespectful to he rmother. She should have been getting her license this month but her mother canceled her appointment due to her attitude.

Sorry for the rabling ... but I am confused and I wanted to add what I thought was important to this.

Terms of the contract:
1) Mantain a B grade average the entire school year.
2) get a job when she turns 16 and pay $1000 for the jeep. (for the record the jeep costs 4000)

whats there to think???
not only did she not get B avg, her avg actually dropped!

dont give her the car else she's going to learn that the only thing that matters is $.

with a D avg, she aint going far in life using her brains.

Stripper? porn star? drug dealer? anything that brings in lots of cash w/o using brains. ie: her body and/or illegal stuff

be afraid for her future if u cave in and give her the car

 

[Muadib]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1

Originally posted by: Toasthead

Originally posted by: rsd
Take away the car until she gets her grades up, seems simple to me.

thats about your only choice or she will never respect/listen to you again.

Well if I take the jeep away.... its gone... for good.

You then won't be giving her a chance to turn things around. How's that going to help???

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: JEDI
Terms of the contract:
1) Mantain a B grade average the entire school year.
2) get a job when she turns 16 and pay $1000 for the jeep. (for the record the jeep costs 4000)

whats there to think???
not only did she not get B avg, her avg actually dropped!

dont give her the car else she's going to learn that the only thing that matters is $.

with a D avg, she aint going far in life using her brains.

Stripper? porn star? drug dealer? anything that brings in lots of cash w/o using brains. ie: her body and/or illegal stuff

be afraid for her future if u cave in and give her the car

Precisely. The contract was made, presumably, for a reason: enforcement of a specific set of conditions. It's as simple as an IF/THEN statement.
IF Grades >= B
AND
IF Job = Y
THEN Jeep = Y

The first IF statement was not satisfied, thus, no Jeep. Simple as that.

 

[Gooberlx2]

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1

Originally posted by: Toasthead

Originally posted by: rsd
Take away the car until she gets her grades up, seems simple to me.

thats about your only choice or she will never respect/listen to you again.

Well if I take the jeep away.... its gone... for good.

You then won't be giving her a chance to turn things around. How's that going to help???

I agree. Taking away her incentive isn't going to help. It's already paid for isn't it? It would be more productive to allow her a chance to turn things around.

 

[Bryophyte]

I hope you and her mother are working together on this subject. If she doesn't go along with you, you may find that the mother just lets the girl get another car or drive one of hers and your whole plan is moot. You may no longer be together, but you must work as a team to parent this child.

 

[hiromizu]

The biggest fear in this thread is asking for pics so instead you try to give helpful advice.

 

[sourceninja]

take the jeep, sell it, go buy her a 10 speed. Give it to her and tell her that's her future with a D average.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: kranky
However you choose to discuss it, make sure it is clear that YOU are not taking the Jeep away, her choice to not maintain a B average did that. Tell her you wanted her to have it, that's why you already bought it for her.

If nothing else, she has to accept that the only reason she won't have the Jeep is because of what SHE did. She may not like it, but that's the way it is. The only person keeping her from having the Jeep is her. Be sympathetic. There's no need to be hard-nosed about it because all you are doing is letting her know that the contract terms are being enforced.

I suspect she will beg, plead and whine, but all you need to say is "I wish I could let you have the Jeep, but we agreed on the terms, and we are both going to keep our word."

Now if she shows some extra effort, like voluntarily going to summer school and getting good grades, you might want to reconsider, but I would let it be up to her to see if she wants to put forth the effort.

This is really good advice. It sounds like your daughter is in a rebellious phase right now, and coming down too hard on her (which she needs) would probably just cause her to rebel more. I find my daughters (I have 3) don't respond to negative incentives very well at all, so you've got to do as kranky said - make it clear that HER actions are what resulted in her losing the jeep. I'd also try to be more involved in her life, if possible. You'll have no authority if you aren't, and she clearly needs some parental guidance right now. Good luck.

 

[tyler811]

Dude you have to stick to your guns. Do not sell the jeep to anyone else just do not give it to her. This will show her you mean business. If you cave in now then she will run rough shod over you all time. Then if things start going really south with her mother then she will want to move in with you. Thinking that you are an easy target, then the shit will really hit the fan. Do not let her give you any guilt trips either about you only see her once a month. If you fall in that trap then she will pull that trick all time.

Tell her to pay an extra $1000 dollars or wait another semester to get those grades up.


Also if you let her break this contract then you are teaching her that keeping promises do not mean shit. This will lead to all sorts off problems with credit cards.

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: KarmaPolice
I hear it has gotten a lot worse.

That's what I hear from my sister that's still in high school. She tells me about how they stop segregating kids and grouping smart with not-so-smart but they must teach at the lowest common denominator (so to speak). The problem is, the smart kids are getting bored to tears and the dumb ones aren't learnin' anyway. At least they still have AP courses and such.

 

[ahurtt]

You can't enter into a contract with a minor. The parent assumes all responsibility in the case a contract was unknowingly entered into with a minor. So basically you signed a contract with yourself.

 

[Gooberlx2]

Originally posted by: ahurtt
You can't enter into a contract with a minor. The parent assumes all responsibility in the case a contract was unknowingly entered into with a minor. So basically you signed a contract with yourself.

:roll: You're not kidding about your personality.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: Gooberlx2

Originally posted by: ahurtt
You can't enter into a contract with a minor. The parent assumes all responsibility in the case a contract was unknowingly entered into with a minor. So basically you signed a contract with yourself.

:roll: You're not kidding about your personality.

Or lack thereof.

 

[compman25]

Originally posted by: Insomniator
A D average in high school? Seriously? Take the car away and lock her in her room until she gets at minimum a C.

I don't know where she goes to school, but in my old high school and most Ive heard of, you literally have to do nothing and probably get suspended a few times
to end up with a D average.

Why reward her for still getting less than her contract stated? She needs to get the B average before you give it back to her.

 

[jdini76]

Can I ask you this? If she got her grades up, but didn't pay the $1000, what would you do?

 

[purbeast0]

n/m

 

[Plumcuda1]

Originally posted by: jdini76
Can I ask you this? If she got her grades up, but didn't pay the $1000, what would you do?

The money was stated as "up to $1000" so there was room for her to slide there. I wanted her to maintain the grades more than pay the money.

 

[DainBramaged]

At first thought, I would sit down and talk with her. Allow her to explain why her grades are so low, and tell her that she needs to take a semester to work on the grades. If there is improvement, to X grade, she gets it. Then, if there are further improvements, she keeps it.

To me, that seems to be fair to both her and to your contract. Let her know that this renegotiation WILL be acted upon.

That's the best I have. <shrug>

 

[jonks]

Originally posted by: Gooberlx2

Originally posted by: ahurtt
You can't enter into a contract with a minor. The parent assumes all responsibility in the case a contract was unknowingly entered into with a minor. So basically you signed a contract with yourself.

:roll: You're not kidding about your personality.

He's also completely incorrect.

 

[tfcmasta97]

whats that? a 55% average in high school?

if you let her have the jeep then you fail as a parent. Hell, even the 'lesson' taught to her by having a job isnt worth it if it makes her not get into college. Unless you think her waiting tables for another 10 years will 'teach' her anything.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Originally posted by: Gooberlx2

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1

Originally posted by: Toasthead

Originally posted by: rsd
Take away the car until she gets her grades up, seems simple to me.

thats about your only choice or she will never respect/listen to you again.

Well if I take the jeep away.... its gone... for good.

You then won't be giving her a chance to turn things around. How's that going to help???

I agree. Taking away her incentive isn't going to help. It's already paid for isn't it? It would be more productive to allow her a chance to turn things around.

Agreed ....
Take it away for now.
Tell her to work harder in school.
Tell her to either Take Summer School, and then get at least a B, and then also get a B average her next quarter/semester. You aren't making it too easy (she has to go to summer school), and you aren't being "mean" (giving her a second chance isn't mean), so as long as you have a place to store the car, then it seems like a Win-Win situation...

 

[jdini76]

Originally posted by: Plumcuda1

Originally posted by: jdini76
Can I ask you this? If she got her grades up, but didn't pay the $1000, what would you do?

The money was stated as "up to $1000" so there was room for her to slide there. I wanted her to maintain the grades more than pay the money.

Why did you add money to the mix to begin with. Most adults don't have to deal with their job AND going to school. you made it a contractual obligation with heavy weight on the grades. I would have just made her Grades the only condition.

I would extend her contract to another school year. Withholding the jeep until then. I think you added too much workload on her. she got freaked out about the money and concentrated too much on that as a result let her studies falter. I would suggest marking the money as complete and giving her another chance to get her grades up. maybe add a college acceptance letter to the mix. Consider it a contract renegotiation.

 

[ChAoTiCpInOy]

Well if her mother is not giving her the chance to get her license, she doesn't need the jeep yet. Does she?

 

[Kaolccips]

She just isn't trying. Probably spending too much time with friends and elsewhere, and not doing her work.
Giving her the jeep IMO would only make this problem worse.

Tell her that you will still give her the jeep, but she HAS to bring those grades up to at least a B.
As for the disrespect thing.. shes 16.. She should be told to change her attitude while she is at it.. so definitely tell her there needs to be a change in that.. but you can't expect her to be Mrs. Sunshine since she IS after all a 16 year old girl.

But above all, you're the father regardless of if you do not see her, stand your ground. B or no jeep. The contract was made, she understands the rules. She expects you to break cause she paid for it, do not do this and stand your ground.

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ

Originally posted by: Platypus
You have to try to get a D average in high school.. take the jeep off the table, she didn't earn it.

Ya really, you can get a C average just by showing up.

It's been said and said again.. D means you literally do not try whatsoever in school.
And that doesn't mean she is having trouble or blahblahblah. I have a friend who needed extra help in HS, he just had a learning disability, was even under the special ed program (Though he still took classes like Economics/Government. Just different courses for math) wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean. But he still made a B avg because he actually put a little bit of effort.

Tell her to pay an extra $1000 dollars or wait another semester to get those grades up.

Good idea. She needs to have a punishment for breaking the contract, even if she doesn't like it, which she wont, it will help her in the long run.

She needs to pay another $500-$1000 for breaking the contract. And still have to get a B avg.

 

[JRock]

Pics of that Plum Crazy Cuda? I want one!