Allright, I'll try to cut the long story short. I'm very much sick of my life. Tonight, I've been trying to draw some results of my life, after having consumed some considerable amounts of substances such as those who are only those older than 21 y.o. can consume legally, and I'm older.
I fully realized how worthless my life is, and how much it sux. At first, I thought I'd just kill myself. But soon thereafter, I understood that I can't and don't really want to do that. I have narrowed all my problems to the country, economy and culture I'm living in. I fully understand that I'm not compatible with this culture, and don't want and simply can't stay here any longer. All my problems are from this. Screwed up things like this.
Ideally, all that I want to do is:
1. Pack up my most valuable things, sell all the scrap, buy a one-way ticket to depart. I want to go West. I've had enough of this screwed up Eastern madness.
2. I never want to see my father, mother or brother ever again, write to them or even hear about them. Fark them. Before you blame me for being an ingrateful SOB, well... I'd rather not go into details. I can't possibly describe here all the crap I went through with this people. Again, b/c of this cultural local crap.
3. Never speak my mothertongue again, meet people from my country (avoid those SOBs as possible) and generally forget all the crap that happened to me here.
4. Immigrate to some English-speaking country, since it's the only foreign language I understand a little. But I do not have a legal right to immigrate otherwise I'd be dead and gone many years ago.
Before you start bashing me, I just can't go on living like this any longer. Wish I could explain all the details but it would take too many pages and I don't think anyone's gonna read that.
I think going to another country is better than just killing myself... I may be dumb, but how do those FOBs get to your country... I dunno. I played the DV lottery, it doesn't help. But I can't wait any longer. I must go or die. Fark everything. Just to forget all this crap and start a new life - that's my primary objective.
Now... what do I expect. To tell the truth, nothing. Yes, I have higher education and work as an accountant, but it wouldn't help me in another country since I don't know that country's laws. So I'd be just a vagabond. That's fine. That's all I want. To get the heck out of here, and I don't need anything else.
The worst thing is that in current state of things it's illegal for me to immigrate. Since you, Americans, see every day lots of immigrants, can any of you tell me how did they get to your country? I may not necessarily go to your country, just wondering. I just desperately need to go anywhere I can.
So pls don't piss on this thread, maybe any suggestions instead?
I fully realized how worthless my life is, and how much it sux. At first, I thought I'd just kill myself. But soon thereafter, I understood that I can't and don't really want to do that. I have narrowed all my problems to the country, economy and culture I'm living in. I fully understand that I'm not compatible with this culture, and don't want and simply can't stay here any longer. All my problems are from this. Screwed up things like this.
Ideally, all that I want to do is:
1. Pack up my most valuable things, sell all the scrap, buy a one-way ticket to depart. I want to go West. I've had enough of this screwed up Eastern madness.
2. I never want to see my father, mother or brother ever again, write to them or even hear about them. Fark them. Before you blame me for being an ingrateful SOB, well... I'd rather not go into details. I can't possibly describe here all the crap I went through with this people. Again, b/c of this cultural local crap.
3. Never speak my mothertongue again, meet people from my country (avoid those SOBs as possible) and generally forget all the crap that happened to me here.
4. Immigrate to some English-speaking country, since it's the only foreign language I understand a little. But I do not have a legal right to immigrate otherwise I'd be dead and gone many years ago.
Before you start bashing me, I just can't go on living like this any longer. Wish I could explain all the details but it would take too many pages and I don't think anyone's gonna read that.
I think going to another country is better than just killing myself... I may be dumb, but how do those FOBs get to your country... I dunno. I played the DV lottery, it doesn't help. But I can't wait any longer. I must go or die. Fark everything. Just to forget all this crap and start a new life - that's my primary objective.
Now... what do I expect. To tell the truth, nothing. Yes, I have higher education and work as an accountant, but it wouldn't help me in another country since I don't know that country's laws. So I'd be just a vagabond. That's fine. That's all I want. To get the heck out of here, and I don't need anything else.
The worst thing is that in current state of things it's illegal for me to immigrate. Since you, Americans, see every day lots of immigrants, can any of you tell me how did they get to your country? I may not necessarily go to your country, just wondering. I just desperately need to go anywhere I can.
So pls don't piss on this thread, maybe any suggestions instead?