I think my x is losing it...

[Krazefinn]

Do you have any acquaintances at her workplace that you might be able to query? Must be careful though, but may be able to get some more perspective there, and all states have assistance programs for nurses/other caregivers to cope with mental health or SA issues. Her supervisor surely would have something to share i'd think. One cannot hide such delusional/psychotic thought processes forever.

Its admirable that despite your personal felings toward her, you still recognize the importance to not allow those feelings to in any way negatiively impoact the kids.

And you also are cognizant of "appearing the vindictive ex"...hopefully you have NOT ever behaved as such on record....or your row to hoe just got long and rocky...

 

[spidey07]

Best of luck to you.

I really hope she sees a doctor because this kind of stuff is easily treatable. medication and psychotherapy.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Phoenix86

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: Phoenix86
Who cares if she shuts you out if it saves your children? I really think they are at risk here.

Good luck with the situation.

She's a human being...he's obviously doing the right thing by balancing the two.

I'm not saying he shouldn't help her, but that he should consider his children's health and safety first. Since she is the primary care provider, and she can't care for herself this is a paramount concern.

Also consider, if she doesn't trust *any* MD in her area, where is she going to take the children when they are in need?

She's not the primary care provider. It's roughly 50/50, and for the last year it's actually been closer to 80/20 in my favor.

 

[purepolly]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: Phoenix86
Who cares if she shuts you out if it saves your children? I really think they are at risk here.

Good luck with the situation.

It's not as simple as that - it really looks like that's what will have to happen, but I can't just arbitrarily not let her take the kids until I have something more to go on. Otherwise I'm just the bitter vindictive ex using the kids to hurt her at which point I could end up in a worse position.

I'm hoping this counseling appointment this afternoon will help get me what I need.

Yeah, I hear you. It's a tough spot to be in and feels kinda like sliding down a knife's edge sometimes, doesn't it?

Anyway, don't expect to much from the doctor's visit today, the pysche community moves at a snails pace unless there is the immediate danger of harm to self or others.

 

[AccruedExpenditure]

This all really sucks and if this ever happened to me, i'd be pissed the f*ck off.

 

[purepolly]

She's not the primary care provider. It's roughly 50/50, and for the last year it's actually been closer to 80/20 in my favor.[/quote]

If this is documented, call your lawyer and go for full custody if you can.

 

[hjo3]

I think you guys might be overreacting... this might just be typical woman hysteria from dealing with lots of stress.

 

[ViviTheMage]

Originally posted by: hjo3
I think you guys might be overreacting... this might just be typical woman hysteria from dealing with lots of stress.

I agree , to a certain extent.

People with past problems in the family can usually mean something, that shes not making it up


//puts on aluminum hat.

maybe she should move to another state/country?

 

[Molondo]

Rofl, if shes this paranoid I can imagine her reaction if she knew that shes a topic of discusion on the internet forum. HA HA!

 

[Armitage]

Well ... back from the doc. She showed up much more in co0ntrol this afternoon. The Dr. told me that she doesn't think the kids are in any eminent danger - but to keep a close eye on things and make sure she knows I'm available to take them if needed. And that if things get any worse she may put her on anti-psychotic medication. She didn't see her the way I did this morning, or she'd be on them now IMO.

The x came out very upbeat & positive - but her version of events didn't really jive with what little the Dr. told me. I dunno - just wait and see I guess.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Krazefinn
Do you have any acquaintances at her workplace that you might be able to query? Must be careful though, but may be able to get some more perspective there, and all states have assistance programs for nurses/other caregivers to cope with mental health or SA issues. Her supervisor surely would have something to share i'd think. One cannot hide such delusional/psychotic thought processes forever.

Its admirable that despite your personal felings toward her, you still recognize the importance to not allow those feelings to in any way negatiively impoact the kids.

And you also are cognizant of "appearing the vindictive ex"...hopefully you have NOT ever behaved as such on record....or your row to hoe just got long and rocky...

Well, our relationship is far from warm & fuzzy. But no - I haven't done anything to earn that label.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Krazefinn
_quote_________________________________________
The doctor in question left town almost 2 years ago.
_______________________________________________

Then she's had persistent delusions, and sounds like her symptoms may have been percolating for awhile. Tis true that schizophrenia "usually" presents by 19 yoa, but also not that unusual for it to be latent and become apparent some years later. Has she had any strong previous religious convictions? Victim of abuse/assault in distant past?

Never been particularly religious to my knowledge. Has never said she was abused, but she witnessed her mother being abused by her father.

Any mood swings, bipolar tendencies, very hyper, and flight of ideas, can't seem to stay on a subject coherently without shooting off somewhere tangentially?
She may also be under some other stressors at work, or possibly diverting legal drugs or using recreational pharmaceuticals...alcohol history?

Her father was an alcoholic, but I don'tthink she has an alcohol problem at all. She used to do drugs - and I think she was doing pot 3 years ago when everything hit the fan.

Ever made you feel she was threat to self or other?

I asked that very directly last night and this morning. And less directly as well. Got an emphatic no.

That is only way they can hold her involuntarily, must have OBSERVED suicidal/homicidal ideations. Some states require the observer be a LEO, psychiatrist/psychologist, other health professional. If you have ANY EVIDENCE or she has evenly obliquely referenced death (self, kids, you, others), be sure to share that with the proper authority. Again, unless she admits voluntarily, thats the only way to get a 72 hr BakerAct for observation. Then she'll have a hearing in front of a judge, who hears from the psychiatrist if she still is considered a danger to self or others they m,ay choose to hold her for observation/safety AND tratment for longer periods.

Does she admit to her paranoia being unreasonable, or does she have self-awareness about it being unreasonable and irrational fear?

Well, last night, she was asking me repeatedly if this was real or in her head. I told her it was in her head, and she said she trusted that - but I don't think she really internalized it. This morning it was back full force and then some. This afternoon, she seemed to believe it was all in her head. So it's a moving target.

I mean, have you really talked to her and challenged her delusional thoughts?

Like I said last night - when I would try to drill down of specific incidents, they evaporated. Or at most it was something she "just knew".

May not be an easy subject....and I feel for you and your kids. I would strongly suggest you try to tactfully get physical custody of them immediately, if only to alleviate the stresses on her and them, and keep them out of the danger of the "force".
Thoughts and prayers with ya pal. Some of the anti-psychotic medications can be literal lifesavers...BTW any possibility that underlying undiagnosed psychotic features contributed to the end of the mariage years back? Also possible (now its not blaming YOU, dont get me wrong here) that the divorce, being single parent/HOH now, additional stressors, had a toll on an already fragile psyche.

Yea, I think that's alot of it. In fact - I hate to say I told you so - but I honestly saw signs of this delusional behavior back in the events that culminated in the divorce. Of course, everybody going through that says their x is nuts. Well, mine really may be.

 

[JDrake]

:disgust::|
GL

 

[Phoenix86]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: Phoenix86

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: Phoenix86
Who cares if she shuts you out if it saves your children? I really think they are at risk here.

Good luck with the situation.

She's a human being...he's obviously doing the right thing by balancing the two.

I'm not saying he shouldn't help her, but that he should consider his children's health and safety first. Since she is the primary care provider, and she can't care for herself this is a paramount concern.

Also consider, if she doesn't trust *any* MD in her area, where is she going to take the children when they are in need?

She's not the primary care provider. It's roughly 50/50, and for the last year it's actually been closer to 80/20 in my favor.

It's good you already have 50/50 custody, that will help should you need to seek full custody if the situation gets worse. I'd consider seeing if you can get full custody on a temp. basis until she works things out. Heck, maybe just offer to keep the kids for a while so "there's less stress on her."

I think you see my point about thier safety, not that I really need to tell you, you already seem to have the best interests (of everyone) in mind.

I truely wish you and your family good luck with this.

 

[HOWITIS]

i'm going to assume your story is true (i havn't read most of it) and let you in on some of my own experience with this.


my own mother had a mental breakdown when i was two years old. she began to leave in the middle of the night. my father would wake up in the morning to go to work and she would just be gone. She would sometimes take us and walk right down the center lane of a 2 lane road that went by our house. it was obvious what had happaned. my father got a divorce and won FULL custody. my childhood was full of episodes evolving my mothers parinoid accusations toward my father. she would come over and accuse him of cutting off my penis and other such things. you had better be VERY careful, its not long untill she accuses you of targetting her.


when i was 4 years old she kiddnapped me. even though i was 4 its probably the most vivid memory i have. i was traumitized. i had grown to know my mom as that crazy woman who scares me. she told me that the next day we were leaving the state, i was lucky my dad found us and i got to go home.



you say she thinks the entire town is out to get her? how long do you think it is untill she thinks the same way about you and chooses to run? I understand you don't want to hurt the children, but trust me, if its as bad as you say they already know something is wrong with her.



btw i'm 24 now, i see my mother on occasion, but i still feel strange around her. go to a social worker NOW, get at least temporary custody of the kids. Then get your ex some help. they are far better off not seeing this anyway.

 

[Leper Messiah]

sucks dude.

 

[Krazefinn]

Well, being medical professional she probably tries real hard to stay in control during eval. But thats going to make this even harder...since she knows how NOT to present. Definitely keep a bound journal with all of her statements recorded as accurately as possible, it is admissible that way if you need to go to the courts for full custody. And be there even more for your kids now...they are likely cognizant something is amiss, and need a stable presence (YOU!) to get over this and what may be coalescing with their mom.

Sure hope it turns out alright. While on good terms, it might be a good idea for her to give the doc specific consent to speak to you....esp if doc doesnt see her the way you describe.

Good luck man..and hug your kids...

 

[stormbv]

Update?

 

[hypn0tik]

Originally posted by: stormbv
Update?

 

[Armitage]

Hi guys - thanks for asking.
Nothing really - She seamed perfectly lucid/normal/together when she picked up the kids yesterday, and when I've called to talk to them. I canceled a ski trip for this weekend so I can keep an eye on things. Not sure when I'll feel comfortable going out of town for any length of time again

 

[Armitage]

Here we go again :|
After appearing normal since last friday she called me at work today and went on for about half an hour or more about how she now doesn't trust the psych Dr. I got her to last week, talking about quitting her job because "they are all playing games with her", etc. Not quite as over the top as last week, but still. More frightening, she's questioning whether I am trying to take the kids away from her - if I become one of the "bad guys", she'll shut me out and I won't have any insight into what the hell is going on.

She see the Dr. again tomorrow and she promised me she would go - we'll see.

 

[D1gger]

Originally posted by: Armitage

She see the Dr. again tomorrow and she promised me she would go - we'll see.

You might want to give the Dr. a call to give her a heads up on the latest conversation. It sounds like your x puts on a good face in front of the professionals, and only falls apart in front of you (and the kids?).

Somehow, you really need to get the kids out of this situation. Have you spoken with a lawyer?

 

[Phoenix86]

Originally posted by: Armitage
Here we go again :|
After appearing normal since last friday she called me at work today and went on for about half an hour or more about how she now doesn't trust the psych Dr. I got her to last week, talking about quitting her job because "they are all playing games with her", etc. Not quite as over the top as last week, but still. More frightening, she's questioning whether I am trying to take the kids away from her - if I become one of the "bad guys", she'll shut me out and I won't have any insight into what the hell is going on.

She see the Dr. again tomorrow and she promised me she would go - we'll see.

You need to record these conversations...

 

[unsped]

pot is generally a pretty safe drug, but there is strong correlation between pot use and anxiety disorders.

 

[Slacker]

Originally posted by: audiotherapy
and a bulletproof vest... ask her to shoot your heart not head, so the vest will be more effective