I_HATE_HER.

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: BD2003

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GREATFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

You dont get a cookie for doing WHAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO DO. You should be slapped in the mouth for even writing this paragraph. Geez. :disgust:

Do you know what the term "Deadbeat Dad" means? Well, I'm not one of those. Paying child support is what I legally have to do. However, I'm not obligated to see him at all. Or give her additional money for clothes. I see him b/c I love him and WANT to see him, even though it means putting up with her. I buy him clothes b/c I want him to look good and be a happy kid. Obviously you have zero experience with issues like children, custody agreements and life in general. How about you drink a big glass of STFU and go away?

I know what deadbeat dad are. Many of my friends had them, luckily I do not. But that still doesnt make you special. Dont think for a second that your son wont be resentful towards both you and your mother for putting him in the middle of the sh*t between the two of you. Regardless of what you want to believe, youre not the perfect dad, and your kid is going to let you know as soon he's old enough to understand.

I've never shot or run over anyone, where's my medal?

I may not have any experience with custody agreements, but thats because I'm not stupid enough to get caught in one, and put a child in the middle, like you.

 

[Bartman39]

Just a thought...? (from someone that was in a "like" situation)


The only one getting hurt here is the child... (Everyone should know this...?)

I_HATE_HER will carry to your son as well unless you modify your thoughts on this which is very hard (been there done that)


"Someday, his eyes will open and he will see his mother for what she is: A moose-like woman with the temperment of a rabid porcupine, a heart like Gengis Khan and a soul invisible to even God." (Never let him know you feel this way)


I wish I could offer a solution but being there when you can for your son is the main thing... She sounds like a very unhappy person to start with and with that you can never measure up in her eye`s


As for your job situation... The times we live in are more difficult that ever for our families... We work more hours to actually make less in % than we did a few years ago so we work more hours to compensate which is a strain on our private lives...


Maybe one day she will realize that she is only hurting the child that you "both" made and that you as a father & hopefuly a "dad" will be there for your son no matter what...

It happened for me... Just one day then another & another and its been almost 4 years since my Ex and I have had words...


Best of luck with this and PM me if you ever need an ear... (just be there for your child...)

Sincerly,
Bartman39

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Six weeks after that, she turned up pregnant. The rest, you know. You PLAY, you PAY. I have learned that, now.

Not to sound rude (and honestly with your best interests at heart, Mike), did you ever get a paternity test on that? Seriously. I have personally witnessed (not to me Thank God) the depths that some evil women will go to and a popular one for the really twisted ones is to have some strange man knock her up right after that final nasty break-up with her boyfriend, just for revenge.
To the women reading this post, please do not take offense. Much like how a very small number of twisted men become serial killers, a very small number of women become serial life-destroyers.

 

[MainFramed]

Originally posted by: MrsSkoorb
"If you read this far, thanks, I feel marginally better now."

Every post after that, i am lost in the thread

MichaelD,
your in my prayers

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: BD2003

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GREATFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

You dont get a cookie for doing WHAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO DO. You should be slapped in the mouth for even writing this paragraph. Geez. :disgust:

Do you know what the term "Deadbeat Dad" means? Well, I'm not one of those. Paying child support is what I legally have to do. However, I'm not obligated to see him at all. Or give her additional money for clothes. I see him b/c I love him and WANT to see him, even though it means putting up with her. I buy him clothes b/c I want him to look good and be a happy kid.

Obviously you have zero experience with issues like children, custody agreements and life in general. How about you drink a big glass of STFU and go away?

If you do extra things because you say you WANT to do them for the child,imho it's then dirty pool to throw it up as an example of why she should kiss your ass Micheal, you don't have a choice about court ordered support,you do have a choice concerning the extras
if cutting down on some of the extras meant that you could work less and be less stressed that might mean more to your kid than all the nice clothing in the world ever could.

 

[Platypus]

Yikes.

Why don't you bring this kind of information to the court and prove what a terrible mother she is. Then you could see your son a lot more often, and you wouldn't have to deal with her.

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Yikes.

Why don't you bring this kind of information to the court and prove what a terrible mother she is. Then you could see your son a lot more often, and you wouldn't have to deal with her.

Do you have any idea how biased family courts are towards giving custody to the mother? Basically, unless she is dead or in jail, the father is not going to get custody. That's pretty much how it works.

 

[Kenji4861]

Originally posted by: mcveigh
hang in there man, and no matter what what don't talk bad about her in front of your son. My mom used to do about my dad. it hurts. yes she may the bride of satan, a she-bitch from the pitts of hell, but to your son she is still "mommy".

True, from the way this lady sounds.. she probably talks mad smack about the father. RRrrr, I can just imagine what kind of lady she is. It sucks... I guess no way for you two to work it out? Be one happy family again?

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: PSYWVic

Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Yikes.

Why don't you bring this kind of information to the court and prove what a terrible mother she is. Then you could see your son a lot more often, and you wouldn't have to deal with her.

Do you have any idea how biased family courts are towards giving custody to the mother? Basically, unless she is dead or in jail, the father is not going to get custody. That's pretty much how it works.

Yep. Especially in my state. I looked into it. A no-name attorney who deals in these matters wants a $1,500 non-refundable retainer. Plus expenses, plus this and that. He told me "unless she's a convicted felon or you can prove she is abusing the child, you have little to no chance of getting custody." I think that says it all. Maybe when he's older he will want to come live with me. That would be great...for many reasons.

PS
Paternity test was done when he was about a month old. He's mine. I knew he was mine the second I looked at him...very good-looking child...of course he mine.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Kenji4861

Originally posted by: mcveigh
hang in there man, and no matter what what don't talk bad about her in front of your son. My mom used to do about my dad. it hurts. yes she may the bride of satan, a she-bitch from the pitts of hell, but to your son she is still "mommy".

True, from the way this lady sounds.. she probably talks mad smack about the father. RRrrr, I can just imagine what kind of lady she is. It sucks... I guess no way for you two to work it out? Be one happy family again?

We were never happy, nor were we ever a family. I'm not saying that some of you don't have valid points; but sometimes it's easy to give advice when you don't fully understand the situation. Also, I hope that those of you throwing stones never have to go thru what I am going thru...crucified b/c you love your son/daughter.

Anyway, this thread wasn't intended on being a Pity Mike Party thread. I just needed to vent. I am now ventilated. Thank you.

 

[Maverick]

eh...just go enjoy your geforce4 ti4200 and forget about her. Don't let a stupid woman like that get to you.

 

[stev0]

Originally posted by: BurnItDwn
ouch ... Sorry to hear what you have to go thru.

ditto... sorry man, i honestly don't know what to say, i've never been in a situation like that and hope to god that i don't have to be.

 

[element]

Hey is everyone (especially baffled) forgetting that the job he has is more important than "going out" on Friday night for her?

Unbelievable how some of you are taking her side in this. Can you say biased? He is paying for his kid's welfare, and she needs to go clubbing? Or wherever she is going?

And if she loves the kid so much, why is she placing "partying" over being with her son?

Sounds like she just wants to get knocked up 1 too many times again!

 

[deftron]

How old are you ?

 

[Freejack2]

Have you considered setting a goal for yourself? Get custody of your son!

You will probably have to wait a few years as your son will probably need to be older, you'll need to save up for a good lawyer, and you'll most definitley want to get one job that pays well at 40-50 hours a week. Also be sure to document any problems or mistreatment of your son.

Considering how prejudiced courts are about giving custody to anyone but the mother I rather imagine you'll need a real $hark of a lawyer, but I think if all goes well you could end up with custody of your son, no child support payments, and an extra 20-30 hours a week to spend with your son.

It'll be a hell of a battle, but how long can you keep up the 70 hour workweeks, time with your girlfriend, and time with your son before it all comes crashing down? You're not getting any younger yanno.

Think about it.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Ok, here's a suggestion, listen closely...

1.) Cave in to the evil one (your ex), do everything she wants except move in with her, suck up and make her feel very safe with you, don't EVER mention that you want custody. If it comes up, just say "I'm happy with the way things are" and buy the kid some extra clothes that weekend & send them home with him (Wal Mart clothes are cheap & buy her a six pack or something too)...

2.) Gradually work up to more than every other weekend with your son, one of the reasons I got custody of my daughter is because I did that & had custody of our daughter ended up with visitation every weekend for over a year. I put my social life on hold unless it dovetailed with visitation. My current wife even helped me when we were dating by picking up my daughter when I was working.

3.) After >1 year of every weekend & every Wed evening (turned into Wed overnight many times & I took her to school in the morning, a 50 mile drive for me), and when I had a reason for custody to be revisited, I had her, she had allowed me much more visitation than the court allowed cuz she wanted her freedom on weekends...

4.) I was awarded custody by the courts, and a big part of the reason is the extra effort I put forth in developing a relationship with my child, above & beyond what the courts allowed.

5.) Show your son unconditional love when you have him, leave him out of the feelings you have about the divorce or your real feelings you have towards your ex.

I'm still going to court with my ex about once every year or so, have a hearing in November for final orders, postponed X2, and we'll throw in a contempt charge too, I haven't been pid child support for >6 months now, and I use that as leverage to keep her @ arm's length-if she comes over from the UK to visit, I have the leverage to throw her in jail...

I've had physical custody of our daughter for 4 years now on temporary orders. the courts are incredibly slow & stupid, but in family court, they really try to do the right thing for the children.

Suck it up & play her like a cheap guitar Mike...

 

[RGN]

Originally posted by: baffled2

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Some answers for you all:

1. I don't exaggerate this situation one bit...trust me; I'd never make up something as horrid as this.

2. She works a full time job.

3. We were never married, engaged, living together or even talking about any of that.

4. I have two jobs...I like to live in a decent apartment and drive a decent truck. The second job is not optional either, at this time.

5. No matter how much I see him or do for him, it's not enough. I can see him on FRI/SAT/SUN, go see him WED night and she'll hit me up for money for somethign. If I say "no", I'm a "useless f*ck" a "scumbag of a dad" and "the worst father ever."

6. There is no winning or even breaking even for me in regards to this situation. I made a decision almost seven years ago to not abandon my son. I'm sticking by it. Someday, his eyes will open and he will see his mother for what she is: A moose-like woman with the temperment of a rabid porcupine, a heart like Gengis Khan and a soul invisible to even God.

Well Michael,look at it this way,she's just as stuck dealing with you as you are stuck dealing with her... and it doesn't sound like you're on her list of 10 most favorite people either

Baff:That is _BS_

She chooses to have the attitude, it is not needed. This is not the fist time MikeD has posted a thread like this, for the lenght of time this has gone on, there is alot of common things he has posted about. It seems to me MikeD is on the level. This woman just should chill out. Bitching is not going to make her any happier.

MichaelD: Dude, 20 years ago my uncle married a woman that sounds just like her. They had two kids, and everything fell apart. She is an UBERBITCH, and he is a hard working guy. Its sad now, because the kids don't know which parent to trust. All you can do is be there for your son - don't give up because of her.

Good luck man.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
Ok, here's a suggestion, listen closely...

1.) Cave in to the evil one (your ex), do everything she wants except move in with her, suck up and make her feel very safe with you, don't EVER mention that you want custody. If it comes up, just say "I'm happy with the way things are" and buy the kid some extra clothes that weekend & send them home with him (Wal Mart clothes are cheap & buy her a six pack or something too)...

2.) Gradually work up to more than every other weekend with your son, one of the reasons I got custody of my daughter is because I did that & had custody of our daughter ended up with visitation every weekend for over a year. I put my social life on hold unless it dovetailed with visitation. My current wife even helped me when we were dating by picking up my daughter when I was working.

3.) After >1 year of every weekend & every Wed evening (turned into Wed overnight many times & I took her to school in the morning, a 50 mile drive for me), and when I had a reason for custody to be revisited, I had her, she had allowed me much more visitation than the court allowed cuz she wanted her freedom on weekends...

4.) I was awarded custody by the courts, and a big part of the reason is the extra effort I put forth in developing a relationship with my child, above & beyond what the courts allowed.

5.) Show your son unconditional love when you have him, leave him out of the feelings you have about the divorce or your real feelings you have towards your ex.

I'm still going to court with my ex about once every year or so, have a hearing in November for final orders, postponed X2, and we'll throw in a contempt charge too, I haven't been pid child support for >6 months now, and I use that as leverage to keep her @ arm's length-if she comes over from the UK to visit, I have the leverage to throw her in jail...

I've had physical custody of our daughter for 4 years now on temporary orders. the courts are incredibly slow & stupid, but in family court, they really try to do the right thing for the children.

Suck it up & play her like a cheap guitar Mike...

Well said, and well played in your case.


Michael, suck it up. If you really care about your sons love, you will "take the beating for him" ...he will appreciate it one day...


My dad cared about his life not mine...worst thing you could do....

 

[poopaskoopa]

Sorry to hear that, man. My stepfather's ex was a crazy possessed bitch who insisted to their kids(4 of them!) that they were still married, even years after he and my mother were married. When she decided that the child support she was receiving wasn't enough, she didn't talk to her lawyer, nor my stepfather. She went to talk to his superior. She didn't just say that she needed more money. She insisted that my stepfather wasn't paying at all(and that's a big fat lie. I saw the damned checks). He and the bitch were a time zone away, so it was never easy to see the kids, and now two of the four kids have grown up and left the house. The other two are still living with the crazy bitch who decided to marry an old man she met online. From what I was told, they'd never seen each other until she(and the poor kids) moved in with the man. I can imagine what you're going through. I hope you can concentrate on your son when you're with him.

 

[Pliablemoose]

My daughter turns 13 tomorrow & just gave me a good night peck on the cheek...

I hope she enjoys the birthday skating party, shopping spree, Z340 speakers & MP3 player she gets tomorrow & Saturday.

Life is good sometimes

 

[pandapanda]

Why doncha take a dinner break from work, pick your son up, drive him to your girlfriend's so she can watch him and then go back to work? Or could he not go with you and read or gameboy or something?

Your son's mother may have something she has been planning for quite a while that you have interfered with. What if it was the other way around? "Michael, I really need you to watch your son Saturday, I have a class/meeting/mandatory overtime/whatever" and you have tickets to some race/concert/football game. Then you would be on here going off about her wouldn't you.

This Friday is your responsibility. Your first mistake was telling her you would be there Saturday. Maybe you should have asked "could you possibly watch him Friday night" instead of just saying you wouldn't be there.

Panda

 

[Goosemaster]

My father was one of those who cared too, but his committment was always wavering...that just taught me irressponsibility.


Love your son

Fight for him

Be on time

Go places and doo stuff

Don't feed him with material stuff such as toys...

Teach him appreciate expensive products and things for what they are...toys

Teach him appreciate the inexpensive things for what they are...whatever he wants them to be

Teach him to respect EVERONE he will ever meet.

Teach him to be on time

Teach him not to fall apart in difficult situations...the calm and composed road..

Tell him not to hold grudges are particular ethnic groups that either made your life hard or ever assualted oyu..



This is a just a snipet of the things that my Dad failed to teach me and make me understand..only by his faults have I realized them.

I always loved him with my heart and I know he did too.


He was weak.

He was tired of fighting for me

He himself had problems with his father who passed away before they could resolve them.

He dreamed but never did.



Here I stand a mentally-battered young collge man with no father.


By the way, in his despiration he fled from maryland to California...because "it had an awesome view of the mountains"...just like where he lived as a kid.



DO NOT flea from your problems.










That is the the perverbial MEANING OF LIFE.....To finally realize who you are and fight to the death for what it is you believe.






I used to have a dad.

Now he is so far away that it seems as if he is gone.

HE could be dead and I would never find out.






Just remember this.


Always make sure that your son cares about where you are, and will miss you if you are gone.


There is nothing sadder thatn a sun that can't grieve for a father he cannot find.














I always say that one has to be a "man" and this is what I meant.


Being a man is being your absolute best all the time.


Do your son a favor and make sure he know what is to be a man, and make sure he never forgets it.

 

[Phil21]

screw it, I had a 3+ page post detailing my experience + advice.. but I know you didn't want to hear it.

Summed up:

My ex does the same exact crap to me, last minute (and not last minute) changes to plans like that SUCK. No matter what the reason. I honestly could care less if she has the biggest job interview of her life, she should not have scheduled it during her time with him, without first asking for my okay (which I would have given of course, I'm not unreasonable.. far from it. Very rarely would I refuse any scheduling change unless I had previous IMPORTANT (i.e. not friends or fun) plans).

The fact is, you have agreed upon days to watch him. Do it. Do it for a few months, and then you'll have a right to hollar about her not always following them herself. Things WILL run more smoothly as well, and you'll probably get along a teeny tiny bit better. If you want/need to change a weekend around give ample time, and ASK if she can do it. If she says no, don't bitch, just tell her okay thanks for considering I guess I'll just have to cancel even though it's very important to me. But if she agrees, remember it's quid-pro-quo. Just be reasonable.

My examples:

Unreasonable: You calling up friday morning saying you have to work late and are unable to pick him up at the designated time.

Reasonable: You asking 2 weeks in advance (or more) if you can take a trip for the weekend you're supposed to have him, and saying you can swap a weekend with her to try to make it up.

I'm not saying she's not the fire-bitch from hell, but you are most definitely in the wrong here in my eyes. You made a commitment, now live up to it. It should come far before your job. Your kid won't care if you work at mickey D's and drive a 1987 cavalier if it means he can see you more.


-Phil

 

[DanFungus]

Originally posted by: Fausto1

Originally posted by: baffled2

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
stab her.

What is with this "stab her" garbage ?

I know you guys think it's funny but how funny will it be when some confused,sick kid actually goes out and does it based on reading here ? :Q

Tasteless, yes. But if someone goes and stabs someone based on what they read here then they likely have serious mental issues and would have done something horrible regardless. ATOT.....Marylin Manson.....it's all what you make of it.


Mike: I'm unfamiliar with the laws pertaining to child custody and such (esp when the parents were never married), but isn't there some kind of review process with regard to the parent with custody? If she's as evil as you say, surely she doesn't need to be raising a kid.

FWIW- Sounds like she had plans to go out and party down on friday night, you inadvertently threw a wrench in the works, and she's POed about it. How late do you have to stay friday? Maybe you could set up a sitter for him friday night (so your ex can get her precious clubbing in) and grab him on the way home if it's not absurdly late?

Am I the only that can't see anyone named Cattlegod posting "Stab Her" in this thread? I don't see ANY posts by Cattlegod, and I only see "Stab Her" first, and only appearing as quotes....Either I'm blind, everyone misquoted from some other thread, or the mods just got more powerful..*dun dun dun* *lights dim*

 

[dawks]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
why did you knock her up?

You get the October Anandtech award of helpfulness with that response, iam!

I thought it was a pertainent question.. if you dont like someone.. or cant handle a relationship, dont nail them..

This isnt a hate post a mike.. I like mike, hes a nice guy Just made a bad decision?

Hope the kid will be alright..