I_HATE_HER.

[UNCjigga]

Originally posted by: baffled2

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
stab her.

What is with this "stab her" garbage ?

The opinion of the Eminem/Slim Shady/Marshall Mathers Generation

 

[TomC25]

I agree with the suggestion to find someone to pick up your son and watch him until you can get home Friday night. Would it be possible for your girlfriend (I think you have one) to pick him up?

Would it be out of the question for you to take your son into work on Saturday with you and you come home normal time on Friday?

I know you are doing the right thing by calling her with your switch in plans with plenty of notice, but time and time again she sees it differently as in that you are a bad father. We all know that you are not a bad father, and that your ex is being unreasonable.

You know that calling her with a change in plans like this gets her panties in a bunch, so you will need to find ways to change your plans without having to change your normal pick-up time.

You do want hair and a normal blood pressure, right.

 

[glen]

What is more important, your job or your son?
Tell your boss which is more important.

 

[slag]

Hmm, how to respond.

The "stab her" comment is tasteless and wrong. It has no place being here, even if you are just kidding. You dont make jokes about raping people and you dont make jokes about killing people. Its just plain wrong.

I agree wholeheartedly with what others have said regarding prioritizing your child and your job. You need to take time out to examine what really means the most to you. If its your job, then let the mom, as bad as she may seem, take the child 100%.

I really hope this isnt the case.

If you child does come ahead of your job-and thats the way it should be imho-then you should do whatever it takes to be with him when you say you will be with him and not make excuses why you cant make it. Unless you are on your deathbed in the hospital or in a plane wreck in zimbabwe, there is no excuse to shirk being with your son

I love my son and nothing comes between him and I. I'd quit my job in a second if they asked me to work late repeatedly or made me work much more than the 40 hour week as it is. I am in the IT/telecommunications field and have a pretty damn good job, but I would drop it in a second if the workload or work ethic changed around here and made me spend less time with my son.
I was recently asked to work a couple weekends coming up and stay late for some migrations and I flat out told my boss I couldnt do it. I get to see my son briefly for an hour or so in the mornings and about 3-4 hours at night and on weekends. (I am married, not divorced). If I had any less time to spend time with him while he was growing up and experiencing new things, I would have to make a lifestyle change and find another job. Yes, its that simple of a decision for me.

 

[KMurphy]

I have a co-worker that has been married five times. His advice to guys is find a woman you absolutely hate, then buy her a house. You get off a lot cheaper that way.

Seriously, there is not much you can do about it because she has custody it sounds like. If you have joint custody, you could hire a lawyer and battle it out to the detriment of your child. Your screwed in so many ways because she could use your child as a bargaining chip.

 

[OutHouse]

dude if i was in your shoes i would find a new job. 70 hours a week is way too much for an employee to be TOLD to work. Once in a while is ok for a project but every week??? No i dont think so at lease for me. get a sitter if you must work or better yet have your boss hire an assistant...

 

[CraigRT]

stab her.

this seems to be common advice lately on the forums! :Q

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Yield

stab her.

this seems to be common advice lately on the forums! :Q

Well call me silly but I find it a shocking and scary trend ! :Q

 

[josphII]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
stab her.

 

[alm99]

I wish your ex would come to Anandtech and post how she feels on this situation. Just to hear her perspective on things, I always read these threads and wonder what the hell she is thinking that she would go off like that. Does this woman do anything besides take care of the child? Does she have a full time job? I see you work hard put in 70 hours a week or so, but how do you see your son? Every weekend or every other weekend?

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: KMurphy
I have a co-worker that has been married five times. His advice to guys is find a woman you absolutely hate, then buy her a house. You get off a lot cheaper that way.

Seriously, there is not much you can do about it because she has custody it sounds like. If you have joint custody, you could hire a lawyer and battle it out to the detriment of your child. Your screwed in so many ways because she could use your child as a bargaining chip.

Man, I hope you don't take advice from a guy who's been married 5 times. Maybe you should take it from people who have been and still are married once

Anyway he works two jobs - michaelD does - so that's why he works so many hours.

 

[MichaelD]

You do want hair and normal blood pressure, right?

Bwuahahahahah!!!!! God, you know me all too well. High blood pressure and hair loss---->yep, that's me.

FWIW- Sounds like she had plans to go out and party down on friday night, you inadvertently threw a wrench in the works, and she's POed about it. How late do you have to stay friday? Maybe you could set up a sitter for him friday night (so your ex can get her precious clubbing in) and grab him on the way home if it's not absurdly late?

My, my, my. Did you hit it right on the head! That's exactly it. Friday night is her whoring around night and I did throw a wrench into it. Tough nuggies on her; she likes the fact that I have money to buy him clothes and stuff...well, the job pays for that.

A sitter is out. Having the GF (yes, I do have one) is 101% out. I have been told by BroomHilda that "If you don't care enough about your son to pick him up yourself, then you won't see him." After almost three years, she refuses to meet my GF. I have tried. She is just jealous that my son likes my GF a lot.

She is a psycho. Oh, why did I hook up with her? Here's the whole thing in a nutshell. I was a different person back then...a bit...footloose and fancy-free...I had very low standards back then. I am not proud of this...it was a low-point in my life.

She had her own place, I was rooming w/another guy. She was Cain and I was ABLE. Seven or eight months and 1,001 fights later, we broke up for the tenth and final time. Six weeks after that, she turned up pregnant. The rest, you know. You PLAY, you PAY. I have learned that, now.

Changing jobs is not an option. For a person with only an AA, I make very good money, I have excellent insurance and a pension plan. I have almost 10 years invested in this job and at 34 years old, I am not changing jobs.

She had two days notice for chrissakes! Sometimes, my job will spring staying late on me at the very last minute...like Friday afternoon. I dont' have a choice in the matter.

Thanks for the words of encouragement; it helps.

 

[MichaelD]

I'd just stick to the logistics of the thing and end the call when it gets nasty.

Baff, that's exactly how I"ve handled her for the past three years. I never get a chance to end a phone call; she hangs up on me every time I talk to her. Literally. She never says "OK, bye."

Typical conversation:

*ring-ring-ring*
Her: Hello?
Me: It's me. What time am I picking him up tomorrow, please?
Her: Six PM at my house *SLAM-CLICK-DIAL TONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

See? I love my son, so I keep on keepin' on. White trash like her will get what's coming to her.

 

[MichaelD]

Some answers for you all:

1. I don't exaggerate this situation one bit...trust me; I'd never make up something as horrid as this.

2. She works a full time job.

3. We were never married, engaged, living together or even talking about any of that.

4. I have two jobs...I like to live in a decent apartment and drive a decent truck. The second job is not optional either, at this time.

5. No matter how much I see him or do for him, it's not enough. I can see him on FRI/SAT/SUN, go see him WED night and she'll hit me up for money for somethign. If I say "no", I'm a "useless f*ck" a "scumbag of a dad" and "the worst father ever."

6. There is no winning or even breaking even for me in regards to this situation. I made a decision almost seven years ago to not abandon my son. I'm sticking by it. Someday, his eyes will open and he will see his mother for what she is: A moose-like woman with the temperment of a rabid porcupine, a heart like Gengis Khan and a soul invisible to even God.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Some answers for you all:

1. I don't exaggerate this situation one bit...trust me; I'd never make up something as horrid as this.

2. She works a full time job.

3. We were never married, engaged, living together or even talking about any of that.

4. I have two jobs...I like to live in a decent apartment and drive a decent truck. The second job is not optional either, at this time.

5. No matter how much I see him or do for him, it's not enough. I can see him on FRI/SAT/SUN, go see him WED night and she'll hit me up for money for somethign. If I say "no", I'm a "useless f*ck" a "scumbag of a dad" and "the worst father ever."

6. There is no winning or even breaking even for me in regards to this situation. I made a decision almost seven years ago to not abandon my son. I'm sticking by it. Someday, his eyes will open and he will see his mother for what she is: A moose-like woman with the temperment of a rabid porcupine, a heart like Gengis Khan and a soul invisible to even God.

Well Michael,look at it this way,she's just as stuck dealing with you as you are stuck dealing with her... and it doesn't sound like you're on her list of 10 most favorite people either

 

[propellerhead]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
She had two days notice for chrissakes! Sometimes, my job will spring staying late on me at the very last minute...like Friday afternoon. I dont' have a choice in the matter.

This is the part I was keying on. I understand how important your job is to you. But you must remember, it doesn't mean jack to her. As far as she's concerned, you have a job. She probably doesn't care about the fact that you're the only one in the company that can do this job. She probably doesn't care about the fact that this is the biggest event in the history of the company and your presence is of utmost importance. Well, rightly so. Her night out with her friends is just "whoring out" to you, but it is probably one of the most important things in her life.

You and your job threw the wrench in. Yet it is easy to blame her and HATE her for not adjusting to you.

 

[notfred]

Well, you're a workaholic, and she's a bitch, and your son is the one who's going to spend his friday night at some random neighbor's house. I'd ask if you'd tried to get custody of him before, but it really doesn't matter since you don't have time for him anyways.

Why do you work two jobs? If your primary job "pays really well for just an AA", then you shouldn't have any trouble affording a car and an apartment. I work 32 hours a week for not-that-great money and I can afford a decent apartment and car.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: baffled2

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Some answers for you all:

1. I don't exaggerate this situation one bit...trust me; I'd never make up something as horrid as this.

2. She works a full time job.

3. We were never married, engaged, living together or even talking about any of that.

4. I have two jobs...I like to live in a decent apartment and drive a decent truck. The second job is not optional either, at this time.

5. No matter how much I see him or do for him, it's not enough. I can see him on FRI/SAT/SUN, go see him WED night and she'll hit me up for money for somethign. If I say "no", I'm a "useless f*ck" a "scumbag of a dad" and "the worst father ever."

6. There is no winning or even breaking even for me in regards to this situation. I made a decision almost seven years ago to not abandon my son. I'm sticking by it. Someday, his eyes will open and he will see his mother for what she is: A moose-like woman with the temperment of a rabid porcupine, a heart like Gengis Khan and a soul invisible to even God.

Well Michael,look at it this way,she's just as stuck dealing with you as you are stuck dealing with her... and it doesn't sound like you're on her list of 10 most favorite people either

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GRATEFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

 

[BD2003]

Man, this must be the ten millionth time I've seen one of these threads.

This job pays my bills, INCLUDING CHILD SUPPORT.

After reading this, and many other similar sentences, I get the feeling youre not bothered by the wife so much as you are irritated by the fact that youre stuck with a kid you dont want. You talk about how you cant win or even break even in the situation, never mind the fact that you have a son.

As much of a bitch she sounds like, she thinks youre equally the asshole, and given a chance for us to hear her side of the story, I think things would be a lot less clear cut then you make them out to be. You act as if youre the angel, and she is the devil, but I dont buy it. You speak of it like you are caught in something that is being done to you, and not something you caused on yourself.

She may not be a walk in the park, but you bring the worst out of her, and I can clearly see why.

I feel even more sorry for your son every time I read one of these threads.

 

[BD2003]

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GREATFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

You dont get a cookie for doing WHAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO DO. You should be slapped in the mouth for even writing this paragraph. Geez. :disgust:

 

[chiwawa626]

Still being a kid myself, im wondering what your son thinks about all this?

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: baffled2

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Some answers for you all:

1. I don't exaggerate this situation one bit...trust me; I'd never make up something as horrid as this.

2. She works a full time job.

3. We were never married, engaged, living together or even talking about any of that.

4. I have two jobs...I like to live in a decent apartment and drive a decent truck. The second job is not optional either, at this time.

5. No matter how much I see him or do for him, it's not enough. I can see him on FRI/SAT/SUN, go see him WED night and she'll hit me up for money for somethign. If I say "no", I'm a "useless f*ck" a "scumbag of a dad" and "the worst father ever."

6. There is no winning or even breaking even for me in regards to this situation. I made a decision almost seven years ago to not abandon my son. I'm sticking by it. Someday, his eyes will open and he will see his mother for what she is: A moose-like woman with the temperment of a rabid porcupine, a heart like Gengis Khan and a soul invisible to even God.

Well Michael,look at it this way,she's just as stuck dealing with you as you are stuck dealing with her... and it doesn't sound like you're on her list of 10 most favorite people either

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GREATFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

That all sounds good in theory Micheal but my point is she hates ans resents you as much as you do her, btw, I gotta tell you the "you should be grateful" crap wears thin after awhile,the one who matters here is the kid, and the only gratitude that should be expressed here is from TWO parents who should be glad they have the honor of having such a neat little fellow in their lives

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: BD2003

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GREATFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

You dont get a cookie for doing WHAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO DO. You should be slapped in the mouth for even writing this paragraph. Geez. :disgust:

Do you know what the term "Deadbeat Dad" means? Well, I'm not one of those. Paying child support is what I legally have to do. However, I'm not obligated to see him at all. Or give her additional money for clothes. I see him b/c I love him and WANT to see him, even though it means putting up with her. I buy him clothes b/c I want him to look good and be a happy kid.

Obviously you have zero experience with issues like children, custody agreements and life in general. How about you drink a big glass of STFU and go away?

 

[Nil]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

You do want hair and normal blood pressure, right?

Bwuahahahahah!!!!! God, you know me all too well. High blood pressure and hair loss---->yep, that's me.

FWIW- Sounds like she had plans to go out and party down on friday night, you inadvertently threw a wrench in the works, and she's POed about it. How late do you have to stay friday? Maybe you could set up a sitter for him friday night (so your ex can get her precious clubbing in) and grab him on the way home if it's not absurdly late?

My, my, my. Did you hit it right on the head! That's exactly it. Friday night is her whoring around night and I did throw a wrench into it. Tough nuggies on her; she likes the fact that I have money to buy him clothes and stuff...well, the job pays for that.

A sitter is out. Having the GF (yes, I do have one) is 101% out. I have been told by BroomHilda that "If you don't care enough about your son to pick him up yourself, then you won't see him." After almost three years, she refuses to meet my GF. I have tried. She is just jealous that my son likes my GF a lot.

She is a psycho. Oh, why did I hook up with her? Here's the whole thing in a nutshell. I was a different person back then...a bit...footloose and fancy-free...I had very low standards back then. I am not proud of this...it was a low-point in my life.

She had her own place, I was rooming w/another guy. She was Cain and I was ABLE. Seven or eight months and 1,001 fights later, we broke up for the tenth and final time. Six weeks after that, she turned up pregnant. The rest, you know. You PLAY, you PAY. I have learned that, now.

Changing jobs is not an option. For a person with only an AA, I make very good money, I have excellent insurance and a pension plan. I have almost 10 years invested in this job and at 34 years old, I am not changing jobs.

She had two days notice for chrissakes! Sometimes, my job will spring staying late on me at the very last minute...like Friday afternoon. I dont' have a choice in the matter.

Thanks for the words of encouragement; it helps.

Yeah, but it's YOUR weekend. Whether or not you have to work is not HER problem. When she has to work, I bet she has to get a baby sitter, so why can't you?

I don't mean to come down on you about this, but my wife has a child from a previous.. um.. encounter. We go through this crap EVERY time it's this fella's weekend. "I have to work", "I'm not feeling good", "I made plans with some freinds". It gets old. I'm not saying this is the same thing, or that your the same way, but you did know two days in advance, plenty of time to find someone to watch the child.

And why shouldn't she be pissed if you ruined here plans? I know it makes me kinda mad.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: BD2003

That's a typical woman's point of view, Baff. She should be GREATFUL that I didn't completely bail out right at the beginning. Grateful that I see my son and that he loves his Daddy. Grateful that she get more $$$ in child support per month for one kid than most of her friends get for TWO kids. Grateful that I help out with additional money for clothes and shoes. Grateful that I change my plans with him, at the last minute when she decides "I'm going someplace with him Friday night" and never complain. She should be kissing my @ss not kicking it.

You dont get a cookie for doing WHAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO DO. You should be slapped in the mouth for even writing this paragraph. Geez. :disgust:

The reality is that most guys would have run for the hills as soon as they found out the woman was pregnant.....ESPECIALLY if they were never legally involved. At the very least, most guys are dickheads about paying child support. Mike's willingness to support his son and his overall high level of involvement in his life shouldn't be the exception to the rule, but sadly it is. God knows there are plenty of kids with absentee dads here in ATL.