If i get the job, my gf will leave me :(

[Suicidal]

I have an interview with Corning Inc. (in Corning, NY) next week and if i get the job, my girlfriend is going to leave me. She is not interested in moving with me because she's afraid she wont find a job. She has a 4-year degree and she can find a job easy... it's just that she's been working at the same place for 5 years (Wegmans) and she has benefits (not very good ones) and she doesn't make all that much. I told her that I need to secure a future for me and for her and I can't pass up an opportunity to work for one of the best companies in the world right now. I had a lot of strings pulled to get my resume to the top of the list and now i have a real chance at landing a position (in their IT department... entry level but that's fine for me). Money is not an issue for me, if i don't have it i'll get it and i told her i'll take care of whatever she needs. We can stay with my father until I get a new place and things will be out of wack for a little while but we can adjust. I thought if you loved someone you would do what it takes??? She'd rather me stay here and work crap minimum wage (10 an hour is min wage for me) just so she doesn't have to move. If i get the job i'm taking it... why must she be so irrational? We've been going out 5 years now so this isn't a new relationship and it's worth the effort for me to save it. Any advice would be great. Girls too, gimme your advice cause i need both sides opinions.

 

[iamwiz82]

i dont think your girlfriend is a person you want if she says she wont move with you. I would move in a second if my girlfriend found a good job, i can always find work somewhere. Its decision you have to make though.

 

[dabuddha]

i feel for you man. I've been in a somewhat similar situation.
Only thing i can tell you is if you don't take the job, you're going to resent your gf for it. The relationship might be doomed if you let her make the decision for you
just my 2 cents
I hope things work out for you

 

[whatsherface]

*sigh* sounds like emotional blackmail? that's never a good thing. does she feel insecure in the relationship to be prepared to ditch it for her job if yours is better?

 

[jyrixx]

urgg.. that'd really piss me off..
take the job, if she won't move for you to better your life, and possibly her's, i would say she's not worth it..

 

[ArkAoss]

tough tough descion, hey could I send you my resume to give to them on their lowest rung if you decide not to go thru with the corning offer??

<----In desperate search for any job.

 

[Suicidal]

The thing is that she did move down to the corning/elmira area last year to be with me but at the time i couldn't find a job so i moved up here to buffalo with her to try my luck with this job market with not much success. Now i have a chance to get a real job and even better, it's near my home town. Because she moved there once (but didn't try to find a job, she just transferred to the wegmans there) she doesn't want to do it again. I would move if she found a good job elsewhere in a hearbeat. She's a smart person but she's so down on herself. She wants me to take the job if i get it but she isn't considering a move with me if i do. What a sad valentine's. Maybe some time apart would do us some good until things get worked out.

 

[beat mania]

even if you stay, in the long run there'll be something else that you'll want to choose over her (perhaps another job)

 

[MuffD]

That's a big decision. I did it for my wife

 

[kranky]

Just because she doesn't move at the same time you do doesn't necessarily mean she might not move later.

 

[BoberFett]

Let her go. If you stay, you'll blame her down the road for holding you back. Either way your relationship won't last. Sorry man.

 

[Yeeny]

You have gotten some really good advice so far, and basically I am just going to back it up. Just because she does not move with you now, does not mean she will not change her mind. But do not let anyone hold you back from your future, because you will only have resentment in the end, both towards her and yourself.

Good luck at the interview, I hope you get it if thats what you really want.

 

[AndrewR]

Take the job and move. If the relationship is that important to her, she will follow or at least stay committed until circumstances change. As is mentioned, if you DON'T take the job, you will resent her to no end, especially if you are stuck in crappy (or no) jobs afterwards and pass up a golden opportunity for yourself.

If it's meant to be with her, things will work out. If it isn't, good for you to find out now when it's still &quot;girlfriend&quot;.

 

[nicene]

i agree with the rest of the folks. compromise is always a good solution. find out some way to work it out. but like everyone else, i agree that if you concede to her demands resentment will set in later. she appears to be afraid of change. work something out with her. try to do your part, and get together a list of jobs that she would be able to find. if you move expecting her to take care of her job career, then that is a bit selfish as well. Looking around for her as well shows that you appreciate the fact that her career is as important to you as it is to her. just my 2cents. any help?

 

[FettsBabe]

Maybe she doesn't want to move because of family and friends. Maybe you are being blindsited by the money and the job. If you would rather have the job than her then take it, but if she's more important then you need to tell her.

Maybe she doesn't want to move because you have been dating five years and aren't married yet.

There could be plenty of reasons. If they are small ones then maybe a compromise is in order.

 

[bigbootydaddy]

tell her to reverse the roles. what would she want...and you didnt want to leave...

 

[FettsBabe]

I forgot to say one more thing

If you get the job and move you are leaving her. What is her degree in?

 

[dopcombo]

You should really ask her why it is she doesnt want to move.
If she gives some trivial answer, that cannot possibly be the reason

That being said, emotional blackmail is the worst sort of trick a partner can play on each other and is usually the result of a lack of communication or understanding.

My mom once did the same thing to my dad. He wanted to go a PhD deg because it was his life long desire. That meant that he would have to move away for half a year and finish his classes before coming back and doing a distance degree.
Yet she stopped him from doing it.

What followed was arguments, suicide threats, fights, family depression.
All this i learnt from my poor bro who had to live with them while i was doing college.

In the end, my dad just packed up and went to do it. It wasn't that we would not have enough money (he had saved quite a bit in the bank after years of frugal living).
My mother just didn't want to be alone for 6 months.

So what i really hope is that u guys work out your differences and find a really good compromise and not resort to using blackmail to keeping each other in one's company.

But as a man, i understand your need for the good job. Go for the interview. Then if you get the job, ask them what could be done for your &quot;potential family&quot;

just my 2.5 cents
Dopcombo

 

[Jumpem]

Suicidal, just tell her that Wegman's treats it's store-level employees like trash and she can find better down in Corning. How hard can it be to find another job for $6-$7hr.

 

[Russ]

Suicidal,

Listen to FettsBabe, she is wise. The problem is that you've been together five years and no real commitment has been made. The answer to that problem depends on which of you fears that commitment.

If it is her, then it's time for you to move on. If it is you, then either crap, or get off the pot.

Russ, NCNE

 

[classy]

&quot;Maybe she doesn't want to move because you have been dating five years and aren't married yet.&quot; FettsBabe

I think this comment by Fetts is probably playing a major role in her thinking. 5 years is a long time guy. And I think the criticism of her is not just either, because if I understand you correctly she did move with you once already. I think you need to do some soul searching. How much sacrafice have you made for her? Your comment about time apart is kinda strange too considering this is a woman you have been with for 5 years. I feel if you haven't made no commitment to her and its been 5 years, I don't blame her, I wouldn't up and move with you again either. I don't want to sound harsh but it looks like she is taking all the risks with nothing really to stand firm on.

 

[Xzaver]

Go with your girl bud.

~X~

 

[bigbootydaddy]

do remember that before there were college degrees, and buildings, and cars, and money, and jobs, there were just people. if she is your significant other you have to comprimise.

now if i could only follow my own advice.

 

[MISTER 2 U]

I agree with the response so far I would take the job.
If the job is worth it for you and you think it is worth the move then do it.
My wife is more proffesional than I. She is in the hotel field and when she gets a promotion we usally end up moving.
It was deciede before we got married that we would have to move depending on job.
My response was thats ok I can pump gas if I have to (which I have not done yet)
I do not regret any moves we have made so far and it has made us stronger as a couple.
good luck

 

[Azraele]

Relationships are about give and take and compromise. If she's threatening to leave you if you take this job (which imho it would be in your best interest to do so) then it sounds to me like this relationship would not last. When you truly love someone, you would do anything to see them happy, even let them go (cheesy reference but did you see last Futurama?). This is a dream job for you, a huge opportunity, and she's acting like a spoiled brat (I can't truly judge her just on this info, but that is how she's coming across). Talk to her, a real heart to heart, about the job and your relationship with her in general. Do what you feel is right. Also talk to your parents as well. They may have some helpful advice.