if the s/o really really wants you to learn his/her language?

[1sikbITCH]

Originally posted by: Semidevil
what if your married s/o's native language is not the same as yours and he/she really wants you to learn his/her naitive language as a way for alternate communication for eachother or to their parents. Is it your obligation to learn the language to at least a basic communication level?

reason I ask is that I know a lot of interacial or inter-ethinic married couples who have a lot of heated arguements because the guy or girl wants their spouse to learn the language, but the other person either 1)is not interested, or 2)wants to learn, but just is not motivated enough.

a lot of the basis for argument that I hear, come down to 1)not willing to appreciate their culture/language, not willing to take the extra step to enhance communication, etc etc.

what do you guys think? when it comes to inter-ethnic couples, must the language thing be part of the give/take compromise if it is being requested?

if it makes any difference, we are talking about married couples, not dating.

They should have thought of that BEFORE they got married. If I had met and fallen in love with some foreign chick (or if I was the foreign dude), I couldn't imagine NOT wanting to learn their language, their customs, and everything else about them.

 

[poopaskoopa]

I don't think it's an obligation AT ALL, but I also think that what the guy thinks will matter little to the girl. My mother(Japanese) and my stepfather(an American guy from Oklahoma) went through something like this(that is, my stepfather learning Japanese), but they both gave up for several reasons.

1. My mother speaks English fine and they have no problem understanding each other.
2. My stepfather lost interest in learning Japanese.
3. My mother didn't insist on him learning Japanese.

I picked up English as my second language, and I personally find it a waste of time to learn a new language if it's not going to be used constantly or studied with any kind of structure. Maybe he/she can learn some common phrases or words. From what I've seen from my parents and other couples, what I think will happen is that the GUY will be pushed to learn HER language, and HE will end up not learning it(not any more than a few words and sentences, anyway), and SHE will get over it and life will go on.

What I don't understand(and I'll use English as an example since I live in the US) is that if a girl can't speak English comfortably after having spent years here, WTF makes her think that her guy will learn her native language when he doesn't use it when he's not with her, and he's not taking classes to learn it? And if she thinks taking classes is warranted, then she should get a double dose of reality-check because she doesn't realize, or is too goddamn lazy to admit, her learning English and improving her communication skills will benefit her in every area of her life in the US.

You can replace the US/English with any other country and language. If the couple is in the US and one of them is a native English speaker, then I'd think that English is the only logical choice for the common language. And if they're in Italy and one of them is Italian, then.. you get the idea. Not sure what to tell you if a French and a Korean got married in the US. I'm thinking English, but I can see that they might argue over French vs Korean to speak privately.

So yeah, the language thing should be compromised so that both sides can be happy with one another, but it's probably unrealistic to expect one to become a fluent speaker of that language.

 

[Juno]

if it's too easy to learn then sure rather than too complicated like asian languages.

english was my first language, american sign language my 2nd and spanish my 3rd. i'm thinking about picking up another language though.