if the s/o really really wants you to learn his/her language?

[Semidevil]

what if your married s/o's native language is not the same as yours and he/she really wants you to learn his/her naitive language as a way for alternate communication for eachother or to their parents. Is it your obligation to learn the language to at least a basic communication level?

reason I ask is that I know a lot of interacial or inter-ethinic married couples who have a lot of heated arguements because the guy or girl wants their spouse to learn the language, but the other person either 1)is not interested, or 2)wants to learn, but just is not motivated enough.

a lot of the basis for argument that I hear, come down to 1)not willing to appreciate their culture/language, not willing to take the extra step to enhance communication, etc etc.

what do you guys think? when it comes to inter-ethnic couples, must the language thing be part of the give/take compromise if it is being requested?

if it makes any difference, we are talking about married couples, not dating.

 

[Tiamat]

that has to be a point of compromise. Some people are just not good at learning languages. I for one suck at learning languages or anything that requires memorization (Organic Chem, Computer languages, etc.).

I do like to go into a restaurant and not sound stupid ordering a plate that is not in my native tongue though.

 

[imported_Tick]

Some of us are unable to learn another language, so it would have to be a point of compromise.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Well you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to, but what's so bad about learning a second language?

Personally I think I'd do it. It shows your wife that you're interested in the culture she came from.

Plus it'll help you to not feel like an outsider when you're mingling with her relatives and they're speaking in a language you don't understand.

 

[xtknight]

Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Well you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to, but what's so bad about learning a second language?

Personally I think I'd do it. It shows your wife that you're interested in the culture she came from.

Plus it'll help you to not feel like an outsider when you're mingling with her relatives and they're speaking in a language you don't understand.

nail on head

 

[ColdFusion718]

I'd totally be down with it. Learning another language is a great experience.

 

[Lithium381]

i love learning languages!!! if anything, learn the basic greetings, thank yous, and the like or take a first year course at a college

 

[GoingUp]

Originally posted by: xtknight

Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Well you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to, but what's so bad about learning a second language?

Personally I think I'd do it. It shows your wife that you're interested in the culture she came from.

Plus it'll help you to not feel like an outsider when you're mingling with her relatives and they're speaking in a language you don't understand.

nail on head

 

[theprodigalrebel]

I think I lack the ability to learn a new language. I have friends that speak Arabic & Telugu. I haven't gone beyond learning simple words & phrases (Hi/What's up?/Thanks/Please/Sorry/Goodbye) and a whole lotta profanities.

I would hate it if this is something a SO would raise a fuss over.

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: Tick
Some of us are unable to learn another language, so it would have to be a point of compromise.

exactly. I can't learn them for the life of me. I have a tenuous grasp on English as is.

 

[jjones]

My wife only spoke basic english when I met her and I only spoke very rudimentary spanish. We both wanted to learn more of each other's languages, but I wouldn't say there is an obligation to learn, although I do have to wonder at the person who wouldn't even attempt to learn their spouse's language. It just seems kind of odd that you would be attracted to a person and not be at all desirous of learning such an important part of their culture.

That's not to say you need to be successful at the language, but at least you make an effort of learning it. I suck at languages badly, and even after ten years of living down here in Mexico, my spanish skills are just barely above what I'd call decent survival spanish, and I speak and practice it every day. I wish I took to it more naturally.

 

[Sphexi]

My wife is Chinese, I'm Wonderbread white. Her whole family speaks Cantonese, some of them only that. I understand a tiny little bit of it, can't really speak any, but I try to learn things. I've never really been good with other languages, my brain simply doesn't like to learn them, so it'd be a really long process to become fluent for me.

 

[maddogchen]

i suck at learning languages too but I would at least learn "I love you, you're beautiful, thank you, hello, please"

Just try to say it a lot till you memorize it. Anything more is asking a lot.

 

[judasmachine]

wth is wrong with learning a new language? it's an opportunity to grow as a person.

 

[Semidevil]

Originally posted by: judasmachine
wth is wrong with learning a new language? it's an opportunity to grow as a person.

there is nothing wrong with learning a new language. the topic was more towards if the spouse is obligated to learn the language. like, if the spouse is upset at you for not learning it, is her anger justified....

 

[cjgallen]

I'd make an effort to learn all the dirty words and phrases for requesting sexual favors, I'm sure she'd like that.

 

[Mardeth]

My mom and dads mother tongues are different, both know both. My mom knows dads language better since she uses it everyday.

 

[nboy22]

Tell her in exchange you want to learn one of your languages. C++ or something like that. hahaha

 

[secretanchitman]

i would at least try to learn...if its really too hard/dont have time, then dont.

its awesome knowing another language (i can actually converse in french and tell what people are saying - its pretty sweet).

 

[sciencewhiz]

Do you know what they call an educated person who only speaks one language?

American

 

[ShadowOfMyself]

I would definitely be up for it... new languages are always fun! But I think either both should learn each others native language, or neither... only 1 having to learn is unfair

 

[1prophet]

If you can do it go for it, more things in common make for better relationships.

 

[wahoyaho]

if it were me, i'd do it if i am able too, just trying to pick things up here and there

 

[RKS]

My wife has tried to learn Hindi/Punjabi just so she knows what my mom is saying about her...

 

[b0mbrman]

It depends on what the language is and what my ethnicity is

If I did try to learn it, I would make it clear that she would be the one responsible for teaching it to me. We'll see who gets frustrated first :evil: