So you just gain consciousness to find yourself in a sterilized laboratory all alone by yourself. Your brain begins to recollect vague memories of the moments prior to your arrival here, bright lights illuminating your car as it sped down the highway, an ufo, your abductions by space aliens and so on. You just know its a shitty day when you get abducted by aliens, have a bad headache and plus your butt hurts like a mofo for some reason.
Your misery gets interrupted by a voice from the speaker on the wall.
"Greetings, Earthling. You have been selected to be subject to a unique sociological experiment....."
"An experiment? Why me?" You ask the voice.
"Because you are an ATOT'er!" The voice answers.
"Huh, I just posted on Anandtech for selling my video card...." You protest back.
"Your mode of participation is irrelevant. Our analysis of all data pertaining to the human race led us to select ATOT'er as the perfect criteria for the next leveling of testing on human beings..." The Alien speaker replies.
"What? I don't understand!" You say.
"Our studies indicate the average ATOT'er is a genetically prime specimen of humanity. An average ATOT has a supermodel mate, financial power and influence in millions, IQ of 150 and penis sizes exceeding eight inches. Also the ATOT'er perception of art and beauty is held paramount. They are the first species to introduce the concept of pointy elbows. We have now introduced that standard all over that galaxy.." The voice responds.
"What do I have to do?" You ask.
"You are required to make a choice. Bear in mind this affects the rest of your life. You can have either great food, great sex or great entertainment for the rest of your life, but only one of them. If you choose one, you forgo the other..." You get the answer back.
"Thats unfair!" You complain.
"So is life and so get on with the program..." The voice orders.
"What if I choose food and die of heart attack or kidney failure?" You ask.
"The food will not affect your body. You can eat and drink as much as you want." The voice says.
"If I choose sex, what happens?" You ask intrigued, you are having a boner already.
"We genetically create partners of choice for you to mate with, but there would be no entertainment of any other kind and the food will taste as bad as regurgitated barf." The voice answers,
"What if I choose entertainment?" You ask.
"You get to watch all the videos and songs you want..." The reply comes back.
"What about porn?" You ask.
"Nothing doing, if you choose entertainment, your food will taste like barf and your hand will be your best friend forever."
So there you got it folks, What would you choose?
TLR version.
You got three choices to choose from.
Great food with your hand as best friend and no TV
Great Sex with barf food and no TV.
Great Entertainment with barf food and the hand as best friend.
Choose any one.
Your misery gets interrupted by a voice from the speaker on the wall.
"Greetings, Earthling. You have been selected to be subject to a unique sociological experiment....."
"An experiment? Why me?" You ask the voice.
"Because you are an ATOT'er!" The voice answers.
"Huh, I just posted on Anandtech for selling my video card...." You protest back.
"Your mode of participation is irrelevant. Our analysis of all data pertaining to the human race led us to select ATOT'er as the perfect criteria for the next leveling of testing on human beings..." The Alien speaker replies.
"What? I don't understand!" You say.
"Our studies indicate the average ATOT'er is a genetically prime specimen of humanity. An average ATOT has a supermodel mate, financial power and influence in millions, IQ of 150 and penis sizes exceeding eight inches. Also the ATOT'er perception of art and beauty is held paramount. They are the first species to introduce the concept of pointy elbows. We have now introduced that standard all over that galaxy.." The voice responds.
"What do I have to do?" You ask.
"You are required to make a choice. Bear in mind this affects the rest of your life. You can have either great food, great sex or great entertainment for the rest of your life, but only one of them. If you choose one, you forgo the other..." You get the answer back.
"Thats unfair!" You complain.
"So is life and so get on with the program..." The voice orders.
"What if I choose food and die of heart attack or kidney failure?" You ask.
"The food will not affect your body. You can eat and drink as much as you want." The voice says.
"If I choose sex, what happens?" You ask intrigued, you are having a boner already.
"We genetically create partners of choice for you to mate with, but there would be no entertainment of any other kind and the food will taste as bad as regurgitated barf." The voice answers,
"What if I choose entertainment?" You ask.
"You get to watch all the videos and songs you want..." The reply comes back.
"What about porn?" You ask.
"Nothing doing, if you choose entertainment, your food will taste like barf and your hand will be your best friend forever."
So there you got it folks, What would you choose?
TLR version.
You got three choices to choose from.
Great food with your hand as best friend and no TV
Great Sex with barf food and no TV.
Great Entertainment with barf food and the hand as best friend.
Choose any one.