who said anything about talking personal stuff all the time?
and even if they did, thats like condemming people to not get personal with anyone else BUT their spouse.
Originally posted by: GeneValgene
no, that's fine. i mean, having lunch together (only two people) every day, and talking about personal stuff all the time, is a recipe for disaster. i'm just saying - there are people with perfect intentions, and who are faithful, who have unknowingly put themselves in a position to fail...i've seen it happen, and the repurcussions aren't pretty
Originally posted by: preslove
You're probably exagerating the frequency. I highly doubt it's "every day." Gossip head. Platonic friendships like this are very common.
Originally posted by: xospec1alk
Originally posted by: GeneValgene
no, that's fine. i mean, having lunch together (only two people) every day, and talking about personal stuff all the time, is a recipe for disaster. i'm just saying - there are people with perfect intentions, and who are faithful, who have unknowingly put themselves in a position to fail...i've seen it happen, and the repurcussions aren't pretty
who said anything about talking personal stuff all the time?
and even if they did, thats like condemming people to not get personal with anyone else BUT their spouse.
Originally posted by: Koing
TRUST ISSUES
People need to be more laid back about stuff like this. If people are going to cheat they will anyway.
I don't care.
Koing
Originally posted by: mrchan
Originally posted by: Koing
TRUST ISSUES
People need to be more laid back about stuff like this. If people are going to cheat they will anyway.
I don't care.
Koing
Agreed.
Your wife will have male friends.
Your husband will have female friends.
Friends eat together.
Whats the big deal?
Originally posted by: Koing
TRUST ISSUES
People need to be more laid back about stuff like this. If people are going to cheat they will anyway.
I don't care.
Koing
this isn't just about friendship. read the original post again.Originally posted by: xospec1alk
Originally posted by: GeneValgene
Originally posted by: moshquerade
trueOriginally posted by: JS80
those situations are very high risk of affairage.
QFT...let's say you both become good friends at work, and start to share personal stuff. no biggie, just good friends...
but let's say you go through a tough couple months, where you are fighting with your wife consistently...home life has been draining, and it has been rough. you spend time at work with your "friend", and you realize how understanding/caring/listening/attractive she is, as she hears out all your problems. if she starts showing attraction toward you, can you be honest and say this is not a high risk of affairage?
So now, we're not allowed to keep friends of the opposite sex? you guys are ridiculous.
Originally posted by: JS80
those situations are very high risk of affairage.
mmm 3 someOriginally posted by: ballmode
1 on 1, no.
If there were another person of either sex, it's ok.
Originally posted by: jtvang125
Not just lunch but they're together at break time and always chit chatting when they walk by the other's desk. Not that I care that they're doing this but I think it's unfair for their significant other. I mean if I was married and found out my wife was going out to lunch with the same guy at work everyday I wouldn't be too happy.
Originally posted by: dullard
It starts out ok, but there is a definite fine line that is easilly crossed. Take my experience, tell me where the line was crossed.
1) Had a wife (11 years together, 6 married).
2) She works evenings as a ballroom dance instructor.
3) She dances with all sorts of men all day long (dancing means thigh/thigh and/or chest/chest contact). Of course, I dance with all sorts of women, so this isn't an issue.
4) She starts hanging out with the other dance instructors after work on Tuesdays (usually to a bar).
5) She later starts hanging out with just two dance instructors (one of each gender) on Thursday evening (usually to an apartment) in addition to Tuesday.
6) She later starts hanging out with one male instructor M, W, F, Sat, and Sun in addition to the Tuesday and Thursday outings. They go places and do things she has always refused to ever do with me (innocent things such as drink at a bar, play pool, go bowling, watch a movie, etc).
7) She quits and opens a dance studio with one male instructor. They work all day together, eat lunch together, do "business planning" after work together late into the night.
8) I snoop her emails and they are all love emails discussing intimate body parts and corsets.
9) I file for divorce.
10) I find a loyal GF and am much happier now.
Where exactly is that line crossed? I had a ton of trust for my wife and got burned. I say the line was crossed right around point #5. Others may say it is crossed a bit earlier or a bit later. Either way, jtvang125's description is right near my point #5. Has that line already been crossed. Are they already at point #6 or beyond and he doesn't know it yet?
The Dear Anne newspaper columist said it best: (paraphrased) "if it is work related and necessary, there is nothing wrong with it. If it isn't necessary or work related it probably is innocent but the chance of raising problems is too great to risk. Avoid it at all costs."
Sure all of that started out innocent. And I think she never meant to fall in love with another. But why put yourself in the situation where you are likely to do it? Unlike what others think, you CANNOT control your heart. Just avoid the risk to begin with.Originally posted by: GeneValgene
what starts out innocent can end up disastrous if you aren't careful
Originally posted by: dullard
It starts out ok, but there is a definite fine line that is easilly crossed. Take my experience, tell me where the line was crossed.
1) Had a wife (11 years together, 6 married).
2) She works evenings as a ballroom dance instructor.
3) She dances with all sorts of men all day long (dancing means thigh/thigh and/or chest/chest contact). Of course, I dance with all sorts of women, so this isn't an issue.
4) She starts hanging out with the other dance instructors after work on Tuesdays (usually to a bar).
5) She later starts hanging out with just two dance instructors (one of each gender) on Thursday evening (usually to an apartment) in addition to Tuesday.
6) She later starts hanging out with one male instructor M, W, F, Sat, and Sun in addition to the Tuesday and Thursday outings. They go places and do things she has always refused to ever do with me (innocent things such as drink at a bar, play pool, go bowling, watch a movie, etc).
7) She quits and opens a dance studio with one male instructor. They work all day together, eat lunch together, do "business planning" after work together late into the night.
8) I snoop her emails and they are all love emails discussing intimate body parts and corsets.
9) I file for divorce.
10) I find a loyal GF and am much happier now.
Where exactly is that line crossed? I had a ton of trust for my wife and got burned. I say the line was crossed right around point #5. Others may say it is crossed a bit earlier or a bit later. Either way, jtvang125's description is right near my point #5. Has that line already been crossed? Are they already at point #6 or beyond and he doesn't know it yet?
The Dear Anne newspaper columist said it best: (paraphrased) "if it is work related and necessary, there is nothing wrong with it. If it isn't necessary or work related it probably is innocent but the chance of raising problems is too great to risk. Avoid it at all costs."
I bet all these lunches are not necessary, and thus they have crossed the line. The fact that people are talking about it behind their back is proof enough that it is causing damage (emotional/trust damage to the spouse that is left out).
Quite possibly. But you don't need love to have a happy, lasting relationship (see thousands of years of successful arranged marriages for examples). Can you say for certain that jtvang125's example loves her husband? If not, she should divorce him and THEN eat lunches with the opposite gender.Originally posted by: Baked
Your wife didn't love you to begin w/. You lived in a lie for 11 years.
Originally posted by: HBalzer
I wouldn't like it if my wife went to lunch alone with some guy and spent huge amount of time chit chatting. We all know what the guy wants.
There is a fine line between being trusting and being naive.
Originally posted by: da loser
i know lots of people that do this. seems it's a way for married folks to vent about their spouse\kids to the opposite sex. definately the chance for an affair, since that person becomes their emotional friend\partner.
of course, sometimes those people are ugly, where there's little chance of an affair. kind of like you guys stuck in the friend zone.