As far as this thread, I'd like to get past the simple branding of racism - the very notion of racism is a world with so many connotations and is essence an emotionally charged word and is really a broad reaching word that disguises the underlying processes at work. The terming racism belongs in political/cultural branding and discussions - by the very first post of this thread, this discussion belongs beyond that as the author has tried to understand the underlying processes and reasons for his feelings and what they mean.
Moreover, even in any usuage of branding, the word 'racism' cannot be applied because by its very definition it is linked to the belief of superiority of one race over the other - something the originall poster has shown <i> no </i> such opinion and in fact expressed to the contrary. So here at most could be accused of insecurity ...now we could really attribute this to the wider formative societal pressures that one grows up in (we can consider the role of the media etc). Nevertheless, the original poster can be seen to be a victim of this as much that undoubtedly the rest of us, albeit over different issues and in different ways. Importantly, I would like to distance this discussion now from individuals and branding them and is why I am trying not to use names - the very fact is that this is not an uncommon feeling (poll results) and so does not deserve to be limited to individuals.
From my understanding, the crux of this post is the transformation of a woman from a focus of attraction to suddenly becoming completely devoid of it. Asking a more general question - why can we be suddenly not be attracted to a woman we were before after actually meeting her and talking to her? Because we realise she is not interesting to us either in her activities or personality and that we do not have anything in common with her to make her 'attractive' to us. Extrapolate this to a girl that one has been interested in and then suddenly find out that she has had a terrible past (eg had several porn stars at once as from earlier posters) and then again suddenly she is no longer attractive because she has shown herself to be outside of something we can identify with and make her interesting and attractive to us. This can be despite of her otherwise having all the qualities that would make her perfectly attractive to us - this would even override the fact she could be our very soulmate all things considered. Thus, I categorize the poster original response within this - the very fact is this girl going out with a black man has overridden any attractiveness and placed her outside something he can identify with / 'attractiveness radar'. This can be because he is not black and because he has been told by all the pressures of family and society (media) that black men <i> are </i> different. This can easily be seen from popular culture and music to popular myths. The particular problem with this in a relationship is that no matter who you are, you always compare yourself to your partner's exes and unless you can compare up - identify with them and find some reasons why <i>you</i> are better than them and why you are better suited to your partner and why she wants <i>you</i>. Supposing you are told black men are completely different (esp sexually) and have it has an ingrained accepted belief, how is one to compare to oneself to someone regarded as so different? Going out with someone to be happy one needs to reconcile with one's partners past such that they don't matter +/ you compare favourably with them. If you can't completely forget about them and can't quite compare yourself, how can one reconcile oneself? Of course, at this point on insecurities can become involved and inextricably complicate things where nothing short of a psychoanalytical thesis can answer adequately. However, the original poster has shown no such insecurities so I won't touch on that.
Anyway, this can be extrapolated to other races and other viewpoints - from the black male or indeed as one poster commented from an asian male viewpoint.
In short, one should ask while the notion of a soulmate is perhaps ridiculous, is it worth risking losing that someone who could be so perfectly suited to you, who could make the rest of your life so unbelievably happy?
Moreover, even in any usuage of branding, the word 'racism' cannot be applied because by its very definition it is linked to the belief of superiority of one race over the other - something the originall poster has shown <i> no </i> such opinion and in fact expressed to the contrary. So here at most could be accused of insecurity ...now we could really attribute this to the wider formative societal pressures that one grows up in (we can consider the role of the media etc). Nevertheless, the original poster can be seen to be a victim of this as much that undoubtedly the rest of us, albeit over different issues and in different ways. Importantly, I would like to distance this discussion now from individuals and branding them and is why I am trying not to use names - the very fact is that this is not an uncommon feeling (poll results) and so does not deserve to be limited to individuals.
From my understanding, the crux of this post is the transformation of a woman from a focus of attraction to suddenly becoming completely devoid of it. Asking a more general question - why can we be suddenly not be attracted to a woman we were before after actually meeting her and talking to her? Because we realise she is not interesting to us either in her activities or personality and that we do not have anything in common with her to make her 'attractive' to us. Extrapolate this to a girl that one has been interested in and then suddenly find out that she has had a terrible past (eg had several porn stars at once as from earlier posters) and then again suddenly she is no longer attractive because she has shown herself to be outside of something we can identify with and make her interesting and attractive to us. This can be despite of her otherwise having all the qualities that would make her perfectly attractive to us - this would even override the fact she could be our very soulmate all things considered. Thus, I categorize the poster original response within this - the very fact is this girl going out with a black man has overridden any attractiveness and placed her outside something he can identify with / 'attractiveness radar'. This can be because he is not black and because he has been told by all the pressures of family and society (media) that black men <i> are </i> different. This can easily be seen from popular culture and music to popular myths. The particular problem with this in a relationship is that no matter who you are, you always compare yourself to your partner's exes and unless you can compare up - identify with them and find some reasons why <i>you</i> are better than them and why you are better suited to your partner and why she wants <i>you</i>. Supposing you are told black men are completely different (esp sexually) and have it has an ingrained accepted belief, how is one to compare to oneself to someone regarded as so different? Going out with someone to be happy one needs to reconcile with one's partners past such that they don't matter +/ you compare favourably with them. If you can't completely forget about them and can't quite compare yourself, how can one reconcile oneself? Of course, at this point on insecurities can become involved and inextricably complicate things where nothing short of a psychoanalytical thesis can answer adequately. However, the original poster has shown no such insecurities so I won't touch on that.
Anyway, this can be extrapolated to other races and other viewpoints - from the black male or indeed as one poster commented from an asian male viewpoint.
In short, one should ask while the notion of a soulmate is perhaps ridiculous, is it worth risking losing that someone who could be so perfectly suited to you, who could make the rest of your life so unbelievably happy?