I'm engaged. Thank you, ATOT.

[Shelly21]

Traditional asian parents are not necessarily racist. They're typically just reserved. There's a difference. Don't let Americanism fool you into thinking it's simply a black and white issue.

Actually, I find it strange some of these people would call the father racist, when they themselves would not have anything to do with blacks.

 

[TheNinja]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

With a racist father, who'd want to be a part of a family like that anyway? Who cares what your parents think. If you want to marry this guy, then marry him.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure a lot of people here would not let their daughter marry a black man.

Traditional asian parents are not necessarily racist. They're typically just reserved. There's a difference. Don't let Americanism fool you into thinking it's simply a black and white issue.

So by the same token you could say traditional southern parents (from Mississippi, etc) are just ignorant or reserved and and therefore not necessarily racist? To say that Dez's dad would prefer she marry someone of similar background/values/upbringing is one thing. But Dezign said her dad claimed he would probably never fully accept the kid b/c he's not Chinese. To me that seems like the very definition of racism.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: Staley8

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

With a racist father, who'd want to be a part of a family like that anyway? Who cares what your parents think. If you want to marry this guy, then marry him.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure a lot of people here would not let their daughter marry a black man.

Traditional asian parents are not necessarily racist. They're typically just reserved. There's a difference. Don't let Americanism fool you into thinking it's simply a black and white issue.

So by the same token you could say traditional southern parents (from Mississippi, etc) are just ignorant or reserved and and therefore not necessarily racist? To say that Dez's dad would prefer she marry someone of similar background/values/upbringing is one thing. But Dezign said her dad claimed he would probably never fully accept the kid b/c he's not Chinese. To me that seems like the very definition of racism.

Toward every race except Chinese ? That's a bit extreme don't you think ? If she had mentioned he was black and that's exactly why he won't be accepted, I'm all for that definition.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: Dezign
*sigh*

Update:

Well... for the most part, my parents were cordial and they acknowledged him.

My mother thought he was a very sweet guy and bought him a watch, a robe, and a dress shirt... she actually cried at the end when she spoke with me about our situation, telling me that he was a very good boy with a good heart (and light years ahead of all the losers I'd dated in the past), she just didn't think he was the right one for me.

My father was agreed with my mom that "he's a good boy", but he doesn't think he'll be able to ever fully accept him into the family because he isn't Chinese.

My sisters were pretty neutral. There was a bit of drama over the weekend, which is why I wasn't able to make it to the Dallas ATOT meetup. Both of us were really looking forward to that too, which made it even worse. *sigh*

All in all... it could've been much worse, I guess. Only time will tell what happens next... we'll be moving in together on May 4th.

With a racist father, who'd want to be a part of a family like that anyway? Who cares what your parents think. If you want to marry this guy, then marry him.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure a lot of people here would not let their daughter marry a black man.

I could care less who my daughter marries....when she is 35 and finally allowed to leave the house.


Seriously though I'd have no problem with it provided they treated her right and provided for her.

 

[sillymofo]

Heh...this just dawn on me, she's doing it for the million bucks. Air next season on Fox.

 

[TheNinja]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Staley8

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

With a racist father, who'd want to be a part of a family like that anyway? Who cares what your parents think. If you want to marry this guy, then marry him.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure a lot of people here would not let their daughter marry a black man.

Traditional asian parents are not necessarily racist. They're typically just reserved. There's a difference. Don't let Americanism fool you into thinking it's simply a black and white issue.

So by the same token you could say traditional southern parents (from Mississippi, etc) are just ignorant or reserved and and therefore not necessarily racist? To say that Dez's dad would prefer she marry someone of similar background/values/upbringing is one thing. But Dezign said her dad claimed he would probably never fully accept the kid b/c he's not Chinese. To me that seems like the very definition of racism.

Toward every race except Chinese ? That's a bit extreme don't you think ? If she had mentioned he was black and that's exactly why he won't be accepted, I'm all for that definition.

I don't think it's too extreme for someone to be racists towards every race but their own. Look at the KKK, they would be classified as racists towards everyone except white people, as they hate blacks, asian, jews, etc. What her father said just seems pretty racist to me in the same way the KKK wants to keep their "white blood" pure.

 

[Tetsuo]

That was fast...but congrats

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: Staley8

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Staley8

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

With a racist father, who'd want to be a part of a family like that anyway? Who cares what your parents think. If you want to marry this guy, then marry him.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure a lot of people here would not let their daughter marry a black man.

Traditional asian parents are not necessarily racist. They're typically just reserved. There's a difference. Don't let Americanism fool you into thinking it's simply a black and white issue.

So by the same token you could say traditional southern parents (from Mississippi, etc) are just ignorant or reserved and and therefore not necessarily racist? To say that Dez's dad would prefer she marry someone of similar background/values/upbringing is one thing. But Dezign said her dad claimed he would probably never fully accept the kid b/c he's not Chinese. To me that seems like the very definition of racism.

Toward every race except Chinese ? That's a bit extreme don't you think ? If she had mentioned he was black and that's exactly why he won't be accepted, I'm all for that definition.

I don't think it's too extreme for someone to be racists towards every race but their own. Look at the KKK, they would be classified as racists towards everyone except white people, as they hate blacks, asian, jews, etc. What her father said just seems pretty racist to me in the same way the KKK wants to keep their "white blood" pure.

You sure do judge people quickly (did we not learn anything...). You already correlate his opinion (stated through another person) to what the KKK does. If that's not extreme...

Anyway, do you know anyone with traditional asian parents ? I'd love for you to see for yourself... rather than have you stand by the enveloping opinion that all traditional asians who would like their kids to stay within the same race/creed in marriage are racists.

 

[Zhou]

WTF?

I am full chinese (moved to US around age 9), my parents are both full chinese from China.
They don't have any problem with me dating / marring a white girl.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: Zhou
WTF?

I am full chinese (moved here to the US around age 9), my parents are both full chinese from China.
They don't have any problem with me dating / marring a white girl.

What about a black or hispanic girl ?

 

[Zhou]

Well... black/hispanic is iffy, but I think if I really wanted to they will be ok with it.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Zhou
WTF?

I am full chinese (moved here to the US around age 9), my parents are both full chinese from China.
They don't have any problem with me dating / marring a white girl.

What about a black or hispanic girl ?

White people are often an exception

 

[Looney]

I wrote a long reply, but i don't think you need any more negativity. I don't think this was a good call on your part Dez, especially springing it on your parents so early. I know you wanted to share the news with them, but you must have known what they would have though. 1) he's not Chinese, 2) you did this so suddenly, 3) they don't even fully know the person yet.

I'm Chinese, so i can understand the part of your parents finding it hard to accept him. I know it has nothing to do with racism as some people in this thread thinks, it has to do with different cultures. Sometimes asian people realize that western people think our culture is wierd, strange, backwatered, superstitious, etc, etc, and they know that if your significant other isn't the same, then they might not be wholly accepting of it... which means the grandchildren will be raised with less of their culture and more of the western culture, and in many cases, their culture completely forgotten and ignored. Racism is believing that your race is superior to theirs, that their race is for some reason degenerate, i can tell you very few asian parents believe that... would we have moved to the west if we believed that?

Well, i really do hope you beat out the odds Dez.

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: Zhou
WTF?

I am full chinese (moved to US around age 9), my parents are both full chinese from China.
They don't have any problem with me dating / marring a white girl.

Well i guess because your experience is this way, it's the only way it could be, right?

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: Zhou
WTF?

I am full chinese (moved to US around age 9), my parents are both full chinese from China.
They don't have any problem with me dating / marring a white girl.

Expand your world and mind little grasshopper. Just because it applies to you doesn't mean it does to the rest of world.

 

[Childs]

There is the old belief that who someone chooses to marry is a reflection on the parents and their values. While it may be great for your parents to know that you would want to marry outside your race, it could also be seen as a rejection of your roots and culture. To be honest, I'm surprised Americans care, and more and more don't, cause this land is the melting pot, but other first gen citizens don't think the same way.

I wouldn't necessarily call the OP's parents racist. They are prehaps holding on to their heritige a little too tight for living in America, but not racist. Racist would be saying the guy was no good because he's black. I'm somewhat inclined to think that its what they are saying in a round about way, because with asians it seems that white people are the exception to the "chinese only" rule. In any event it doesn't really matter...the tough part will be determining if the relationship if worth all the hassles, even if its only 6 weeks old.

 

[DanTMWTMP]

it's all about communication

her parents would feel a lot more comfy if dezign nabbed a chinese dude. Family reunions would be more comfy.

my cousin married to a rather hot filipino. My family's korean. there's too much silence in family reunions and an obvious reverse discrimination btwn the two families. I have no problem talking to her or other younger members of her family who were born in the US...just that the older members find it uncomfortable and cannot communicate well w/ each other... Me and my cousins were the first to be born in the US. Being in the US, it's damn hard to find another korean (unless you're christian and go to a korean church) to date.

In the end, it's just about being comfortable and communications

 

[zixxer]

Originally posted by: Staley8
<blockquote>Quote
Originally posted by: Dezign
*sigh*

Update:

Well... for the most part, my parents were cordial and they acknowledged him.

My mother thought he was a very sweet guy and bought him a watch, a robe, and a dress shirt... she actually cried at the end when she spoke with me about our situation, telling me that he was a very good boy with a good heart (and light years ahead of all the losers I'd dated in the past), she just didn't think he was the right one for me.

My father was agreed with my mom that "he's a good boy", but he doesn't think he'll be able to ever fully accept him into the family because he isn't Chinese.

My sisters were pretty neutral. There was a bit of drama over the weekend, which is why I wasn't able to make it to the Dallas ATOT meetup. Both of us were really looking forward to that too, which made it even worse. *sigh*

All in all... it could've been much worse, I guess. Only time will tell what happens next... we'll be moving in together on May 4th.

Well honestly you can't expect your parents or your sisters to jump for joy and totally embrace the idea. They don't even know this person and they probably think you don't know him that well either. You parents are probably just worried and are trying to protect you. Although your father not accepting him b/c he's not Chinese is borderline racist. I think your fiance will have to prove himself longer than a 2 day stay at your parents if he wants to gain their approval. Anyone can put on a good show for a couple of days. See how your parents feel in a year after you get to know him better and hopefully they get to know him better face to face or through you (if distance is a factor).[/quote]

It's not that they *think* she doesn't know him; it's that she DOESN'T know him that well. They have never lived together but are getting married? Dumb.

 

[Pepsei]

Get this, My friend will only date White chicks, and he's Chinese. Is he being a racist?

 

[spidey07]

meh, the pressure to marry these days is pretty strong. If nothing more than to say "I'm married"

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Hardcore
I wrote a long reply, but i don't think you need any more negativity. I don't think this was a good call on your part Dez, especially springing it on your parents so early. I know you wanted to share the news with them, but you must have known what they would have though. 1) he's not Chinese, 2) you did this so suddenly, 3) they don't even fully know the person yet.

I'm Chinese, so i can understand the part of your parents finding it hard to accept him. I know it has nothing to do with racism as some people in this thread thinks, it has to do with different cultures. Sometimes asian people realize that western people think our culture is wierd, strange, backwatered, superstitious, etc, etc, and they know that if your significant other isn't the same, then they might not be wholly accepting of it... which means the grandchildren will be raised with less of their culture and more of the western culture, and in many cases, their culture completely forgotten and ignored. Racism is believing that your race is superior to theirs, that their race is for some reason degenerate, i can tell you very few asian parents believe that... would we have moved to the west if we believed that?

Well, i really do hope you beat out the odds Dez.

You hit the nail on the head, Hardcore. Thank you for the best wishes, they are much appreciated... the fiance will be gone 3 months this summer (in Martinique, tropical island where his family is from) and I'll be here in LA, working/studying. It's gonna be a long 90+ days.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Dezign

the fiance will be gone 3 months this summer (in Martinique, tropical island where his family is from) and I'll be here in LA, working/studying. It's gonna be a long 90+ days.

slang for he hit her, she got a 90 day restraining order, and it's going to be a long 90days hoping he doesnt violate it while the DA puts him on trial for assault

 

[tboneuls]

6 weeks??!?

 

[shimsham]

so if i dont want my daughter to marry anyone other than a white guy because i want to preserve my caucasian culture, then im not a racist?

if any white bread here claimed that, then they would be trounced upon with everyone calling their parents racist. i guess only white people can be racist then.

either way, good luck.

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: shimsham
so if i dont want my daughter to marry anyone other than a white guy because i want to preserve my caucasian culture, then im not a racist?

if any white bread here claimed that, then they would be trounced upon with everyone calling their parents racist. i guess only white people can be racist then.

either way, good luck.

Ignorance. Racism implies that you believe your race is superior, what they want is they prefer somebody within the same culture and understanding. If a white parent said that, it would depend on whether it was implied in a racist manner. Do they really believe that the other person's race is inferior? Or are they really afraid that the cultures are so different? I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but things are rarely black and white in real life. It's like your daughter brining home a chinese american boy who's been here for a couple of decades, compred to your daughter bringing home a chinese boy who's fresh off the boat, who doesn't understand your language, culture, customs, etc. Unless you're very openminded, you'll have reservations about the latter as well.