I'm tired of getting crapped on by people who say nothing but me but "arent you the guy that smashed his fathers table/windhshield/whatever?"
Yeah. that's me. Want to know why? Start reading.
I don't think I have a family anymore. My life has gone from bad, to ****** to worse, to now. Please don't think I'm emo or attention whoring, cause if you were in my shoes, you might see things differently. Some people will inevitably mention in the first page that I'm the ass who got pissed off at his father because he didnt buy me a car, I smashed his windshield, broke his dinner table, etc. It's all true. I was pretty mad, but why I'm mad is explained - not justified - below.
My parents were immigrants, as the last ask/tell thread I started about them went. Both of them came to this country with literally nothing in their pockets. They both worked hard and busted their asses. My parents managed to scrape together some money, and like most chinese - they opened a restaurant.
4 years later, I was born. I had a weird childhood. I got to see my parents for 20 minutes, when dad took me to private school (I never asked for this, and I dont know if it stunted my development or anything, being a christian fundie place), 20 minutes when dad picked me up in the afternoon and drove me home every day. I'd be in bed by the time he got home and we'd wake up in the morning and start all over again.
I don't know if there's a study somewhere that says how much time a parent should spend with a child every day, but I think that 40 minutes is a bit weak.
This point is where I think I started resenting business.
For a long time, I gave a lot of thought to the words "I grew up without a father" from adults, because I always thought there was a duality to the words. If a father dies or leaves the family, the child grows up without a father.
What happens when the father is alive, and is there, but just isn't there, like in a divorce or a custody thing? Yes, my dad is alive but, did I grow up with him is another story. I've come to think that both are equally bad.
Now, my mom was always the person to give orders. God help you if you didn't do it either. My dad was always on the recieving end of an ass kicking because he didn't do something or forgot to do something. I would have to take all my books home from elementary school because my mom would make up her own homework because she thought I didn't have enough.
This is when something struck me from the 10 commandments.
You're supposed to honor your father and mother. There's nothing in there that says your father and mother have to honor you. Whatever they do to you is ok, because they're the parents and they know best.
That's not always the case.
Back in elementary school, I had bad eyes. I couldn't see and I was vocal about it. The teacher actually had to send a note home to get my parents to listen to me regarding eyesight. Thats when they bought me glasses.
Then my vision changed. I didn't need glasses. Told mom and dad. The verdict was that they paid good money for glasses, and I'm gonna wear them. Well, ******. Can't ignore mom and dad, the good book says so!
I wear glasses unneccesarily for several years. My friends do the thing in school where "can you see this without your glasses" thing, you know. I always win the wager cause they don't know I see fine without em.
Eventually, they take me to the eye doctor and the doc says I don't need glasses anymore. Mom and dad are stunned. Three years later, my vision reverses again and I need glasses. I'm in middle school. My parents ignore the pleas for eyewear again until we have a huge fight about it.
They did the same thing with my brother.
Lessons learned:
Mom and Dad have a tendency not to listen to/believe their own son.
Mom and Dad tend to think problems will self correct. When they don't, they ignore them until they become such a huge problem that it cannot be ignored any longer.
Education was a big thing in my family. My dad didn't go to college and he was stuck working in a kitchen. I was always told "Don't be as stupid as your father" and it stuck with me. In this vein, my mother sent me to a catholic school that I never wanted to go to. The words my father gave me before I went in to take the entrance exam were "You better get in, or your mother is going to belt you."
I passed and I went to catholic school. I was forced to go to catholic church, because my mom lied on the forms and wanted a tuition break. I said no. Dad said get my ass in the car. When dad didn't come in, I asked why. He said "I'm not catholic".
I wasn't either, and I didn't get to go home and watch a baseball game. I'm stuck in mass because my parents lied about religion to get a $2000 break on tuition. Dad gets a free pass, because he's not catholic. I get mad, but not really mad.
Lesson learned:
My parents dont practice what they preach.
High school was a rough patch and here's where the car story and my custom title comes in. I had skipped two grades. When I entered high school, I was 12 years old. I graduated at 16. In FL, it's a rite of passage to get your learners and your drivers license and be able to go to prom/homecoming, etc on your own.
Well, I was like any other asian kid and stuck working in the family restaurant since I was 8. A lot of people miss this point and ask me "Well what makes you think your DESERVE a car paid for by mom and dad? What have you done to earn it?"
I earned it. When you're 8 and working in your parents restaurant because they told you to, you earned it. Sometimes when birthday parties come up and you've got to say "I can't, mom and dad have me working in the restaurant" - I like to think that you're putting some karma in the bank.
I guess mine dosen't accept deposits, because my parents never paid me. When my friends said "WOW! HOW MUCH DO YOU GET PAID? CAUSE YOU CAN BUY COMIC BOOKS! AND GUM!", I never had an answer because they never paid me.
My father never found this out until I was in high school. I was a junior, and had just turned 15, the min age for a FL learners permit.
He had a kidney stone and thought he was going to die. My mom didn't drive, and as a result, he had said that there was no way to claim his body if he died. He asked me politely to get a learners. I said no. I wasn't up for the responsibility, I had no money, no car, and I had no desire for it. I didn't want it. I can't afford the insurance, I don't want the headache. What need of a car does a 15 year old nerdy asian kid with no friends have?
Dad being dad, defines his fatherly duties in one concise sentence.
"You worry about getting the license, I'll worry about getting the car. I'm a businessman. My word is my bond."
I took the bond for face value. I got the learners. When asked, wheres my car - I was greeted with stuttering. I guess dad didn't think I could pass the first time. He says I need to get my actual operators license. I ask when the car will get here. I'm told again, "You worry about getting the license, I'll worry about getting the car. I'm a businessman. My word is my bond."
I got the operators license. "HEY DAD! I GOT MY LICENSE! Wheres my car?"
Dad didn't really blink much. I guess he thought I wouldn't make it. He says he's working on it.
Later on, I find out that his "working at it" means reading the classifieds at 7AM after driving me to school, and looking at the CARS UNDER $1000 section of the paper, for something under 100k miles, with working air (we live in FL), good on gas, and reliable. Why $1000? I don't know, my father is cheap.
You can see why he didn't find anything for what turned out to be 18 months. I told you that story to tell you another, and I'll cut back to this one in a few paragraphs.
Now, my mom was a different story. She buys GOOD stuff, not cheap stuff. She also wore the pants in the family, my father has NO say whatsoever in the process of anything. Mom had no interest in cars or driving, so whatever my dad says to buy, she writes the check. Mom was always in the stock market. She didn't do great in it on her own, and always wanted help.
My mother would wake me up on a school night, when I was like 10 years old at midnight to help her get on AT&T worldnet and do stock research. Did you read that? My mom woke me up from a sound sleep to help her pick stocks at midnight and I was in 7th grade. I had total control of the computer at home, I've basically been a mini sysadmin since our pre pentium 1, 486 IBM clone. I've always had an interest in money, fostered by my mother and because I was the only one that knew the computer - I had almost unrestricted access to accounts at Merrill.
My mom was heavily invested in tech stocks at the time. This was 1994. Over the next 7 years, I would see every dollar my parents invested from their restaurant make us rich. Richer than astronauts.
Cut back to the car scenario.
What really irritated me about my father's car shopping is that it wasn't so much shopping as it was pandering to me. He'd look at the trashiest cars and not really be serious about buying. He'd take me out every weekend just to point at stuff and say no.
Senior prom (or was it homecoming....whatever.) came up, and I had pretty much had it with mom and dad. I asked them what was so bad about spending $5000 on the car that their son worked for in their restaurant.
"We have no money for your car."
I locked out all the accounts on the computer and pointed at the screen before I did so and scream YOU HAVE....FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND ****** DOLLARS HERE AND YOU SAY THERE'S NO GODDAMN MONEY!
"We have no money for your car son."
I'm as crazy as Andrea Yates at this point. I don't like people who lie. In fact, I consider it a sign of disrespect. If I did something bad, I'd tell mom and dad that I did it. I wouldn't skirt the issue, so this bothered me so much I went out to my dads car with wirecutters and a knife. I was going to do something to the distributor cap because if he's going to lie to me and treat me that way, he shouldn't have a car. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what a distributor cap looked like. I had heard about it on MacGuyver. Dad went nuts. He started crying and doing the "Son....why are you doing this to me?" speech.
I said - Dad, you promised me and lied to me. Thats why.
Then I yanked three fuses out of his car and told him to go ****** himself.
Enter Jack Johnson, pseudonym. My father employs hired help. He's a brick shithouse that kicks down peoples doors and shakes them down for money. He's extremely intimidating and scares the living snot out of everybody. Hence, why dad called him in.
He says to give back the fuses or else he's calling his buddies at the sherrifs office and they're going to run me in and being 16, I caved.
As I was standing in the driveway, dad said "Sorry son. I want to make this right."
the dance passes, I don't go because my mom says "If you really want to go, your father can take you."
I hole myself up in my room and spend the entire weekend wondering where my life went wrong. My parents lie to me and make me work and they don't seem to respect me. Dad says he's working on the car.
The thing about me is that if I cant find a way to get through something, I'll find a way over it. I went on strike at the restaurant. My parents were PISSED. They went so far as to make my brother cover for me. He caved. I didn't. I stayed home sitting around doing nothing because I wanted to stand up in what I believed in. Then it came to me. I drew up an agreement and undertaking that outlined a plan for me to go back to work, and a goal for my dad to get serious.
A: I need a car. Dad will spend NO GREATER than 10% of his net worth on a car
B: This will end work stoppage.
C: You have 3 months.
D: Failure to comply results in breach, reinstated work stoppage and payment of damages in the amount of $50,000 to son.
Mom and dad signed it. I went back to work. Mom and dad breached it. I went back on strike.
A month after I graduated high school, my father bought a beat to ****** car for me to drive. It was bittersweet. He said "sorry son".
Lesson Learned:
Dad says his word is his bond. Except they're junk bonds.
Now, I told you those two stories to get you to this story.
Back in high school, I wanted to go to business school. I got accepted at a small, liberal arts B school in Miami. The problem with graduating at 16 is that you can't sign ANYTHING. Anything you sign, requires a parental signature. I had said "Hey dad, I got into B school" and showed him the acceptance letter.
He told me to talk to him later cause NYPD blue was on and he was already in his lazboy. Now that you know the car story, you'll see the joke about how my dad and a lazboy recliner go hand in hand.
So anyways, it turns out that my mom told me that I had money to go to college after the entire stock market shenannigans thing and I gave her access back to all her brokerage accounts. Well, I showed mom that I got into business school and she said that anything I'd need, I'd get.
Well, I had two problems.
I got no financial aid. Not from mom, dad, or the financial aid office. It turns out my parents are tax frauds and that taxes arent on their list of things "TO DO".
No return = no financial aid
No car = no getting to college
No mom writing a check = no getting to college
When this happened, all I could do is say bad things about my parents. The one big disadvantage to graduating before 18 is that nothing you say sticks because you're too young to contract. When my parents friends call and say "Whats your oldest son up to?", they say "he's not working, he's not in school, he's a bum."
They don't tell them about the other side of the coin. I get mad and I have several arguments with them. Mom feels very bad about not doing taxes so I can get an education. Dad feels very bad he ignored me. They both say they're sorry and things will change.
Now, it's been abbout 5 years since all that. Every year around my birthday, I like to take stock of what's happened with my life in the past year. I've been waking up every morning wondering why my parents felt it was ok to ****** me on my car, my college, and to a capacity, my life. I've taken stock and heres what I've figured out so far.
When I found out my parents had no way to support my college education, because they lost everything in the tech stock crash - I went into business. I wound up selling crap from dell and pretty much anything that moved. Over the next few years, I broke into guns and eventually the venerable diesel suburban. And then, all hell broke loose.
Hurricane took the roof off the house, and we lost pretty much everything. Over the course of the year, State Farm measured the roof 4 times - and got each measurement WRONG, revised their estimate 6 times, and went from "Your house has $33k in damage to "Your house has $105k in damage".
My dad delegated all insurance to me. I was 20 years old. I was working full time. The reason: I'm clueless and you're good at reading things.
Gee dad, all those years in catholic school really paid off, didn't it?
We fight about fixing the house for a year. It takes over a year to get the house fixed. My fathers insurance policy reads that he has to replace any contents within 1 year of date of loss. I tell him, Dad we need to buy things. He says we'll do it later. So does all 12 of his adjusters. Every week I tell him what to do, every week I hear "I'll do it next week".
My father, as you have read is not action oriented. When someone tells him to do something, he says "he's working on it". Dad is better at making excuses than he is at making results.
Dad does not buy anything because he says:
I don't have any money to buy contents for an entire house. I spent my money buying insurance. When SF gives me money, I can go replace things. Plus, even if I did have money - I don't have anywhere to put any of it. I'm supposed to get a storage unit, move in everything, store everything and move it back to the primary residence?
Dad's excuse is somewhat viable. Except it dosen't jive with the adjusters. They deny all contents claims because they're made over a year after date of loss.
Well, I get mad at dad again. Because, my father asked me to help him and he ignored everything I told him. Now, just to give some background here....
In the time that we were told to replace everything within a year, my dad said "We have no money".
He bought a $13,000 car, for him. With hundred dollar bills. Instead of buying stuff for the house that we need covered, my father decided that a car is more important than a bed, or a lamp.
I have fought with him. Many times. I have done some really terrible things out of anger. I smashed the dinner table. I smashed his windshield. I've taken my car and left donuts in the yard. I've broken windows. I've broken chairs. I've broken too so many things out of anger that it saddens even me. The one thing that bothers me most is that my father breaks down and cries when he sees how angry I've gotten at him and he says he's sorry and that things will change. Well those words don't appear to have much meaning anymore.
The most recent event has been this week. I've fought with my dad, both yelling and actually getting in fisticuffs with him every day this week.
A month ago, my father pleaded for my help with the insurance. I pitched a bitch to State Farm, and they called on Wednesday.
"Go shopping. We are covering all covered losses. Please submit reciepts for reimbursement. You have 40 days. We have never allowed this kind of leeway before, as this came from the boss of the boss of the boss of my boss."
We are presented with two problems. A: We're asked to replace $109,000 in stuff in 40 days.
B: We are asked to do so with $28,000. In a check made out to my mom and dad.
This leads me to the most recent fight. He asks for a plan and I tell dad what he needs to do. He's amblivalent to doing it. He goes so far as to compltely disregard my advice. I get mad and yell at him. He starts crying and does the usual routine.
He makes excuses. I'm old. I'm forgetful. I don't understand insurance. I don't know what this means.
I tell dad that making excuses is what got us into this mess to begin with.
When the hurricane took the roof off and ceilings were caving in, my father had looked at me and asked "Can we get a hotel room?"
I told him that it was a maybe. He looked at my mother, who had just taken care of breast cancer a year ago and said "We'll tell them that you have cancer."
This angered me. Chinese believe that if you say it, it will come true. I said NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ****** SAY THAT.
Dad looked back and shot me a look and looked at my mother and said "You have cancer."
We got our hotel room.
A year and a half later, my mother died of cancer.
The check they wrote us is un-depositable becuase of both names on the check and State Farm will spend 2 weeks re-issuing it.
So thats it.
State Farm won.
They beat me.
They beat my family.
Everything in the house got trashed and we have no way to replace it with a bad check.
I have nothing left. I lost a mother. I lost a father and he lost a son tonight.
I'm calling them in the morning and telling them that they can keep their $108,000 because I'm not spending another minute of my life working to furnish a house that no longer has a family living in it.
I'm taking the entire box of reciepts and stuff and burning it all.
They won. They've crippled my spirit. I can't do this for another day. Every day for the past two years, I've spent wondering what is in that box that is going to make my life miserable. It's the bane of my existence. That box has ruined so much of my life. I'd give anything to have a normal childhood. I'd give anything to have a normal house. ANYTHING.
I got mad that forgot what had happened and I told him. The death of my mother is his fault. He said it. I blame him.
Now he is in the other room crying loudly saying he's sorry to me because he forgot he said that to my mother and she's gone now.
Now I know what sound a family makes when it tears apart.
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Criticizing me seems pretty easy from the cheap seats. Spend a day in my shoes and you might learn something.
Yeah. that's me. Want to know why? Start reading.
I don't think I have a family anymore. My life has gone from bad, to ****** to worse, to now. Please don't think I'm emo or attention whoring, cause if you were in my shoes, you might see things differently. Some people will inevitably mention in the first page that I'm the ass who got pissed off at his father because he didnt buy me a car, I smashed his windshield, broke his dinner table, etc. It's all true. I was pretty mad, but why I'm mad is explained - not justified - below.
My parents were immigrants, as the last ask/tell thread I started about them went. Both of them came to this country with literally nothing in their pockets. They both worked hard and busted their asses. My parents managed to scrape together some money, and like most chinese - they opened a restaurant.
4 years later, I was born. I had a weird childhood. I got to see my parents for 20 minutes, when dad took me to private school (I never asked for this, and I dont know if it stunted my development or anything, being a christian fundie place), 20 minutes when dad picked me up in the afternoon and drove me home every day. I'd be in bed by the time he got home and we'd wake up in the morning and start all over again.
I don't know if there's a study somewhere that says how much time a parent should spend with a child every day, but I think that 40 minutes is a bit weak.
This point is where I think I started resenting business.
For a long time, I gave a lot of thought to the words "I grew up without a father" from adults, because I always thought there was a duality to the words. If a father dies or leaves the family, the child grows up without a father.
What happens when the father is alive, and is there, but just isn't there, like in a divorce or a custody thing? Yes, my dad is alive but, did I grow up with him is another story. I've come to think that both are equally bad.
Now, my mom was always the person to give orders. God help you if you didn't do it either. My dad was always on the recieving end of an ass kicking because he didn't do something or forgot to do something. I would have to take all my books home from elementary school because my mom would make up her own homework because she thought I didn't have enough.
This is when something struck me from the 10 commandments.
You're supposed to honor your father and mother. There's nothing in there that says your father and mother have to honor you. Whatever they do to you is ok, because they're the parents and they know best.
That's not always the case.
Back in elementary school, I had bad eyes. I couldn't see and I was vocal about it. The teacher actually had to send a note home to get my parents to listen to me regarding eyesight. Thats when they bought me glasses.
Then my vision changed. I didn't need glasses. Told mom and dad. The verdict was that they paid good money for glasses, and I'm gonna wear them. Well, ******. Can't ignore mom and dad, the good book says so!
I wear glasses unneccesarily for several years. My friends do the thing in school where "can you see this without your glasses" thing, you know. I always win the wager cause they don't know I see fine without em.
Eventually, they take me to the eye doctor and the doc says I don't need glasses anymore. Mom and dad are stunned. Three years later, my vision reverses again and I need glasses. I'm in middle school. My parents ignore the pleas for eyewear again until we have a huge fight about it.
They did the same thing with my brother.
Lessons learned:
Mom and Dad have a tendency not to listen to/believe their own son.
Mom and Dad tend to think problems will self correct. When they don't, they ignore them until they become such a huge problem that it cannot be ignored any longer.
Education was a big thing in my family. My dad didn't go to college and he was stuck working in a kitchen. I was always told "Don't be as stupid as your father" and it stuck with me. In this vein, my mother sent me to a catholic school that I never wanted to go to. The words my father gave me before I went in to take the entrance exam were "You better get in, or your mother is going to belt you."
I passed and I went to catholic school. I was forced to go to catholic church, because my mom lied on the forms and wanted a tuition break. I said no. Dad said get my ass in the car. When dad didn't come in, I asked why. He said "I'm not catholic".
I wasn't either, and I didn't get to go home and watch a baseball game. I'm stuck in mass because my parents lied about religion to get a $2000 break on tuition. Dad gets a free pass, because he's not catholic. I get mad, but not really mad.
Lesson learned:
My parents dont practice what they preach.
High school was a rough patch and here's where the car story and my custom title comes in. I had skipped two grades. When I entered high school, I was 12 years old. I graduated at 16. In FL, it's a rite of passage to get your learners and your drivers license and be able to go to prom/homecoming, etc on your own.
Well, I was like any other asian kid and stuck working in the family restaurant since I was 8. A lot of people miss this point and ask me "Well what makes you think your DESERVE a car paid for by mom and dad? What have you done to earn it?"
I earned it. When you're 8 and working in your parents restaurant because they told you to, you earned it. Sometimes when birthday parties come up and you've got to say "I can't, mom and dad have me working in the restaurant" - I like to think that you're putting some karma in the bank.
I guess mine dosen't accept deposits, because my parents never paid me. When my friends said "WOW! HOW MUCH DO YOU GET PAID? CAUSE YOU CAN BUY COMIC BOOKS! AND GUM!", I never had an answer because they never paid me.
My father never found this out until I was in high school. I was a junior, and had just turned 15, the min age for a FL learners permit.
He had a kidney stone and thought he was going to die. My mom didn't drive, and as a result, he had said that there was no way to claim his body if he died. He asked me politely to get a learners. I said no. I wasn't up for the responsibility, I had no money, no car, and I had no desire for it. I didn't want it. I can't afford the insurance, I don't want the headache. What need of a car does a 15 year old nerdy asian kid with no friends have?
Dad being dad, defines his fatherly duties in one concise sentence.
"You worry about getting the license, I'll worry about getting the car. I'm a businessman. My word is my bond."
I took the bond for face value. I got the learners. When asked, wheres my car - I was greeted with stuttering. I guess dad didn't think I could pass the first time. He says I need to get my actual operators license. I ask when the car will get here. I'm told again, "You worry about getting the license, I'll worry about getting the car. I'm a businessman. My word is my bond."
I got the operators license. "HEY DAD! I GOT MY LICENSE! Wheres my car?"
Dad didn't really blink much. I guess he thought I wouldn't make it. He says he's working on it.
Later on, I find out that his "working at it" means reading the classifieds at 7AM after driving me to school, and looking at the CARS UNDER $1000 section of the paper, for something under 100k miles, with working air (we live in FL), good on gas, and reliable. Why $1000? I don't know, my father is cheap.
You can see why he didn't find anything for what turned out to be 18 months. I told you that story to tell you another, and I'll cut back to this one in a few paragraphs.
Now, my mom was a different story. She buys GOOD stuff, not cheap stuff. She also wore the pants in the family, my father has NO say whatsoever in the process of anything. Mom had no interest in cars or driving, so whatever my dad says to buy, she writes the check. Mom was always in the stock market. She didn't do great in it on her own, and always wanted help.
My mother would wake me up on a school night, when I was like 10 years old at midnight to help her get on AT&T worldnet and do stock research. Did you read that? My mom woke me up from a sound sleep to help her pick stocks at midnight and I was in 7th grade. I had total control of the computer at home, I've basically been a mini sysadmin since our pre pentium 1, 486 IBM clone. I've always had an interest in money, fostered by my mother and because I was the only one that knew the computer - I had almost unrestricted access to accounts at Merrill.
My mom was heavily invested in tech stocks at the time. This was 1994. Over the next 7 years, I would see every dollar my parents invested from their restaurant make us rich. Richer than astronauts.
Cut back to the car scenario.
What really irritated me about my father's car shopping is that it wasn't so much shopping as it was pandering to me. He'd look at the trashiest cars and not really be serious about buying. He'd take me out every weekend just to point at stuff and say no.
Senior prom (or was it homecoming....whatever.) came up, and I had pretty much had it with mom and dad. I asked them what was so bad about spending $5000 on the car that their son worked for in their restaurant.
"We have no money for your car."
I locked out all the accounts on the computer and pointed at the screen before I did so and scream YOU HAVE....FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND ****** DOLLARS HERE AND YOU SAY THERE'S NO GODDAMN MONEY!
"We have no money for your car son."
I'm as crazy as Andrea Yates at this point. I don't like people who lie. In fact, I consider it a sign of disrespect. If I did something bad, I'd tell mom and dad that I did it. I wouldn't skirt the issue, so this bothered me so much I went out to my dads car with wirecutters and a knife. I was going to do something to the distributor cap because if he's going to lie to me and treat me that way, he shouldn't have a car. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what a distributor cap looked like. I had heard about it on MacGuyver. Dad went nuts. He started crying and doing the "Son....why are you doing this to me?" speech.
I said - Dad, you promised me and lied to me. Thats why.
Then I yanked three fuses out of his car and told him to go ****** himself.
Enter Jack Johnson, pseudonym. My father employs hired help. He's a brick shithouse that kicks down peoples doors and shakes them down for money. He's extremely intimidating and scares the living snot out of everybody. Hence, why dad called him in.
He says to give back the fuses or else he's calling his buddies at the sherrifs office and they're going to run me in and being 16, I caved.
As I was standing in the driveway, dad said "Sorry son. I want to make this right."
the dance passes, I don't go because my mom says "If you really want to go, your father can take you."
I hole myself up in my room and spend the entire weekend wondering where my life went wrong. My parents lie to me and make me work and they don't seem to respect me. Dad says he's working on the car.
The thing about me is that if I cant find a way to get through something, I'll find a way over it. I went on strike at the restaurant. My parents were PISSED. They went so far as to make my brother cover for me. He caved. I didn't. I stayed home sitting around doing nothing because I wanted to stand up in what I believed in. Then it came to me. I drew up an agreement and undertaking that outlined a plan for me to go back to work, and a goal for my dad to get serious.
A: I need a car. Dad will spend NO GREATER than 10% of his net worth on a car
B: This will end work stoppage.
C: You have 3 months.
D: Failure to comply results in breach, reinstated work stoppage and payment of damages in the amount of $50,000 to son.
Mom and dad signed it. I went back to work. Mom and dad breached it. I went back on strike.
A month after I graduated high school, my father bought a beat to ****** car for me to drive. It was bittersweet. He said "sorry son".
Lesson Learned:
Dad says his word is his bond. Except they're junk bonds.
Now, I told you those two stories to get you to this story.
Back in high school, I wanted to go to business school. I got accepted at a small, liberal arts B school in Miami. The problem with graduating at 16 is that you can't sign ANYTHING. Anything you sign, requires a parental signature. I had said "Hey dad, I got into B school" and showed him the acceptance letter.
He told me to talk to him later cause NYPD blue was on and he was already in his lazboy. Now that you know the car story, you'll see the joke about how my dad and a lazboy recliner go hand in hand.
So anyways, it turns out that my mom told me that I had money to go to college after the entire stock market shenannigans thing and I gave her access back to all her brokerage accounts. Well, I showed mom that I got into business school and she said that anything I'd need, I'd get.
Well, I had two problems.
I got no financial aid. Not from mom, dad, or the financial aid office. It turns out my parents are tax frauds and that taxes arent on their list of things "TO DO".
No return = no financial aid
No car = no getting to college
No mom writing a check = no getting to college
When this happened, all I could do is say bad things about my parents. The one big disadvantage to graduating before 18 is that nothing you say sticks because you're too young to contract. When my parents friends call and say "Whats your oldest son up to?", they say "he's not working, he's not in school, he's a bum."
They don't tell them about the other side of the coin. I get mad and I have several arguments with them. Mom feels very bad about not doing taxes so I can get an education. Dad feels very bad he ignored me. They both say they're sorry and things will change.
Now, it's been abbout 5 years since all that. Every year around my birthday, I like to take stock of what's happened with my life in the past year. I've been waking up every morning wondering why my parents felt it was ok to ****** me on my car, my college, and to a capacity, my life. I've taken stock and heres what I've figured out so far.
When I found out my parents had no way to support my college education, because they lost everything in the tech stock crash - I went into business. I wound up selling crap from dell and pretty much anything that moved. Over the next few years, I broke into guns and eventually the venerable diesel suburban. And then, all hell broke loose.
Hurricane took the roof off the house, and we lost pretty much everything. Over the course of the year, State Farm measured the roof 4 times - and got each measurement WRONG, revised their estimate 6 times, and went from "Your house has $33k in damage to "Your house has $105k in damage".
My dad delegated all insurance to me. I was 20 years old. I was working full time. The reason: I'm clueless and you're good at reading things.
Gee dad, all those years in catholic school really paid off, didn't it?
We fight about fixing the house for a year. It takes over a year to get the house fixed. My fathers insurance policy reads that he has to replace any contents within 1 year of date of loss. I tell him, Dad we need to buy things. He says we'll do it later. So does all 12 of his adjusters. Every week I tell him what to do, every week I hear "I'll do it next week".
My father, as you have read is not action oriented. When someone tells him to do something, he says "he's working on it". Dad is better at making excuses than he is at making results.
Dad does not buy anything because he says:
I don't have any money to buy contents for an entire house. I spent my money buying insurance. When SF gives me money, I can go replace things. Plus, even if I did have money - I don't have anywhere to put any of it. I'm supposed to get a storage unit, move in everything, store everything and move it back to the primary residence?
Dad's excuse is somewhat viable. Except it dosen't jive with the adjusters. They deny all contents claims because they're made over a year after date of loss.
Well, I get mad at dad again. Because, my father asked me to help him and he ignored everything I told him. Now, just to give some background here....
In the time that we were told to replace everything within a year, my dad said "We have no money".
He bought a $13,000 car, for him. With hundred dollar bills. Instead of buying stuff for the house that we need covered, my father decided that a car is more important than a bed, or a lamp.
I have fought with him. Many times. I have done some really terrible things out of anger. I smashed the dinner table. I smashed his windshield. I've taken my car and left donuts in the yard. I've broken windows. I've broken chairs. I've broken too so many things out of anger that it saddens even me. The one thing that bothers me most is that my father breaks down and cries when he sees how angry I've gotten at him and he says he's sorry and that things will change. Well those words don't appear to have much meaning anymore.
The most recent event has been this week. I've fought with my dad, both yelling and actually getting in fisticuffs with him every day this week.
A month ago, my father pleaded for my help with the insurance. I pitched a bitch to State Farm, and they called on Wednesday.
"Go shopping. We are covering all covered losses. Please submit reciepts for reimbursement. You have 40 days. We have never allowed this kind of leeway before, as this came from the boss of the boss of the boss of my boss."
We are presented with two problems. A: We're asked to replace $109,000 in stuff in 40 days.
B: We are asked to do so with $28,000. In a check made out to my mom and dad.
This leads me to the most recent fight. He asks for a plan and I tell dad what he needs to do. He's amblivalent to doing it. He goes so far as to compltely disregard my advice. I get mad and yell at him. He starts crying and does the usual routine.
He makes excuses. I'm old. I'm forgetful. I don't understand insurance. I don't know what this means.
I tell dad that making excuses is what got us into this mess to begin with.
When the hurricane took the roof off and ceilings were caving in, my father had looked at me and asked "Can we get a hotel room?"
I told him that it was a maybe. He looked at my mother, who had just taken care of breast cancer a year ago and said "We'll tell them that you have cancer."
This angered me. Chinese believe that if you say it, it will come true. I said NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ****** SAY THAT.
Dad looked back and shot me a look and looked at my mother and said "You have cancer."
We got our hotel room.
A year and a half later, my mother died of cancer.
The check they wrote us is un-depositable becuase of both names on the check and State Farm will spend 2 weeks re-issuing it.
So thats it.
State Farm won.
They beat me.
They beat my family.
Everything in the house got trashed and we have no way to replace it with a bad check.
I have nothing left. I lost a mother. I lost a father and he lost a son tonight.
I'm calling them in the morning and telling them that they can keep their $108,000 because I'm not spending another minute of my life working to furnish a house that no longer has a family living in it.
I'm taking the entire box of reciepts and stuff and burning it all.
They won. They've crippled my spirit. I can't do this for another day. Every day for the past two years, I've spent wondering what is in that box that is going to make my life miserable. It's the bane of my existence. That box has ruined so much of my life. I'd give anything to have a normal childhood. I'd give anything to have a normal house. ANYTHING.
I got mad that forgot what had happened and I told him. The death of my mother is his fault. He said it. I blame him.
Now he is in the other room crying loudly saying he's sorry to me because he forgot he said that to my mother and she's gone now.
Now I know what sound a family makes when it tears apart.
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Criticizing me seems pretty easy from the cheap seats. Spend a day in my shoes and you might learn something.