In need of lawyer-ly advice regarding adoption

[Praetor]

tl;dr version:
I've had a lawyer "working" for 5 years now on adopting my wife's son, does it really take that long or am I being taken?

Long version:
As a preface, I always refer to (legally) my wife's son as "my son" because I've been in his life and helped raise him since he was seven months old. For the sake of the story, I'll switch back and forth.

I met my wife 10 years ago, shortly after her ex-boyfriend took off for another state. This left her alone with her seven month old son, living at her parent's house while working at a gas station. The three of us hit it off and I married her. She took my name as her own and we started the process of my legally adopting my son. When he was born, my wife gave him her ex's last name because they were still together and didn't have any plans on breaking up. Obviously, that didn't happen.

In speaking with a co-worker who had some adoption issues, I went with the lawyer he had used and recommended. This lawyer told us that because my wife had given our son her ex's last name, we had to get him to release parental rights and consent to a name change. We didn't have a whole lot of information as to where he was, but she did have his social security number and an idea of what state his parents lived in. The lawyer said it shouldn't be a problem and would take the case. We paid him the up-front retainer and waited.

At this point, my son was 5 and entering kindergarten in the fall. Figuring it would be over soon, we were able to persuade his teacher to use my last name instead of my son's legal last name in class.

After about a year of exchanging conversations with the lawyer, we still hadn't made progress. He said he wasn't able to track down the ex. My son's first grade teacher made a big stink over the last name and refused to back down from using his legal name. She got the school to agree with her and to this day, we haven't had a teacher willing to cooperate. I've come to understand this because it's been going on so long and legally, it's not his name.

My son is now 10. Over the past 5 years, I haven't seen any progress. The lawyer has told me that the judge wants the consent forms signed before anything is done. After year 2 or 3, he told me he would try to go for child abandonment since the ex hasn't had any contact with my wife or son during the time we've been together. I've been doing my own research and cyber-stalking and managed to find a current address for the ex and provided it to the lawyer. The lawyer claims to have made contact with the ex, but has only traded voicemail messages.

Of course, that's mostly what I've done with him over this time. It's rare that he's actually answered when I've called. His secretary usually claims he's in court or in a conference with a client and takes a message. I can't recall a single time that he's returned a call from a message I've left.

His secretary has sent a few bills over the years, but the lawyer told me to disregard them until he's done. I just received another bill, with a handwritten note telling me to send a payment.

I haven't seen any progress from him, but on the same token, I can't afford to hire another lawyer AND pay off this one. Do I have any options at this point? Do adoptions really take this long or am I being taken?

 

[dabuddha]

Can't they claim that the sperm donor has abandoned his child?

 

[Praetor]

Can't they claim that the sperm donor has abandoned his child?

He's claimed he would try to pursue that avenue at least twice now. The most recent occasion was at the start of this year. I haven't heard or seen the results of this. To be honest, I'm not sure he's made an attempt on this line.

 

[CPA]

It took us about a year and the birth father lived in no-man's land Arizona. We are in Texas. Eventually, my lawyer was able to find him and send him the proper paperwork.

Oh, yeah, need to mention the lawyer was DevilsAdvocate who used to post here. Haven't spoken with him in years.

 

[EagleKeeper]

In speaking with a co-worker who had some adoption issues, I went with the lawyer he had used and recommended. This lawyer told us that because my wife had given our son her ex's last name, we had to get him to release parental rights and consent to a name change. We didn't have a whole lot of information as to where he was, but she did have his social security number and an idea of what state his parents lived in. The lawyer said it shouldn't be a problem and would take the case. We paid him the up-front retainer and waited.

All that needs to be done is to post a legal notice in the local paper for a period of time (x months) for the area that you live in, the last known area that he lived in and the area that his parents live in.

That will serve as notice. Your lawyer should know that. After x months, you can then petition the court for the full adoption. That should take y months.

For the lawyer to string you along for 5 years is unethical.
He should have told you up front what the court requires and get it down.
The courts have a way to handle the missing parent situation. this is what should have been followed.

We are presently going through this for a grandchild. Father ran, child was born and daughter had not changed her name from her original married name; went on the birth certificate under married name.

 

[Krazy4Real]

Why don't you setup an appointment to talk face to face. Get the real answers. I think it's ridiculous that it is taking this long.

 

[SpatiallyAware]

You need to find a decent lawyer ASAP. This guy is very clearly screwing you.

 

[waggy]

last 2 post were dead on. it shouldn't take this long.

 

[Praetor]

Kinda what I expected to hear, but not what I wanted to hear. I stopped by his office and he and his secretary were both out. I spoke with his partner and he promised to have him call me when he gets back in this afternoon. I'm aiming for a sit-down conversation.

I can't really afford to get a new lawyer, but at this point, I don't see what other options I have.

 

[vshah]

you may not even need a lawyer to tackle this. I would call up the family courts directly and ask what is required.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

Kinda what I expected to hear, but not what I wanted to hear. I stopped by his office and he and his secretary were both out. I spoke with his partner and he promised to have him call me when he gets back in this afternoon. I'm aiming for a sit-down conversation.

I can't really afford to get a new lawyer, but at this point, I don't see what other options I have.

You could do it yourself.

Using a lawyer for simple process-things that no-one is going to fight is like using an EE to install a new hard-drive.

In case you get stuck:

http://www.legalzoom.com/marriage-divorce-family-law/adoption

 

[RbSX]

Considering within 3 seconds I found two spelling mistakes (including one in the title) - I figure the lawyer has figured out he has a stupid and gullible client who he can take to the bank.

FYI it's advice and pursue.

 

[SpatiallyAware]

Kinda what I expected to hear, but not what I wanted to hear. I stopped by his office and he and his secretary were both out. I spoke with his partner and he promised to have him call me when he gets back in this afternoon. I'm aiming for a sit-down conversation.

I can't really afford to get a new lawyer, but at this point, I don't see what other options I have.

You should not 'aim' for a sit down conversation, insist on it. Give him a few days/times to pick from and tell him you need to meet.

 

[Wreckem]

He shouldn't be charging you a dime. He should be eating all costs for his failure as a lawyer. Honestly, you may want to seek the advice of a malpractice attorney. You may also want to inquire with the State Bar about filing an ethics complaint.

 

[sourceninja]

My wife's sister abandoned her kids, it took the grandparents about 6 months to adopt them. She was served papers and just never signed them or showed up to court. After 3 missed court dates the judge said he had no choice and let the adoption go though.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

Considering within 3 seconds I found two spelling mistakes (including one in the title) - I figure the lawyer has figured out he has a stupid and gullible client who he can take to the bank.

FYI it's advice and pursue.

Spelling ability is orthogonal to general intelligence.

Calling people stupid for spelling improperly is directly correlated with being an asshole.

 

[Praetor]

Considering within 3 seconds I found two spelling mistakes (including one in the title) - I figure the lawyer has figured out he has a stupid and gullible client who he can take to the bank.

FYI it's advice and pursue.

Wow. I didn't know making a few typos on an internet forum meant that I was gullible and stupid.

Thanks for pointing out my errors though; I shall endeavor to perform better.

 

[Praetor]

you may not even need a lawyer to tackle this. I would call up the family courts directly and ask what is required.

I was hoping having a lawyer would just simplify things, obviously it's done the opposite.

I'll look into Legal Zoom, I've seen their ads before but hadn't given thought to using them for the adoption.

You should not 'aim' for a sit down conversation, insist on it. Give him a few days/times to pick from and tell him you need to meet.

True. My original reply came across lame.

My wife's sister abandoned her kids, it took the grandparents about 6 months to adopt them. She was served papers and just never signed them or showed up to court. After 3 missed court dates the judge said he had no choice and let the adoption go though.

At this point, I'm not exactly sure what his conversations with the judge have been. His most recent statement has him billing me for two visits with a judge in the entire time. Obviously though, there hasn't been any progress.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Unless there are specific laws in your State regarding adoption that are unique, you're being scammed by the lawyer. As an adoptive father it took less than a year in New Mexico. The deadbeat sperm donor doesn't have to be contacted, you just have to show that every reasonable avenue was pursued. If the lawyer hasn't been able to locate him in 5 years and can show what steps he's taken to do so, the judge will allow you to adopt him. Was any child support ever awarded? It doesn't matter if any was paid or not, actually it's better if it wasn't. 5 years is bullshit. I take it the dead beat sperm donor isn't working or at least not using his SS#?

 

[SpatiallyAware]

He shouldn't be charging you a dime. He should be eating all costs for his failure as a lawyer. Honestly, you may want to seek the advice of a malpractice attorney. You may also want to inquire with the State Bar about filing an ethics complaint.

I agree with this. I'm curious how much you've paid him over all these years....

At this point, you might even want to call a malpractice lawyer before meeting with him for the last time.

 

[Praetor]

Unless there are specific laws in your State regarding adoption that are unique, you're being scammed by the lawyer. As an adoptive father it took less that a year in New Mexico. The deadbeat sperm donor doesn't have to be contacted, you just have to show that every reasonable avenue was pursued. If the lawyer hasn't been able to locate him in 5 years and can show what steps he's taken to do so, the judge will allow you to adopt him. Was any child support ever awarded? It doesn't matter if any was paid or not, actually it's better if it wasn't. 5 years is bullshit. I take it the dead beat sperm donor isn't working or at least not using his SS#?

According to his Facebook profile, he works at Domino's. I'm assuming that they don't pay their managers cash, so he's using his SS#. I don't think that the lawyer has done anything with that information though. We've never pursued child support because that just gives him an avenue of being in my son's life.

Zero contact, zero child support. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. Plus, in the time that he's been gone, he's already fathered 4-5 other children.

 

[Praetor]

I agree with this. I'm curious how much you've paid him over all these years....

At this point, you might even want to call a malpractice lawyer before meeting with him for the last time.

He was paid an initial retainer and has billed me for additional costs since then. My stance from the first bill his office sent out has been to refuse payment until I see results. Or if he would provide timely communication and documentation on the status of my case without having to call multiple times and hope to catch him off guard. He verbally confirmed and agreed to the former, but the handwritten comment on the latest bill has me perturbed.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

According to his Facebook profile, he works at Domino's. I'm assuming that they don't pay their managers cash, so he's using his SS#. I don't think that the lawyer has done anything with that information though. We've never pursued child support because that just gives him an avenue of being in my son's life.

Zero contact, zero child support. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. Plus, in the time that he's been gone, he's already fathered 4-5 other children.

So, this is what you do. You have the lawyer send him a registered letter making him aware of a court date for terminating his parental rights. If he doesn't show, the judge terminates parental rights and has the court clerk set a date for the adoption. Everybody's happy. If your lawyer can't or won't make this happen, take him to the State bar. Bottom line is you don't have to prove he got the registered letter, just that it was sent. This lawyer is just screwing you around and it's not fair to the boy, you or, your wife.