tl;dr version:
I've had a lawyer "working" for 5 years now on adopting my wife's son, does it really take that long or am I being taken?
Long version:
As a preface, I always refer to (legally) my wife's son as "my son" because I've been in his life and helped raise him since he was seven months old. For the sake of the story, I'll switch back and forth.
I met my wife 10 years ago, shortly after her ex-boyfriend took off for another state. This left her alone with her seven month old son, living at her parent's house while working at a gas station. The three of us hit it off and I married her. She took my name as her own and we started the process of my legally adopting my son. When he was born, my wife gave him her ex's last name because they were still together and didn't have any plans on breaking up. Obviously, that didn't happen.
In speaking with a co-worker who had some adoption issues, I went with the lawyer he had used and recommended. This lawyer told us that because my wife had given our son her ex's last name, we had to get him to release parental rights and consent to a name change. We didn't have a whole lot of information as to where he was, but she did have his social security number and an idea of what state his parents lived in. The lawyer said it shouldn't be a problem and would take the case. We paid him the up-front retainer and waited.
At this point, my son was 5 and entering kindergarten in the fall. Figuring it would be over soon, we were able to persuade his teacher to use my last name instead of my son's legal last name in class.
After about a year of exchanging conversations with the lawyer, we still hadn't made progress. He said he wasn't able to track down the ex. My son's first grade teacher made a big stink over the last name and refused to back down from using his legal name. She got the school to agree with her and to this day, we haven't had a teacher willing to cooperate. I've come to understand this because it's been going on so long and legally, it's not his name.
My son is now 10. Over the past 5 years, I haven't seen any progress. The lawyer has told me that the judge wants the consent forms signed before anything is done. After year 2 or 3, he told me he would try to go for child abandonment since the ex hasn't had any contact with my wife or son during the time we've been together. I've been doing my own research and cyber-stalking and managed to find a current address for the ex and provided it to the lawyer. The lawyer claims to have made contact with the ex, but has only traded voicemail messages.
Of course, that's mostly what I've done with him over this time. It's rare that he's actually answered when I've called. His secretary usually claims he's in court or in a conference with a client and takes a message. I can't recall a single time that he's returned a call from a message I've left.
His secretary has sent a few bills over the years, but the lawyer told me to disregard them until he's done. I just received another bill, with a handwritten note telling me to send a payment.
I haven't seen any progress from him, but on the same token, I can't afford to hire another lawyer AND pay off this one. Do I have any options at this point? Do adoptions really take this long or am I being taken?
I've had a lawyer "working" for 5 years now on adopting my wife's son, does it really take that long or am I being taken?
Long version:
As a preface, I always refer to (legally) my wife's son as "my son" because I've been in his life and helped raise him since he was seven months old. For the sake of the story, I'll switch back and forth.
I met my wife 10 years ago, shortly after her ex-boyfriend took off for another state. This left her alone with her seven month old son, living at her parent's house while working at a gas station. The three of us hit it off and I married her. She took my name as her own and we started the process of my legally adopting my son. When he was born, my wife gave him her ex's last name because they were still together and didn't have any plans on breaking up. Obviously, that didn't happen.
In speaking with a co-worker who had some adoption issues, I went with the lawyer he had used and recommended. This lawyer told us that because my wife had given our son her ex's last name, we had to get him to release parental rights and consent to a name change. We didn't have a whole lot of information as to where he was, but she did have his social security number and an idea of what state his parents lived in. The lawyer said it shouldn't be a problem and would take the case. We paid him the up-front retainer and waited.
At this point, my son was 5 and entering kindergarten in the fall. Figuring it would be over soon, we were able to persuade his teacher to use my last name instead of my son's legal last name in class.
After about a year of exchanging conversations with the lawyer, we still hadn't made progress. He said he wasn't able to track down the ex. My son's first grade teacher made a big stink over the last name and refused to back down from using his legal name. She got the school to agree with her and to this day, we haven't had a teacher willing to cooperate. I've come to understand this because it's been going on so long and legally, it's not his name.
My son is now 10. Over the past 5 years, I haven't seen any progress. The lawyer has told me that the judge wants the consent forms signed before anything is done. After year 2 or 3, he told me he would try to go for child abandonment since the ex hasn't had any contact with my wife or son during the time we've been together. I've been doing my own research and cyber-stalking and managed to find a current address for the ex and provided it to the lawyer. The lawyer claims to have made contact with the ex, but has only traded voicemail messages.
Of course, that's mostly what I've done with him over this time. It's rare that he's actually answered when I've called. His secretary usually claims he's in court or in a conference with a client and takes a message. I can't recall a single time that he's returned a call from a message I've left.
His secretary has sent a few bills over the years, but the lawyer told me to disregard them until he's done. I just received another bill, with a handwritten note telling me to send a payment.
I haven't seen any progress from him, but on the same token, I can't afford to hire another lawyer AND pay off this one. Do I have any options at this point? Do adoptions really take this long or am I being taken?
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