Inlaws pissed cause I wont help loser brother in law

[Stuxnet]

sucks. my wife was 1 of 3 and she was the blacksheep. her brothers got everything and she had to clean the house behind them. they got cars, etc. she put herself through nursing school on her own dime

Obviously they turned out night and day! shes' awesome

Oddly enough my wife was the blacksheep, too, but at 32 years old she's still looking for approval from everyone and their mother. If you ran over her with your car she'd apologize to you for not leaping out of the crosswalk.

Her mom divorced her dad when she was 2 and then remarried. She lived with her mom, stepfather, and his 3 kids (1 daughter, 2 sons). They were spoiled rotten, and to this day his favoritism still paints the walls. I could go on and on with examples but I'm sure you get the point. For some reason she still bends over backwards for these people and usually sprains both our backs in the process.

But back to your family problems - I'll save mine for another day

 

[fisheerman]

Oddly enough my wife was the blacksheep, too, but at 32 years old she's still looking for approval from everyone and their mother. If you ran over her with your car she'd apologize to you for not leaping out of the crosswalk.

Her mom divorced her dad when she was 2 and then remarried. She lived with her mom, stepfather, and his 3 kids (1 daughter, 2 sons). They were spoiled rotten, and to this day his favoritism still paints the walls. I could go on and on with examples but I'm sure you get the point. For some reason she still bends over backwards for these people and usually sprains both our backs in the process.

But back to your family problems - I'll save mine for another day

my wife was a lot like that in the beginning but once she got out on her own and started seeing how much work/money/time it took to keep everything going her simpathy ran out really quick.

 

[PingSpike]

OP, everything you've said is spot-on and you should never lend your equipment to this guy. You should also scale back your "help" because you aren't helping the guy. The rest of your wife's family sounds like they're in denial and are helping this guy perpetuate his loser lifestyle.

THAT being said, don't rail on your wife's family either. The most graceful way out of it is to call back your father-in-law and say, "look, I'd like to lend him my equipment (lie, I know), but I checked with our insurance policy and under no circumstances can I have him operating commercial equipment without prior training or proper insurance on another party's property. I cannot afford to be sued if something goes wrong and I cannot afford to have my equipment damaged."

Then I'd probably go with something like:
"If he'd like to borrow my equipment in the future for a commercial venture, he'd need to be added to my company's insurance policy (which he'd pay for) and would need to be certified by my other operator. We're very busy these days, so that training would also need to be on his dime. He would also need to pay me a reasonable rental fee for the equipment itself.

I've already conveyed this message to him, but I wanted you to understand why I cannot simply loan out my equipment."

edit: obviously these are my words and they're a first stab at it, but I think by 'blaming' it on the insurance and creating a series of hoops that it doesn't sound like he would climb through, you've solved the problem without antagonizing anyone.

My dad does this kind of stuff, only he just flat out makes things up. I used to think maybe something was wrong with him, but after getting to know that side of the family better I realized its a personality adaption he developed to survive. It's a shield designed to keep leeched from latching onto you.

"I need some money" "I don't have any, business is bad"
"I need to borrow your car" "I'm using it that day"/"I sold it already"
"We want to spend the night" "We moved"/"The house burned down"

He'll just keep going and going when he's cornered...even though he's usually pretty honest. But most of his family are grade A bums and when they start bullshitting him he just shovels it right back on them until they give up. There's no reasoning with these people, their life is devoid of reason.

 

[Wingznut]

just as he shouldnt be reliant on you for work equipment, you shouldnt be reliant on this forum for affirmation. you either knew, or now know how to proceed. do it.

Best thread I've read in OT in a long, long time... And this is the worst post in this thread.

This is a story that so many can relate to, myself included.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

What did you tell the BIL when he asked you to talk to your brother?

 

[BurnItDwn]

There's a difference between "helping" somebody, and giving in to whatever they want and enabling their worthlessness.

You aren't refusing to help the brother. You just aren't letting him break your shit. There is a big difference. Also, it sounds like the brother didn't even ask for your help. You are in the clear. As long as the woman isn't too upset about it, then nothin to worry about. That said, from your replies it sounds like she's got your back.... Tell brother in law to go fvck himself. Tell father in law to go fvck himself.

 

[Golgatha]

OMG.....just got a text from him saying "need to talk to you ASAP"
WTF! bet money he has some get rich quick scheme with my equipment.

anyone wanna make a wager? this ought to be good! ill post the response

See, I don't get this. He wants to talk, but he sends you a text message...from a phone...which he could talk to you on?!

 

[eits]

The only thing that matters here is what your wife thinks.

my man speaks the truth.

 

[surfsatwerk]

Take your BIL's head, there can be only one!

 

[Scarpozzi]

Give him the phone number of the rent-all place.

I hired a couple of guys to cut down a tree for me a few years back. They came back a month later to grind the stump for $50...they had rented the grinder and were going back to all the jobs they had done the prior month to 'clean up' and make some more money. I couldn't have rented the stump grinder for $50 and was glad to pay it because they only charged $250 to drop the huge tree.

Moral of the story. If they can do it, he can do it. 'It takes money to make money' and there's no reason you should get stuck with all the liabilities and only half of the profits. If he's going to borrow your equipment, you should get to split the money 80/20 and be HIS boss.

 

[JEDI]

So I have loser brother in law.

He calls me the other day and says "I'm on my way to your house to get your truck, tractor and trailor." "I've got this big job lined up plowing parking lots for snow!" I said "don't you think it would be wise to ask me if that was ok before you assumed that it was ok." Now mind you he has never operated any of the equipment and is a complete idiot when it comes to safety etc. So i told him i wasn't available and my other equipment operator was out of town. He got all pissed off and went on about how broke he was and that I was being an a$$hole and he could figure out how to operate the equipment. So i told him if he didn't like it then he could find someone else. I also told him that me and his sister weren't funding his business with equipment and supplies.

Father in law called and asked why I wouldn't "lend him my stuff" <--same guy who has to borrow my mower and weed eater because same brother in law trashed his stuff when he borrowed it. He didn't see any problem with his son taking out about $75k worth of equipment for on the job training on commercial property with a history of trashing everything with no ability to pay for any fixes/when he breaks something.

Thoughts?

F the brother in law! cut off all contact w/him.
"i dont want to talk to u ever again. Lose my # u stupid loser!"

and if u told dad in law what i bolded, then F him too!

 

[child of wonder]

Props to the OP for cutting him off. My in-laws are deadbeats, too, and used to ask for money all the time. The only time we'd give them any money was if their birthday or Xmas was close and that would be their gift. Otherwise we would offer to buy their things at reasonable prices or find someone willing to buy them.

One time, my mother in law badly needed $400 for rent and came crying to us. We knew she had a nearly brand new snow blower she had purchased 18 months ago and used twice. Now that she was in an apartment, it just took up space in her garage.

We offered to buy it for $400. First she bitched and moaned but eventually relented.

Another time she, again, couldn't pay her rent. We offered to buy her 26" LCD TV, 22" Gateway LCD monitor, and Gateway computer for $600 plus we would give her a 27" CRT TV we had laying around and a Pentium 4 computer with 15" monitor we didn't use.

Holy hell, did she cry and moan that we were "taking advantage of her" and how "she shouldn't need to sell anything because she has sacrificed enough." My deadbeat sister in law and brother in law were complaining to my wife that we should just give the MIL the $400. Wife said "tough. Just because we're successful doesn't mean we're your own personal ATM."

 

[joesmoke]

Best thread I've read in OT in a long, long time... And this is the worst post in this thread.

This is a story that so many can relate to, myself included.

it was a response to his "oh oh oh guess what he did now!" post. i can relate too, as per my previous post, it just seems odd to sit around bitching about how kids these days just "sit around bitching".

 

[fisheerman]

it was a response to his "oh oh oh guess what he did now!" post. i can relate too, as per my previous post, it just seems odd to sit around bitching about how kids these days just "sit around bitching".

Thought maybe others could relate cause everyone has one of those people in there families or how's someone.

Sorry if u find it odd.

 

[rasczak]

tell your brother/f-in-law/m-in-law to fuck off. your shit, your rules.

 

[fisheerman]

What did you tell the BIL when he asked you to talk to your brother?

I didn't respond it will come up during holiday dinner on christmas I am sure

 

[ShawnD1]

We went out of town and he called my wife and asked if he could have a party at my house for his ball team! ( brand new house we hadn't lived in for 2 weeks).

Clueless! and got pissed with my wife when she said "hell no!"

Your wife sounds like a good one. You should marry this girl :thumbsup:


Don't worry what the in-laws think. Only worry what your wife thinks. Trying to impress losers just doesn't make any sense.

 

[Fritzo]

Here's what I do in those situations- do what everyone wants you to. Then, if you stuff comes back ruined, take it over to your inlaws, show him what your brother-out-law did to your stuff, and blame them.

Make them feel so guilty they either buy you new stuff or never ask you to do anything again. You end up as being the correct, level headed one, you still get to have sex, and you don't have to do anymore favors.

 

[rasczak]

Here's what I do in those situations- do what everyone wants you to. Then, if you stuff comes back ruined, take it over to your inlaws, show him what your brother-out-law did to your stuff, and blame them.

Make them feel so guilty they either buy you new stuff or never ask you to do anything again. You end up as being the correct, level headed one, you still get to have sex, and you don't have to do anymore favors.

this will not work. in laws sound like trash that don't care about anyone but themselves.

 

[fisheerman]

Here's what I do in those situations- do what everyone wants you to. Then, if you stuff comes back ruined, take it over to your inlaws, show him what your brother-out-law did to your stuff, and blame them.

Make them feel so guilty they either buy you new stuff or never ask you to do anything again. You end up as being the correct, level headed one, you still get to have sex, and you don't have to do anymore favors.

We are talking about very expensive equipment that has the potential to do lots of damage as well as cost a mint to fix. Not good for teaching someone a lesson

 

[Ronstang]

I would have stopped helping a moron like that ages ago. It doesn't even matter what a wife thinks in these kinds of situation as they can be gotten rid of also. When it comes to money/business leave me the fuck alone, and that includes family.

 

[Fritzo]

We are talking about very expensive equipment that has the potential to do lots of damage as well as cost a mint to fix. Not good for teaching someone a lesson

Let him borrow it on the condition you can supervise?

 

[Ronstang]

Let him borrow it on the condition you can supervise?

NO...this is equipment that is used to make a living. You tell him to FUCK OFF. Consequences be damned. If the in-laws are this stupid who really needs them either. His wife supports him and if I was him and she didn't she would be on borrowed time also.

 

[NetWareHead]

Let him borrow it on the condition you can supervise?

Ugh...sounds ugly. This guy wants to "be his own boss" as per OP's description. Do you want to supervise a pre-schooler with power tools?

 

[Zargon]

tell him to go fuck himself