Insane family members

[pontifex]

Is there a way to get through to an insane family member?

I called my parents today and my mom answered the phone in tears. I knew what had happened as soon as I heard her - she and my sister got in an argument...again.

My sister is the insane one. There's so much wrong I don't even know where to start. She blames my mom for anything bad that happens to her (which 99% doesn't involve my mom at all). She doesn't attack my dad much, probably because he doesn't put up with that shit when she starts. Unfortunately my mom isn't like that.

She thinks she's entitled to anything and everything for nothing, constantly bitches about everything, constantly in a bad/nasty mood, expects everyone to do stuff for her, etc.

She treats her kids like shit too which is even worse. She doesn't take care of them (my parents are constantly taking them to the doctor, dentist, etc and paying money for this while my sister has health insurance for them, she just won't make appointments and take them). She constantly screams at them for the smallest things. I can't even imagine what it's like at her house when we're not around when it's as bad as it is when we are around.

She claims she never has any money but every other day she gets packages delivered to my parent's house for stuff she bought on ebay. So does she actually have money and wants other people to buy stuff for her or does she really not have money because she spends it all on stuff she doesn't need.

My parents bail her out of all kinds of stuff (they've paid lawyer fees, medical bills, car payments, etc).

She's constantly talking about people behind their backs and is so worried about what other people think of her. She's very shallow.

Neither my parents nor I want to be around her. We all think she's crazy.

How do you deal with someone like this? Any time you try to say anything to her about it, she acts like you're attacking her and starts screaming and bitching about it. We can't be the only family that has had to deal with this, right?

 

[bradley]

Don't waste any more energy. Either she changes or takes all those rivalries/grudges to her death bed. I personally would start distancing myself or she takes everyone down with her.

Perfect example....

And the Oscar for sibling rivalry goes to... The nine-decade feud between Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine that is still raging
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...avilland-Joan-Fontaine-Their-decade-feud.html

 

[pontifex]

Don't waste any more energy. Either she changes or takes all those rivalries/grudges to her death bed. I personally would start distancing myself or she takes everyone down with her.

Perfect example....

And the Oscar for sibling rivalry goes to... The nine-decade feud between Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine that is still raging
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...avilland-Joan-Fontaine-Their-decade-feud.html

Yeah, I already try to stay away from her as much as possible. Unfortunately for my parents, it's difficult due to the grandkids. They babysit them a lot, which is probably a good thing considering everything else. The only reason they put up with her shit as much as they do is for the kids. If the kids weren't in the picture I don't think she'd be welcome at the house.

 

[sixone]

You can't change other people. Do what you can to help your parents and your nieces/nephews, and ignore as much of the rest as you can.

 

[AreaCode707]

If you find a way, let me know. My sister was a loving daughter and sister for 24 years, a strong independent woman with her own interests, life and goals, super responsible, etc.

Then she met a guy, and four months later had pretty much thrown away everything that made her her. Spent her life savings, dumped every single friend she had, started drinking far more than ever before, changed all her hobbies, etc. Ran off to Vegas and married the guy on a whim, then pretty much dumped the family completely.

It's been 2.5 years and things have just gotten worse. :/

 

[clamum]

That's shitty man. I'd stay away (parents too) but I guess you really can't with the babysitting and all that entails. Sounds like Six has good advice.

Has she always been like this, even when you guys were kids, or young adults?

 

[ManBearPig]

deleted

 

[MonKENy]

is she hot?

 

[manimal]

Good luck op. Do what's best for the kids and your mom. Sadly at that
Age it's hard to fix problems this big.

Make it easier. When your in the same house be in another room. Separate yourself from he things that set you off.

 

[Puppies04]

This really should be in the L+R forum, which would be fine.

Unfortunately you put it in the OT forum so...... Pics of sister or GTFO

 

[steve wilson]

I feel for you man... it seems every family has at least one. My brother married one and brought her into the family They have two kids and they are terrified of her and run to my brother when they fall over and hurt them selves. It's more like he is the mother to the children as well as father. We all told him not to marry her...hell my dad even tried to bribe a good looking girl to seduce him to stop the marriage but he never listened. I think all you can do is distance yourself as much as possible from her, which is a shame in my case because I don't get to see my bro as much

Like one of the above posters said, do what you can for your parents and niece/nephew and try to stay away from her.

 

[Ruptga]

Sounds like it is time for a family vacation to the Grand Canyon. Just watch out, those rocks can be slippery...

A more practical solution? Call CPS or a shrink. If it turns out she isn't the kind of crazy that either of those can take remedial action against, just show her the door. Grandkids or no, I wouldn't stand for it. And since she is as bad as you say, without your family to lean on it is possible that she will get bad enough that a court will eventually step in for the sake of the kids.

I'm just glad all the crazies in my family have some redeeming qualities.

 

[steve wilson]

Sounds like it is time for a family vacation to the Grand Canyon. Just watch out, those rocks can be slippery...

A more practical solution? Call CPS or a shrink. If it turns out she isn't the kind of crazy that either of those can take remedial action against, just show her the door. Grandkids or no, I wouldn't stand for it. And since she is as bad as you say, without your family to lean on it is possible that she will get bad enough that a court will eventually step in for the sake of the kids.

I'm just glad all the crazies in my family have some redeeming qualities.

Well only problem with this solution is what if she takes it out on the kids before the courts intervention? The OP is going to feel bad for the rest of his life, even though it's not really his fault.

 

[Murloc]

there's not much you can do.
You should distance yourself to save your sanity. Your mom can't, so be supportive but don't get involved.

I don't have insane family members luckily.

 

[GT1999]

I called AT&T, and after 7 years of negativity from my dad (a reason why my mom and him got a divorce, all he says is negative things) I blocked his number and my step mom. Thankfully this stops me from accidentally calling them as well. I used to call him every week or so, and visit every other month -- not anymore.

Nothing against my step mom, she's very nice, but she of course goes with what he wants.

I'm a grown adult and have decided to keep that insanity/negativity out of my life.

I still have a mom and sister, thankfully.

 

[jaqie]

Enabler. she is using the kids to manipulate your mother into enabling her. The only solution to stop this is for your mother to stop being the enabler. Report the children's mother for verbal abuse (record lots of it in secret to present as evidence to protective services) then drop her a restraining order and get her out of your parents' lives. The protective services will investigate the mother and save the kids.

 

[styrafoam]

She is probably bi-polar. Hopefully she doesn't already have a raging painkiller addiction. If you are lucky some gentle and honest discussion on her negativity and its effect on the kids/family may help her see that she needs treatment. The fact that she comes unglued and turns things around on you when confronted makes me think that she is probably already hooked on pills. The need to protect the addiction makes people put their loved ones second in situations like this.

 

[highland145]

No and how do you know you're not the insane one?

 

[Pr0d1gy]

She is probably bi-polar. Hopefully she doesn't already have a raging painkiller addiction. If you are lucky some gentle and honest discussion on her negativity and its effect on the kids/family may help her see that she needs treatment. The fact that she comes unglued and turns things around on you when confronted makes me think that she is probably already hooked on pills. The need to protect the addiction makes people put their loved ones second in situations like this.

Yep, hit the nail on the head. Take this guy's advice. Getting her into rehab would probably be the best first step if you can get anything done.

 

[child of wonder]

She thinks she's entitled to anything and everything for nothing, constantly bitches about everything, constantly in a bad/nasty mood, expects everyone to do stuff for her, etc.

My parents bail her out of all kinds of stuff (they've paid lawyer fees, medical bills, car payments, etc).

This is the root of the problem. Your parents babied her too much and now she's an entitled bitch.

 

[SagaLore]

Get her a doctor's appointment and have her thyroid checked.

 

[SagaLore]

If you find a way, let me know. My sister was a loving daughter and sister for 24 years, a strong independent woman with her own interests, life and goals, super responsible, etc.

Then she met a guy, and four months later had pretty much thrown away everything that made her her. Spent her life savings, dumped every single friend she had, started drinking far more than ever before, changed all her hobbies, etc. Ran off to Vegas and married the guy on a whim, then pretty much dumped the family completely.

It's been 2.5 years and things have just gotten worse. :/

I don't get this. I see it, a lot. I know it happens both ways, but my observation is that some women take it to extremes. It is like they simply become reflections of whomever they are close to at that time - so like with your sister, she was loving/independent because she was attached to your family, but if she changed so quickly then that means that was never really her. It was all of you.

 

[Ruptga]

Well only problem with this solution is what if she takes it out on the kids before the courts intervention? The OP is going to feel bad for the rest of his life, even though it's not really his fault.

This is like refusing to set a broken arm because it will hurt more for a while.

You can what-if until you reach oblivion, or you can do something about it.

 

[LordMaul]

Crazy family members?
ha...hahaha....AHAHAHAHAHAHA

You think you know crazy. Try a mother with a penchant for pulling a loaded gun on you and your family when she feels she isn't getting her way, then talking her way out of a psych ward so she can go do it again, being able to fool professionals and shrinks into thinking she's normal just long enough to torture her entire family. I could go on, but it's pointless, just be glad your definition of crazy is simply a self-entitled little bitch.

 

[KeithTalent]

Yeah, it sucks and I swear some of it is finally starting to make its way into my brain too.

KT