Internet addiction is real!!!

[NetGuySC]

Sounds like having computers is penalizing the family.....password protect business....maybe get a laptop....if she was a concaine addict you would not leave coke in 4 rooms of the house,

Please get counseling...entire family


I tell her we have not been apart long enough then, please go think and reflect more, and we'll talk in a couple more days. She cannot come home til I get the right responses.


Unless you are a Psychologist, I would get entire family in counseling instead of waiting for correct answers. Remember she is from Mars and you are from Venus...you may never hear right answer without counseling counseling counseling

 

[compuwiz1]

<< I will confess I'm mildly addicted and spend less time with school work than I should, but I truly feel like I learn so much more this way. >>



There are constructive and destructive uses for the internet.

 

[TranceNation]

compuwiz, i am so sorry to hear about your situation. dont know if i can help you but hope all goes well in time.

 

[Stallion]

Sorry to hear that Compuwiz. I will remember your family in my prayers....

 

[Rage187]

WTF Compuwiz:Q


Thats some serious stuff...


I think it has gone past the point of no return...

It might be time for you salvage what you can...


Cybersex, and phone sex w/ somebody besides your sig other, is just as wrong as adultery in my books..



If my wife did any of the above, it'd be quiting time for her..



But we have no kids, so your position is far different from mine...



You have my deepest regrets that you are having to go through this...


But remember your daughter, and whats best for her..

 

[compuwiz1]

I would have no purpose in life, if not for her. Given the same choices, I would choose her over again. I just want her back.

 

[NetGuySC]

Comp I think this problem is bigger than you. Please get counseling for you, your wife and your daughter.

 

[woodly6]

1. FrancesBeansRevenge, great fvckin screen name!

B. What the fvck is the Internet!

3. I have been up too long!

 

[WoundedWallet]

Steve, have you figured out what exactly is that is so attracting to her?

You'll probably need to take the other side of her relationship.

The good thing about the internet is that it is anonymous, meaning anyone can fill the role with the right words.

If it was in real life then the physical aspects make things more complicated.

She's in a Twister, and you need to get in there to take her out.

Don't just wait for her to do the work, don't just wait for some lucky turn of events.

Fight. And after you win, make sure next time it stops before the chat.

Addictions tend to come back periodically. The key is to make each wave smaller and smaller.

 

[Jfur]

Don't give up -- as painful as this is, there is a good chance that she was "just in a fantasy world". The reality of it got away from her and now she realizes what she did. It does *not* make it right, but maybe with counseling and her awareness of why this is wrong you can forgive her.

A similar thing happened to one of my former colleagues. She would spend 12-14 hours a day sex chatting and calling strangers that she met on the Internet... at work... with her office mate sitting nearby. She would not leave the house to buy groceries for her and her young son. Finally, she was fired and kicked out of her grad program and that led her to seek counseling. I see her every so often and she definitely is doing much better now. It is a form of mental illness and does not reflect her true intentions or desires.

Best wishes!

 

[Nemesis77]

Blah! I'm not addicted to the net! Never have, newer will!

What's that honey? Sleep? It's 3am? I'll be right there, just need to check few more websites...

 

[mesonw]

compuwiz - I really hope you manage to sort something out. You obviously think the world of her and don't want to lose her (for your own and your daughter's sake). Stick with it. True love is incredibly strong. If you both love each other, you WILL get through it. I wish you all the best.

 

[compuwiz1]

Asking her to leave was the most painful thing I have ever done. God, I miss her!

After 22 years, I learn something new from her, or about her everyday. It's her special smile, her cute ways, the way she dresses, the fragrance in her hair....just the way she is. She intrigues me forever.

 

[LuNoTiCK]

That seems like pretty bad stuff thats going on. I would say she's gotta go, but you've been married for 22 years and you care about her deeply. Sometimes you gotta put your feelings behind and do what you have to do, but I guess counseling can help.

 

[compuwiz1]

She only had to go for the "wake up call effect". It is nobody's intent for her to stay gone, divorce, or any of that nonsense. We just wanted to break the cycle. We'll give her whatever she needs to overcome this.

 

[Nemesis77]

I read some of the posts here, and it seems we have two separate, yet connected problems here:

1. your wife spending too much time online
2. your wife having cyber-sex/phone-sex with someone else

First of all, number 2 I think is more severe. You are happily married, why would she want to have "virtual sex" with someone else? If I found out that my GF is doing that, I would get EXTREMELY upset! In a way, nr. 2 is not a net-problem. Net is only the tool, not the cause. Nr. 2 is symptom of something else, maybe you two should have a talk about it.

As for number 1... That could be worked out. If by no other, then by technical means. Password-protect your computer/net-connection. Don't give her the password. let her be rational amounts of time in the net. but when you feel she has been online too long, disconnect her. She might not like that, but it's for her own good. You should agree with her on what to do. You could also suggest limiting her activities to e-mail only (but that "other person" has got to go!).

 

[Geekbabe]

Steve,

I'm on the computer constantly, have to really give myself a thump to get up and take care of business some days but...I see and speak with my 14 yr old son each morning,he's not late to school,you can see the bottom of my kitchen sink and there's clean laundry for everyone,gosh, I even get out to the bank,post office and to onsite jobs.... I also don't engage in much chat and would never dream of having cyber sex let alone buying a cell phone to call a lover while I was married or in a commited relationship.

The big issue for me here would be what I consider an affair,it's too easy to shift responsibility for her behavior onto the computer and " web addiction" We all have choices and she choose to basically begin an affair and unless and until she can take responsibility for that, end it and get into counseling with you to work on the marriage this scenerio will repeat itself over and over, even if you rip out every computer in the house.

Good luck to you, I hear so much pain coming from you, makes me wish I could give you a big reassuring hug instead of just the typed word... which is the very reason that the computer will never win out over people and places in real time,much as I love my rigs, not a one of them can hug me or be there for me emotionally !

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Steve}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[jemcam]

Hey, I've been there, but it wasn't cyber.

My wife and I actually got divorced, but only because she couldn't decide at the time of what she wanted. I couldn't stand being on the fence, so I forced a divorce. I didn't want it, but felt I had no choice. And you guys who say if your wife cheated you'd kick them out and not look back, you've obviously never been in love. You can't say what you'd do until you've been there.

In my case, lots of counseling got us back together. Once she was out of the house, she realized she screwed up a good thing. The decision to get back together was harder to deal with than going thru the divorce and realizing that my wife was actually cheating on me. In large part, this decision was difficult because of all the boneheads telling me to not get back together with her. Luckily, I went with my heart instead of my head (*cautiously*) and now, seven years later, we're stronger than ever. Even have a really good son since that incident (we were childless prior to the divorce). I don't regret it for one second despite the chest thumpers who said it was a big mistake!

 

[Stark]

You either need to disconnect every computer in your home from the internet, or get a divorce. You said that neither was an option IYO. In your current situation, you can't have both.

My DSL has been down for 2 months (earthlink sucks). There is life away from the computer. It sucked for about 2 weeks, but now it's not so bad.

BTW, the internet is the #1 source of marital strife that the pastors at my church see in the counseling they do. One of the pastors daughters left her husband after having a cyber affair. It's bad news.

 

[CobaltGrC]

Oh yeah.. I am an addict... I even surf the web when there is nothing for me to surf... heck I just enjoy siting infront of my computer with a webpage turned on.. It doesn't have to be anything I am interested in, just has to be connected. Oh and if my cable was taken away and I had to go back to 56k, I would be a very unstable man. I need my cable. I need it. :Q

 

[Daniel]

Steve,
Very sorry to hear about your troubles, that's more than just internet addiction I'm afraid but I'm sure you know that, horrible turn of events but I wish you the best of luck in making things right, no matter what path that may be.
Daniel

 

[Electric Amish]

I'm sorry to hear that Steve.

I wish I knew what to do to help you, but it's not an experience I'm familiar with, tho I know exactly where you're coming from when you talk about how you feel
about your wife. I feel the same way about mine. It's really difficult to see them in trouble.

amish

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, Steve.

From a purely distant perspective, I agree with baffled. It sounds like two issues here: her time spent online is out of hand and the fact that she thought it was okay or exciting to have virtual sex with someone outside of her marriage. Both are troubling, but the latter really is an indication that there's more wrong than just an addiction to the Internet.

Couples counseling is a terrific idea, but she also needs to be in individual therapy. From someone who's been in a sort of similar situation, when you do things that you know are destructive and hurtful, it's usually because you feel like there's something missing inside yourself, some void you need to fill. As beautiful and wonderful as you think she is, there must be a part of her that doesn't see what you do. If I'm guessing your ages correctly, she's probably near 40? That's a hard time for a lot of women - you have to start thinking about menopause, whether or not you're where you want to be in life, what kinds of things you have regrets about. It's hard to put it in words very well, but it could be that part of what she was looking for online was some "other" life - one that's exciting and dangerous and where she could pretend to be someone that she can't be with you.

In a lot of ways, it's going to be harder on her to get past this than it will be for you. She's the one who did this thing, who got caught and who hurt you. When she does come to her senses, she's probably going to have a lot of guilt, and I really would encourage you to keep going to therapy for a while.

As far as how to keep her from doing this again...she has to get to the underlying reason she did what she did, and again, there are two separate issues. I think there would be ways to limit how long she's online, but she's an adult - she has to take responsibility for her own addiction and she's going to have to deal with it. You can't monitor her forever, and you shouldn't. As far as the virtual sex and chat goes - again, she needs to figure out and fix whatever it was in her that drove her there. That's more difficult to fix and will take longer - it'll also be the part that's harder for you to get past.

Good luck - I really hope things work out for you and that you and your wife will work through this. It sounds like you're doing the right things right now. Your wife is a lucky woman.

 

[MuffD]

I think I seriously am. When I get so busy at work and don't have time to chat or surf the net, I feel the need to do so right when I get home!!

 

[Viper GTS]

For those of you suggesting that he leave his wife, shut the fvck up.

He took vows 22 years ago, & he's standing by them. He has my utmost respect for that, especially considering the circumstances. Would he be justified in leaving? Maybe. But he obviously takes his commitment seriously, & is far more a man than any of you who sit secure behind a monitor taking potshots at a friend who's hurting. I've been here less time than many, & I've known for a long, long time that Steve's a good guy for more than just his business practices. Show him some support, and if you can't do that keep your goddamn mouth shut & unplug your keyboard. The sh!t you feed yourself is overflowing.

GoldenGuppy

There's a special order of sulfur headed for your little corner of hell, you are a POS.

Viper GTS