Introducing Myself to ATOT

[Sentinel]

You gotta do what makes you happy, not your mom. Bottom line!!!

edit: a good looking girl on ATOT :beer: welcome!

(not to say there aren't others, just FAFB)

 

[moshquerade]

your mom is being selfish, sorry, but it's true. my mother is also a widower of 3 years. she wouldn't do to me what your mom did.

 

[vshah]

YGPM
your first?!

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
your mom is being selfish, sorry, but it's true. my mother is also a widower of 3 years. she wouldn't do to me what your mom did.

Yes it's true, but unless it's a pattern of behavior, it's not unreasonable to indulge her.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: moshquerade
your mom is being selfish, sorry, but it's true. my mother is also a widower of 3 years. she wouldn't do to me what your mom did.

Yes it's true, but unless it's a pattern of behavior, it's not unreasonable to indulge her.

i will probably "indulge" my mother too if she acted that way, but she wouldn't and shouldn't.

 

[Sentinel]

Originally posted by: vshah
YGPM
your first?!

Freakin jerk

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: moshquerade
your mom is being selfish, sorry, but it's true. my mother is also a widower of 3 years. she wouldn't do to me what your mom did.

Yes it's true, but unless it's a pattern of behavior, it's not unreasonable to indulge her.

i will probably "indulge" my mother too if she acted that way, but she wouldn't and shouldn't.

Agreed.

Parents are as retarded as the rest of us (sorry, rest of YOU, I am a parent). They do stupid unreasonable selfish crap too, but they're held accountable a lot more.

 

[Rachael]

Originally posted by: djheater
Here's a question, how ould you feel if you were incapacitated similarly, and your Mom decided to be unavailable to you for a pleasure trip? Now, you might, as a young adult feeling your oats, say "That would be fine", but consider that she has no one else....

It's very true- and I know that she would never do such a thing. I think that your last statement might be one of the factors that really made me know that I needed to let go of my argument. If she was part of a family and had others around her to give her support, then perhaps, while appreciated, my listening to her would not be as vital. However, a lot of problems seem to have arisen simply out of bad timing, as she has to deal with my transition into someone who is more independant on top of the other things she is going through. It's a transition that I'm sure would have been difficult ordinarily, but with unfavorable situations piled high upon her, I think that I have to remember that self-sufficance and responsibility do not equate to rebelliousness and disregard for the feelings of someone who has been so good to me.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: Rachael

Originally posted by: djheater
Here's a question, how ould you feel if you were incapacitated similarly, and your Mom decided to be unavailable to you for a pleasure trip? Now, you might, as a young adult feeling your oats, say "That would be fine", but consider that she has no one else....

It's very true- and I know that she would never do such a thing. I think that your last statement might be one of the factors that really made me know that I needed to let go of my argument. If she was part of a family and had others around her to give her support, then perhaps, while appreciated, my listening to her would not be as vital. However, a lot of problems seem to have arisen simply out of bad timing, as she has to deal with my transition into someone who is more independant on top of the other things she is going through. It's a transition that I'm sure would have been difficult ordinarily, but with unfavorable situations piled high upon her, I think that I have to remember that self-sufficance and responsibility do not equate to rebelliousness and disregard for the feelings of someone who has been so good to me.

Aw geez, you're going to make me misty.

After all the bad blood between my father and I, I nursed him through his cancer and death. The obligation of a child to their parent is something I feel very personally and I'm not likely to make an unemotional comment about it.

Do what's best for you and yours, let love inform your decisions not guilt, anxiety or fear and you'll do ok. That's my philosophy, and I'm sticking to it.

 

[EGGO]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: EGGO
I stayed out of trying to say anything in this thread for reasons that seem obvious (but at 1am, I'm at a loss of words) but this is why I love the community. Though, I was dissapointed, I never tried to make her change her mind. We reached a mutual agreement that she'll stay but she needs to assert her independance. Since she requested rather than telling, it (may have) created a different situation. Either way, she's staying, and she's not going to guilt trip her mother but she's going to let her know her thoughts (hopefully without her mother being unreasonable during such a talk).

Honestly, I'm not trying to cast you in a negative light...(looks at the whiny bitch comment, ok maybe that was a bit over the top). Look, you can't expect her Mom to act in a rational way towards your relationship, or her daughter. Parents aren't rational about their kids, not male or female, at least not generally. Her mom made an UNREASONABLE, EGOCENTRIC, SELFISH, request, AND she phrased it badly. -50 exp to her. She's still a mom, she's in need, and you should, like a good man, get the fvck out of the way.

Your GF sounds perfectly capable of making a decision when she needs to stand her ground, so let her.

I'm sorry if I'm taking this the wrong way, but you make it sound as if I'm interfering with her decision in some sort of way. (Saying "and you should, like a good man, get the fvck out the way".)

Throughout this whole ordeal, I have never shunned her, abandoned her, forced her, or anything sort of thing of the like. The point that was being made was that she felt bad about things and so did I. The "mutual agreement" I talked about was nothing like me telling her what to do and we agreed, it was an idea from ATOT thrown in at what should happen following what occured between her mom that she wanted me to confirm if it sounded like it would be the next best thing to do.

Despite the advice, "Your mom needs you" one of the things she has been telling me countless times this evening is "I need you" and she got exactly that. She always had my support and please don't make it sound as if I don't give her any freedoms (again, I may be misreading that last line of yours). The only freedoms I really don't allow her is her sleeping over when she has classs the next day .

Again, I don't know if I'm misreading your comment as if you're saying I'm being somehow manipulative, far from it. If I did misread your post in anyway disregard this post.

[edited because I forgot to finish the last sentence wtf?]

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: EGGO

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: EGGO
I stayed out of trying to say anything in this thread for reasons that seem obvious (but at 1am, I'm at a loss of words) but this is why I love the community. Though, I was dissapointed, I never tried to make her change her mind. We reached a mutual agreement that she'll stay but she needs to assert her independance. Since she requested rather than telling, it (may have) created a different situation. Either way, she's staying, and she's not going to guilt trip her mother but she's going to let her know her thoughts (hopefully without her mother being unreasonable during such a talk).

Honestly, I'm not trying to cast you in a negative light...(looks at the whiny bitch comment, ok maybe that was a bit over the top). Look, you can't expect her Mom to act in a rational way towards your relationship, or her daughter. Parents aren't rational about their kids, not male or female, at least not generally. Her mom made an UNREASONABLE, EGOCENTRIC, SELFISH, request, AND she phrased it badly. -50 exp to her. She's still a mom, she's in need, and you should, like a good man, get the fvck out of the way.

Your GF sounds perfectly capable of making a decision when she needs to stand her ground, so let her.

I'm sorry if I'm taking this the wrong way, but you make it sound as if I'm interfering with her decision in some sort of way. (Saying "and you should, like a good man, get the fvck out the way".)

Throughout this whole ordeal, I have never shunned her, abandoned her, forced her, or anything sort of thing of the like. The point that was being made was that she felt bad about things and so did I. The "mutual agreement" I talked about was nothing like me telling her what to do and we agreed, it was an idea from ATOT thrown in at what should happen following what occured between her mom that she wanted me to confirm if it sounded like it would be the next best thing to do.

Despite the advice, "Your mom needs you" one of the things she has been telling me countless times this evening is "I need you" and she got exactly that. She always had my support and please don't make it sound as if I don't give her any freedoms (again, I may be misreading that last line of yours). The only freedoms I really don't allow her is her sleeping over when she has classs the next day .

Again, I don't know if I'm misreading your comment as if you're saying I'm being somehow manipulative, far from it. If I did misread your post in anyway disregard this post.

[edited because I forgot to finish the last sentence wtf?]

I'm aparently, a terrible 'couples' counselor .
For ther record, I don't know crap about your relationship (and no one else here does either). I'm responding to OP's emotional quandary and leaving you to man up. That's my outlook, I'm a guy, I figure you'll look out for yourself and she's the one who really needs advice.

IME the relationship's of SO's to their families are like trains. You don't have a lot of say in where they go and you're pretty damn stupid if you stand in the way of them.

I din't mean to imply that you're needy or manipulative, please excuse that if it came off that way.

 

[FoBoT]

hi

you need to decide when you are going to grow up

this is probably a good time since they just moved

get your own place and go on the trip, 19 years old is an adult and you can make your own decisions

you mother is your mother, not your child

 

[KarenMarie]

First of all... welcome to ATOT, Rachael.

I am impressed that you would put your mom ahead of a fun trip away with your boyfriend... that is admirable. I think I might be missing something in your original post, however because I am unsure as to your mom's motives here. Is this normal behaviour for your mom... to need to lean on you because she is having problems? Do you live at home? Does she pay for college?

Is it normal that your mom would need you to lean on, instead of the other way around. How many trips have you canceled in your life? and how many times have you put off doing what you wanted for her?

 

[AdamSnow]

She even gave cliffs!

:thumbsup:

Welcome to ATOT. It's like Hotel California... You can log out any time you want, but you can never leave......

 

[Trente]

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
it definitely looks like it could take the "Best Ownage of a Lifer by a no0b" category

Fixed.

 

[dabuddha]

If your mom pays for college/room and board, then you should respect her wishes. Try to see it from her point of view as well. Would you let your daughter go out with a strange guy for a week or however long you were planning?

 

[Eddieo]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
If your mom pays for college/room and board, then you should respect her wishes. Try to see it from her point of view as well. Would you let your daughter go out with a strange guy for a week or however long you were planning?

Agreed, if you are still getting any type of financial support from her, you should still be treated as a dependant. When you are on your own, paying for all your bills yourself, then you can possibly make an adult decision (possibly a short trip, full trip or no trip, etc. too wordy to read all).

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: vshah
nomination for best post of the year.
breakdown:

female poster: check
pics included without endless badgering: check
long post includes cliffnotes: check


oh but we have a few surprises for you yet...

haha, an ATOTer's dream girl

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Zim Hosein

Originally posted by: EGGO
She did come to the ATOT meet with me and she does read this forum quite often. That being said, I told her to just post here because I like the maturity most would give here and I didn't want to talk on the cell phone in the car.

:laugh:

:laugh:

:laugh:

1606 posts and he still hasn't realized???? i call shens

 

[JulesMaximus]

Longest first post ever!!!

Edit-I would do what your Mom wants. Think of family above friends.

 

[skyking]

Rachael, it has been a god read. Bravo!
I only have a couple of questions regarding your staying with your mom.
1) After all was said and done, what exactly did you do for her?
A) hang out, talk, be supportive.
B) do chores, go shopping with her or for her.
C)attend some family function with her.
D)really nothing, just reduced her worry by staying home.
E)a combination of things, please elaborate.
I know the events have not transpired yet, but please answer those questions when you have the information.
By answering those questions, you will know yourself if you were just being manipulated for selfish reasons, or if you and your mom needed that weekend together.

Some of KarenMarie's questions are quite to the point also.

 

[imported_electron]

Ever the optimist, i think the maturity level in here is high too.













...well if by high I mean on drugs.

 

[EGGO]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Zim Hosein

Originally posted by: EGGO
She did come to the ATOT meet with me and she does read this forum quite often. That being said, I told her to just post here because I like the maturity most would give here and I didn't want to talk on the cell phone in the car.

:laugh:

:laugh:

:laugh:

1606 posts and he still hasn't realized???? i call shens

Jeez, fine, I have no life outside of ATOT. There, I said it.

 

[Jeraden]

I think she's putting unreasonable demands on you. I'd just go anyways and don't tell her. Let her think you are still at school. Check your messages while you are gone and call her back if she's called for you. Not like your trip is really causing any harm other than "worry" for her.

 

[markgm]

Wow, I think you got most everything right. The only thing you're missing is a poll. Anyway, I'd go. You did what you needed to do, she did what she needed to do. You're both adults, and you'd probably only regret it later. It's selfish of her to not let you go, not the other way around.

When I graduated from high school I asked to borrow my Mom's car to spend a week in Williamsburg, VA. She said no, but I knew that to be a yes, I just had to talk her into it! Even though I lost touch with the folks I hung out with in high school it was a great trip that I would be upset if I didn't go on.