The issue I have here is that you're basically the other side of the same coin: you're making hyperbolic assessments of Apple's products and suggesting that fans who disagree are simply towing the company line. The truth, as with most things, is somewhere in between.
I can't disagree with that assessment. Anyone dealing in absolutes is usually wrong, and you are correct that a square smartwatch isn't that big of deal. I can admit being wrong about that being some sort of definitive defect.
With that said, I think you are wrong on this point:
You know why some people are complimenting Apple for stuffing 2GB into the iPhone SE? Because Apple is giving its lowest-end phone the same kind of treatment as its flagships, not because it's an acknowledgment of some tragic mistake from 2014.
No, people are celebrating the 2GB of RAM because it directly helps in smartphone tasks such as web browsing. Do you think I am making it all up? Fine, I have proof.
Anandtech in 2015 evaluating iOS RAM needs:
But with iOS already running into RAM limitations just running a single intensive app on 1GB devices...Safari is an app that quite frankly does not work incredibly well on any iPad except for the Air 2...As you can see, the Safari process and all its tabs ends up using a whopping 728.12MB of RAM....many third party applications can be very complex. You could be handling very large images, or drawing complicated 3D scenes. Naturally, these applications will require more memory to keep all of the assets that theyre working with accessible.
http://www.anandtech.com/show/9605/the-ios-9-review/8
So that should put to rest some sort of notion that the extra GB of RAM isn't anything but a huge benefit unless you never use Safari (or never use more than a couple of tabs) or any kind of picture-laden app. More directly to the iPhone SE praise I turn to the very respected Ars article on the SE:
Giving an iPhone or iPad more RAM doesn't necessarily speed up general performance, but it does mean that apps and browser tabs need to be ejected from memory less often. Today this is particularly beneficial in Safari, which needs to reload tabs when they're ejected from RAMat best this process adds a couple of extra seconds to what ought to be a simple tab switch, and at worst you don't have connectivity and so can't see the tab you're trying to open.
http://arstechnica.com/apple/2016/03/9-7-inch-ipad-pro-and-iphone-se-both-have-2gb-of-ram/
Smartphone users are in their mobile browser 14% of the time they are on the phone, so any improvement is Safari is huge:
I refuse to make light of the 1GB of RAM issue. It was a problem day 1, it is a problem today. Especially if you are a power user who tries to multitask on the iPhone 6 plus only to find apps being aggressively killed in the background due to a lack of RAM. Everyone I know who has a 6S after having a 6 says it multitasks far better.
Honestly the main issue for me isn't just that the iPhone 6 Plus has 1GB of RAM. The issue is that it didn't have to be that way. The cheaper 2014 iPad Air 2 had 2GB of RAM, and the 2015 iPad Mini 4 is basically the iPhone 6 Plus's SoC with 1GB extra RAM bolted on. There is NO good reason Apple couldn't have done that for 2014 customers paying $1000 for a phablet. I wouldn't have minded so much if NO 2014 iOS device had 2GB of RAM, but a cheaper device DID. And now the "cheap" iPhone does too. All that tells me is that the iPhone 6 Plus had 1GB of RAM on purpose, and that purpose was planned obsolescence. And I freaking HATE that concept in any device.