is feeding kids that important?

[Joemonkey]

I grew up with my brother and two sisters. We always were hungry and if you didn't want to eat, one of my siblings would take care of the problem. If there was something new on the table we hadn't seen before (happened quite a lot) we tried it anyway because if we didn't there wouldn't be any left.

I always thought kids would eat if they got hungry. Then, my youngest had a baby. My grandson was diagnosed with "failure to thrive" which is doctorese for "we have no idea." He wouldn't eat. He was never hungry. He was tube fed and seems to have gotten a little better but, remains a picky eater.

What the hell is the difference in our environment between now and when I grew up? It seems like every other kid today has some kind of allergy or food intolerance today. Lactose intolerance is very common. When I was little, there was exactly one kid in the entire school who was lactose intolerant. I always tried to sit next to him to get an extra milk.

antibiotics happened. They killed beneficial gut bacteria in women which meant they couldn't pass that beneficial gut bacteria on to their kids.

 

[Uhtrinity]

oh i'm sorry, I didn't know children were supposed to be convenient. feeding a kid when he's hungry instead of when you're hungry is not teaching them anything. if you don't have the time or sense to care for your kids properly, don't have them

That's not what I meant. If a child is hungry between meals you can pull out the snacks. I would counter that parents who let their kids eat whatever they want whenever they want are the ones that don't care.

I am and have been a single parent for about 8 years and always make sure my son has breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Each of those meals are always within a 1 - 2 hour window, with snacks being available, though I will deny those if a meal is close to being prepared.

 

[DAPUNISHER]

Every family has a kid who won’t eat. My kid brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.

I always think of this when someone mentions difficulty in getting a child to eat. "Show mommy how the piggies eat!"

 

[SirStev0]

the pediatricians will always say let them eat on their own when their hungry. bullshit. kids will never eat if that was the case. or they'd eat unhealthy crap. feeding a toddler is one of the hardest, most annoying things of parenthood.

TBH they say that because what the fuck else is there to say. Let's be real, what options do you have when they are picky or stubborn on eating habits?

You pretty much arguing with an irrational egocentric little monster with sharp pointy teeth. You either tell them and they do it or you tell them and they tell you to go fuck yourself cause Perry the Platypus is on the TV.

We have pretty much gotten to the point that we don't need kids to "finish their plates" especially when it is just carbs. Feeding times just help to solidify eating habits in the kids. 3 meals a day isn't ideal but it is routine. The other big problem is that grazing options for kids are all junk. If they don't eat dinner they are going to eat cookies and chips and garbage.

Raising kids probably blows. I know I don't look forward to many aspects of it at least not until I am older.

 

[SagaLore]

Chances are the kids that won't eat dinner:

- Are given way too many not-that-nutritional-but-filling snacks earlier in the day.
- Are given a meal that they don't find appetizing.
- Weren't fed much variety when they were infants.
- Did not have a consistent eating schedule since they were infants.

 

[vi edit]

That's not what I meant. If a child is hungry between meals you can pull out the snacks. I would counter that parents who let their kids eat whatever they want whenever they want are the ones that don't care.

I am and have been a single parent for about 8 years and always make sure my son has breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Each of those meals are always within a 1 - 2 hour window, with snacks being available, though I will deny those if a meal is close to being prepared.

Yep. Agree 100%. Kids need some element of structure. Bed time, nap times, meals, bedtime rituals, ect. What happens in between is their room for creative time.

Like last night in my daughters case. We had dinner at our normal time of around 5:30. For a full hour before dinner she was complaining she was hungry. When it came time for dinner she didn't eat a thing. After dinner we went for a walk and I made her walk instead of riding in the stroller. She complained the whole way she was hungry.

So when we got back I tried to be nice and give her a 2nd chance. The pasta was still warm and we gave her a plate to try again. She ate 1/2 a tortellini and then said she was full.

I took the plate away and she went to bed hungry. No snack.

 

[vi edit]

Chances are the kids that won't eat dinner:

- Are given way too many not-that-nutritional-but-filling snacks earlier in the day.
- Are given a meal that they don't find appetizing.
- Weren't fed much variety when they were infants.
- Did not have a consistent eating schedule since they were infants.

Nope on #1

Nope on #2 (it's stuff she has eaten in the past and just refuses to now)

Nope on #3 (she ate almost anything she was given when she moved to the baby food. And even more variety when she moved to table food. She's entirely regressed in the last year and a half)

Nope on #4 (meals were structured, but she had horrible reflux and we weren't guaranteed she'd actually keep the meal down.)

 

[child of wonder]

Yep. Agree 100%. Kids need some element of structure. Bed time, nap times, meals, bedtime rituals, ect. What happens in between is their room for creative time.

Like last night in my daughters case. We had dinner at our normal time of around 5:30. For a full hour before dinner she was complaining she was hungry. When it came time for dinner she didn't eat a thing. After dinner we went for a walk and I made her walk instead of riding in the stroller. She complained the whole way she was hungry.

So when we got back I tried to be nice and give her a 2nd chance. The pasta was still warm and we gave her a plate to try again. She ate 1/2 a tortellini and then said she was full.

I took the plate away and she went to bed hungry. No snack.

This is our philosophy as well. Our daughter is 7 and a very picky eater. She especially dislikes eggs.

However, we constantly tell her "mommy and daddy are the ones that earn the money, pay the bills, and make the food. We're going to make what we like to eat and you had better learn to like it or you go hungry."

Sometimes what we want to eat just happens to coincide with what the kids like (chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, etc.) but for the most part we don't let her get away with that picky crap.

 

[roguerower]

My parents had a pretty simple philosophy that I'll adopt for raising my kids *shudder*.

One meal. If you don't want to eat, ok. If you don't like it, tough. You will try any "new" food regardless of if you do or do not want it. You will not get a snack after dinner and will go to bed hungry if you don't eat.

My two younger sisters and I never developed picky eating habits and always try new stuff.

 

[SagaLore]

What the hell is the difference in our environment between now and when I grew up? It seems like every other kid today has some kind of allergy or food intolerance today. Lactose intolerance is very common. When I was little, there was exactly one kid in the entire school who was lactose intolerant. I always tried to sit next to him to get an extra milk.

Several generations ago, moms made food from scratch. Sure, our produce was getting zapped with some pretty nasty pesticides and artificial fertilizers before we really knew the impact, but at least everything else was fresh. The problem is those kids consuming all the pesticides then grew up and had kids of their own, but their reproductive systems weren't producing as high quality eggs/sperm, and while pregnant, the moms-to-be ate boxed/canned food which was then popular, and/or lots of fast food, which lacked nutrition and was full of preservatives. Then those kids grew up, being really picky eaters, and now that generation is on lots of medications to deal with their metabolic and nutritional deficiencies. So now the latest generation of infants/toddlers is about as messed up as you can get.

 

[heavyiron8]

I had fights with my parents every night at the dinner table when I was young. I just couldn't eat as much as they gave me. I understand that they care about me so much that they want to see my eat more and more and more lol.

Idk, I wouldn't force my kids to eat anymore than what they want.

 

[vi edit]

and while pregnant, the moms-to-be ate boxed/canned food which was then popular, and/or lots of fast food, which lacked nutrition and was full of preservatives.

The funny part is that my wife isn't a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination and was on an uber sodium restriction from about 4 months on due to toxemia. We did make most things from scratch (bread, soups, ect) and avoided almost all processed foods because it's salt drenched.

 

[ShawnD1]

I didn't connect the dots until I was older and realized "oh, I'm probably a little lactose intolerant"

lol. I said I drink about 8L of milk per week and my friend joked "you must shit like twenty times a day"
Uh no. Only people who are allergic to milk will shit 20 times per day.....

 

[SirStev0]

I grew up with my brother and two sisters. We always were hungry and if you didn't want to eat, one of my siblings would take care of the problem. If there was something new on the table we hadn't seen before (happened quite a lot) we tried it anyway because if we didn't there wouldn't be any left.

I always thought kids would eat if they got hungry. Then, my youngest had a baby. My grandson was diagnosed with "failure to thrive" which is doctorese for "we have no idea." He wouldn't eat. He was never hungry. He was tube fed and seems to have gotten a little better but, remains a picky eater.

What the hell is the difference in our environment between now and when I grew up? It seems like every other kid today has some kind of allergy or food intolerance today. Lactose intolerance is very common. When I was little, there was exactly one kid in the entire school who was lactose intolerant. I always tried to sit next to him to get an extra milk.

Failure to Thrive is a symptom not a Diagnosis. There are many things that cause failure to thrive (basically acting in a way incompatible with life). There are plenty of causes I am sure we don't know.

Technically "Idiopathic" is doctorese for "i dunno". When a Doctor says you have "Idiopathic" anything it means you have that thing and I have no fucking good guess as to why. Sorry.

I am sorry about your grandson and truly hope he does well on the road to recovery.

Here is the thing.

50 or 60 years ago when you were an infant, if you had failure to thrive you most likely died. In fact you probably didn't even survive until birth. We forget that both infant and maternal mortality rates were absurdly high not even 100 years ago. There are a lot of very sick babies who are not only making it to term but also surviving and prospering that would have had no chance back in your day.

As far as Lactose Intolerance... No mammal is made to drink milk past infancy. Especially not the milk of a different species. There is a reason you have to give formula to infants if you don't breast feen and why you can't give cow milk to infants. It just doesn't have what you need. The only benefit cow's milk has is calcium (which breast milk is better at) especially in adulthood. We need more calcium in our diets and milk is pretty good and it can be fortified with Vit D for an extra boost so we keep drinking it. If you stopped drinking dairy products right now you too would become lactose intolerant because our bodies know we don't need it and as soon as we stop sending the stimulation we shut down the enzyme/protein production that is required for digestion.

Now for Allergies and things like Irritable Bowel Syndrome. That is a whole crazy monster in and of itself. True Anaphylatic allergies are just shitty luck. Seasonal Allergies and IBS and maybe even autoimmune are multifactorial of course but I am willing to bet that in the next few years we are are going to be making some huge connections with our emphasis on "over cleanliness".
Frankly, we aren't letting our kids get exposed to germs and bugs and worms. Our Immune system is like the T-100. It is a learning computer. It sees something it doesn't like and it kills it. If it sees it again; it will kill it again. People today are germaphobes. Everyone. Some much more than others but don't pretend like you don't wash your hands with antibacterial soap throughout the day and socially isolate and quarantine any friends who have the sniffles. Our bodies have spent the last few thousand years adapting to the fact that there is tons of shit that thinks they could do pretty freaking good in a nice 2 bedroom apt in your sinus cavity. It is constantly vigilant and ready to sweep them away like germs were the homeless and they are Guiliani Era NYC cops.
This is especially true in childhood. Our bodies are ready to fight at a moments notice. So like the Drunk meathead pounding Yager at the end of the bar, if no one shows up ready to rumble he is still beating the piss out of someone or something regardless of what damage is done. No surprise that not shitting your brains out every other week from spoiled Dark Ages meat leads to our immune cells in the gut mucosa getting bored and start beating the shit out of the gut lining.


Want to have your mind blown?
What is the Antibody in our body associated with Allergies and Allergic Reactions? IgE.
What Antibody in our body is the main defense against parasitic worm infections? IgE.
Mother fucker. Imagine that. When was the last time you heard somebody's kid had worms? How about allergies? Surprise Su-fucking-prise.

 

[Rhoxed]

I ate anything my parents gave me. I would even ask for food my parents would not eat. My brother on the other hand was a picky little shit, and now has horrible eating habits and is slightly over weight.

Because my brother was so picky, my parents couldn't afford to have 2 sets of food around the house, so they had to find a common middle-ground (there was about 10 dishes he would eat, and 2-3 he was forced to eat because the rest of the family enjoyed it). When I moved out and became responsible for my own food, I started eating like a king. I made dishes that I had never tried, and used ingredients I never heard about. - 2 years later I became a head chef

 

[ch33zw1z]

This is our philosophy as well. Our daughter is 7 and a very picky eater. She especially dislikes eggs.

However, we constantly tell her "mommy and daddy are the ones that earn the money, pay the bills, and make the food. We're going to make what we like to eat and you had better learn to like it or you go hungry."

Sometimes what we want to eat just happens to coincide with what the kids like (chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, etc.) but for the most part we don't let her get away with that picky crap.

Pretty much ours as well. My kid is 5, eats damn near anything. Salmon, asparagus, greek yogurt(i don't even like that sh!t)...among others. People are always amazed, but we've never cater to him with the basics. He gets special things like a milkshake instead of just milk, but that's due to him being on a high-calorie diet.

This philosophy works IME, even with our 13 month old.

 

[JS80]

I mean, when they're babies, obviously it is... but I'm at that age where all of my friends have toddlers (3-5) and they all seem to go through hysterics trying to get them to eat.

I'm not going to criticize their parenting because wtf do I know (I can't even take care of a plant), but it seems weird to me... won't the kid just eat when s/he is hungry? what's the point of getting into a fight at the dinner table every night because they say they're not hungry?

Good parenting is all about setting the tone and routine as early as possible. That way your kid won't turn into a shithead teenager who won't eat anything but chicken nuggets at odd hours. It's key to having kids eat dinner during dinner time, etc.

 

[JS80]

If she had her choice it'd be either a hotdog or pb&j every meal. That's it. I don't do short order cooking for her if it's a meal I know she'll eat if she'd just fucking try it.

Like last night, I did grilled chicken and a cheese tortellina with a very basic marinara sauce. She won't eat chicken unless it's breaded and smothered in ranch. And she'll eat the shit out of mac & cheese but won't touch any pasta that's not elbow macaroni. She'll instantly look at a plate and say "I don't like that" without even putting a bite in her mouth.

I don't play that. She'll get plated and sat there with us, if she doesn't eat that's on her. If I do something spicy or wild that I know she won't even remotely consider eating I'll throw in something that I know she will.

But I'm not going to let my kid have a 3 food rotating diet.

You're doing the right thing. I have a 3.5 year old myself - a total shithead - and will pull the same stunt.

 

[JS80]

Chances are the kids that won't eat dinner:

- I don't have kids and I'm full of shit
- I got lucky with mellow kids
- I have no idea what I'm talking about
- I am full of shit

Oh really?

 

[Joemonkey]

Pretty much ours as well. My kid is 5, eats damn near anything. Salmon, asparagus, greek yogurt(i don't even like that sh!t)...among others. People are always amazed, but we've never cater to him with the basics. He gets special things like a milkshake instead of just milk, but that's due to him being on a high-calorie diet.

This philosophy works IME, even with our 13 month old.

I love this about my daughter. Her most recent favorite food is beef tongue. We went to the Outer Banks and ate with my extended family at a seafood restaurant. My 16yo niece ordered steak, my 12yo niece ordered chicken tenders, and my daughter ate shrimp, mussels, oysters, crab legs, pretty much anything that was offered to her. She also loves stuff that I would have NEVER tried as a 6yo, like sashimi, miso soup, hot and sour soup, beef tongue, etc.

I think it has something to do with the fact we don't say things like "ewwww, look at daddy eat this raw fish! how gross is daddy!" we do things like "now this is raw fish, daddy really likes it, you're more than welcome to try a bite, and if you don't like it that's fine"

 

[ch33zw1z]

I think it has something to do with the fact we don't say things like "ewwww, look at daddy eat this raw fish! how gross is daddy!" we do things like "now this is raw fish, daddy really likes it, you're more than welcome to try a bite, and if you don't like it that's fine"

Right on, I believe that as well.

The only trouble we have, I'm sure we're not alone, slowing the kids down long enough to eat

 

[SagaLore]

Chances are my kid is a total shithead:

- I have kids but I'm full of shit
- I got unlucky, its not my fault
- I have no idea what I'm talking about
- I am full of shit

Oh really?

Yup.

 

[Joemonkey]

Right on, I believe that as well.

The only trouble we have, I'm sure we're not alone, slowing the kids down long enough to eat

nah, with school back in session we have a pretty rigid morning, evening, and nightly routine. it helps we only have one kid, and she recently got a puppy that is forcing her to learn some extra responsibilities

 

[Modelworks]

I think it is always kid specific. My nieces were one year apart and one of them spent time with my family and the other spent time with the other side of the family. The girl that stayed with us started very early eating what we ate. If we were eating vegetables she had to eat or at least attempt to eat them . The other girl was fed fast food and frozen dinners mostly and only ate at home occasionally . Today both girls are +20 years old and the one that stayed with us cooks a lot, likes to try new foods, eats just about any vegetable or meats, while the other one will not eat anything green, is extremely picky about food and can't cook at all.

I think more important than forcing the child to eat is making sure to spend time as a family for dinner. I remember when we ate dinner , all the tv and radio were turned off, you weren't allowed to eat away from the table and everyone spent that time every day together. It was 30 minutes of the day where everyone had the chance to talk to everyone else . Something missing today in a lot of families.

 

[JS80]

Yup.

Do you even have kids?