Is it "living in sin" to be living with someone you are't married to?

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Scrapster

Diamond Member
Nov 27, 2000
3,746
0
0
vi,

you need to stop hanging out with those homely granola eating chicks.

You'll be suprised about how quickly this issue drops.



Scraps
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
62,403
8,199
126
No granola chicks here....they're all on no carb high protien diets
 

Pennstate

Diamond Member
Oct 14, 1999
3,211
0
0
Just a note: Studies have shown that the the divorce rate of couples that co-habited prior to marriage is HIGHER than that of couple that did not. Anthropologists suggest that co-habited couple have the same high expectations after marriage. But un-co-habited couples tend to compromise more and more tolerant of bad habits.
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
62,403
8,199
126


<< You do live pretty close to Iowa City, vi...... >>



Eh?

I'm assuming this has something to do with granola munching homely women....but I'm not putting two and two together.

Remember - I'm not an Iowa native
 

Total Refected Power

Diamond Member
Oct 13, 1999
3,899
0
0
I am not wild about it but it really depends on the situation. My wife and I set up our apartment about a month before we were married. We were away at grad school and poor and her lease ran out so practicality took over. Before that we both had our own apartments but I would often crash at her place. So I guess it really wasn't hard core.
 

Napalm381

Platinum Member
Oct 10, 1999
2,724
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<< Remember - I'm not an Iowa native >>

Heh. Iowa City, home to U of I and the highest concentration of dirty pot-smoking Nader-loving granola-munching hippies in Iowa (well, maybe second after Grinnell ).
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
62,403
8,199
126
Napalm, that's what I was thinking, just wasn't sure
 

I personally don't think it's the greatest idea, but it is not a sin against the God of the bible.
 

xodarap

Senior member
Jan 11, 2001
432
0
0
Your living in a Healthy, Mature, Monogomous relationship. HOW DARE YOU

Your taking a rational and slow look twoards marrige. Gee if people in our society did that god only planned what would happen!

The idea of living in sin comes from the question of sex more than any thing else. I dont abide by sex before marriage for religous and practical reasons (if you know your ready for sex why aren't you ready for marriage) but that is a decision one has to make on their own. If your mature rational and honest about it then your better than 70% of the world.

Your not living in sin you should be a pluaded for fallowing your hearts and trying to be as upright as you can an not letting our ever degrading society slander your soul. God Bless
 

AndrewR

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
11,157
0
0
As Pennstate, you are more likely to divorce if you have lived together prior to marriage. I wonder what the statistics would be if the timeframe were limited to perhaps a year. The reasoning being that once you get through the adjustment period, I sincerely doubt that the fact that you have lived together would have an impact on your relationship after, say, five years of marriage. At that point, there's something else going on, obviously.

My wife and I lived together before getting married. We lived together for about two years (engaged one of those) and then have been married for 2 years this May. Living together and marriage ARE NOT THE SAME THING. To tell the truth, we are both still adjusting to married life, in the sense of communal property and such -- much less so now. It's quite an adjustment, at least it was for me. It has been for my wife, too, since she was an only child (hence, no brothers to share with, like me).

In short, living together even for two years did not prepare us for marriage to any great degree. There was a period when we first moved in together that we came extremely close to breaking up because having someone around 24/7 was a first for both of us. I retreated to the computer when I needed to hide for awhile. It worked until we became more accustomed to no privacy.

Oh, as for living in sin, the question we were asked by the priest before we were married was &quot;Are you living together as brother and sister, or husband and wife?&quot; My wife's classic response? &quot;Well, we have two bedrooms...&quot; LMAO!! I gaped at her in astonishment, but that was DAMN funny when it happened.

I don't regret living together beforehand because it was the only way we could be in the same city (financial reasons). Given a second chance, I am not entirely sure I would do it again though.
 

fallenoncrack

Banned
Dec 19, 2000
1,747
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The real question is do you both love each other? As far as God goes, the act of living in sin really doesn't apply if you are married in your mind/hearts to one another.

God really doesn't sanction the State laws or view your married if the state says you are. God's law is above all others, marriage is in your heart/mind and if you don't love each other, then why do you live together.

 

xraymongral

Banned
Nov 25, 2000
1,242
0
0
I guess the thing about sins, though based in religion, is a way to re-enforce social standards. But these standards do change over time, and the church is, as it should be, slow to react to these changes.

The most difficult part of this is the general air of hypocracy that exists in organized religion as a rule. Ths detracts from the meaning of the word &quot;sin&quot;.

So it really up to you to evaluate what you think is a good social standard, what you are willing to do to make this standard reality, and modify your behavior to reflect your beliefs. The greatest thing is personal sacrifice that occures when you hold yourself to a higher set of standards.
 

Citrus538

Member
Jul 5, 2000
33
0
0
I remember some statistics about live-in couples being more likely to abuse their children. . .sorry, can't find it now so you may not be inclined to believe me. Besides, shouldn't you find out if you're compatible BEFORE you live together? I mean, I wouldn't even want to live someone who I'm not compatible with. Things *could* get ugly (chop chop) : )
 

nickdakick

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2000
2,484
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0


<< a peice of paper from the government doesn't mean anything >>


It saves a hell of a lot of money. At least where I live.
 

Hecubus2000

Senior member
Dec 1, 2000
674
0
0
If that's the case i'm to going hell. My gf and I just had a child together and live together. We are getting married within this year if that counts. If I were you I would'nt worry about it. It's not the 50's anymore man. It's the year 2001.
 

Stallion

Diamond Member
May 4, 2000
3,657
0
76
The way I was raised? Yes. Been married for just over 6 years and we didn't live together or have sex together before we were married. We were together for about 18 months bafore we got married.

I wont get into why I feel this way as it is not my place to judge ,you asked for my opinion and I gave it to ya.
 

classy

Lifer
Oct 12, 1999
15,219
1
81
I agree with AndrewR, completely :Q. My opinions and story is exactly like his. And get this My anniversary is also in May too. The only difference is its going to be 5 years for me. I would like to add this. Without getting to spiritual or biblical. Now if I'm way off base forgive me. But, by you just asking this question tells me in your heart you want a final stamp on your relationship with this lady. And when you live together that finality is not there. People say that piece of paper is not important but it is. When you stand before people and take an oath before God there is a peace that enters that relationship. If your relationship is healthy, in marriage a trust will come that is absent when you just live together. I tried living together twice and its not the same as being married. Being married ain't easy but to me so far its been worth it. The reason why most people get divorced IMO is that they stop working at the realationship. Just like you work at that relationship when your dating or GF/BF you should do the same being married. As a matter of fact you should work at even more. But I believe your on the right track, now just finish the course and good luck.
 

cxim

Golden Member
Dec 18, 1999
1,442
2
0
The answer is yes, living together is living in sin... It is a moral &amp; ethical judgment, based on religion.

&quot;Common law marriage&quot; does not exist in most states any longer.

Marriage has significant legal, moral &amp; ethical obligations of the partners, that do not exist otherwise. One can not be married in the &quot;Eyes of GOD&quot; if one is not married either by a legal or religous ceremony.

Remember the 10 commandments ? do not commit adultry...

 

AndrewR

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
11,157
0
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If the only spritual consideration for being married is &quot;what's in your heart&quot; then there would be no provision for religious wedding ceremonies, now would there? Though people seem to discount the religious aspect of marriages, I for one discount the civil aspects of marriage. Marriage is the act of stating your intentions openly and vocally to God, family, friends, and neighbors.

Don't try to tell me that simply &quot;feeling married&quot; is enough -- if that's the case, wear a ring. Sorry, but I think this whole &quot;we're married in spirit&quot; crap is ridiculous and is just a sign of a lack of committment. Call it what it is -- living together. Fact of the matter is that leaving such a relationship is as simple as moving out. IT'S NOT THE SAME AS MARRIAGE.

What's interesting is that unmarried couples with families are more common in France, the reason being the VERY substantial marriage penalties in the tax system which are higher than here. I don't remember the figures, but it was enough to make you sit up and take notice.



<< It's not the 50's anymore man. It's the year 2001. >>


Yes, because real committment and stable families are SOOO gauche these days. The divorce rate is also 50% -- this is a good thing?
 

MrAnderson

Golden Member
Nov 28, 2000
1,234
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0
CXIM
What does legal have to do with anything when you are talking about religion? God dosn't see rules made by us as anything but that the commandments are there for us as far as religion is concerned but I don't believe for a second that God would impose all the laws on us that we have created for ourselves!

I was confirmed and firmly believe in God but I am living with my now fiance and have been for the last 3 years. It will most likely be different when we are married this July but we have really gotten to know each other better living together and know what it is to go through tough times together so at least that will not be a roadblock after we are married!
 

cxim

Golden Member
Dec 18, 1999
1,442
2
0
MrAnderson

<>CXIM
What does legal have to do with anything when you are talking about religion? <>

As most organized religions recognise civil marriage ceremonies.. it has a bearing on this topic...

as for the rest of your post.. So you were confirmed &amp; believe in GOD ???

That means you are not living in sin ???? I think not...
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
62,403
8,199
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I should have phrased the original topic heading different. I really didn't want to get a &quot;stamp of approval&quot; so to speak. I really wanted to know how other people felt about this situation in general, not necessarily MY situation.

As far as our situation, we share the same bed. Have both of our names on car loans. Share the same bank accounts, and have each other as primary beneficiaries on life insurance defaults and IRA defaults. We are both on the same car insurance plan.

The main reason that we aren't actually married yet is because of our age. I'm 22, she's 20. It's not a commitment thing, it's just more of a mutual agreement between the two of us. We both wanted to wait for her to wait to get out of undergrad and into pharmacy school.

Neither of us believe in this common practice of getting engaged and not getting married for another 2 years. We personally think it's a joke. As far as weddings and the ceremonies and the receptions afterwards, we couldn't care less. Hell, if we could find a place that could legally marry us in another country, we'd probably do that while on a vacation.

To us a marriage would simply be a recognition by the state so that we would recieve the civil benefits of it - car insurance drops, she would finally be considered a resident of this state, ect.

As for the &quot;sin&quot; part of things, that was more of an attention getter. I apologize for that. Being a non-christian, the sin thing really has no impact upon how I live my life. I was really trying to see if more people found it improper in a social aspect, or if it was just a christian related &quot;no-no&quot;.
 

Isla

Elite member
Sep 12, 2000
7,749
2
0
vi_, you rabble rouser! Look what you started!

Well, even though I have never lived with anyone outside of marriage, I'm not about to judge people who do. I think if you are moving in the right direction, you will eventually get married. If you are not moving in the right direction, you have sadly just added to your emotional baggage that you will have to carry into the next relationship. Relationships do leave a mark on us, especially sexual ones.

But I digress:

Why didn't I live with anyone outside of marriage?

Because I know the &quot;Why buy the cow if the milk is free&quot; idea runs deep in men. I am going to discourage my children from living together before marriage, but I won't fall apart if they do. I know plenty of people who have done it and then eventually married, which tells me that even if it is a mistake, a good relationship can survive it.

Just my .02
 
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