Not me.
No way in hell I'm like him.
I get VERY uncomfortable and nervous when lying, let alone lying through my teeth.
Also, I think kind souls would love me and they do. So I don't have that unconscious/subconscious problem. But I do dislike myself because I'm not the best version of myself that I see in my own mind.
I have tried to answer your post a number of times and something or other keeps interrupting me and I forget I have not answered you yet. I'm with you most of the time. fskimospy's post reminds me again.
It is a very difficult thing to explain.
First off, as I mentioned in the original post that you quoted, the awareness I am talking about is the last thing we want to know. The person that first brought to my attention this inner truth I had not knows is that I don't know it, don't want to know it, and don't know that I don't want to know. So everything you said about your lack of that issue within you is exactly what I also thought when told. It is also where I am most of the time even now.
But before I met "my Teacher, my therapist and decided to study with him I had already had experiences I think are atypical of most people:
I became a truth seeker at a somewhat early age. I was raised a Christian by non practicing parents who sent me to church alone because I think they thought it was there duty as parents to grow up in conformity with my culture. I became, as a result a naive and uneducated believer, someone without the benefit of sophisticated religious understanding.
Later I begin to question the existence of God and because in this way a seeker. I wanted to prove that God exists and that our suffering on earth no matter how bad would be compensated. I could not comprehend why a benevolent God would allow the world to be as it is.
Anyway, I failed at that, causing my world to go black. I know happiness would never be possible for me. I paid the full price of questioning what truth is, so finding out I hate myself was, well big deal. I already survived and conquered the worst news in the world and discovered a way out via the enlightenment I believe is the aim of the practice of Zen. Zen saved me. I had experienced the ultimate truth, an awakening into being. So I hate myself, big deal. So I think I had a foundation on which to build without total rejection. I had already lost everything that had had meaning.
The second problem then I how to actually know that you hate yourself. It is the deepest burred feeling that we feel, the very last thing we want to feel. This, in my opinion can be seen if self observation, observing that the things we hate remind us of something within we want to deny. This takes honesty and honesty takes humility, a lack of ego defensiveness. This is something I think can best be gotten to in psychotherapy, especially group therapy where you have an opportunity to react emotionally to other people. It takes a lot to learn how to let go of thinking and just let your feelings out.
I can't say I have done that so extensively that nothing remains in my unconscious suppressed from conscious awareness, but I have gone far enough to simply be amazed. You simply can't imagine what it is like to feel what you feel and to discover that at root are experiences from childhood you simply can't credit you felt with such intensity. But when you feel what you feel so deeply that you relive the actual origin of that feeling you KNOW without any doubt that hidden feeling was behind what you had no idea you were experiencing.
Some people are better at this than others, I think. Intellectuals have an especially hard time. Also, some of us had it much worse as children than others. Others wear their feelings on their sleeve
I think things sort of go like this:
Depression is emotional numbness, the fear of feeling anything. Dealing with it leads to sadness, pain but becoming alive to one's inner self.
Sadness leads on to anger, feeling pissed about our inner state and that leads to rage.
In a state of rage, in a psychotheraputic setting where no acting out is allowed, rage awakens the memory of what tries to deny, and that is grief, the real feelings we suffered back when. And the magic is that grief is self love, empathy of the self that brings healing. One knows one's past. One can once again be ones real self whole and undivided, absent repressed denied emotions we were put down for having as children.