joke thread... 18+ only pls

[Mizugori]

after that damn snake joke thread i need some real jokes... please share...

rules:

1.) only post if you are posting a joke. please don't post to comment on others' jokes unless you are adding one of your own too. gotta share to post!

2.) please no retarded jokes like whats black and white and read all over... etc

3.) adult jokes are fine so please, this thread is 18+

here's one to start us off:

so a white guy was at the hospital with his wife who was giving birth. the doctor came and found the husband and said sir i have a bit of a surprise for you, your wife just gave birth to twins. so the guy replied well im not surprised at all, i have a dick like a chimney. the dr. responded well maybe you should clean it because your kids are BLACK

 

[ViviTheMage]

better nate then lever

how's that for a long ass retarded joke?

I broke the OPs rules

 

[KLin]

Chimney joke = -50/10

 

[MichaelD]

Ooohh. Well...um. I WAS going to post a joke but being the thread started on a racial joke note...and this is still ATOT (the land of pissed-off Liberal Equal Opportunity Alternate Lifestyle Because Everyone Is Beautiful Mod Smackdown b/c he feels like it)... I won't post any jokes.

/slowly backs out of thread

 

[Turin39789]

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: KLin
Chimney joke = -50/10

this

 

[Mizugori]

are you guys serious? come on nobody got banned over all the cracks over in the "blackbird" browser thread...

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: Turin39789
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

10/10

 

[ViviTheMage]

Originally posted by: Turin39789
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

the thread has been saved!

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Mizugori
are you guys serious? come on nobody got banned over all the cracks over in the "blackbird" browser thread...

Remember how back in school there was always that group of kids that could get away with ANYTHING and not even get a dirty look from the teacher...but when you farted you got detention?

Yeah. Nothing's changed.

 

[bobross419]

Did any of you guys hear about Apple's new line of computers marketed to geriatrics? They are calling it the Granny Smith.


Lifetime Network's hit "Army Wives" has spawned a spinoff. Insiders believe that the new show "Navy Wives" will be picked up by the LOGO network.


What did the Jewish baker say to the pretty lady that walked into his shop? "CHALLAH!!!!!"

 

[spidey07]

What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?




























They both swallowed a lot of seamen.

 

[JM Aggie08]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Ooohh. Well...um. I WAS going to post a joke but being the thread started on a racial joke note...and this is still ATOT (the land of pissed-off Liberal Equal Opportunity Alternate Lifestyle Because Everyone Is Beautiful Mod Smackdown b/c he feels like it)... I won't post any jokes.

/slowly backs out of thread

qft.

On that note:

Q. Why won?t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.

 

[venkman]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Ooohh. Well...um. I WAS going to post a joke but being the thread started on a racial joke note...and this is still ATOT (the land of pissed-off Liberal Equal Opportunity Alternate Lifestyle Because Everyone Is Beautiful Mod Smackdown b/c he feels like it)... I won't post any jokes.

/slowly backs out of thread

/slowly backs away from crazy guy backing out of thread

 

[KLin]

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

[bobross419]

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: bobross419

Lifetime Network's hit "Army Wives" has spawned a spinoff. Insiders believe that the new show "Navy Wives" will be picked up by the LOGO network.


What did the Jewish baker say to the pretty lady that walked into his shop? "CHALLAH!!!!!"

 

[meltdown75]

What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

Pitch to the rhino.

 

[venkman]

Originally posted by: bobross419
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

Now THAT was funny!

100/10

 

[bobross419]

Originally posted by: ggnl

Originally posted by: bobross419

Lifetime Network's hit "Army Wives" has spawned a spinoff. Insiders believe that the new show "Navy Wives" will be picked up by the LOGO network.


What did the Jewish baker say to the pretty lady that walked into his shop? "CHALLAH!!!!!"

LOGO is the gay and lesbian network... Challah is a Jewish bread pronounced "Holla" with a gutteral sound on the first H

 

[theblackbox]

how do you get a nun pregnant.
































you fuck her.

 

[JM Aggie08]

Originally posted by: theblackbox
how do you get a nun pregnant.
































you fuck her.

lol

 

[Kev]

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?"

Two sausages are in a frying pan, one says to the other "it sure is hot in here." The other one looks at him and screams "Oh my god a talking sausage!!"


Always gets me...

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: Kev
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?"

Two sausages are in a frying pan, one says to the other "it sure is hot in here." The other one looks at him and screams "Oh my god a talking sausage!!"


Always gets me...

Brilliant!



What's a pirate's favorite cheese?

HavAAARRRRti.

 

[MikeMike]

Okay, so there were three midgets in this bar, it was gettin late and they had all had their fair share of drinking.

Suddenly, one midget turns to the other two and goes, you know what, i probably have the smallest hands in the world. The other two look around, and say, okay, we'll drink to that. so they each drink to it.

The second midget turns to the other two and says, you know, i probably have the smallest feet in the world. the other two look around and say, okay, we'll drink to that.

The third midget looks around, says, you know, i probably have the smallest dick in the world. the other two look at each other, then around, and say, okay we'll drink to that.

So after these revelations, the three midgest concur that they should go the next morning to the guiness book of world records and get themselves put in the record book.

come next morning, the three midgets were outside the building for the guiness book of world records

the first midget walks in, about 10 minutes later, he comes back out estatic, and says I did it, ihave the smallest hands in the world, im in the guiness book of world records.

the second midget walks in, and about 15 minutes later, he comes back out estatic and says, I did it, I have the smallest feet in the world, im in the guiness book of world records.

The third midget proudly walks up and into the building, about 2 minutes later he comes back outside piss off. The other two ask him whats wrong, he responds
Who the fvck is this Anandtech Moderator guy anyways?