Originally posted by: kranky
A guy is shopping at the supermarket and sees an attractive woman waving at him. She comes up to him and says hello, but he can't place her. He says, "Do you know me?" and she says, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
He thinks back to the only time he had sex with someone other than his wife and says, "Oh no, so you're the stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the patio with all my buddies cheering us on while your friend was spraying us with chocolate syrup?"
She says, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Originally posted by: KLin
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain...
Originally posted by: soxfan
A polish man is worried about his son. Every day he catches his son wacking off, and he is starting to think something is wrong with him. One day, he says to his son, "son, you've got to get married, if you keep wacking off this much you are going to hurt yourself!" The son agrees, and the man sets him up with a local girl. One week later, the girl and the son break up. The father says, "son, what was the matter, didn't you like the girl?" "Sure" replies the son, "but her little arms just got too tired."
Originally posted by: Mizugori
what do michael jackson and santa claus have in common?
...they both leave little boys' rooms with an empty sack
Originally posted by: Paratus
Mickey Mouse is in court trying to explain to he judge why he should be allowed to divorce Minny.
The judge says, 'In this state you can't get divorced just because you think your wife is a little crazy'
Mickey replies, 'I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was Fvcking Goofy!'
Originally posted by: AVAFREAK182
A guy goes in to a bar extremely drunk and bets the bartender $200 he can make all of his pee in a cup without spilling a drop.
The bartender agrees and the guy starts to go. He misses and pees all over the bar, in other peoples cups, and even on the bartender.
The bartender says "pay up" and the guy says, OK, a bet is a bet.
He walks over to a table to get some money and comes back laughing and pays the bartender and the bartender says "why are you so happy?'
Guy says, "I bet those guys over there $300 that I could piss all over the bar and everywhere without pissing you off"
Originally posted by: ironwing
What did the nun do when she wanted to have sex with the priest?
Dressed up like an altar boy.
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks if she would have sex with him. The nun is surprised by the question, but politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know.
So, the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday at around midnight, the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the Lord. "If you go dress in a robe and some glowing powder," said the bus driver, "you can tell her you are God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. On Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in a glowing robe with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first."
The nun agrees and asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun.
After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!"
The nun replies by whipping off "her" mask and shouts, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!!"
Originally posted by: CKent
Originally posted by: jagec
Originally posted by: CKent
ATOT is the most blatantly anti-black racist forum I've ever been to. Bunch of scrawny white geeks from rural America, with a sprinkling of Asians and Indians. You should have no problem putting down blacks here, if the past is any indication.
You're saying that the only forums you have every been to are ATOT and the Online Black Panthers?
The internet is chock full of racists, and I mean REAL racists, not the poor-hating stereotyping sorts you find here.
Fixed the quote nesting.
I visit a lot of forums, but it's true I don't exactly frequent white power type sites. It has always surprised me though, that a tech forum, founded by a man with brown skin and with many Asian and Indian members, is so incredibly anti-black racist. Ars isn't like this. [ H ] isn't like this. And those are just two examples.
It's from the top down, too. I recall a pretty blatantly racist thread a while back. I PM'd the mod account (at that time all moderators used the same "Anandtech Moderator" account) and was told that while the thread was iffy, enough real conversation was going on to warrant not locking it. This was BS; in reality a Klan meeting couldn't have been much more bigoted and closeminded.
But whatever, I find it entertaining. If I didn't I wouldn't come here
A plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean as the pilot is finishing an announcement on the intercom. Putting the mike down, he hits the Off switch. Unbeknownst to him, the switch is malfunctioning and his conversation is broadcast into the passenger area. "Take over for awhile, Dave," the pilot says to his co- pilot. "I think I'll go take a shit and then bang that new stewardess." At this statement the passengers fly into a frenzy of conversation and gossip. The stewardess is greatly embarassed and can no longer stay at her post, so she hurries toward the cockpit. But in her haste she trips and falls to her knees in the aisle. She happens to land next to a sweet little old lady, who turns to help her up. As she does, the lady says sweetly, "Don't rush, dearie; he said he had to take a shit first."
Superman is on his way to a large reunion of superheroes being held in Miami Beach. He arrives two hours late; his clothes are a mess and he has definitely been in a fight. As he approaches his table, his good friend Batman yells, "Hey, Man of Steel, what happened to you?" "Well, this is gonna sound crazy, but I was zipping along the coastline, making great time, when suddenly I look down and there, lying naked on the Jacksonville beach, was Wonder Woman!" "Wow!" says Robin. "What did you do?" "What do you think I did, kid? Her legs were spread, so I figured I was in like Flynn. I dove down like an eagle and jumped her bones!" "Boy, I bet she was surprised," said Batman. Superman smiles weakly and says, "Yeah, she was; but not as surprised as the Invisible Man was."
What do you get when you cross a whore and a computer? A fucking know-it-all!