So really, what you are saying, is that you are selfish and can't possibly fathom why you would spend time/money on anybody else but yourself, or maybe some trinkets for others in your life.
Wonder what would have happened if your parents had been so selfish. This is the GenX/Y'ers everybody, ME ME ME ME
...
At the end of their lives they have nothing to show for it.
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The more my gf and I interact with our siblings and friends who have become parents in the last few years, the more convinced we become of our decision to never have kids ourselves. Mind you, we're not not negatively judging the decisions of others to become parents; it just simply isn't appealing to us in ANY way.
I'm sure that the love you feel once you have a child is overwhelming and incomparable to any other experience in life. It's beautiful. But, our observations of our peers with kids is that, most likely:
Your life, as you know it, is over. It's all about your kids, as it should be. That's good parenting. Whatever goals, professional or personal ambitions you have, whatever schedule you prefer, whatever life you'd like to lead for yourself is no longer relevant. If it's not what's best for the kids, forget about it. You should work the job that pays the best and has the best benefits, and has the schedule that allows you to be with your kids the most. If you hate it, if it's not your passion or what you set out to do, tough cookies. You have a family to provide for now. And kids cost an absolute shitload of money. What you earn is no longer yours-Johnny and Susie need to be fed, clothed, educated, entertained, enlightened and exposed...
Forget about spur of the moment decisions or scheduling changes; when and how you eat, sleep, shit, or go ANYWHERE is now beholden to another consideration, at least for the first few years.
You will become (I'm sorry) somewhat boring. Again, I'm not trying to judge people, just calling it as I (we) see it. Any stories you tell will be about your kids/parenting. Any travels, experiences, photographs, etc, will all be child-related. You will have no opinions on anything outside of parenting. Any exceptions to that will begin with "as a parent..." or "when I think about how this will affect my kids..." Doesn't matter if you're talking large-scale stuff like social issues or politics, or small-scale issues like problems that are going within the extended family or amongst close friends.
Your friends will be gone, out of your life. You simply won't have time...and if you do have time/energy for a phone call, the kids will be screaming/crying/running around in the background the whole time so loudly as to make it a completely unbearable conversation. Same goes for "hey, why don't you guys come over for dinner?" type activities.
Your relationship is not just about the two of you anymore. My gf and I know that we are together for one, single reason: We want to be. There are ZERO other considerations. If we're unhappy at any point, we can drop everything and go our separate ways. If we have kids, sayonara to that as well. Even if you hate each other, and you've both met someone else you'd rather be with, oh well. Better just be miserable, because you're a family now. It's a responsibility to take seriously; it's more important than your own happiness by a long shot.
I'm sure some people will be offended by my posting this, and take what I'm saying as personal judgments and insults. I don't mean for it to be, in fact, I applaud any parents out there. I don't know how you guys do it, it's incredible and admirable how selfless you are. I'm only stating that for myself, I just cannot imagine having even the slightest desire to procreate. I'm already bracing myself for the "since you're not a parent, you can't understand." It may be true, but it's also kind of a non-point to make.
I know that at some point, the biological clock may start tick tick ticking, and our stance may change (I'm in my late 20s, she just turned 30). But for now, kids? No thanks.
And now, on a Saturday night, I will proceed to go do whatever the fuck I want, because I have no other obligations or responsibilities to consider.
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PS-and yes, I'll take the :cookies:, thank you. Om nom nom.
PPS-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S61vj1-Xjo
So really, what you are saying, is that you are selfish and can't possibly fathom why you would spend time/money on anybody else but yourself, or maybe some trinkets for others in your life.
Wonder what would have happened if your parents had been so selfish. This is the GenX/Y'ers everybody, ME ME ME ME ME.
As far as not having kids well into your 30s, I think that's a very poor decision...
A lot of butthurt parents in here offended about a stranger not wanting kids.
A lot of butthurt parents in here offended about a stranger not wanting kids.
I really don't give a crap whether people want to have kids or not, its their personal choice. He can do what he wants. I am just reasonably certain that he'll regret it at some point.
I really don't give a crap whether people want to have kids or not, its their personal choice. He can do what he wants. I am just reasonably certain that he'll regret it at some point.
You called me selfish and say I think of no one but myself, now I think I deserve a reply to my above post.
OP is right:
Selfish people should not have kids.
MotionMan
And is why I never had any
And it is a good thing that you recognize that.
The problem with OP is not that he is selfish. It is that he won't admit that he is selfish (which is a perfictly valid reason to not have kids).
If you just admit that you are selfish, then the "pro-kids" people do not have any argument for you to have kids. If you deny being selfish, and put forth a bunch of BS reasons for not having kids, the "pro-kids" people will keep arguing with you.
MotionMan
lol, for some reason this doesn't surprise me coming from you.I feel the same way. Heck I can't imagine being married let alone having kids. I find single life is just soooo much simpler and I can do more.
And it is a good thing that you recognize that.
The problem with OP is not that he is selfish. It is that he won't admit that he is selfish (which is a perfictly valid reason to not have kids).
If you just admit that you are selfish, then the "pro-kids" people do not have any argument for you to have kids. If you deny being selfish, and put forth a bunch of BS reasons for not having kids, the "pro-kids" people will keep arguing with you.
MotionMan
I am perfectly happy to admit that I have no desire to bring someone else into the world that I have to raise, pay for, give everything up for for a couple decades. You call that "selfish." To me, "selfish" = caring about no one other than myself, which, as I've tried to point out, is not the case. But if you think the only way to prove that you care about people besides yourself is to have kids, well, then, ok...
Sorry, the people that have kids are actually selfish themselves. The world doesn't need MORE kids, so please quit trying to pretend you are a saint for having them. Every reason for having your own kids are for selfish reasons. You want YOUR own kid, that looks like you, that comes from you, etc.
The only people I'd call NOT selfish are the people that ADOPT kids. So again, quit playing like you are a saint. More often than not, people are parents because they fucked up and got someone pregnant and now have to pretend they're happy and accept their crappy situation.
I have NEVER been envious of people with kids. I actually think of it are as horrible situation to be in. On the other hand, I know people with kids that look at me and my life with wish it was theirs.
You do not have any idea why I chose to have children.
MotionMan
Darwined because of selfishness
Being selfish is not a black and white thing. You can be selfish, yet care for and do things for others. However, the way you described yourself, you are only willing to do things on your terms or when it suits you - that is not being unselfish.
It when you are willing to do things for others when it is inconvenient, or even against your personal interests, that you are actually unselfish. that is waht is required to be a good parent.
MotionMan
Sounds selfish to me. But again, if that's how you want to roll, go right ahead. I just think you'll regret it. I don't know a single person in their 40s/50s that doesn't.
Who else do you have to care for you at that age?
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