Just can't imagine having kids...

[waggy]

the positive things? they been said. I am a father and love it. i have 3 wonderful kids.

the positive is everything from just spending time to watching them grow.


It's hard to explain how being a parent is. You really can't compare what others do or how other kids are. IF you don't want kids. great don't have any. I would rather that then you try it and then ignore the kids and put them in foster care.

 

[ch33zw1z]

Unless genetics are a thing, and it matters who is reproducing at what rate, and who isn't.

Unless you only care that there be humans, with no thought to their quality.

lol...I'm of poor quality. You're welcome.

How many people are on this planet again? We'll destroy ourselves before we need to worry about what you are worrying about.

 

[johnjohn320]

to be honest this is a stupid thread. You don't want kids? fine don't have them. that's between you and whoever you are with.

I'm sorry. I should post about how Amazon sent me the wrong package, and now it's being taken care of. That's definitely worth everyone's read. (http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2346582&highlight=)

 

[johnjohn320]

the positive things? they been said. I am a father and love it. i have 3 wonderful kids.

the positive is everything from just spending time to watching them grow.

.

Yeah, that's pretty much included in what I said about the incomparable feeling of love and pride. So how am I only seeing the negative things?

 

[waggy]

I'm sorry. I should post about how Amazon sent me the wrong package, and now it's being taken care of. That's definitely worth everyone's read. (http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2346582&highlight=)

lol.

it's idiotic because NOBODY here can tell you what to do. NOBODY here can give you real advice.

you seem to be looking for confirmation not advice anyway.

but keep being a douche to people when they do talk to you. it's probably best you don't have kids. DCFS is busy enough

 

[johnjohn320]

lol.

it's idiotic because NOBODY here can tell you what to do. NOBODY here can give you real advice.

you seem to be looking for confirmation not advice anyway.

but keep being a douche to people when they do talk to you. it's probably best you don't have kids. DCFS is busy enough

Please point to where I was asking for advice? Were you asking for advice in your thread about an Amazon package? Sometimes people just like posting their thoughts/opinions, and maybe having a discussion. I even included the [blog] tags and "cookie" joke as references to that...

edit: and btw, your first sentence to me in this thread was an insult ("you started a stupid thread"), so apologies for my "douchey" response...

 

[Geosurface]

No, you can't have it both ways. Either the sole purpose of our existence is to procreate, or it isn't. Which one?

Reproduction is the point of our existence from the point of view of biology.

We have many other purposes to our lives which exist in our minds, but they should not override that core biological imperative.

They should compliment it.

 

[Franz316]

Johnjohn, read this article. I think you'll like it. http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/17/the-referendum/?_r=0

 

[Staples]

I think 1/5 people who have kids is actually deserving of having them.
If you even think you don't want them, you are one of the 4/5. Don't feel guilty about it.

*someone who has young kids*

 

[Exterous]

Johnjohn, read this article. I think you'll like it. http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/17/the-referendum/?_r=0

Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a capricious and demented master.

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.

:awe:

 

[SlitheryDee]

I can totally imagine having kids. I suppose dealing with raising kids might make you seem boring to other people who like to go out and do things all the time, but if you love your kids and invest yourself in them, YOU won't be bored at all. I'd say that's more important than how other people perceive you.

 

[Pray To Jesus]

Haha now people who want kids know how I feel about atheists.

 

[exdeath]

watching them grow.

That's the worst part though...

Growing up is a cruel tragedy I wouldn't voluntarily inflict on any child.

 

[Vdubchaos]

OP, I think you are generalizing quite a bit here.

[blog]
Your life, as you know it, is over. It's all about your kids, as it should be. That's good parenting. Whatever goals, professional or personal ambitions you have, whatever schedule you prefer, whatever life you'd like to lead for yourself is no longer relevant.

WRONG

Your life is not over. Sure you now have more responsibilities but just like ANYTHING else, it takes BALANCE. It's parents job to make sure they have a balance in life. Will the kids take MOST of that balance? Sure

If it's not what's best for the kids, forget about it.

Umm.....NO. But as any family should, you consider ALL choices and keep kids in mind.

You should work the job that pays the best and has the best benefits, and has the schedule that allows you to be with your kids the most. If you hate it, if it's not your passion or what you set out to do, tough cookies. You have a family to provide for now. And kids cost an absolute shitload of money. What you earn is no longer yours-Johnny and Susie need to be fed, clothed, educated, entertained, enlightened and exposed...

Completely wrong. TONS of people that thrive career wise with kids. Heck I'm on my 3rd career and have been quite successful.

KIDS DO NOT COST SHITLOAD OF MONEY. It's within parents control to keep the cost down/appropriate. There is wants and needs. Your average American family mixes these things. For example, kids don't need smart phones or $100 a month plans....they don't need designer clothes.......etc. Kids are actually LOT cheaper than people think (assuming you are willing to tell them "tough shit kid").....there is TONS of parents that don't have control and kids control them (in those cases, there is no limit how expensive it gets).

Forget about spur of the moment decisions or scheduling changes; when and how you eat, sleep, shit, or go ANYWHERE is now beholden to another consideration, at least for the first few years.

All within parents control and can be easily adjusted. Sorry, don't agree.

You will become (I'm sorry) somewhat boring. Again, I'm not trying to judge people, just calling it as I (we) see it. Any stories you tell will be about your kids/parenting. Any travels, experiences, photographs, etc, will all be child-related. You will have no opinions on anything outside of parenting. Any exceptions to that will begin with "as a parent..." or "when I think about how this will affect my kids..." Doesn't matter if you're talking large-scale stuff like social issues or politics, or small-scale issues like problems that are going within the extended family or amongst close friends.

This is where it will be VERY hard for you to understand. YOu see, when you become a parent you have different outlook on life and although to YOU things might seem boring, it's quite the opposite. And to your average parent "going out to bars/drinking and hanging out with friends" is boring. Not only that, you quickly learn that it's a HUGE waste of time.

Your friends will be gone, out of your life. You simply won't have time...and if you do have time/energy for a phone call, the kids will be screaming/crying/running around in the background the whole time so loudly as to make it a completely unbearable conversation. Same goes for "hey, why don't you guys come over for dinner?" type activities.

Correct, friends will be gone. The only thing is, they shouldn't be there in the first place. When you have kids you quickly learn who your real friends are and in many cases people don't really have real or "good" friends. You learn that MUCH quicker and see it much better once you are a parent.

Also as a parent, friendships = waste of time/worthless. Hanging out with friends has 0 appeal to me and my wife. Sure it's nice to have a company over or go out, but in general it's all bunch of small talk and BS. We simply don't enjoy it anymore.

You quickly learn how selfish people are...and how little value they add to your life outside of extra drama.

Your relationship is not just about the two of you anymore. My gf and I know that we are together for one, single reason: We want to be. There are ZERO other considerations. If we're unhappy at any point, we can drop everything and go our separate ways. If we have kids, sayonara to that as well. Even if you hate each other, and you've both met someone else you'd rather be with, oh well. Better just be miserable, because you're a family now. It's a responsibility to take seriously; it's more important than your own happiness by a long shot..

Many people would not actually stay together for "sake of children". Although some would, personally my children have not forced me to feel this way.

If I have no love for my wife, I leave. But when I do so, I will def keep my children's interest in mind and do my best to make sure they are taken care of and least effected.

I know that at some point, the biological clock may start tick tick ticking, and our stance may change (I'm in my late 20s, she just turned 30). But for now, kids? No thanks..

Nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. It's not for everyone.

But I will tell you that kids have brought me more happiness/love in my life than ANYTHING else in this world. EVER.

And now, on a Saturday night, I will proceed to go do whatever the fuck I want, because I have no other obligations or responsibilities to consider.

[/blog]

PS-and yes, I'll take the :cookies:, thank you. Om nom nom.

PPS-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S61vj1-Xjo

And what is it so important that you will accomplish on this Sat night?

what makes you think that Parents can't do the same? I can do whatever I want as well, your point?

And the most important question. How much value will it really bring your life?

PS. I have more cookies than you.

Also OP, think about where you would be if your father/mother had the same decisions as you are making.

Have you thought about your family existence on this planet? How what you are doing will basically self destruct it (or can, possibly...depending on your siblings).

Don't you want your son/daughter to keep your family going one day after you die?

 

[spacejamz]

Reproduction is the point of our existence from the point of view of biology.

We have many other purposes to our lives which exist in our minds, but they should not override that core biological imperative.

They should compliment it.

Does Biology hate gays/lesibans?

 

[ch33zw1z]

Originally Posted by Franz316
Johnjohn, read this article. I think you'll like it. http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com...ferendum/?_r=0
Quote:
Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a capricious and demented master.

If your kids are like that, it's your own fault.

Incontinent? only because you suck at potty training.

Conditions of filth and degradation? Get your butt off the couch and clean. Actions speak louder than words, kids follow suit.

Freedoms? yes, majority of your personal freedoms have gone the way of the dodo,

Dignity? I conduct myself with more dignity than before I had kids. Self-respect is important for your children to see.

Unquestioning obedience to your child? lol, poor saps...treat your children like children. You're not their buddy, respect is earned and expected from them and the buddy thing will come later in life when their old enough to understand the difference.

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.

They're rude because you let them be, they're incontinent because it's your job as a parent to show them what to do. Every kid is different, my older son was 3.5 before he was fully potty trained, my younger son was 2.5.

Screaming and making me buy stuff? Grow a pair bro, when your kids starting screaming about buying stuff, that means immediately they've forfeited any chance of having it.

All that being said, the writer has a point. Parenting isn't easy, and some people just let their kids walk all over them.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Yeah, it sure takes a lot of "maturity" to stick your penis in somebody without a condom. Raising kids well absolutely requires maturity; simply having kids does not automatically make one mature. I think we've all seen plenty of examples of that.

You seem to imply in your last sentence that having a child saves an otherwise doomed relationship. Anybody else find that to be the worst idea you can imagine? Yeah, let's have a kid because we're bored or we need some "excitement" in our relationship, or because we need some reason to "stay together" other than, you know, liking each other. As I said in my OP, I'm glad that I'm in a relationship that is staying together because we want for it to, not because we're "making sacrifices" and are morally required to.

Look Johnjohn

Within next 5 -10 years you will be changing your mind. Outlook on life will change......what you want will change.....what you like will change.

Keep an open mind. You are in your 20s, give it 5-10 more years and come back and read what you wrote!

 

[ch33zw1z]

Does Biology hate gays/lesibans?

No, they still attempt procreation

obligatory: you're doing it wrong.

 

[Vdubchaos]

all that being said, the write has a point. Parenting isn't easy, and most people just let their kids walk all over them.

fixed

ding ding ding

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Yeah, love and all that, but it's actually quite cool watching a kid develop before your eyes. If you actually want the kid, that is.

There are people who should not have kids ever. The OP is clearly one of them. I am an older parent and I had a very good time being single then married without children. As time went on having children was something we wanted and not regretted. Certainly there are heartaches which is part and parcel of parenting. Then again I see my children growing in humans, not just people and there's a difference. I have a legacy, something that cannot be bought. There is no substitute for us.

 

[waggy]

KIDS DO NOT COST SHITLOAD OF MONEY. It's within parents control to keep the cost down/appropriate. There is wants and needs. Your average American family mixes these things. For example, kids don't need smart phones or $100 a month plans....they don't need designer clothes.......etc. Kids are actually LOT cheaper than people think (assuming you are willing to tell them "tough shit kid").....there is TONS of parents that don't have control and kids control them (in those cases, there is no limit how expensive it gets).

agreed. Though it is hard to do at times. Some of the kids my daughter knows are spoiled rotten. 10 years old and with a smart phone? and more tech gadgets then I DO? You need to set rules and stick to them (though sometimes you let them get away with breaking them).

This is where it will be VERY hard for you to understand. YOu see, when you become a parent you have different outlook on life and although to YOU things might seem boring, it's quite the opposite. And to your average parent "going out to bars/drinking and hanging out with friends" is boring. Not only that, you quickly learn that it's a HUGE waste of time.



Correct, friends will be gone. The only thing is, they shouldn't be there in the first place. When you have kids you quickly learn who your real friends are and in many cases people don't really have real or "good" friends. You learn that MUCH quicker and see it much better once you are a parent.

Also as a parent, friendships = waste of time/worthless. Hanging out with friends has 0 appeal to me and my wife. Sure it's nice to have a company over or go out, but in general it's all bunch of small talk and BS. We simply don't enjoy it anymore.

You quickly learn how selfish people are...and how little value they add to your life outside of extra drama.

See i don't fully agree. Yes now i think kids going out and drinking or going to party's every weekend is a waste. But then i thought so too when i was married. i didn't need to do that anymore and never really enjoyed it.

As for friends sure we lost 2 couples we used to hang out with. They HATE kids and wanted nothing to do with any of them. No matter that we got babysitters and went out for dinner/drinks and didn't talk about them. nope the fact we had them was enough. Also we adopted my wife's younger sister (we raised her so figured we might as well make it legal) and they asked why we would spend so much money on her..ugh.

Those friends that leave are never really friends anyway. we are still friends with many we would hang out with. all but one couple has kids. they don't want them and doubt they ever do (considering they are 40ish now..). They travel, have a nice house, cars etc. We still see them and they do come over and talk with the kids. They say spoiling them is enough for them hah.

Other friends have kids too. its nice being able to take kids over for a afternoon for a BBQ. But those that don't like kids we get sitters for.

We have also gotten to know other families and got to be good friends with them because of the kids.

Nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. It's not for everyone.

But I will tell you that kids have brought me more happiness/love in my life than ANYTHING else in this world. EVER.

agreed. IF he don't wan't kids then great. don't have any. DCFS is busy enough.

I for one enjoy being a parent.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

There are very few things you can't bring kids on. And there are even FAR FAR less that you can't bring kids on once they are done with terrible 2's. Not everyone has the "dump them off at the grammie's" advantage - but regardless once again I state - there are few things you can't do even with kids. One of the biggest things when becoming parents is taking a step outside often. Make more friends (especially other friends with babies). So when you might actually need a night alone - you can have someone that you can trust.

I'm 25, plan on having at least 3 kids. Most people here are complete pussies when it comes to life.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Also, parents need to quit being complete pussies. My fiance grew up in a poor family with 2 brothers. Do you think they had the money to hire babysitters and daycare? Fuck no. They actually left the kids _ALONE_ (iknorite?) with the oldest having the duty of watching out for the others.

 

[waggy]

There are very few things you can't bring kids on. And there are even FAR FAR less that you can't bring kids on once they are done with terrible 2's. Not everyone has the "dump them off at the grammie's" advantage - but regardless once again I state - there are few things you can't do even with kids. One of the biggest things when becoming parents is taking a step outside often. Make more friends (especially other friends with babies). So when you might actually need a night alone - you can have someone that you can trust.

I'm 25, plan on having at least 3 kids. Most people here are complete pussies when it comes to life.

I don't get this. there are plenty of things that you can do with the kids. We never lack for finding something to do with the kids.

You are right on making friends with families with kids. it's nice to rotate babysitting services

because even though you have kids you NEED time with just adults when you can act like adults the whole time.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

I don't get this. there are plenty of things that you can do with the kids. We never lack for finding something to do with the kids.

You are right on making friends with families with kids. it's nice to rotate babysitting services

because even though you have kids you NEED time with just adults when you can act like adults the whole time.

Plus babysitting others can't be too bad if they are entertaining eachother. Now when they are crying screaming and running into corners... well yeah that's always going to suck.

I agree, there is shit you forget to do when you're a couple that you SHOULD be doing. Crap like going on a Picnic. Free. Fun. Something to do - and entertains the kids. No one does that even as a couple with no kids. All they can remember is sit on the couch with a movie.