Just can't imagine having kids...

[RelaxTheMind]

kinda felt this way a like a decade ago. probably in a more arrogant negative way. but have a son on the way sometime within the next month and wouldnt change it for a thing.

where you live and how you live is bigger deciding factor on if you will enjoy kids or not. even more so than how much money you make.

for the most part i can go and do whatever i want because im a responsible adult that makes wise decisions with a solid understanding that what you can and cant do is based on how good you are at time management.

 

[leper84]

They you're just be a couple, not a Family. Having a child will dramatically change your relationship, for better/worse. You'll have to be unselfish and make sacrifices. Apparently the OP and GF are not those kind of people who are mature enough to have that responsibility. Good in luck staying together and hopefully not get "bored" looking at each other.

Completely disagree. OP and his GF are mature enough to decide what they desire out of life doesn't fit with raising children and have made the responsible choice to NOT have a child. Not sure if you meant it or not but I sorta infer from your post that they should just go ahead and have a kid anyways and hope they magically change personalities?

Funny thing is most of the points OP makes against having a child are the exact things that most good parents enjoy.

This thread just proves Idiocracy was more of prophecy than a movie. People emotionally mature and smart enough to know they wouldn't be a good fit for parenthood don't have children, or wait until they ARE in the right place to do it correctly. People too stupid to realize they shouldn't have kids breed like rabbits....

 

[RedRooster]

 

[Doppel]

I said, a couple of times, that I'm sure it creates a love that is incomparable to any other, and that's it a beautiful thing that likely can't be understood by anyone who hasn't experienced it. Are there other "ups" that I'm missing?

Ah, that would be the main one.

 

[Rage187]

I have two girls. A 7yr old and a 21 month old.

It's tough, no joke. But you have some amazing moments you will never have any other way. This is your only life to experience those.

Tonight, my eldest and I watched Avengers and practiced our prime numbers. And the other day, I let her play her first RPG. I can't describe all of it other than, pride. Pride you will never experience if you don't have a kid.

 

[sandorski]

Keep your options open, as you might change your mind.

Technically not having kids makes you a Darwin Award winner! That said, so what?

 

[johnjohn320]

They you're just be a couple, not a Family. Having a child will dramatically change your relationship, for better/worse. You'll have to be unselfish and make sacrifices. Apparently the OP and GF are not those kind of people who are mature enough to have that responsibility. Good in luck staying together and hopefully not get "bored" looking at each other.

Yeah, it sure takes a lot of "maturity" to stick your penis in somebody without a condom. Raising kids well absolutely requires maturity; simply having kids does not automatically make one mature. I think we've all seen plenty of examples of that.

You seem to imply in your last sentence that having a child saves an otherwise doomed relationship. Anybody else find that to be the worst idea you can imagine? Yeah, let's have a kid because we're bored or we need some "excitement" in our relationship, or because we need some reason to "stay together" other than, you know, liking each other. As I said in my OP, I'm glad that I'm in a relationship that is staying together because we want for it to, not because we're "making sacrifices" and are morally required to.

 

[desura]

Let's put it on the flipside.

It enrages me whenever I see clearly irresponsible persons with lots of kids.

 

[JackBurton]

The thought of having kids is just depressing to me. Couldn't image my life with them (well, I could, but it would be horrible). Waaaaaaaay too many negatives, and VERY few positives. Just doesn't make any sense to me.

One pet peeve of mine is people with kids complaining about money. You made that decision, so suck it up. I don't want to hear your complaining. It's like me complaining that I can't afford my Ferrari payments. You knew it was going to be expensive beforehand, and if you didn't, you're an idiot and shouldn't have kids anyway. Now if you don't mind, my wife and I need to plan our vacation. But good luck with those kids.

 

[Leyawiin]

Unless they raised Charles Manson I don't think I've ever heard an old person regret having a family.

 

[Eug]

Unless they raised Charles Manson I don't think I've ever heard an old person regret having a family.

That's a good point, as I've heard many people regret not having a family.

That is not to say everyone should have a family, but priorities and desires change with time.

At this point in my life, for example I find going to a club or bar an extreme waste of time, and boring. The only reason I'd go is if they have great pub food so I can have the excellent burger, and maybe try a local micro-brew at the same time? But sit there for several hours? No thanks. OTOH, in university, I quite enjoyed hanging out at the bar for several hours with my buds.

 

[soulcougher73]

Well said. Mimics my experiences with friends with kids. I'm 40, married and zero kids.

 

[JackBurton]

Well said. Mimics my experiences with friends with kids. I'm 40, married and zero kids.

Exactly my situation. The funny thing is, we're way happier than the people around us WITH kids.

I'll take my toys, you can have your kids.

 

[coldmeat]

Unless they raised Charles Manson I don't think I've ever heard an old person regret having a family.

I'm not going to base what I do in the best years of my life on how I'll feel when I'm old.

 

[Eug]

Tangent:

Do you live in Ontario, Canada, or Ontario, California? I'm thinking the former.

I'm just curious because I used to find my UPS shipment tracking confusing for orders out of California. Their depot there for some of my computer and electronics purchases was often Ontario, California, and I live in Ontario, Canada.

 

[coldmeat]

Tangent:

Do you live in Ontario, Canada, or Ontario, California.

I used to find my UPS shipment tracking confusing for orders out of California because their depot there was often Ontario, California, and I live in Ontario, Canada.

Me? Canada. I guess I could change it to be clearer.

 

[Eug]

Nah, the ON makes more sense for Ontario, Canada.

It's just that "Ontario, CA" is a shipping hub for UPS packages originating from Los Angeles and other parts of California (like from Apple).

 

[JulesMaximus]

Whatever makes you feel enlightened... after all, this life is all about you isn't it?

 

[BillGates]

http://reddit.com/r/childfree

 

[BillGates]

OP: You may enjoy this...

http://mattsilverthorn.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/on-not-having-children/

 

[IndyColtsFan]

i have plenty of friends who have kids and they aren't boring at all. we still go out with them on some weekends and take vacations with them without their kids. it's good that their parents are still around so they can dump the kids off in these cases. and the kids are like 1 through 4 years old that they will leave with the grandparents.

just sounds like you got some boring friends in general.

My wife's brother dumps their kids off on my wife's parents constantly because they need "alone time" or something else. It isn't cool to do it as often as they do. The funny thing is that he is now selling Advocare (an obvious MLM scheme) on the side because he "doesn't get to spend enough time with his kids" and needs more money so he can. He doesn't ever seem to have issues finding time going to Advocare conventions or four wheeling with friends, however.

Agree with the OP -- my wife and I have too many things to do and kids aren't on our agenda at all.

 

[Sonikku]

Do you really want to raise a kid in the post Obama Apocalyptic world? That didn't turn out very well for Mad Max.

 

[child of wonder]

OP sounds like he's trying to convince himself as much as the readers as to why he doesn't want kids.

I have a friend with the same stance. I can't help but wonder where all his "cool" friends will be years from now when he truly needs support, like someone to walk him to the bathroom after having surgery, visit him in a nursing home, or hold his hand while he passes away.

For me, having a conversation with a being and consciousness that I was part in creating and molding over the last 11 years is incredible and far exceeds being able to go out to dinner or travel at the drop of a hat, even if that makes me "boring."

Since my wife and I were so young when we had our two kids, I'll be 42 and she'll be 38 when our youngest graduates high school. We'll have many years together to do whatever we want while some of our friends are just beginning their parenting journey, partly because they were convinced they didn't want any kids until their late 30s.

 

[LegendKiller]

So really, what you are saying, is that you are selfish and can't possibly fathom why you would spend time/money on anybody else but yourself, or maybe some trinkets for others in your life.

Wonder what would have happened if your parents had been so selfish. This is the GenX/Y'ers everybody, ME ME ME ME ME.

As far as not having kids well into your 30s, I think that's a very poor decision. After having our own issues with having kids we both wished we would have started over. By the time a woman hits 35-37, fertility drops fast.

I know many women who were career focused that ultimately regret not having kids, every one of them. At the end of their lives they have nothing to show for it.

On the other hand, I think it is far less likely that you'll find a parent who had the means and ability to raise a kid, that did, and that regretted it.

I took my two kids to the zoo yesterday with my mom. My wife is out of town and my dad just recently died. I could tell my mom loved every minute of it, especially when my 2.5yr old almost blew up with excitement seeing a polar bear just across the glass from him doing backflips in the water. My parents could have traded kids for a much better life, but then would she had seen that?

You'll understand in a decade or two, but by then it'll probably be too late.

 

[LegendKiller]

Exactly my situation. The funny thing is, we're way happier than the people around us WITH kids.

I'll take my toys, you can have your kids.

Because kids are the cause of their unhappiness??

One thing i have found is that shitty marriage + kids = shittier marriage.

Good marriage + kids = good marriage+

Good marriage no kids = good marriage