Just finished crying...

[SP33Demon]

Parents (especially Asian) who only value you by how much you make are epic fails. I'm glad he pulled out of that disillusioned black hole and figured out the real meaning of life, which is to accept your kids for who they are and what makes them happy. I thank the good Lord every day for giving me a father who never pressured me to try and become something I'm not, nor want to be.

 

[MrsBugi]

Parents (especially Asian) who only value you by how much you make are epic fails. I'm glad he pulled out of that disillusioned black hole and figured out the real meaning of life, which is to accept your kids for who they are and what makes them happy. I thank the good Lord every day for giving me a father who never pressured me to try and become something I'm not, nor want to be.

Amen to that. And you are so incredibly lucky to have such an awesome dad!

 

[SandEagle]

good story MrsBugi. you're pretty hot and you'll be fine as long as you remain hot. :wub::wub:

anywai, i tell my kids everyday that i love them. i tell them that i don't care if they become a fry cook or a doctor, i just want them to be happy. do the best in what you do.

my philosophy has always been to set expectations very low so as to never be disappointed.

 

[Zeze]

I can't stand typical narrow-minded Asian dads. I'm so grateful mine are super accepting.

Kudos to you and your father. But your dad still has a long way to go, it seems. On the other hand, your father is far, far better than some other Asian dads. I know some who were absolute bastards- alcoholic, domestic violence, abusive, etc...

 

[SP33Demon]

Amen to that. And you are so incredibly lucky to have such an awesome dad!

Believe it or not, it's my mom who's the money crazy one. It's pretty dam sad that all she (and the stepdad) still only care about how much someone makes - she'll never get it - some people sadly never do. I can really only talk to her for 5 minutes before the stupid starts, and then tell her I have to go and that I really don't give a dam about the stock market or someone who makes 200K/year. IIWII

 

[sunzt]

Can't blame Asian parents for always wanting a doctor... they'll get old and just want free medical care.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

As soon as I graduate, my dad is kicking me out of the house, never to return.

He will never forgive me for going engineering and not medicine.

According to him, anyone that is not a doctor is unemployed.

My relationship with him is not good at all.

 

[Nintendesert]

I got fooled. I totally thought this was going to be a Facebook IPO thread.

 

[rh71]

chinese here too - happy ending for you, but for all those stubborn asian parents who stick with the "doctor or lawyer" ideas for their kids... they don't understand that life is about enjoyment. They may (or may not) have had it tough in the past and sacrificed, but they have no right forcing that upon you. Stubborn is the only way to put it. I can't stand the "money is everything" crap. Don't get me wrong, success is important, but if you're angry or grumpy all the time, what's the point?

 

[bigrash]

Cool story.

Anyone else read that with a Mr. Miyagi accent?

 

[ichy]

I knew one guy in college whose mother once told him that when she got pregnant she considered having an abortion and some days she wishes she had. That was because he didn't get into med school (he got into med school a year later.) Indian parents in case you're wondering.

 

[SunnyD]

So what you're saying is that you're dad is a Vulcan and you're Spock?

 

[yhelothar]

You handled that situation with wisdom, compassion, and empathy. You tried to gain your dad's acceptance by accepting him first. It takes a really big person to do that.

I could see you becoming an awesome MFT.

 

[MrsBugi]

I can't stand typical narrow-minded Asian dads. I'm so grateful mine are super accepting.

Kudos to you and your father. But your dad still has a long way to go, it seems. On the other hand, your father is far, far better than some other Asian dads. I know some who were absolute bastards- alcoholic, domestic violence, abusive, etc...

You are incredibly fortunate and so very, very blessed to have super accepting parents, Zeze. I know my father has a long way to go, but he's getting there... And I will be here to love and support and encourage him every step of his journey. I want to be as close to him as possible and for him to know how much I love him before the day comes when he is not here anymore for me to tell him.

And that picture made me LOL... Sooooooo true.

 

[amdhunter]

You were the fat kid in school no one liked weren't you?

Now I'm just the fat guy in ATOT no one likes.

 

[MotionMan]

I got fooled. I totally thought this was going to be a Facebook IPO thread.

I thought the kicker was going to be that he told his dad he was gay, but this ending was good, too.

MotionMan

 

[MrsBugi]

As soon as I graduate, my dad is kicking me out of the house, never to return.

He will never forgive me for going engineering and not medicine.

According to him, anyone that is not a doctor is unemployed.

My relationship with him is not good at all.

This breaks my heart to hear. I'm so sorry, Nikolae.

Follow your heart and believe in yourself and your path. Your dad may not see or understand it now, and in some weird way he may think he is loving you and "motivating" you to reconsider by doing something as extreme as kicking you out of the house.

He may one day realize he is wrong, but he may not. Until that day, I believe in you and know that you are making the best decision for yourself. I hope that your dad can see and understand that one day, and that he can put his pride or judgment on the shelf in order to understand that he is your father, you are is son, and he should love and support you, doctor or not. Remember your value and your worth... It always comes from within, even if sometimes we wish we could get it from our parents, too.

 

[iGas]

Your story brought a tear to me as well. I'm glad that your father and you are now understand each other other.

I'm not Chinese but I understand.

I had similar experience as your, but my dad and I never had the chance to work out our differences. He always has been negative to me. I only saw my dad cried once, and it was 3 weeks before he died. He said his work in this world is not done, and I'm his only son, so he asked me to take care of my mom and my sisters.

 

[MrsBugi]

You handled that situation with wisdom, compassion, and empathy. You tried to gain your dad's acceptance by accepting him first. It takes a really big person to do that.

I could see you becoming an awesome MFT.

Thank you, astroidea. It took me a long time and a lot of mistakes to get to the place where I'm at now, and I'm far from perfect. I stumble and fall a lot and have my tough days. But life is better, easier, and much more fulfilling now operating from a place of forgiveness and gratitude than anger and bitterness. So I shoot for that and do my best to encourage others to, too.

 

[MrsBugi]

I knew one guy in college whose mother once told him that when she got pregnant she considered having an abortion and some days she wishes she had. That was because he didn't get into med school (he got into med school a year later.) Indian parents in case you're wondering.

Oh. My. God.

That just gave me chills... I hope that his mother didn't credit herself for "inspiring" him to get into med school. So sad that some parents feel that threats, insults, and anger are an effective/healthy way to get their kids to do what they want... Without ever considering what their children might want.

 

[ThePresence]

My wife's parents are a mixture. Her mother is a horror movie. Always trying to find a reason the be miserable, and she takes it out on her children. Wife left home because of that. Her father tries to make up for her lost childhood by buying stuff all the time. Thank god we live in another country now, and only see them a couple of times a year.

 

[brainhulk]

now let's take the flip side of the coin. Say you get your "enjoy life" degree, but never ever find a job that let's you enjoy life (i have a couple of mba's, engineers, and teacher friends that have been laid off the past couple of years). But instead end up struggling to make ends meet

Dad starts looking kinda smart then, right? Happiness doesn't pay your rent or put food on the table. Taking the path with the least chance of failure and great security is something I understand a head of a family would identify with. I'm not saying he's right, you're wrong...his approach is kinda over the top. But it looks like his reasons are well intended.

Did you ever tell him that you understand him and his reasons also?

 

[MrsBugi]

now let's take the flip side of the coin. Say you get your "enjoy life" degree, but never ever find a job that let's you enjoy life (i have a couple of mba's, engineers, and teacher friends that have been laid off the past couple of years). But instead end up struggling to make ends meet

Dad starts looking kinda smart then, right? Happiness doesn't pay your rent or put food on the table. Taking the path with the least chance of failure and great security is something I understand a head of a family would identify with. I'm not saying he's right, you're wrong...his approach is kinda over the top. But it looks like his reasons are well intended.

Did you ever tell him that you understand him and his reasons also?

Very fair and a good point, brainhulk.

I did tell him that I understand him, I totally get his reasons, and I appreciate him for being so kind and concerned about me and my future. He only reacts because he cares, although it isn't always in a way that I understand or want.

And true, happiness doesn't pay my rent or put food on the table. However, from Day 1, I've never been the type to take the "safe, secure, reliable, predictable" route. My sisters all have, and you're right, neither if right or wrong. Parents want their children to have stability and safety, and I just don't fit that mold.

I've worked hard and gone a non-traditional route as an entrepreneur, following my heart with varying degrees of success. I'm 100% debt-free, have minimal bills/expenses, and spend most of my excess savings on loved ones or into a Roth. I wish my dad could see that I'm okay, that I'm always going to be okay, and if it comes down to it, I could get a traditional job.

But for now, I'm doing okay, and I'm excited about hopefully making some BIG changes. Over the years, my specialty has become a "Love, Sex and Kink" expert in my field and I'm working on developing books, courses, and an app to help couples improve their communication, intimacy, and love relationships. Not something that I could do if I was in a 9-to-6 job easily, and for now my private practice is doing okay.

So Dad means well, and I have told him I love and appreciate him and his viewpoint, which I do. Thank you for your input, totally a valid and important point.

 

[Dari]

I'm just like your father. I feel bad for me. I don't think I can accept happiness over security. What if you decided to marry a loser that made you "happy"? That's no good...

 

[MrsBugi]

I'm just like your father. I feel bad for me. I don't think I can accept happiness over security. What if you decided to marry a loser that made you "happy"? That's no good...

I made that mistake too, Dari. I tried to find happiness outside of myself for a long time... I sought happiness and validation from my parents, from men, from others. And none of it stuck... I was still miserable.

I finally realized that it's true what they tell you... Happiness MUST come from within. You have to be happy with who you are, believe in what you are doing, and operate from a place of love and inspiration, not fear or desperation.

For a long time, I lived in fear and desperation. I made choices because I was afraid. I married someone who I hoped could make me happy, when in the end it turns out I was the only one who could determine my happiness and my future.

It's been an uphill journey and I'm still learning, but I'm glad for everything that's gotten me and my father to this point. There's hope... You are on your path, and you are exactly where you're supposed to be. But one day that might change, so just be open to the possibility... Much love and many blessings to you.