Just got robbed

[BUTCH1]

Not to mention that saying something like that, on the Internet or anywhere else, makes you an asstard who needs to be bitch-slapped with a brick.

I think OP is just going through a lot emotionally right now, I doubt he'd actually hurt her, just the bad jibe of a breaking up relationship along with a wipe-out of a bank account's $$ can cause one experience anger levels not previously known. I can sort of relate to this when 3-4 months ago I found out my older brother fleeced our Mom of $45K, half her life savings. How low can one go? he's got over $300K in a 401K and he has to rip off his own mom to pay for his kid's collage? I can't even describe how angry I am over this..

 

[Markbnj]

I think OP is just going through a lot emotionally right now, I doubt he'd actually hurt her, just the bad jibe of a breaking up relationship along with a wipe-out of a bank account's $$ can cause one experience anger levels not previously known. I can sort of relate to this when 3-4 months ago I found out my older brother fleeced our Mom of $45K, half her life savings. How low can one go? he's got over $300K in a 401K and he has to rip off his own mom to pay for his kid's collage? I can't even describe how angry I am over this..

Yeah I've been way mad before myself. Doesn't change my view that expressing a sentiment like this in public is stupid. Simply feeling that way is no big deal if it dissipates quickly. Maintaining such a sentiment for any length of time probably means you need professional help.

 

[shadow9d9]

I can feel the bitter just bleeding through.

You realize the decision to get married is not a logical one, yes? Well, at least it shouldn't be.

You don't have an argument.

If you enter into a legal contract for a non logical reason, then you can't complain like the OP if something like that happens to you.

What bleeds through is logic and frustration, in the face of outright stupidity. The fact that you have no argument and have to resort to innuendo is why it is frustrating.

Think about it this way.

-Present logical argument to someone
-They say "umadbro?"
-You say, well, I want to explain it further.
-They say, "You are just bitter"

Those are not arguments or legitimate responses. You can assign random attributes to people over the internet and think that that gives you some sort of argument. It doesn't. It shows that you have none, otherwise you would simply debate on the merits.

I was extremely, extremely lucky. I was with someone for 3 years, 2.5 of which was living together. Then, since I had no assets at the time, I decided to try marriage. We were married for 6.5 years. It was 9/28 years of my entire life when she completely mentally fell apart. I had one of the luckiest divorces in history. It took 2 weeks from start to finish, we wrote up our own agreement, and cost 1500 dollars. We decided on 50/50 custody of my son. 8 months later, she voluntarily signed over full custody of my son to me and moved out of the state. 2 years later, she reduced visitation with her son to one night a month and moved 3 states away. In the divorce, I kept 100% of my pensions, all my accounts, and got to keep the house, giving her her down payment half back. I was worth serious money by the time of the divorce and I dodged a bigger bullet than you would ever imagine.

People change. Having a child wasn't a life that was for her. She couldn't handle it and became a miserable person. It had nothing to do with bank accounts or anything. We had an incredible relationship, that changed when a child came. What kind of person/mother would voluntarily give up custody of their child and move multiple states away? What kind of person/mother gives up every other weekend visitation down to one night a month? The same person that was in the most amazing relationship of my life with me?

Life isn't some fairy tale. people change. Life is all about grey areas. Don't give me nonsense about romanticized fantasies about what marriages are. A relationship is a relationship. If you have any wealth and want to risk it all, be my guest. I still think that, being as insanely lucky as I was, that I should speak towards people protecting themselves, so they won't regret it later.

Would you recover so easily from not only a long term relationship falling apart, but also losing 100s of thousands of dollars from your retirement, in addition to the possibility of losing your kids, paying alimony, etc? What if you could protect at least one of these things? Are you the kind of person to knowingly put yourself at risk and hope that you are lucky? Some people are gamblers. Gambling and winning doesn't mean that you took the right course of action. It means that you drove without a seat belt and didn't crash. Congrats. I will still advise people to wear their seat belt.

 

[shadow9d9]

Why would I argue something that is clearly opinion based? I agree I have no argument, as I'm not arguing. You sound bitter, get over it.

And as my good friend once told me, This is reality! Time to join it!

So, you have nothing to argue about any of the legitimate points I made, and decided to contribute to the thread by using your assumptions as fact, in order to attack someone. Brilliant. Thanks for that contribution.

 

[shadow9d9]

Yeah I've been way mad before myself.

Care to compare having money stolen from you and having a relationship fall apart, and having your daughter sleep in bed with another man with your previous experiences that have made you "way mad" before? If you can't come up with an experience that is comparable, then you really can't try to make it seem like you have any true understanding.

 

[alkemyst]

And you don't know how to keep a wife. lolbro.

I have divorced two of them, my second tried to put things in place to keep the marriage going, but I finally met someone I wanted to have a life with.

Both my divorces I initiated.

You can't even get a girlfriend, but perhaps you don't want one.

 

[JulesMaximus]

My wife and I have had our money in a joint account for 22 years. So I guess I'm an idiot.

Same here. All of our accounts are joint accounts and my wife takes care of pretty much all of the bill paying and monthly expenses. All I do is work... :biggrin:

Been married for 22 years this September.

 

[alkemyst]

In short term marriages, esp those under 10 years in length a spouse is usually never entitled to anything that was not joint to begin with...

People didn't get lucky, they received what was dictated by law.

Many are willing to sign away half of everything, do alimony, etc in short term marriages. You are allowed to do this, you just don't have too.

 

[Markbnj]

Care to compare having money stolen from you and having a relationship fall apart, and having your daughter sleep in bed with another man with your previous experiences that have made you "way mad" before? If you can't come up with an experience that is comparable, then you really can't try to make it seem like you have any true understanding.

Ooh, let's play who has the most intensely miserable past experiences! I've been around 53 years, so unless you have been around close to that long it might not really be a fair competition. It could be cathartic, I suppose, in a drama whoring sort of way, but on the other hand the very act of engaging in such a discussion would irrevocably tag you as an epic loser of the first order. Think I'll pass.

I don't really know why you feel all these things you feel. Because we should be clear about them being feelings, don't you think? But I acknowledge that your feelings feel real to you. They're your feelings, and you have a right to them. I just don't want to argue with you about them because, I mean, obviously, that would be fucking stupid.

 

[BUTCH1]

Yeah I've been way mad before myself. Doesn't change my view that expressing a sentiment like this in public is stupid. Simply feeling that way is no big deal if it dissipates quickly. Maintaining such a sentiment for any length of time probably means you need professional help.

Agree, holding on to hatred and anger only winds up battering yourself in the long run. Perhaps the toughest thing about life is the realization that one has little or no control over so many situations and accept the fact that the world has a shit-ton of thoughtless, greedy assholes.. :\

 

[alkemyst]

Ooh, let's play who has the most intensely miserable past experiences! I've been around 53 years, so unless you have been around close to that long it might not really be a fair competition. It could be cathartic, I suppose, in a drama whoring sort of way, but on the other hand the very act of engaging in such a discussion would irrevocably tag you as an epic loser of the first order. Think I'll pass.

I don't really know why you feel all these things you feel. Because we should be clear about them being feelings, don't you think? But I acknowledge that your feelings feel real to you. They're your feelings, and you have a right to them. I just don't want to argue with you about them because, I mean, obviously, that would be fucking stupid.

You are not going to win his debate as:

1) He believes the short time frame he was married and what appears as little dating life trumps anyone else's experiences here.

2) He believes he was LUCKY in his divorce and that somehow law did not apply to him.

3) He believes marriage and commitment is wrong for anyone.

 

[shadow9d9]

Ooh, let's play who has the most intensely miserable past experiences! I've been around 53 years, so unless you have been around close to that long it might not really be a fair competition. It could be cathartic, I suppose, in a drama whoring sort of way, but on the other hand the very act of engaging in such a discussion would irrevocably tag you as an epic loser of the first order. Think I'll pass.

I don't really know why you feel all these things you feel. Because we should be clear about them being feelings, don't you think? But I acknowledge that your feelings feel real to you. They're your feelings, and you have a right to them. I just don't want to argue with you about them because, I mean, obviously, that would be fucking stupid.

There are very few equivalents to what this guy is going through. You can't just say "I've been mad too." There are very, very few equivalents, regardless of how many years you've been alive.

 

[shadow9d9]

You are not going to win his debate as:

1) He believes the short time frame he was married and what appears as little dating life trumps anyone else's experiences here.

2) He believes he was LUCKY in his divorce and that somehow law did not apply to him.

3) He believes marriage and commitment is wrong for anyone.

1. 9/28 years alive is short time frame?

2. Yes, I was insanely lucky and stated why. Which "laws" do not apply to me? Oh, are you making things up again? Remember how I quoted my settlement agreement for you and you ran away last time?

3. Marriage is a financial risk and if you want to take it, you should at least protect yourself. Otherwise you will be in your mid 40s with no savings, like you are.

Commitment, on the other hand, is wonderful. A legal agreement recognized by the government is absolutely not necessary for this. There are many people who are happy for decades without marriage. Ricky Gervais has been with his SO for 30 years now without marriage.

 

[shadow9d9]

In short term marriages, esp those under 10 years in length a spouse is usually never entitled to anything that was not joint to begin with...

People didn't get lucky, they received what was dictated by law.

Many are willing to sign away half of everything, do alimony, etc in short term marriages. You are allowed to do this, you just don't have too.

1. Not true. As soon as you are married, everything gained during the marriage is joint.

2. If people work out their own agreeents, and they don't have to give up any assets, they sure as hell are lucky. "Dictated by law"? You, despite as much as you think of yourself, aren't law. I'm sorry if you couldn't come to agreements in any of your divorces, and got screwed multiple times. Maybe you couldn't afford a lawyer who could explain it to you. There are some standard ways of doing things, but you are free to write up your own agreement as as long as both parties agree, you are good to go. There are a very, very small handful of exceptions. You can agree to forego child support, for example, in your agreement, but you can never legally sign away your right to child support and could always pursue it at a later time.

Using the template of my agreement with my ex-wife, my friend was able to write up a similar agreement for his divorce. He was delighted to have such an option.

 

[Markbnj]

You are not going to win his debate as:

1) He believes the short time frame he was married and what appears as little dating life trumps anyone else's experiences here.

2) He believes he was LUCKY in his divorce and that somehow law did not apply to him.

3) He believes marriage and commitment is wrong for anyone.

I'm sure I miss a lot by not posting in L&R.

Oh wait, no I don't.

 

[alkemyst]

imho if you feel you should get a prenup, you shouldn't marry that person.

This is entirely something of fairy tales. For most a prenup makes no sense anyway.

There are businesses built and that fail due to partners not being contractually restricted with the company funds especially when things go bad and everyone is in self-preservation mode.

In a divorce, esp one of EXTREMELY lopsided wealth; the poorer person is looking at losing the life they learned to love and that may never have again.

It all works well until people fall out of love.

 

[Newell Steamer]

TD Bank, where opening an account is easier than finding a bitch and breaking both her god damn mother fucking legs!

My GOD,... I'm a regular Don Draper.

 

[alkemyst]

1. Not true. As soon as you are married, everything gained during the marriage is joint.

You are wrong on that.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/separate-community-property-during-marriage-29921.html

2. If people work out their own agreeents, and they don't have to give up any assets, they sure as hell are lucky. "Dictated by law"? You, despite as much as you think of yourself, aren't law. I'm sorry if you couldn't come to agreements in any of your divorces, and got screwed multiple times. Maybe you couldn't afford a lawyer who could explain it to you. There are some standard ways of doing things, but you are free to write up your own agreement as as long as both parties agree, you are good to go. There are a very, very small handful of exceptions. You can agree to forego child support, for example, in your agreement, but you can never legally sign away your right to child support and could always pursue it at a later time.

Using the template of my agreement with my ex-wife, my friend was able to write up a similar agreement for his divorce. He was delighted to have such an option.

No, there is LAW that is placed on what is defined as a LONG TERM MARRIAGE which you were not part of. Things like mandatory alimony and division of assets do happen at that level UNLESS both parties agree otherwise. You were in a SHORT TERM MARRIAGE, alimony and 50% splits of assets aren't even on the table in most places...not even temporary alimony.

You keep going in to ad homenem attacks with anyone that replies to you and in many cases are actually restating what they said to begin with.

I seriously doubt you have the money you came across. It's almost a requirement that you mention it at least once in every thread.

You simply did the "self-help" package and feel you are now a divorce expert.

 

[SunnyD]

I'm sure I miss a lot by not posting in L&R.

Oh wait, no I don't.

:biggrin:

 

[Tweak155]

So, you have nothing to argue about any of the legitimate points I made, and decided to contribute to the thread by using your assumptions as fact, in order to attack someone. Brilliant. Thanks for that contribution.

I'm not the one telling people what to do or calling them stupid for their decisions. You seem to be trying to dictate what is best for someone by assuming the real loss of a marriage is parting with your money, and not the person. In other words, you need to get over yourself.

 

[alkemyst]

I'm not the one telling people what to do or calling them stupid for their decisions. You seem to be trying to dictate what is best for someone by assuming the real loss of a marriage is parting with your money, and not the person. In other words, you need to get over yourself.

The sad part the battle he is defending (losing his money) supposedly never happened.

I personally believe this guy posts from his parent's house.

His story makes no sense based on how much he wants to bring the past back up.

Most would have just moved on.

 

[shadow9d9]

You are wrong on that.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/separate-community-property-during-marriage-29921.html




No, there is LAW that is placed on what is defined as a LONG TERM MARRIAGE which you were not part of. Things like mandatory alimony and division of assets do happen at that level UNLESS both parties agree otherwise. You were in a SHORT TERM MARRIAGE, alimony and 50% splits of assets aren't even on the table in most places...not even temporary alimony.

You keep going in to ad homenem attacks with anyone that replies to you and in many cases are actually restating what they said to begin with.

I seriously doubt you have the money you came across. It's almost a requirement that you mention it at least once in every thread.

You simply did the "self-help" package and feel you are now a divorce expert.

Did you read your own link?

"Generally, marital property is everything that either of you earned or acquired during your marriage unless you agree otherwise"

That is exactly what I said.

" Things like mandatory alimony and division of assets do happen at that level UNLESS both parties agree otherwise. "

1. You are talking about two separate things. Alimony is only even considered after a certain period of time, depending on the state. Mandatory would only be considered after a long amount of time. These you obviously can only do so much about(not get married).

2. Division of assets, like I previously already said(do you even read my posts? I question whether you do) have guidelines IF you are not able to come up with your own agreement.

You made the claim that my agreement couldn't have happened because "laws." This is incorrect, as even you just admitted.

You are now making the claim that in a near 7 year marriage, or "short term marriage" that 50% is not even on the table. Do you have some proof for your claim?

"Also relevant is that equitable distribution does not necessarily mean equal distribution. The law provides for situations in which the court can order an unequal division of marital property due to circumstances of the marriage or the parties. In general though, the courts tend to distribute marital property equally among parties."

http://www.suffolkdivorcelawyer.com/2011/08/06/financial-consequences-of-a-short-term-marriage/

It also varies by state. For indiana, for example.

"According to statute, the length of marriage does not have an effect on property distribution. However, in a relatively short-term marriage, the Court would probably deviate from the 50/50 presumption to allow parties to keep what each brought into the marriage."

I wouldn't consider 7 years "relatively short," but it seems even still that it only takes into consideration what was brought ahead of time.

In my case, there were no assets at all before marriage(for all intents and purposes). Additionally, she was a stay at home for 3 years. I could have been destroyed under those circumstances, considering just how much I had gained/was worth during that time.

 

[shadow9d9]

I'm not the one telling people what to do or calling them stupid for their decisions. You seem to be trying to dictate what is best for someone by assuming the real loss of a marriage is parting with your money, and not the person. In other words, you need to get over yourself.

Is not wearing a seat belt stupid? By telling them that they should consider wearing a seat belt, does that mean you are telling them what to do?

Don't tell me what I "seem" to think. You are assuming in order to support your own argument.

I already mentioned the worst parts of divorce, which included not only losing the partner, but possibly your kids, and your money. Since there is nothing preventative that you could do to protect yourself ahead of time from losing access to your kids before a divorce nor anything you could do to stop a spouse from losing their mind, that simply leaves the money. In the case of the money, there IS something you could do. Therefore, it makes sense to do it.

 

[shadow9d9]

The sad part the battle he is defending (losing his money) supposedly never happened.

I personally believe this guy posts from his parent's house.

His story makes no sense based on how much he wants to bring the past back up.

Most would have just moved on.

You personally make up lots of things. This is done to bridge the gap between how bad you have had it and how much better others have. You can't handle the differential, so you make things up to justify to yourself why you are worse off and how it isn't quite your fault.

If someone walks across the street and was an inch away from being hit by a car, it makes sense to wake up. It makes sense to learn from the experience, never make it again, and warn others of the dangers. At the very least, an ounce of prevention, even if they choose to marry, could save them tremendous heartache in the long run.

Moving on is completely separate from the idea of warning others. You may not comprehend why anyone would want to help prevent others from preventable catastrophe(that I almost had).

Some choose to repeat their past mistakes over and over and over. That'd be your path, but it won't be mine.

 

[Markbnj]

Moving on is completely separate from the idea of warning others.

In your case, I think not.