*Last Update (I hope) girlfreind tells me "we need to talk"

[bunker]

I've been following this for the past day or so and Rallispec, I hate to say it, but you've been played. I know you don't want to believe it, but she wants to break up with you. She's using a tactic I used to use all the time. I'll admit it, I was chicken sh1t and so is she right now. She (and I) didn't have the balls to break up with you(her/them) directly so she's getting you pissed off enough so you'll do the breaking up.

You can play this one of two ways. Give her what she wants and drop her now (this will be the outcome regardless), or string her along for a while and make her do it.

I'm really sorry for you, honestly, but I think you have to face up to the fact that this one is over.

*edit - spelling*

 

[Ludacris]

I think she may have already cheated on you or has come very close to doing so. When she was arguing with you over the phone the other night, maybe she was feeling guilty about what she was doing and taking it out on you. Usually, when someone is cheating, they typically try to create arguments with their mates and accuse them of cheating.

Bottom line: Your woman is falling for another man. Leave her and don't look back. It will be hard as she is a big part of your life these days, but time heals all wounds. Soon you will have new interests that take up your time and hopeully a new romance with someone located near you. Next year when you are hanging out with your new love, think back to this thread and smile! Cheers!

 

[Angrymarshmello]

I'm just going to repeat what everyone else has said - dump her - if you have to leave it on her IM or tell her roommate - do it, but certainly don't wait up for someone who doesn't appreciate you.

 

[StageLeft]

Bunker must be a carpenter cause he hit the nail on the head (man that was a lame joke - i just made it up). When you're on the inside things often look different but based on what you've told people here to all of us I think it's safe to say that we all realize that this is over.

 

[Rallispec]

Okay, so another question.. Do i wait up for her tonight and talk to her? (might be 2am before she gets back)
she may be drunk.. probably not a good idea to talk about it if she's been drinking.
Do I give her one last chance to explain herself and try to redeem things?
Or
Should I sleep on it one more night and talk to her tomorrow morning?

 

[bunker]

<< Bunker must be a carpenter cause he hit the nail on the head (man that was a lame joke - i just made it up). >>


I'm not a carpenter......but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night!


Sorry, I know, poor place for humor. I just couldn't resist.

 

[bunker]

Wait until morning. It's never a good idea to have a serious discussion with a drunk person. I've tried, it never goes well.

*edit <talking to myself>Think when you type!</talking to myself>

 

[StageLeft]

I think you'd get nothing out of a drunk person on something so serious. Of course it's all up to you, but talking to her drunk seems to me to be a total waste of time. I wouldn't bother letting her redeem herself. In addition to earlier parts of the thread recently she has laid in a guys lap and then even though she "didn't like it", went over to his place to drink. It's over. Just don't talk to her when she's drunk.

 

[AreaCode707]

Don't wait up for her. Choose a more opportune time to make your conversation worthwhile. Catch up on sleep; she doesn't have the run of your life just because she's out drinking. Call her sometime tomorrow. As for giving her one last chance, that's up to you. Just from the facts you've given us, it doesn't look like there could be a really good explanation for any of it. She's made her own bad decisions that messed up the relationship.

 

[Brutuskend]

I wouldn't even give her that satisfaction.

Let her call YOU if she wants.

BLOW HER OFF.

That way if you really DOES want you you'll know it!!

If not, you will know that too.

Also some women will want you even more if they know you don't give a $hit one way or the other. (Although thats a tough one to pull off)

 

[silverpig]

Wait up. You'll feel better tomorrow. If she's drunk, then let her know that you want to talk and have some important things you want to say, but that you don't want to tell her when she's been drinking (basically, drop the hint, let her sweat it out tonight, and then tell her tomorrow).

 

[Nitemare]

Call her and leave her a message saying that you think you 2 need some space. You have alot of things to think about...and you will speak to her again sometime next week.

Then screen all your calls and don't speak to her for a week or so..let her develop a nice relationship with the answering machine. If she hasn't gone all the way with this guy yet..I assure you she has thought about it and will probably do so next time she is drunk around him.

If you don't want to leave her a message send her an email..

(I might seem heartless, but I don't take crap and will not let anyone use me)

 

[Nitemare]

<< I wouldn't even give her that satisfaction.

Let her call YOU if she wants.

BLOW HER OFF.

That way if you really DOES want you you'll know it!!

If not, you will know that too.

Also some women will want you even more if they know you don't give a $hit one way or the other. (Although thats a tough one to pull off) >>



Entirely agree

 

[Rallispec]

blow her off? you mean just stop talking to her? I'd do that but i kinda want to keep her as a freind.
And i know i'm helplessly optimistic or blinded by being in love or just plain stupid for thinking this.. but:
We have both been under a lot of stress lately.. Mainly becuase school sucks and we have so much work to do. And we take our stress out on each other. Also, I've never been this in love or wanted to be with anybody this badly before.. and i'm afraid to lose her. I am having real problems letting go. I know there are other fish in the sea.. but they're not her. I cant help but think there is still hope for us... But at the same time, i realize its over.. its a rollercoaster ride thats been going on for the past month, real good one day, bad the next. Its unhealthy and needs to end.
i guess i just gotta suck it all up and do it.
this sucks.

 

[Chrono]

here's a tip.

just tell her already f'n dammit!

there's no reason to drag something that is going to happen sooner or later. just tell her what girls tell guys all the time "let's just be friends."
INDEED THIS IS PAYBACK TIME to all the girls out there who have used this line. GO FOR IT. Be one of the rare guys to use this magical line that girls have used time and time again! Vengeance is yours to take.

Of course things will take a while before things are forgiven and forgotten... until then just live life and take care of yourself.

Remember, #1 most important person in your life is YOU!
#2 important thing is your FAMILY!
#3 important thing is your g/f or (b/f if you'd prefer isgust

You have to be happy.

 

[tantos]

dude..you're such an apologist man! Stress this and that...hello..what did she just go do..go DRINKING, over at some guy's house!
Stop making excuses for her! Stop lying to yourself! You seem obviously unhappy and have not gotten anything resolved. And for the being friends thing, you will never get over her if you keep being so called friends with her..You need time away from her to actually have a real break!

You're still young man..Don't confuse infatuation with love. If this girl really loved you, she wouldn't jepordize your relationship! There is always someone else out there in the world for you!

 

[AreaCode707]

Well Chrono, it all depends on your priorities. You've got a pretty good list there but on mine, #1 is God and the others follow in your same order.

Ralli, it sounds like you know what you're going to do. Just like you need confidence to ask a girl out, you need confidence for this too. It's tough but you can do it. And, from my perspective as a Christian, God's got something way better planned for you if you're willing to look for it. This isn't the way relationships are designed to work.

 

[Brutuskend]

Several years back I had a girlfriend that I had been going out with for 3-4 years.
I had known her since she was about 11. (She used to baby sit for a friend) I didn't see her again till she was 18, and she ran into me at the park one day. I didn't recognize her, but she knew ME, and asked me out. (Turns out she had had a crush on my since she was a kid!

Anyway after dating her for several years, she decided to move to Santa Cruz (we lived in Oregon) there had been some problems in our relationship (mostly because of the age difference) and she decided to move down with her DAD in Ca.

Anyway we were close and always had been. We talked every week, and one week it would be "I want you to move down here with me" and the next week it would be "NO DON'T come down!"

Well this went on for a couple of months and finally I decided to go down to see her for her Birthday (AND BRAKE IT OFF) Which I did. She of course had been dating this whole time. But she never really bothered to let ME know that. But hey I'm not stupid!!

Well I never talked with her after that, until 4-5 months went by and BANG I run into her in Eugene again! And she's acting REAL strange. Come to find out the guy she had hooked up with had been a COKE dealer, and had ended up ripping his "connection" off. He split one way, and she another. She was worried that the guys would be looking for her to find him.

Anyway to make a long story short (TO LATE I KNOW) we DID end up getting back together again!! For a time anyway.
And we are still friends to this day.

So it can happen, but you need to end it and do it in such a way as to not burn any bridges. MY advice as I said earlier. DROP it and let her call you!

 

[Chrono]

... well I'm non-religious.. so please don't start with religion
;p

let's just put it in a REALISTIC stand-point

it has to be you
then family
then that someone

I mean you can have your religious entity as #1 ;p
just remember you are at least near #1 then

 

[AreaCode707]

Okay, I can go with that. Point being that she's not treating him the way that it should go. Fix it or end it, only two options there are and she doesn't seem willing to fix it.

 

[silverpig]

Option 1: Stay with her.

Pros: Fun once in a while... like summer, xmas, thanksgiving etc.

Cons: Stress, fighting, suffering grades, worrying about what she's doing with other guys, very possibly having huge regrets later on in life, spending time on a possible lost cause which could be spent with your other friends.

Option 2: Break up.

Pros: No worries, no strings, you can do what you want without having to think about her, more time with friends, better grades, other (hotter? hehe) girls, you can do/say/think whatever you want.

Cons: It sucks for a little bit, but you'll get over it.

 

[anonymouschris]

dang, i went through something similar about a year ago. she did the same sh1t your gf is doing to you, but to more of an extreme. it was a b1tch. i took it likea b1tch too, i am now back with her, and things are going well...but looking back at it, i should have let go.

 

[Rallispec]

well.. After thinkgin about it for a while i've decided what i'm going to do..
I'm going to wait up a little while longer to see if she comes back.. If i can talk to her tonight, great.. if not, i'll just wait till tomorrow. If she's drunk i'll just tell her I want to talk to her, but it can wait till the morning.
And then i'll tell her how it is.. This relationship is just to much stress right now. No matter what we do, we cant seem to make it work. We're never happy or on really good terms for more than a week or two at time, its not good for either of us.
well, basically i'm just going to say i'm not happy with the way things are right now, and obviously its not getting any better so i need some time away from her.
Thats the plan at least.. i'm not sure what she'll have to say or what i'll have to say back to her.
This REALLY SUCKS.
<-- danny is not a happy person right now. :disgust:

 

[Rallispec]

wongsoongpak, how long between the time when you all broke up and got back together?

 

[ImTyping]

<< I'd do that but i kinda want to keep her as a freind. >>



Jesus. Why don't you just cut off your peni$ and hand it to her?

Right at this moment she may be playing hide the sausage with some other guy and you are saying that you still want to be friends.

You know that there are three billion women out there. And the fact that they are NOT her is a good thing. Unless you like dating women who cheat on you then dump you.

To sum up, I have one word for you: kickhertothecurb.