*Last Update (I hope) girlfreind tells me "we need to talk"

[skace]

Nemesis77's suggestion would only work if she is willing to sit down and talk without constantly finding excuses or pointing fingers. Besides, even if he rattled off those points, it wouldn't mean she is going to change her habits. She is a repeat offender therefor this is a problem that won't go away with a talk or a grocery list.

 

[silverpig]

Her ex kissed her and she didn't tell you during Thanksgiving? Whoa, I sure nailed that one when I said she was feeling guilty about something. Why else would she not tell you until she was very drunk?

Okay, you don't know what she's doing out there at her school. Normally, trust is enough to make sure that she's not messing around on you, but she's proven and admitted that she's hidden things that she should have told you about. Draw your own conclusions.

 

[Adul]

<< update
I crawl in bed last night around two, of course i have a lot on my mind and cant really fall asleep so i just laid there thinking about what to do. Just before 3am the phone rings.. Sure enough it was my girlfreind calling. Drunk off her a$$. I had really been wanting to avoid this.. Yes i wanted to talk to her, but not while drunk. I doubt she even remembers calling.
So I talk to her for a little while, hoping that she'll sober up some.. i wanted to know what she had to say. So I ask her whats been going on- why she's been so distant lately and keeping things from me. And of course she gets upset that i'm confronting her like this, becuase its very out of my character to do. Anyway.. here is what she said to me last night:

First- she kept saying that she loves me.. and said all her problems were related to her frustration and unhappiness at her current school. She hates it there and wants to transfer. I know she doesnt like school, she never has. Why all the sudden this effects our relationship- i dont know.

Second- James, the guy who's lap she was laying had a crush on her last year.. but as she put it "is ugly" and i have nothing to worry about. He's just a freind. I'm not sure what to make of this... Him having a crush on her doesnt make me any more comfortable with the idea. And when she went out drinking last night, She did not go to his apartment, she went out with her roomates to some Frat party aperently.

Third - Here is the real kicker. Her and her exboyfreind have been really good freinds since 7th grade, long before i knew her. They dated for a while ( a year on and off, not a serious relationship) but broke up about a year and half ago. She still talks to him all the time. Something that kinda makes me worry becuase i know he still has feelings for her. But she insists that she doesnt like him as anything other than a freind and just likes to talk to him sometimes. Well over thanksgiving break John (her ex) went over to her house to say and visit for a little while. He told her that he still has feelings for her and now that she is with me, and he cant have her... he realizes he needs her more than ever. Then he leaned over and kissed her. She said she did not want to kiss him, and pushed him away.. but he was pretty persistant and tried to put his arm around her or something like that. After her pushing him away enough times he got the hint and left. I dont understand this, if she didnt want to kiss him, its real easy to move your head or something.. i cant believe she didnt tell me this, and hid it from me all thanksgiving break when i thought things were going so well. She said she doesnt like him, and hasnt talked to him since then.

Around this time the effects of the alcohol starting taking their toll.. She told me she loves me and then she passed out. Haven't talked to her since then.

As much as i love her, and want to stay with her.. I really dont think i can handle this anymore. I really think i need to break up with her. But i'm having the balls to actually go through with it. She gets out of class around 12 today. I'm going to call her then, not sure what i'm going to say. One thing is for sure though, unless things change, i cant go on like this. >>



She needs to hear your side first. If she can nto handle this, then maybe it is not meant to be. She sounds like she can not handle the relationship. Some time apart will be hard, but may be the best thing for the both of you.

 

[AreaCode707]

With her behavior, I'm starting to wonder just exactly what it is that makes you love her. Not her caring concern for you obviously. What makes this girl worth going through all this junk that she's deliberately putting you through?

 

[raz]

RESPECT. Without it you've got a doomed relationship. It's plain to see she doesn't respect you. It's also plain to see you don't respect yourself enough to stop with the "please talk to me" stuff and grow some nads.

"You've been treating me like sh!t lately and I'm sick of it. If you've got something to say to me...say it. I don't deserve this sh!t and I ain't gunna take it. When you feel like talking, call me...I'll be around."

If you can't tell her that then shame on you. Expect to be walked on all your life until you realize the only one who can put a stop to it is you.

 

[SCSIfreek]

I have heard lots of others mentioned to take time apart. been there, done that. trust me its extremely hard to breakup from someone you loved deeply but you gotta do it my friend. If you have faith in yourself break it up fast and clean. else you'll be the loser for the rest of your life. Take control of you own situation and take it like a man. You'll then notice a entire new world thats out there waiting for you to explore. Distant yourself from her ASAP and keep it that way. <--- Dont you call her just keep yourself away from the damn phone for the next week or two(but before doing such a thing do tell her how you feel about your relationship then cut if off). Experience tells me that you'll want her back even more as you think this over and over again. Try and keep yourself busy at other things such as --->Online Games, Sports, Going out with friends, working out, and studying. the key to this is Keep yourself busy and not think about it as much as you can. There are millions of girls out there, why get up the entire forrest for one damn tree? If you have confidence in yourself <----- girls will want you and stay with ya forever and ever. When women are at their young age <---always cant make up their mind, they're always comparing things and trying to pick the best one out there. Know what? why cant you be the one thats making the decision instead of her? Dont let people pick you but pick your own partner to live with. She'll regret it down the road as you prove to her that you're more successful and happy with yourself.


--SCSI

 

[Rallispec]

Okay... Back again.
Guess who i just got off the phone after talking to them for 3 hours???
So first off- somebody asked this earlier... she is 19, i'm 20 (i'll be 21 in 11 days though) Yes i know what you are thinking.. WE'RE TOO YOUNG to be worrying about stuff like this. Well you might be right.. But she makes me happy, i love her very much.. and i know i want to spend my life with her.
And no she is not my first girlfreind... She is the first girl i've ever been really serious about. We've been dating for about 6 months now. But She has been my best freind for the past 2 years.

okay... so like i was saying.. i just got off the phone with her (i'll try to keep this short)
Basically i just let her know how i was feeling. I told her what was on my mind, and my view of the whole situation. I told her some of the problems i was having with things. She reassured me that she is not cheating on me (and i believe her) I had known that she hung out with her ex over thanksgiving, i didnt know he tried to kiss her though. She told me exactly what happened and how it made her upset and she pushed him away.. and while i think it was wrong and she shouldnt have put herself in that situation to begin with.. i still forgave her.
Anyway, we talked about things for about an hour and half, Got everything out in the open. And that really helped.. we really needed to just let eachother know how we were feeling.
We then just talked for about another hour.. just 'chatting' and i realized i still really do love this girl, and i'm not ready to give up and throw this relationship that means so much to me. And i could tell by the way she sounded that she really wanted it to work to.
She realized that she had been real stressed out by school lately and was taking some of her agression out on me, and apologized for how she had been acting. She had been in a bad mood becuase of school lately and wasnt in the 'lovey dovey' type mood.. but she still loved me.

So... after talking to her I feel a lot better about things. We agreed that maybe we should step back for a little while to give eachother a chance to catch our breath and figure things out. Not go on a break or anything like that.. just 'cool' things down a notch or two. I think we're going to be okay though. I'm real confident that our relationship will continue to last... and no matter what obsitcles come between us, we love each other enough to get through anything.

One last shoutout to everybody in this thread who has offered thier advice and given thier support. I cant thank you all enough. Its helped so much to have a place to vent and people that will listen.

~danny

 

[minendo]

communication is the key

 

[AreaCode707]

Glad you made the decision that you think will work best for you. Just watch out for the situations that she (and you!) are putting yourselves in, especially at parties and stuff. Be sure that you're both putting work in on your relationship. Blessings on you guys!

 

[busmaster11]

I think you did the right thing. Most people I saw on this thread were telling you to break it off with her because she's cheating on you and she's too immature to be in control of her emotions... Well, we were all young once, (some of us still are) and we need growth experiences just the same. I hope the two of you do last, but otherwise, its still a good decision at this point because you learn about the depths and tolerances of your own love.

At some point we all look back at our relationship failures and say, "BOY was I dumb!!!" - but hey, thats how we learn not to make the same mistake in the future... or at the very least, not make the same mistake with the same person in the future.

 

[DDCSpeed]

good luck

 

[Rallispec]

busmaster11, thanks.. i think i made the right decision too... Even if our relationship doesnt work, i'm haivng fun.. and i'm still young.. I'm learning from my mistakes.
At some point we all look back at our relationship failures and say, "BOY was I dumb!!!" i hope it doesnt come to this.. but hey.. if it does, oh well. such is life.

 

[rgwalt]

Congrats man... you made a good call.

Ryan

 

[busmaster11]

Well, since its all's well that ends well, might I be the first to suggest...

PICS?

 

[Rallispec]

<< Well, since its all's well that ends well, might I be the first to suggest...

PICS? >>


well... since you all stuck with me through this, i guess its the least i can do. I've got some pictures of her laying around somewhere.. i'll post them when i get them scanned. (maybe i should ask her first.. i doubt she'll like the idea of me posting pics of her up on the internet)

 

[busmaster11]

<<

<< Well, since its all's well that ends well, might I be the first to suggest...

PICS? >>


well... since you all stuck with me through this, i guess its the least i can do. I've got some pictures of her laying around somewhere.. i'll post them when i get them scanned. (maybe i should ask her first.. i doubt she'll like the idea of me posting pics of her up on the internet) >>



I'm just kidding... It might be a little early to get yourself in trouble again.

 

[Azraele]

I'd definately ask her first if it's ok to post her pic. It's the polite thing to do.

As for how you handled things, I think you did very well. Good luck to you both.

 

[Nemesis77]

<< well... since you all stuck with me through this, i guess its the least i can do. I've got some pictures of her laying around somewhere.. i'll post them when i get them scanned. (maybe i should ask her first.. i doubt she'll like the idea of me posting pics of her up on the internet) >>



Don't ask her, she'll just say no :Q!!!

 

[SnowPunk98]

Well in my relationship with my girlfriend this would not have happened....

1. She would not nor would her X be over at her house or visa versa without me and it would definatly never ever happen if I was not there
2. I would not let her be out that late getting all blasted off her @$$ because when people are drunk bad things happen
3. If I ever heard that my GF had put her head on some guys lap period it would be over I dont care what the circumstances were.
4. If I were you I would break it off with her for the reason that she doesnt seem to want to have as serious of a relationship with you as you want to have with her and if you are both not 100% on eachother it wont work, the fact that shes around her X, our drunk with other guys, and putting her head on some dudes lap is evidance of the fact that she isnt 100% willing

All of this is just my 2 cents and how I would handle it

 

[Cuular]

Hey, may I have the rights to this to make a soap opera out of it? PLEASE!!!!

 

[spamsk8r]

go like this: "Later, skank. Touching dudes is unacceptable, period. Thats how it is, deal with it."

 

[AreaCode707]

Um Ralli, you realize that the title of your post now reads (I hope) girlfreind tells me "we need to talk" ?

 

[SCSIfreek]

don't mean to crap but I still believe there's something going on in the back that she's not telling ya. Girls are very greedy<---- they won't let go of things unless they are absolutely sure of winning. <----as dannyove had always mentioned girls are EVIL EVIL EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!


anyways good luck to you danny and hope everything turns out great for the two of you but I don't believe a word from your g/f. period



--SCSI

 

[wajih]

Danny, GOODLUCK! and good move...if ya love the girl..stick with it...life's a learning process anyway...


also..is your bday on 12/11 or 12/10...mine is on 12/11...just curious cause you said that it is in 11 days.....


-wajih

 

[Rallispec]

my birthday is 12-10 - how many days does november have? i guess its 11 or 12 more days till i'm 21. How old are you going to be? I think i'm planning a trip down to see bethany that weekend to do a little "celebrating"