let it fall

[D22]

EDIT - Let it fall...I definitely got my lesson out of this, and now I realize I started coming off completely wrong as I got tired last night. I am going to take everyone's advice to heart whether I follow all of it or not.

I especially realize that without trust, there is definitely no point in any LTR. I am going to just go for this, but if I am totally wrong I'll come back and let everyone get their punch to the gut. But yea, if I'm gonna run around worried, I better go back to the drawing board and just be alone. I am going to reflect on that concept...

 

[Jahee]

Ask her straight up.

 

[Scouzer]

Personally I'd ask her what happened last night. I'd even step it up and be aggressive if I became more suspicious. But I am blunt, there's no beating around the bush in my relationships.

 

[oynaz]

Ask her straight up.

 

[TallBill]

Just meet her in person and ask her how it went. Don't assume anything until you catch her in a lie or get her to breakdown. Don't talk on the phone or in email. Its easier to hide stuff. If nothing happened, then she'll be perfectly normal and even excited to talk about what fun she had the night before. I've been to many clubs without my wife and vice versa, and have no problem sharing what fun that we've had.

She's probably not calling you because she's hungover. I know that I wouldn't be on the phone so early after going out.

 

[j00fek]

just do it

 

[Tom]

"You don't own me,
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me,
don't say I can't go with other boys

And don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display, 'cause

You don't own me,
don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me,
don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay

Oh, I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you

I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please"

Words and Music by John Madara and David White

 

[Sinsear]

It's 9AM. Stop worrying.

Now if it reaches noon, go into panic mode and demand video of the previous night's wild orgy adventure :laugh:.

 

[doze]

Ask her if she had a good time last night. If she says yes then ask what she did. If she says my friends Randy and Steve then that is your cue to leave.

 

[UncleWai]

She went to the sausage buffet and then some.

 

[NanoStuff]

She's definitely having a 'good time' with other lads, the question is whether she will fess up to you. My guess is no.

 

[timswim78]

Here's the deal. You need to let her know that you want to be in an exclusive relationship. DO NOT ask her about last night. She will tell you about it, eventually, maybe, or in 9 months.

 

[JackRipper]

Originally posted by: timswim78
Here's the deal. You need to let her know that you want to be in an exclusive relationship. DO NOT ask her about last night. She will tell you about it, eventually, maybe, or in 9 months.

9 months thing would sux lolz ... but since u guys aren't "exclusive"... no point in asking her unless u want ur relationship to be like that from now on...

It sux but have a lil intestinal fortitude and give her the benefit of the doubt... she will respect that you gave her some space... waaaay too early in the game for you to panic over something like that...

later on if it becomes a frequent thing then u need to clear up the matter... I have similar issues like this w/ my gf every now and then. in the end if it doesnt work out it doesnt work out... nothing u can do to make her make things work out...


JR

 

[bignateyk]

Its only 9, relax. She probably turned her phone off, or has it on vibrate, and is still sleeping off her hangover.

Dont go an start accusing her of anything.. that will make you seem jealous and insecure, especially if she didnt do anything.

 

[meltdown75]

this is what you do son. act like you don't really give a crap, even if it's eating you up inside. don't nancy out and freak out on her - she'll be a goner (especially after only a month). try not to ever be too possessive. be a man and let her walk away if she wants to - don't chase. when you find the right one, she will stand by you. good luck.

 

[skywhr]

you have a right to know what happened if it may affect your health (STD's) if you have the exclusive talk today and dont mention the fight night she will probably back out if something happened last night. if she agrees to exclusivity then she is either a lying biotch or nothing happened. are you friends with any of the 3 guys? can you find out on the low?

 

[skywhr]

why werent you invited to go with them?

 

[Thorny]

Don't be possesive about it, ask her if how her night went and leave it at that. For heavens sake don't give her a hard time about it or act like you don't trust her. FWIW, my wife spends more time with some of my guy friends than I do (I don't like to go out as much as I used to, she does). The only reason I get mad if she stays out til 4am is if she wakes me up when she gets home. Relationships aren't worth being in if there's no trust, so give her the benifit here. Besides, if she did screw you over last night she will feel really bad about it when she see's that you had faith in her.

 

[toolboxolio]

Originally posted by: Jahee
Ask her straight up.

Yup. You don't want this in the back of your head if you guys go into a relationship, for it most certainly lead to other situations like this.

Hopefully she is honest even if she did do something that you don't want to hear. That might be a better reason to be with her if you can get over what she did that might upset you. It is much better than getting involved with a liar.

good luck.

PS let us know if you hit it.

 

[jiggahertz]

You've been going out for a month and it's not exclusive, so she's free to do whatever she wants as are you. I'd hold off having the talk about being exclusive for a few weeks or she'll think you're being possessive about her going out with her friends. Considering that she's religious I think it's very doubtful that anything happened with any of the other guys. Guys think that when their girl goes out with other guys it turns into a drunken orgy, but 99% of the time when these guys go out with their friends that happen to be girls nothing happens. Don't sweat it, just ask her if she had a good time last night.

 

[Marinski]

Since you've only been seeing her and shes not your gf you can't really say anything. But, i would let her know if she wants to be your gf then you're not going to deal with that kind of stuff and you don't want to get involved with someone who's going out to the club and drinking with guys.

 

[r6ashih]

call her a hundred times. Pester her. Leave lots of text msgs. Leave lots of Vm's. Call another hundred times.

 

[Tuktuk]

Trust your instincts. If something seems obvious to you, trust that. Asking her at this point isn't helpful because people can be compulsive liars, and not break even in the most obvious of circumstances. If you haven't built that level of trust then all it really does is make you look bad by asking and your answer still only has a 50% chance of being true.

If there is one thing I've learned from relationships.. it is trust your instincts. I thought I'd reply because you used that word. I'm a bit biased because I ended up dating this girl for over a year, when if she would've given me an honest answer two months into it she would've been out the door. My instincts told me one thing and I did the "ask her straight up" thing.

 

[D22]

Yeah, her phone is most definitely off...I just left a very laid back message jokingly saying that I was checking if she was alive and that I hope she had fun and to give me a call about our plans this afternoon whenever she can...

It is now 11:15 AM...BTW, yes we have been sleeping together frequently, which is WHY I said I don't believe she should sleep with anyone else even if we aren't technically exclusive yet. It is a health issue, and if she did do it, then she should tell me whether she regrets it or not...That's my rule, I don't sleep with multiple people at the same time and I expect the same honestly...even outside of the health issue to me it's just not classy and I won't do it.

For those who are saying to be careful about being overly possessive, you just would have to be in my shoes. She throws a million compliments my way about how great of a guy I am, we went to church last sunday together, everything was aligning to say "let's be exclusive". But hey, I this is the price you pay for not having walls up. And no matter what happens, I'm going to leave my heart open for the next girl (if necessary). What is the point in playing the game if you rig it to the point no one can win?

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Tuktuk
Trust your instincts. If something seems obvious to you, trust that. Asking her at this point isn't helpful because people can be compulsive liars, and not break even in the most obvious of circumstances. If you haven't built that level of trust then all it really does is make you look bad by asking and your answer still only has a 50% chance of being true.

If there is one thing I've learned from relationships.. it is trust your instincts. I thought I'd reply because you used that word. I'm a bit biased because I ended up dating this girl for over a year, when if she would've given me an honest answer two months into it she would've been out the door. My instincts told me one thing and I did the "ask her straight up" thing.

QFT

And remember, you dont know her very well, yet - a month is not very long to know what's going on inside someone's head. Personally, I find it very worrisome that she was "guilt-tripped" into going to this place with these people. If she's that easy to manipulate, and to manipulate into doing things that she knows you're not happy about, you need to decide how you're going to handle that for the long haul. This won't be the last time.