Thanks for the suggestions all. No idea why the phone didn't work but I ended up getting rid of it. The phone setting in the bluetooth menu would just blink off and on automatically as if it was connecting and disconnecting randomly. Very odd considering the media setting right below it connected just fine. I tested both a Samsung G2 and my new Moto X and they both connected without a hitch. I also contacted LG support and they basically said "It's your car. Sorry."
I'm going to miss the G2's amazing screen (and probably the battery life) but I need bluetooth to work 100%.