Life Goals before goals don't matter anymore?

[clamum]

Don’t be too hard on yourself, girls actually dig introverts a lot. I would suggest Coffee Meets Bagle app, my friends been using that one.

Make sure to have a good photo though - thats the hardest part - no iPhone selfies!

Yeah I did use CMB for a while, no dice. I think my main problem with online dating is two fold:
1.) Crappy photos. Well, they're not crappy, they're just normal or boring. That's not good enough with so many guys to choose from for girls online.
2.) I don't spend enough time on it. Thirty minutes a week isn't enough. It's just frustrating.

I don't spend more time on it cause it's just frustrating. I feel like you gotta jump through all these hoops. But I know it certainly works; heck my good friend met his now-wife online a few years ago.

 

[JJChicken]

Yeah I did use CMB for a while, no dice. I think my main problem with online dating is two fold:
1.) Crappy photos. Well, they're not crappy, they're just normal or boring. That's not good enough with so many guys to choose from for girls online.
2.) I don't spend enough time on it. Thirty minutes a week isn't enough. It's just frustrating.

I don't spend more time on it cause it's just frustrating. I feel like you gotta jump through all these hoops. But I know it certainly works; heck my good friend met his now-wife online a few years ago.

I feel you, I could never get a good photo on those apps - just not somebody who likes taking photos. Spent a lot of time on Tinder (before it went downhill), met my long-term gf there.

 

[Scarpozzi]

I wanted to update this thread...since I posted it, on August 30, I booked a family trip to Hawaii for next March...prepaid everything. We've put down another auto-loan and I've moved down my list of house projects. New baseboards, quarter round, painting, and a lot of cleaning. I extended some Twin Beds to make the rails work for Twin XL mattresses (harder than it sounds). I really feel like I'm about to turn another corner if I can finish cleaning junk out of the house. It's been a pretty solid 4 months. I'm also ready to get back into working out on a regular basis.

I built a new garage onto my house a few years back and decided to use it for a project. I jumped into rebuilding a 47 year old outboard engine and have posted pictures in the Garage section (search Evinrude Sportster if you care). I plan on refurbing the aluminum boat that goes with it since it needs a new transom and thorough cleaning. My wife hasn't enjoyed all the chemical smells coming from the garage with degreasers, acetone, spray paint, and rust removers....but I've made serious progress on that job.

 

[Kaido]

I wanted to update this thread...since I posted it, on August 30, I booked a family trip to Hawaii for next March...prepaid everything. We've put down another auto-loan and I've moved down my list of house projects. New baseboards, quarter round, painting, and a lot of cleaning. I extended some Twin Beds to make the rails work for Twin XL mattresses (harder than it sounds). I really feel like I'm about to turn another corner if I can finish cleaning junk out of the house. It's been a pretty solid 4 months. I'm also ready to get back into working out on a regular basis.

I built a new garage onto my house a few years back and decided to use it for a project. I jumped into rebuilding a 47 year old outboard engine and have posted pictures in the Garage section (search Evinrude Sportster if you care). I plan on refurbing the aluminum boat that goes with it since it needs a new transom and thorough cleaning. My wife hasn't enjoyed all the chemical smells coming from the garage with degreasers, acetone, spray paint, and rust removers....but I've made serious progress on that job.

Nice, congrats! Planning is a difficult thing because we have typically run into 2 problems:

1. We don't know what the future holds
2. It can be overwhelming to try to do big life goals & find a purpose in life & all that jazz

My approach is to break it down into multiple levels:

1. Bucket list, i.e. stuff to do before you die
2. 5-year plan, because it's hard to plan out much beyond that
3. Current & next hot projects - something to plug your excitement into now, and something to look forward to next

Then I pretty much just do my planning based off that. That way I have something to work on now, something lined up next after that, stuff loosely lined up for the next 5 years, and then stuff to do before I kick the bucket. It's sort of like having a lighthouse out in the distance...it gives you something to aim towards, instead of just drifting.

I like this approach because it gives me some targets to knock over in different blocks of time (right now, 5 years, and lifetime), instead of just trying to come up with stuff randomly off the top of my head...it provides me different "buckets" to put different ideas in. As a kid, most of your structure is decided for you - when to go to bed (as dictated by your parents), who to hang out with (as dictated by proximity), going to school (as dictated by the government), and so on. There's a general American dream out there, but you may or may not be interested, and even if you fulfill it...then what?

A good place to start is to ask yourself if $100 million dollars just dropped into your bank account...once you got everything paid off & got everything you ever wanted & partied it up for a few weeks or months or years...then what? It's incredibly boring not to be plugged into anything fun or exciting or have anything like that to look forward to in the future, and thus you fall into the "meh mode" trap. Meh. Or you go the celebrity route, where you're so rich & have so much free time that you drink yourself to death or die of a drug overdose because you're so bored that all you can think to do is party all the time to escape the boredom.

Which leads to the question of: what would you do if you were rich? If you had unlimited free time & resources, what would you do for free? If you weren't just stuck with your current, limited options, what options would you create for yourself? Life is literally what you make of it, so if you could make anything, why not have big, wild dreams & then work on changing your options so that you can pursue them?

Of course, another trap is just getting sucked into the day-to-day living stuff. I've discovered that you can be really busy doing nothing. It's like spinning on a hamster wheel...you're active, but you're not getting anywhere, haha. This is why I think it's worth hanging some carrots out in front of you for stuff to do on your bucket list, on a 5-year plan, coming up next, and right now...fun, exciting stuff that actually motivates you. Unfortunately, it's not the same stuff that worked on you as a kid...

 

[ultimatebob]

Heh... I like that comic! I had a bucket list wish to buy a badass sports car and drive it cross country to Las Vegas. I bought the car and drove to Atlantic City as a "trial run" for the real thing, and realized that long distance car trips as a 40 year old aren't as fun as they were when you were a 25 year old

After spending 8 hours over two days in that car round trip, I realized that 48 hours to Vegas and back over a week would probably suck. Oh well.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Nice, congrats! Planning is a difficult thing because we have typically run into 2 problems:

1. We don't know what the future holds
2. It can be overwhelming to try to do big life goals & find a purpose in life & all that jazz

My approach is to break it down into multiple levels:

1. Bucket list, i.e. stuff to do before you die
2. 5-year plan, because it's hard to plan out much beyond that
3. Current & next hot projects - something to plug your excitement into now, and something to look forward to next

Then I pretty much just do my planning based off that. That way I have something to work on now, something lined up next after that, stuff loosely lined up for the next 5 years, and then stuff to do before I kick the bucket. It's sort of like having a lighthouse out in the distance...it gives you something to aim towards, instead of just drifting.

I like this approach because it gives me some targets to knock over in different blocks of time (right now, 5 years, and lifetime), instead of just trying to come up with stuff randomly off the top of my head...it provides me different "buckets" to put different ideas in. As a kid, most of your structure is decided for you - when to go to bed (as dictated by your parents), who to hang out with (as dictated by proximity), going to school (as dictated by the government), and so on. There's a general American dream out there, but you may or may not be interested, and even if you fulfill it...then what?

A good place to start is to ask yourself if $100 million dollars just dropped into your bank account...once you got everything paid off & got everything you ever wanted & partied it up for a few weeks or months or years...then what? It's incredibly boring not to be plugged into anything fun or exciting or have anything like that to look forward to in the future, and thus you fall into the "meh mode" trap. Meh. Or you go the celebrity route, where you're so rich & have so much free time that you drink yourself to death or die of a drug overdose because you're so bored that all you can think to do is party all the time to escape the boredom.

Which leads to the question of: what would you do if you were rich? If you had unlimited free time & resources, what would you do for free? If you weren't just stuck with your current, limited options, what options would you create for yourself? Life is literally what you make of it, so if you could make anything, why not have big, wild dreams & then work on changing your options so that you can pursue them?

Of course, another trap is just getting sucked into the day-to-day living stuff. I've discovered that you can be really busy doing nothing. It's like spinning on a hamster wheel...you're active, but you're not getting anywhere, haha. This is why I think it's worth hanging some carrots out in front of you for stuff to do on your bucket list, on a 5-year plan, coming up next, and right now...fun, exciting stuff that actually motivates you. Unfortunately, it's not the same stuff that worked on you as a kid...

View attachment 15388

I suppose it's like that stupid outboard. I could buy a $40k boat with a new motor if I wanted to. But I'm enjoying laboring over an old 2 cycle outboard to bring it back to life (if I'm persistent and a little bit lucky).

I want fun projects that intrigue me and time to work on them. I'm a builder and an engineer....often a reverse engineer. I don't need much money in my account to do that, but certainly need something.

 

[nakedfrog]

Heh... I like that comic! I had a bucket list wish to buy a badass sports car and drive it cross country to Las Vegas. I bought the car and drove to Atlantic City as a "trial run" for the real thing, and realized that long distance car trips as a 40 year old aren't as fun as they were when you were a 25 year old

After spending 8 hours over two days in that car round trip, I realized that 48 hours to Vegas and back over a week would probably suck. Oh well.

Damn right, I'm pretty much over them at this point. That's about the only thing I'm into self-driving cars for. When we schlep out to the coast later this year, I'm planning to break the 25 hour drive over five days, and stop to see things along the way.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Heh... I like that comic! I had a bucket list wish to buy a badass sports car and drive it cross country to Las Vegas. I bought the car and drove to Atlantic City as a "trial run" for the real thing, and realized that long distance car trips as a 40 year old aren't as fun as they were when you were a 25 year old

After spending 8 hours over two days in that car round trip, I realized that 48 hours to Vegas and back over a week would probably suck. Oh well.

As soon as I graduated from high school, my parents got a red Miata. I'm almost 40 and really don't care to spend money on a sports car of any sort. I'm still working on getting 100% debt free and a car payment would set back my plans of tripling or quadrupling my savings.

Out of curiosity though, what kind of sports car did you get?

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

I would put more in retirement personally... Kids might love you, but do they love you enough to change your adult diapers?

If you really want "new goals" - I would perhaps try something new if this kind of stuff matters to you or is fun to you. I'm sure you've already done some of these....

1) Go rent a place that has snow skiing if thats your thing.
2) Go rent a place by a lake and do some water skiing, tubing, etc...
3) Kick your kids asses in dodgeball
4) Kick your kids asses in laser tag
5) Go sky diving
6) Go on a hot air balloon
7) Get a concealed handgun license and take up skeet shooting, target shooting, or hunting deer as a hobby
8) Go to stand-up comedy bars for some laughs
9) Take up bar games like darts or pool in a league
10) Go bowling with the family or seriously in a league

You get the picture....

All else, travel to new countries again. Japan was hands down my favorite. You can spend a week in each city because they all have tons of awesome stuff - Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, and Nara...

To be honest you sound like someone that should have been an entrepreneur.... You know how to get shit done instead of debating how to get it done for 3 weeks.

 

[ultimatebob]

As soon as I graduated from high school, my parents got a red Miata. I'm almost 40 and really don't care to spend money on a sports car of any sort. I'm still working on getting 100% debt free and a car payment would set back my plans of tripling or quadrupling my savings.

Out of curiosity though, what kind of sports car did you get?

I got a 2018 Ford Mustang GT. It's pretty comfy for about 3 hours of driving. After that, the seats start to feel like they're trying to eat you.

 

[Scarpozzi]

I would put more in retirement personally... Kids might love you, but do they love you enough to change your adult diapers?

If you really want "new goals" - I would perhaps try something new if this kind of stuff matters to you or is fun to you. I'm sure you've already done some of these....

1) Go rent a place that has snow skiing if thats your thing.
2) Go rent a place by a lake and do some water skiing, tubing, etc...
3) Kick your kids asses in dodgeball --yes
4) Kick your kids asses in laser tag --yes
5) Go sky diving
6) Go on a hot air balloon
7) Get a concealed handgun license and take up skeet shooting, target shooting, or hunting deer as a hobby
8) Go to stand-up comedy bars for some laughs
9) Take up bar games like darts or pool in a league
10) Go bowling with the family or seriously in a league

You get the picture....

All else, travel to new countries again. Japan was hands down my favorite. You can spend a week in each city because they all have tons of awesome stuff - Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, and Nara...

To be honest you sound like someone that should have been an entrepreneur.... You know how to get shit done instead of debating how to get it done for 3 weeks.

I live about an hour from slopes, but I'm East coast, so we need cold weather for 3 weeks straight before I even bother. It's been 2 years since I've made it.
I own a few cabins by the lake and have a few boats. Definitely going to be spending more Summers out there....it's 25 minutes from my primary residence.
My kids are a few years too young for dodgeball and laser tag, but those are good suggestions.

Sky diving and hot air balloons haven't been on my radar. I used to fly cessnas for fun and enjoyed that, but it's a little expensive considering I was taking off and landing from the same airport and not really going anywhere exotic.

I may do the concealed handgun license, but not sure I ever have interest in carrying. I have a decent arsenal, rifles, assault rifles, shotguns, handguns, revolvers, etc... I just don't shoot much because of ammo cost and time. I've got a few good ranges near me, some free. I'm not much of a hunter though...I prefer hitting paper.

I want to travel and take my kids so they have a more wide open world view. I feel like too many people in this part of the country don't realize how small the world can be when you jump on a jet and can be somewhere totally different the next day.

 

[Scarpozzi]

I was going to start another thread, but decided to throw these thoughts in this one because they're related.....I haven't posted back since things shut down. Because we didn't travel much and our trips in 2020 were mostly prepaid, we've been killing debt faster than ever and have quite a few liquid assets growing. I've got a savings account specifically setup for my fun projects and am going to start chucking as much cash as I can in that account that's separate from retirement.

I'm now back to working on my list and have a few ideas.
I started watching youtube videos about cruisers and started a thread about those ideas. I was thinking it would be cool to have a 30-40' sailboat for a few years. What I would want to do is basically save the cash to buy something ready to sail when I've got more time. I have a few options. I can either buy something that's 150 miles further inland and motor it to the gulf on a single 4-5 month trip or drive 5-6 hours and keep it on the coast and drive down for shorter trips...

I just think it would be cool to have a boat tied up part of the year as sort of a floating hotel room. The justification is that hotels charge $200/night and I could probably pay a marina $300-400/month to tie up.

Before I ever do that, I want to get a small sailboat. 22' or less with a swing keel. I'll probably be buying one of those within the next year and a half. I've already come close to pulling the trigger on 2 of them, but am rebuilding a dock and need to put in for a mooring buoy permit and waiting on that project to be completed.

A second thing I need to work on is refurbishing a cabin. I have ideas about it, but don't want to spend more than $25k on it. I just don't know when I'll feel like diving into that project.

Finally, I mentioned in my OP that I might get back to flying airplanes. I built a PC and started flying Flight Sim 2020. It's really sparked my desire to fly to the coast or other locations. I bailed on flight training 12 years ago when I had to get insurance... I ran the cost analysis of flying vs driving and it didn't make sense because the routes I was driving were short enough. I can see an upside to making more weekend trips if I'm able to cut 12 hours of weekend trip driving down to 4 hours. That seems like it could really help quality of life. It would run me about $12k to get enough hours to be instrument rated (so mild weather wouldn't keep me from going up).

 

[TXHokie]

I had this big list when I was young. Then I got married and the list got cut in half. Then I had kids and that nixed the rest.
Ok, to be fair hookers and blow was on the list.

 

[jmagg]

Sounds like you're in a good place, enjoy what you have. Time speeds up after 40.

 

[SunnyD]

finally finish that model ship-in-a-bottle project that you started 20 years ago?

That's almost a little bit funny as I look at the car model my wife got me some 20 years ago still sitting in its box.

 

[shortylickens]

My life goal was to be happy.

I have failed at every possible step.

And the anti-depressants dont work for me.

 

[Scarpozzi]

My life goal was to be happy.

I have failed at every possible step.

And the anti-depressants dont work for me.

I'm sorry to hear that. Honestly, I've really enjoyed your posts here over the past few years and hope you find something that makes you happy.

For me, all my goals are usually just project oriented. I try to find things that allow me to learn and grow while I listen to music and drink beer. I was made for manual labor without a boss standing over me. I like working with my hands and building stuff. It's mundane, but fun to see what I can accomplish through hard work and often little or no money.

 

[Red Squirrel]

My life goal was to be happy.

I have failed at every possible step.

And the anti-depressants dont work for me.

Sorry to hear, been through a depression and it was a horrible thing, but was lucky enough to recover and the pills worked pretty well for me, I'm not on them anymore but went on them for a few months and it got me out of it. I genuinely feel bad for people who can't recover, it's a crippling thing to have. Worse than physical problems really. I still need to watch myself as it sometimes feels like it wants to creep back. The whole stretch of winter between January and May is my most vulnerable time to fall back in it. It's just so cold, dark, and long. As long as I try to keep busy and try to get up early enough to get daylight I'm ok but that's easier said than done since when you're already depressed as you don't feel like doing anything.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Sounds like you're in a good place, enjoy what you have. Time speeds up after 40.

Heck, even after 20... I don't even know what happened to my 20's and I'm already 34... soon 35. It's crazy realizing that I'm so close to the end. Technically once you hit 20 you're basically half way done life, if you go by how fast time goes as it goes faster exponentially. There's a science to that, has to do with the % of your life left. The less that is left, the faster it goes. It's kind of morbid in a way. I feel I've just been coasting life for the past 15 or so years and really need to do more with it before I'm too old to do anything. Having to work to live sucks a lot of time.

 

[Hans Gruber]

Nothing matters. But as part of the male species you needs projects and hobbies.

 

[BoomerD]

I was going to start another thread, but decided to throw these thoughts in this one because they're related.....I haven't posted back since things shut down. Because we didn't travel much and our trips in 2020 were mostly prepaid, we've been killing debt faster than ever and have quite a few liquid assets growing. I've got a savings account specifically setup for my fun projects and am going to start chucking as much cash as I can in that account that's separate from retirement.

I'm now back to working on my list and have a few ideas.
I started watching youtube videos about cruisers and started a thread about those ideas. I was thinking it would be cool to have a 30-40' sailboat for a few years. What I would want to do is basically save the cash to buy something ready to sail when I've got more time. I have a few options. I can either buy something that's 150 miles further inland and motor it to the gulf on a single 4-5 month trip or drive 5-6 hours and keep it on the coast and drive down for shorter trips...

I just think it would be cool to have a boat tied up part of the year as sort of a floating hotel room. The justification is that hotels charge $200/night and I could probably pay a marina $300-400/month to tie up.

Before I ever do that, I want to get a small sailboat. 22' or less with a swing keel. I'll probably be buying one of those within the next year and a half. I've already come close to pulling the trigger on 2 of them, but am rebuilding a dock and need to put in for a mooring buoy permit and waiting on that project to be completed.

A second thing I need to work on is refurbishing a cabin. I have ideas about it, but don't want to spend more than $25k on it. I just don't know when I'll feel like diving into that project.

Finally, I mentioned in my OP that I might get back to flying airplanes. I built a PC and started flying Flight Sim 2020. It's really sparked my desire to fly to the coast or other locations. I bailed on flight training 12 years ago when I had to get insurance... I ran the cost analysis of flying vs driving and it didn't make sense because the routes I was driving were short enough. I can see an upside to making more weekend trips if I'm able to cut 12 hours of weekend trip driving down to 4 hours. That seems like it could really help quality of life. It would run me about $12k to get enough hours to be instrument rated (so mild weather wouldn't keep me from going up).

Two happiest days in a boat owner's life...the day he buys it and the day he sells it.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Two happiest days in a boat owner's life...the day he buys it and the day he sells it.

Not true. This depends on the owner and the boat.

I think boats and hot tubs are similar. Everyone likes the idea of a boat or hot tub, but when it comes to preparation (keeping them maintained and ready for use), they don't want to deal with the work or expense.

I bought a boat when I was in college. I picked it up from a consignment place and paid less than $5k for something that would do 40mph on the lake...18' bowrider. I sold it 7 years later for the same price I paid and got lots of use out of it. I currently have a 22' pontoon and a little 14 foot skiff I refurbished this past year.

I want to add a 19-22' sailboat to my fleet, but may not hang onto it more than a few years. I just want to have fun and enjoy sailing some, but my small lake isn't nearly big enough to relax at the helm. It's really more like a decently wide river with occasional wind. I'll be lucky to get 10 or so sailing days a year...but I know that and am spending the minimum amount to acquire something sailable so I can turn around and sell it a few years later without losing more than half of what I pay.

I keep my pontoon on a lift in a covered boathouse...so it's protected and doesn't get that dirty. I want to build a storage barn for the others. It's on my project list, but I may just see about storing them under a temporary carport for 3-4 years so there's protection, but less to maintain. Eventually, I'll downsize again to just a newer pontoon.

 

[jmagg]

Heck, even after 20... I don't even know what happened to my 20's and I'm already 34... soon 35. It's crazy realizing that I'm so close to the end. Technically once you hit 20 you're basically half way done life, if you go by how fast time goes as it goes faster exponentially. There's a science to that, has to do with the % of your life left. The less that is left, the faster it goes. It's kind of morbid in a way. I feel I've just been coasting life for the past 15 or so years and really need to do more with it before I'm too old to do anything. Having to work to live sucks a lot of time.

Sounds like you need to find that piece of land to begin with. Best of luck!

 

[brianmanahan]

Nothing matters. But as part of the male species you needs projects and hobbies.

TIL male is a species

 

[Red Squirrel]

Sounds like you need to find that piece of land to begin with. Best of luck!

Yeah I got a realtor now so getting closer to finding something. I want to secure something by end of this summer at least. There's 2ish acres on a lake that's avaialble for 60k which is my max. It's 2 hours from here though so kinda far. Probably wait to see if something better comes up.

On subject of boats, that is where having land with a lake would be nice as I could setup a dock and have a boat etc. The particular land I'm looking at is interesting in that the lake is shaped kind of like a river so it looks like it would be fairly big to explore, I always thought it would be cool to build a small house boat, could do some overnight boating trips.