Living together prior to marriage

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: mpitts
I did it twice.

The first time I was engaged to the girl. It didn't work out and the seperation really wasn't that bad.

The second time, my wife and I got married and still are.

I can tell you this, I would NEVER marry a woman without living with her first. If I would have waited to get married before I lived with the first girl, we would have definitely gotten divorced.

I agree. I think that living with a woman (or a man if you're a woman... or, well... let's not go there... ) is VERY crucial to the success of a marriage. You find out exactly how they work and find interesting little quirks about the person that you would probably not otherwise know. I lived with my girlfriend, then fiance, now wife for two years before we got married. The first year we had two other roommates, then we rented a house by ourselves for a year. It was a wonderful experience, and I would recommend it to anyone who is seriously thinking about getting married. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
Just so you know, living with your future spouse before marriage increases your risk of divorce.

(Learned that in my Marraige and Family socialology class)

Obviously its not true for everone but it is something to think about.

This is true if you live together prior to engagement, but the number is much lower for couples that are engaged prior to living together.

 

[reitz]

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: Vic
Been living with my GF for almost 5 years now. For all practical purposes, we are married, we've just never done the ceremony or signed the paper. I would say though, that success in this type of relationship depends on the individuals involved in it.

I know that we will be successful, but her mom sent us a link of some research that shows a high divorce rate among people who live together prior to marriage. I read through all the research and see it as one sided. I feel as though the guy who writes the documents and carried out the research was screwed earlier in his life.

There is a definite correllation between living together prior to marriage and divorce. Correllation != causation, though. There is no research to suggest that a given couple is more likely to get divorced simply because they lived together first. Rather, the higher divorce rate can be easily explained by a number of other common social characteristics of people who choose to co-habitate prior to getting married.

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: Vic
Been living with my GF for almost 5 years now. For all practical purposes, we are married, we've just never done the ceremony or signed the paper. I would say though, that success in this type of relationship depends on the individuals involved in it.

In most states, the government recognizes you as legally married after living with another for over a year. You just need to share something on paper... lease, checking account, mortgage. That's how it is in Colorado. So technically I was married to my wife before we got married.

 

[Beau]

Originally posted by: ATLien247

Originally posted by: Vic
Been living with my GF for almost 5 years now. For all practical purposes, we are married, we've just never done the ceremony or signed the paper. I would say though, that success in this type of relationship depends on the individuals involved in it.

Check your state's law books! Hurry! There's not much time left!

Here in Utah, under common law, you would be considered married after 5 years of living together... or so I've been told.

I heard it was 8 here... never looked it up though.

 

[Vortex22]

Originally posted by: Jellomancer

Originally posted by: Vortex22
My AP Psycology book says that people who live together prior to marriage are less likely to have a successful marriage.

How do you define successful? Seems that if people wait until they are married to live together, they justify any problems they have by saying "It's supposed to be this way", since they have had no prior experience living with the person.

Successful as in people that live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

I'm just getting this stuff from a textbook, don't hold me to it

 

[reitz]

Originally posted by: Vortex22
My AP Psycology book says that people who live together prior to marriage are less likely to have a successful marriage.

I'd like to see a scan of that passage. If your Psychology book actually does state that, then it is clearly wrong and your school needs to select a different text. What the book probably reports is that couples who live together prior to marriage have a higher rate of divorce, but again, correllation != causation.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
Just so you know, living with your future spouse before marriage increases your risk of divorce.

(Learned that in my Marraige and Family socialology class)

Obviously its not true for everone but it is something to think about.

What's more interesting is that the two posters referencing their Psych/Soc books can't spell for sh*t. Explain how and why cohabitation adversely affects the following marriage, please.

 

[Vortex22]

Originally posted by: reitz

Originally posted by: Vortex22
My AP Psycology book says that people who live together prior to marriage are less likely to have a successful marriage.

I'd like to see a scan of that passage. If your Psychology book actually does state that, then it is clearly wrong and your school needs to select a different text. What the book probably reports is that couples who live together prior to marriage have a higher rate of divorce, but again, correllation != causation.

That's what it says, I just stated it incorrectly.

 

[reitz]

Originally posted by: Vortex22
That's what it says, I just stated it incorrectly.

But what else does it say about the topic? Does the text lead the reader to believe that by living together prior to marriage a couple increases their chance for later divorce? Or does it simply mention the correllation?

 

[Pepsei]

also remember... people who are against living together before marriage are usuallyh the type of people that won't get divorces.....


living together is cool..just don't mix finances

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: ATLien247

Originally posted by: Vic
Been living with my GF for almost 5 years now. For all practical purposes, we are married, we've just never done the ceremony or signed the paper. I would say though, that success in this type of relationship depends on the individuals involved in it.

Check your state's law books! Hurry! There's not much time left!

Here in Utah, under common law, you would be considered married after 5 years of living together... or so I've been told.

Heh... no common law marriage in Oregon.

 

[Nightfall]

I too lived with my future wife for a few years before we got married. No problems here and we settled a lot of our differences in that time. Now we are married and have been for a little over 2 years. We have a house instead of an apartment and everything is good to go!

My advice is to just do what makes you and your GF comfortable. Ignore those that think or believe differently. If you go through life trying to make everyone happy except yourselves, then you won't be happy in the end.

 

[SlowSS]

Originally posted by: minendo
I would like to hear experience on this topic. I do not want your beliefs thrown in here. If you do not have experience with this situation, do not post.

I am planning on living with my girlfriend next semester in a two bedroom apartment (one bedroom for my computers), but we will not be married. What is your experience and/or thoughts from experience?

Nothing wrong with it.

I lived with my current wife for 18 months before getting married.
We learned lot about eachother, both good and bad and we were
able to work things out or compromise before getting married, hence, no surprises after marriage.

The only negative aspect of living together was my wife's parents, they were old fashioned and they
didn't like our living arrangements at all, but they accepted it and moved on.

 

[wolf papa]

I lived with my wife for almost a year before marriage, we've been married over 5 years.

It can be a good experience, depending on your level of commitment to each other, you might start off with CLEARLY spelled out/agreed on division of finances and other responsibilities though. Money disagreements are probably the number one difficulty for married couples.

G/L

 

[WinkOsmosis]

Originally posted by: Pepsei
also remember... people who are against living together before marriage are usuallyh the type of people that won't get divorces.....


living together is cool..just don't mix finances

Exactly... Catholics and redneck women who refuse to divorce their abusive husbands.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

My wife and I cohabitated at her residence about a year before we were married. I maintained a seperate residence though.... We did this in case we needed the extra space.

I think you can learn a lot about each other and yourselves by living together. However, I don' htink it should be an 'automatic' first step. Its something you should decided together... and for reasons other than finances or logistics. Namely, getting your relationship to that next level.

 

[xospec1alk]

why exactly do couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce?

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: xospec1alk
why exactly do couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce?

Beats me, but I've only been married for six months.

 

[BatmanNate]

Originally posted by: minendo
I would like to hear experience on this topic. I do not want your beliefs thrown in here. If you do not have experience with this situation, do not post.

I am planning on living with my girlfriend next semester in a two bedroom apartment (one bedroom for my computers), but we will not be married. What is your experience and/or thoughts from experience?

Mine won't let me keep the computers by the bed either. I agree that it can be helpful depending on the people involved, however I would disagree with those that say it is necessary, I've met people that didn't live together before that still have successful marriages.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: xospec1alk
why exactly do couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce?

Honestly, I think that is a pile of garbage. I would think it would be the opposite, you learn to live with someone and you can realize it you are compatable or not.

 

[flavio]

Originally posted by: ActPrincess

Originally posted by: xospec1alk
why exactly do couples who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce?

Honestly, I think that is a pile of garbage. I would think it would be the opposite, you learn to live with someone and you can realize it you are compatable or not.

I think it was explained earlier in the thread with this:

Originally posted by: Pepsei
also remember... people who are against living together before marriage are usuallyh the type of people that won't get divorces.....

 

[AUMM]

if you cant live with each other before you get married how is it gonna be any easier once u are married???

 

[Gaard]

Originally posted by: Pepsei
also remember... people who are against living together before marriage are usuallyh the type of people that won't get divorces.....

You know this because...?

 

[Yeeny]

Originally posted by: Jellomancer

Originally posted by: Pepsei
also remember... people who are against living together before marriage are usuallyh the type of people that won't get divorces.....


living together is cool..just don't mix finances

Exactly... Catholics and redneck women who refuse to divorce their abusive husbands.

You might want to rethink that statement. I'm Catholic, lived with my husband for two years before we were married, and I am getting divorced now.

As for living together, I swear, that was the best time of our whole relationship. I would live with someone again, without being married, if the right guy came along.