Looks like my marriage is over.

[DevilsAdvocate]

So I was having lunch today with my wife, and we were talking about buying a house. Things have not been great at all in our marriage for the last two years... not great at all.

Anyway, we were talking about the minor league football team that was listed for sale on eBay for $100,000. I asked her, jokingly, if she had $100k to loan me to buy the team. She said that if she had a $100k, she would not need me to help her buy a house.

Whoa.

So I ask her if that is the only reason why we are married - so she could have a house. She did not answer, stating matter-of-factly, that I could not possibly be any more happy about our situation than she is.

Truth is... I'm not.

I've spent the better part of the afternoon fighting back tears, wondering if this is it. I have not been the best husband, and I recognize that. She could also have been a loving and supportive wife, too. We have been together for 13 years, and the last two have been pretty bad.

Is it worth saving?

 

[episodic]

Just remember you only get 1 life.

Are you happy? If not life is TOO short.

 

[KLin]

Do you want it to end, or would you like to take the effort to save the marriage? It takes 2 to tango ya know.

 

[sixone]

Depends on two things: you and her. Some counseling is probably in order, if you think she's worth the effort.

Good luck, I hope it works out for the best.

 

[sygyzy]

13 years is a long time man. I think you should try saving it.

 

[TallBill]

wow, 13 is a long ass time

 

Im sorry, divorces are the worst.

 

[drsafety]

never been married but 2 years sounds like a REALLY long time to experience a bad marriage

 

[Splork]

That's rough my friend. I wish you the best of luck. What you need to realize that it's not up to us here on ATOT to decide whether or not your marriage is worth it. To me, it's worth trying to save. But, I guess I'm a little old fashioned when it comes to marriage. Why don't you start back at the basics. Think of things that made you fall in love w/ her in the first place. Try to do the little things. Give up things that you normally wouldn't give up. Just remember, that if her heart is no longer in it, it's not going to work. Again, best wishes and good luck.

-sp

 

[myusername]

Well she's gonna get her house whether you stay married or not, so it would probably be beneficial to seek counseling.

Edit: okay. Actually I just had to post the flip remark about the house, and followed it with "seek counseling" so the flip remark didn't seem too cruel. I don't believe it though. 2 years is a long ass time to let things fester, and I don't think interest can be rekindled after that long. And she sounds like a ... well .. she's still your wife so I won't go there. But that sort of behavior is not a sign of good mental health.

My parents divorced after 25 some odd years, and let me tell you - they may have been bad for each other, but they complemented each other's failings and inadequacies. Now they are still unhappy, mentally ill, and alone to boot.

The moral is not to stick with it because you will be unhappy and alone instead of unhappy and together, but to get out now, because getting out 10 years down the road will just be even worse.

You should definitely try counseling, of course, but you may also want to contact an attorney you can trust, because a woman who is staying married only for the house ... well, you'll be lucky to leave with the skin on your back, much less your shirt.

Hopefully, no kids yet.

 

[secretanchitman]

*pout* i hope things get better for you.

 

[reverend boltron]

Have you asked your wife about marriage counseling? Because that might really be able to turn things around for you two. Thirteen years is a long time to spend with someone, and if you really love her and you think this woman is worth it, then do whatever you can to keep her and/or get her back.

 

[NogginBoink]

Admitting to each other that you're unhappy is probably the hardest hurdle. You've both been trying not to say anything so as to not hurt each other even more.

My wife and I are in a not-completely-good marriage, and I found that once we got past that, we were able to discuss many of the topics we'd avoided and start to work on reversing things.

Try sitting down with your wife and having the talk that the two of you have been avoiding for a long time. Check with your employer's health insurance to see if marriage counseling is covered, and if it is, take advantage of it.

Best of luck to the two of you.

 

[CKent]

Sorry to hear about it See my sig & live by its implication on marriage for ultimate happiness.

 

[Patt]

Counselling for sure ... at least give it a try. 13 years warrants an attempt at least. Re-open lines of communication. Are there kids involved?

 

[Kelemvor]

If you want it to succeed and just feel that you two aren't able to connect well, check out this book.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookse...serid=184C2GTCsN&isbn=1881273156&itm=2

It's really great and has helped the couples in our couples group become closer together.

Or make an appointment and see a counselor. THe sooner you realize something is wrong and seek help, the higher the chance things can be fixed and the marriage will stay together.

 

[Lyfer]

If you have kids = NO.


If you have no kids = DO IT your still single, only thing that states otherwise is the marriage license.

 

[AnyMal]

Are there any children involved?

 

[BriGy86]

haven't read the other posts, but look at it this way, there is the possibility that when you get the house she'll want a divorce, then she gets the house and your out what ever you spent on it (most likely A LOT) at this point i'd watch your own ass if she is acting like this

 

[dabuddha]

Sounds like you need some counseling.

 

[BCYL]

I would definitely try and save it... it's normal to hit a rough patch when you have been together as long as 13 yrs... You might just be bored, things have become too routine, etc...

Maybe take a vacation with your wife, maybe the romance will come back that way...

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

That's it? You're unhappy, she's unhappy....so that's it? :roll:

Figure out why you're not happy.....here's a hint, it's not because you're married to her.

 

[randomlinh]

honestly, even if you have children, i wouldn't jump to say do it. a broken marriage isn't exactly the best kind of household to grow up in.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate

Is it worth saving?

Are there kids involved? If so, I would say yes for their sake...

 

[laurenlex]

I'd try and save it, but be VERY CAREFUL about this house thing. There is a possibility she is stringing you along for her financial gain when it goes to divorceville.

I love women, but they can be very devious, cunning, dangerous creatures, especially when plssed off.