Looks like my marriage is over.

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
So I was having lunch today with my wife, and we were talking about buying a house. Things have not been great at all in our marriage for the last two years... not great at all.

Anyway, we were talking about the minor league football team that was listed for sale on eBay for $100,000. I asked her, jokingly, if she had $100k to loan me to buy the team. She said that if she had a $100k, she would not need me to help her buy a house.

Whoa.

So I ask her if that is the only reason why we are married - so she could have a house. She did not answer, stating matter-of-factly, that I could not possibly be any more happy about our situation than she is.

Truth is... I'm not.

I've spent the better part of the afternoon fighting back tears, wondering if this is it. I have not been the best husband, and I recognize that. She could also have been a loving and supportive wife, too. We have been together for 13 years, and the last two have been pretty bad.

Is it worth saving?

You have no children and .You aren't happy, she isn't happy and you've both been feeling miserable for a few years with no improvement on the horizon. She's willing to walk away taking only what she earned and it sounds like the split would be reasonable
and civil, you divorce,go your separate ways and never have to cross paths again.Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

So he can.....what? Go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years and then......go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years? And in the best case scenario, maybe if he's lucky, happen by chance to marry someone he is magically compatible with?

Love is easy. Relationships, however, can take a serious amount of work and that's usually due to deep-seeded personal issues clouding things up. Moving on won't help either of them in that regard.

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

So he can.....what? Go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years and then......go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years? And in the best case scenario, maybe if he's lucky, happen by chance to marry someone he is magically compatible with?

Love is easy. Relationships, however, can take a serious amount of work and that's usually due to deep-seeded personal issues clouding things up. Moving on won't help either of them in that regard.

Well, I am posting from a law office right now... Mine

Relationships are not easy. Not in the slightest. Having 2 people share a space is challenging - roommates, friends, friends with benefits, baby-momma / baby-daddy relationships, domestic partnerships, civil unions, or even marriage - all of it is hard.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

So he can.....what? Go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years and then......go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years? And in the best case scenario, maybe if he's lucky, happen by chance to marry someone he is magically compatible with?

Love is easy. Relationships, however, can take a serious amount of work and that's usually due to deep-seeded personal issues clouding things up. Moving on won't help either of them in that regard.

They haven't been happy with each other in a couple of years, there are no children, they aren't entangled in home ownership and both sides are cordial,willing to take only what they are entitled to fiscally from a split.They are both still young enough to go out and start over, Why waste more years being miserable?

 

[pkme2]

Well, it comes down to this. Can you stand each other for the next 13+ years or can you stand being without each other? Are you willing to go through life without each other? Are you so set in your ways that you have no room for each other? If your answer is no, yes, yes, yes. You have the right of reason, though your reasoning may be in question.

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

So he can.....what? Go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years and then......go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years? And in the best case scenario, maybe if he's lucky, happen by chance to marry someone he is magically compatible with?

Love is easy. Relationships, however, can take a serious amount of work and that's usually due to deep-seeded personal issues clouding things up. Moving on won't help either of them in that regard.

They haven't been happy with each other in a couple of years, there are no children, they aren't entangled in home ownership and both sides are cordial,willing to take only what they are entitled to fiscally from a split.They are both still young enough to go out and start over, Why waste more years being miserable?

Penance?

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: episodic
Just remember you only get 1 life.

Are you happy? If not life is TOO short.

you could've ended the thread right there man. I don't get all these people that stay in situations where they're not happy, or break their back at jobs they hate so their families can have a little better standard of living, despite that everyone else in their family is miserable too.

life's too short.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

So he can.....what? Go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years and then......go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years? And in the best case scenario, maybe if he's lucky, happen by chance to marry someone he is magically compatible with?

Love is easy. Relationships, however, can take a serious amount of work and that's usually due to deep-seeded personal issues clouding things up. Moving on won't help either of them in that regard.

They haven't been happy with each other in a couple of years, there are no children, they aren't entangled in home ownership and both sides are cordial,willing to take only what they are entitled to fiscally from a split.They are both still young enough to go out and start over, Why waste more years being miserable?

Because they need to understand WHY they're not happy. With some honest and candid communication they'll probably find the cause(s) and then be able to act upon them. There could be reasons, even external ones or medical ones, that are partially to blame. Some people just get sad or depressed in general and that carries over into their relationships, work and family and friends, but that doesn't mean changing any of those things will change their attitude.

I know people who quit jobs because everybody at work was mean to them......surprise, everybody was mean to them at their next job....and their next one. Switching jobs wasn't the answer.

Terrell Owens and the 49ers had a bad relationship......so your answer would be for him to switch teams, right? He did. How did that turn out?

 

[ITJunkie]

Originally posted by: NogginBoink
Admitting to each other that you're unhappy is probably the hardest hurdle. You've both been trying not to say anything so as to not hurt each other even more.

My wife and I are in a not-completely-good marriage, and I found that once we got past that, we were able to discuss many of the topics we'd avoided and start to work on reversing things.

Try sitting down with your wife and having the talk that the two of you have been avoiding for a long time. Check with your employer's health insurance to see if marriage counseling is covered, and if it is, take advantage of it.

Best of luck to the two of you.

:thumbsup:

 

[BaldAvenger]

Just by posting this you are showing that you are not giving up completely, yet. I agree with most everybody else-get some counseling, TALK TO EACH OTHER! That is the most important part of any relationship. It might be that ya'll need to separate for a while, if only to see that you really do love each other...or not. Whatever you do, don't waste time getting to it. Relationships have alot in common with the body; preventative maintainence is the best plan. Keep it healthy by treating problems as soon as they appear. If you allow them to fester, then the "sickness" becomes worse and harder to treat. When it get to a certain point, amputation (or worse) is the only alternative. Whatever you do, treat it soon...

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why are you here instead of in a lawyer's office?

So he can.....what? Go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years and then......go into another relationship that will fail in 13 years? And in the best case scenario, maybe if he's lucky, happen by chance to marry someone he is magically compatible with?

Love is easy. Relationships, however, can take a serious amount of work and that's usually due to deep-seeded personal issues clouding things up. Moving on won't help either of them in that regard.

They haven't been happy with each other in a couple of years, there are no children, they aren't entangled in home ownership and both sides are cordial,willing to take only what they are entitled to fiscally from a split.They are both still young enough to go out and start over, Why waste more years being miserable?

Because they need to understand WHY they're not happy. With some honest and candid communication they'll probably find the cause(s) and then be able to act upon them. There could be reasons, even external ones or medical ones, that are partially to blame. Some people just get sad or depressed in general and that carries over into their relationships, work and family and friends, but that doesn't mean changing any of those things will change their attitude.

I know people who quit jobs because everybody at work was mean to them......surprise, everybody was mean to them at their next job....and their next one. Switching jobs wasn't the answer.

Terrell Owens and the 49ers had a bad relationship......so your answer would be for him to switch teams, right? He did. How did that turn out?

And with life as short as it is why on earth would a childless relationship that has been unhappy for a couple of years be worth that much freaking energy and effort ? I'm not hearing that either side is grieving their lost love, I'm not hearing that these people even have basic liking or even simple respect for each other.I'm sorry but once yuou're taking cheap potshots at each other like his wife did contempt is pretty much all there is left of the marriage.The OP is in a golden position now, there are no children, they don't own a home, the wife is willing to settle the fiscal issues of a split fairly. You get only one life, there is no dress rehersal.