Yo! DA! Heres my take bro. Im alot like you in terms of behavior, and dealing with situations as we have found out via telephone convos and just general sh1t shat.
First off, is there still love in the heart for her? Or is it fear of something new that is scaring you? Second off, do you take care of yourself? Meaning, do you go to the gym, and work out and eat good foods instead of eating junk and looking at your belly every morning saying, damn i want to fix that. Third, do you feel demoralized when you are with her? Does she make you feel like you are the scum of the earth? Do you feel like you have to report to her?
Ive been with my wife for over 8 years. 4 Married and the rest living together/engaged. My relationship with my wife is great. She lives her own life, and i live mine. We meet at home, and enjoy each others company. We go out to dinner together, watch movies on the couch together, and the boodwar action is still there in full effect. We really love each other unconditionally. We have battled finances with her credit card debt in college being over 30k when she got out. A full education from William and Mary financed, which we are paying for. My education which we are paying for, and my credit card debt which was only 10k. I have a daughter outside of our marriage which puts us in pinches all the time. Conversations can be really flagrant and demeaning. But in the end, we realize that most stuff that makes us angry is stupid and irrelevant to how we feel about each other.
Relationships are hard, and they need regular maintenance every single day. The difference is whether or not the two of you are willing to work at the relationship every single day. Make time for each other, even when you are so slammed, that you cant. Remember, work is work, it isnt life, and it isnt going to kill you to screw up once in a while. People have to understand that you have a life outside of work. If they dont, then screw them. Go eat lunch with her, take her to movies, get on a plane and go to aruba for a long weekend. Get away from the grind bro. You arent on this planet to work. You are here to live and to enjoy the life you have been given. Dont waste it fighting and bickering.
Now, if she is demoralizing you, and is so cold inside that you can feel it running down your spine when you talk, its time to move on. Pick up your things, and start a new. You have family, and you have friends. You dont need someone ripping you apart when you get home at the end of the day.
Take some time for yourself. Take one day off a week plus the weekend if you have to. Go to the gym. Play flag football with some friends. Get back to normal.
Dont be afraid of the horizon. Its coming whether or not you want it to. You will wake up the next day to a rainy or a sunny day. If not, thats fine too. You spent a great one here.... and its your time to go.
Any time ya want an ear bro, hit me up. I work crazy hours, but always have time for ya.