Made a huge mistake moving in with a female roommate, what right do I have?

[Imp]

We're in our early 30s so we're not kids and I don't want to live like I'm in college. What are some reasonable house rules to set? We appear to have different lifestyles and preferences. I plan to have completely separate lives and not really deal with each other as that would make it simpler. I plan to contact the leasing office tomorrow to see if any options are possible during the first month.

Probably shouldn't have a roommate then. I realized a while ago that I can't stand living with other people. Even quiet, anti-social people would piss me off or freak me out.

 

[VAisforlovers]

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[Rakehellion]

We're in our early 30s

So get your own damned apartment. You're too old to have roommates.

 

[VAisforlovers]

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[Rakehellion]

It's a long story why. I still can't believe I just signed a 1 year lease which was everything I was against doing and didn't think I'd regret it so early.

What you're complaining about is typical roommate stuff. Just be glad she doesn't steal.

You can talk to her about it but really, it's her apartment and she isn't doing anything wrong.

 

[Carson Dyle]

3am here and I can't fall back asleep. I'll deal with this somehow tomorrow. Is it right for her to bring someone over at 1am on a weeknight with constant walking around, talking, etc next room over when I have work and other important things going on?

Any real solutions from those who dealt with this issue before?

If you can't just talk to her, then there's nothing you can do. Either live with it or move out.

What you don't want to do.... Don't become the passive-aggressive asshole roommate who thinks that she'll take the hint when you no longer clean the bathroom or you leave all your dishes in the sink, or you take all space in the fridge. That will buy you nothing but grief.

 

[VAisforlovers]

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[Blue_Max]

You're first mistake was roommate...

I'd NEVER share my environment with some other schmuck. Couldn't even fart in my own home. LOL

Yep. I'll pay the premium to have my OWN space! No noises, no smells, nobody else's mess, etc.

OP, I say you blast 'em back with loud prOn or the same appropriate music on loop... like the classic circus theme?

Whenever my very old roomates broke out their riding crop and had loud sex, giggling like idiots, I'd hit 'em with the Raiders of the Lost Ark theme (harder to repeat in the old tape cassette days!) :twisted:

 

[Gooberlx2]

It's a violation of most leas terms to have visitors for more than X overnights in a row; half of those should be your days.

FTFY. I've never seen a lease limit the frequency of visitors.

 

[Blue_Max]

If you can't just talk to her, then there's nothing you can do. Either live with it or move out.

What you don't want to do.... Don't become the passive-aggressive asshole roommate who thinks that she'll take the hint when you no longer clean the bathroom or you leave all your dishes in the sink, or you take all space in the fridge. That will buy you nothing but grief.

All joking aside, this really is the most solid advice. Speak up. If she says, "screw you, I'll do whatever I want" then she's not going to be a good roommate in ANY scenario and you should look for an exit strategy.

 

[Blue_Max]

FTFY. I've never seen a lease limit the frequency of visitors.

I've seen TONS, especially for basement suites where the homeowner REALLY doesn't want to hear young'uns constantly screwing. They'll flat-out say NO "overnight visitors"!

 

[Gooberlx2]

I've seen TONS, especially for basement suites where the homeowner REALLY doesn't want to hear young'uns constantly screwing. They'll flat-out say NO "overnight visitors"!

Fair enough. "Overnight" being the keyword though, not just having friends over in general. Or if so, fuck that shitty lease.

In any case, OP mentioned a leasing office, so a granny renting out her basement apt isn't the likely scenario here.

 

[Blue_Max]

Fair enough. "Overnight" being the keyword though, not just having friends over in general. Or if so, fuck that shitty lease.

In any case, OP mentioned a leasing office, so a granny renting out her basement apt isn't the likely scenario here.

Good point. A leased apartment is a bit different... and if the OP cosigned the lease, (s)he may be on the hook for half the lease-breaking penalty unless a replacement renter could be found to step in.

 

[Sheep221]

How long have you been a member of this forum? If you don't realize how many home-bound social misfits inhabit this place, then you haven't been paying attention.

We don't know if the friends are annoying or not. My bet would be that any people at all will annoy this guy, because he envisioned a Utopian existence where every evening it would be just him, the roomie, his cat, a pizza and some old Star Trek reruns.

Mate I do agree that chatting to friends all night long is somewhat better than watching star trek all night long but not by huge margin, in either case you are not doing anything with your life, the OP is not doing anything worse even if he does watch anime 24/7.

 

[Ns1]

Very true and I have no idea what I was thinking. I need to figure out a way to handle this properly that works for both of us.

Masturbate louder

 

[Dr. Zaus]

Bringing someone over at 1am on a weeknight and making a lot of sound waking up the other roommate? We're not in college anymore. She honestly should've gotten her own place.

Look. Explain that you can't live like that and you'll be leaving ASAP. It's going to cost you (and her) something on the lease, but you are both, equally, required to cover the entirety of it; so if she can't keep it quite after 11pm then you are both, equally, going to cover the entirety of it.

That said, didn't you post this so that we could confirm your fantasy that she's just doing it to turn you on and tease you? Someone should really be doing that for you...

 

[DigDog]

looks like you've already been given all the sound advice i could come up with, so do it.

 

[Harrod]

I don't want to tell you what to do with your life, but the only possible thing you could do now is setup a recording device and create a youtube channel of some sort with only the audio, and maybe have a soundboard link on that video that links to farm animal noises.

 

[Jeeebus]

The only real solution here is to seduce the guy she is having sex with. Your loud, angry gay sex will drown out the sound of her sobbing to her friends. Problem FIXED.

 

[Anubis]

1) talk to her
2) move out
3) see if you can get away with murder

I don't recommend #3

 

[cbrunny]

Is this going to turn into one of those threads where the OP blames someone else for their own poor decision making?

 

[cbrunny]

3am here and I can't fall back asleep. I'll deal with this somehow tomorrow. Is it right for her to bring someone over at 1am on a weeknight with constant walking around, talking, etc next room over when I have work and other important things going on?

Any real solutions from those who dealt with this issue before?

Any time I've ever dealt with something like this, the first step was talking to the other person about it.

I'm guessing she isn't on ATOT very often.

 

[RelaxTheMind]

ive had quite a few roomies. its much more simple than it seems.

confront roomie with issue. gauge how they react and respond. then deal with accordingly.

if they get defensive, move or kick them out. people generally dont ever change especially for a roommate. then again it is a lot harder if you didnt lay down and go over ground rules to begin with.

 

[PottedMeat]

The only real solution here is to seduce the guy she is having sex with. Your loud, angry gay sex will drown out the sound of her sobbing to her friends. Problem FIXED.

that work sounds unnecessary. is it assault if OP does the helicopter with his penis and somehow 'runs into' the boyfriend's face?

 

[Exterous]

The only real solution here is to seduce the guy she is having sex with. Your loud, angry gay sex will drown out the sound of her sobbing to her friends. Problem FIXED.

You might be able to get attention by masturbating in the corner of her room while they have sex. I figure worst case she thinks you're a creep and moves out. Best case gets to have sex with her while awkwardly avoiding the gaze of the other man in an eiffel tower situation

3am here and I can't fall back asleep. I'll deal with this somehow tomorrow. Is it right for her to bring someone over at 1am on a weeknight with constant walking around, talking, etc next room over when I have work and other important things going on?

Any real solutions from those who dealt with this issue before?

Talk to her reasonably and there may be some improvement